FabSwingers.com forum: Romantic Notions

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am a hopless romantic. I am a big softie and I adore all things romance.

I genuinely believe romance can be found everywhere without it breaking your heart.

However I realise in the world of casual encounters or swinging romance might be seen as a step too far.

However I also know that all my best experiences have had an element of it so I embrace it at every opportunity. Its up there with affection and intimacy and often all three together.

Some Tuesday afternoon questions to ponder?

How romantic are you?

Do you crave romance or do you run from it?

Can there be romance without risk?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love the idea of it, but any show of it makes me think 'aww can't we have a kebab and a fumble behind the shed'

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"I love the idea of it, but any show of it makes me think 'aww can't we have a kebab and a fumble behind the shed'

If you're asking

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think it depends what you mean by romance. I'm not a hearts and flowers person but a gesture that means something personal to me or us means a great deal to me. I don't look for that with my casual partners.

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

romance isn't in our idea of swinging, nope.

Flirting maybe, but romance, no.

When not swinging (just us) yes of course romance matters.

Cj picks me flowers to put in my hair when we go out walking.

I buy him little treats from the shop to see him smile...

we saw a shooting star together last night, that was pretty romantic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Staged romance makes me vom, hearts and flowers do nothing for me. Little things like remembering my favourite things, doing the washing up and cooking the tea I appreciate more these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had glimpses of it, but it never lasts.

I don't think I've ever experienced true romance, but I actively avoid it now anyway. I can see it in others and how it makes them happy, I can watch romantic films and think awwww. But I've accepted it's just not for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it depends what you mean by romance. I'm not a hearts and flowers person but a gesture that means something personal to me or us means a great deal to me. I don't look for that with my casual partners."

That's why it's so lovely as it can mean so many different things. It's not always about hearts and flowers but thoughtful things, hand holding, affectionate kisses, allowing the feelings of giddy excitement and butterflies. To me all of that falls under the category of romance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love the idea of it, but any show of it makes me think 'aww can't we have a kebab and a fumble behind the shed'

Chilli sauce? Salad?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love the idea of it, but any show of it makes me think 'aww can't we have a kebab and a fumble behind the shed'

Chilli sauce? Salad?"

Yes please, no onions though

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

I love romantic music, novels and movies. The thought of a romantic dance.

In reality though, I'm not a fan of showy declarations. I can't dance well with another person unless it's swaying awkwardly round and round

Someone showing they care through truly thoughtful actions is the sort of real life romance I prefer. I think so, anyway.

Beef, have you got a big showy declaration for me so I can see if I like it or not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love romantic music, novels and movies. The thought of a romantic dance.

In reality though, I'm not a fan of showy declarations. I can't dance well with another person unless it's swaying awkwardly round and round

Someone showing they care through truly thoughtful actions is the sort of real life romance I prefer. I think so, anyway.

Beef, have you got a big showy declaration for me so I can see if I like it or not?

He was lovely with me last time ... flowers, chocolate, a show, ball gag.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"Beef, have you got a big showy declaration for me so I can see if I like it or not?

He was lovely with me last time ... flowers, chocolate, a show, ball gag."

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I might not think of romance the way others do. To me it's being made a cup of tea in the morning, a kiss or a cuddle as they walk past just because they want to, cuddling on the sofa watching a a film.

So because romance to me is a closeness of body and mind - I don't think it would work without feelings and attachment

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania

"I love romantic music, novels and movies. The thought of a romantic dance.

In reality though, I'm not a fan of showy declarations. I can't dance well with another person unless it's swaying awkwardly round and round

Someone showing they care through truly thoughtful actions is the sort of real life romance I prefer. I think so, anyway.

Beef, have you got a big showy declaration for me so I can see if I like it or not?

He was lovely with me last time ... flowers, chocolate, a show, ball gag."

Oh! What a man! Did the ball gag have a little heart on it? That would be the BEST!

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Oh god yeah the real stuff though. Not the m'lady I have brought you flowers bs. I find that cringe.

When you snuggle up and feel like you could do that forever. Or when you get to the last piece of chocolate and try to give it to each other and neither will so you even bite that in half and share it. It's all in the little details. If it's expected I don't consider it romantic if it happens naturally.

Hmmm I think it's more love than romance, personally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not into stereotypical romantic stuff at all. I've been with someone who did all of that and it left me cold tbh. I prefer authentic intimacy and connection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Staged romance makes me vom, hearts and flowers do nothing for me. Little things like remembering my favourite things, doing the washing up and cooking the tea I appreciate more these days."

You need a butler

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"I genuinely believe romance can be found everywhere without it breaking your heart."

This is the thing, for me. I agree. And I don’t think it’s incompatible with swinging.

I think swinging is a broad church, encompassing everything from an anonymous fuck in a club darkroom to a decades-long friends with benefits relationship.

Just because I want sex with different people or multiple people doesn’t mean I want it without feelings. Without connection. Without infatuation, however temporary.

And if you want to call that connection - that intimacy - romance, then fine. I can call it that without running away scared.

I kind of have this idea about there being a spectrum of experiences here. Casual sex is at one end. Something different is at the other end. Maybe you could call it casual romance. I don’t know. But most of the friendships I make on Fab could be plotted somewhere along that line, y’know?

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I am very romantic and it is part of our dynamics as fwb's in our relationships, we all happily embrace and bask in our emotions and feelings. Don't get me wrong, we have no intentions of sharing family/financial life together, but at the weekends we can share some pt bf/gf quality romantic time together.

Finding romantic emotionally secure partners was hard work and took a long time but it's 1000% worth it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Staged romance makes me vom, hearts and flowers do nothing for me. Little things like remembering my favourite things, doing the washing up and cooking the tea I appreciate more these days.

You need a butler

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am very romantic and it is part of our dynamics as fwb's in our relationships, we all happily embrace and bask in our emotions and feelings. Don't get me wrong, we have no intentions of sharing family/financial life together, but at the weekends we can share some pt bf/gf quality romantic time together.

Finding romantic emotionally secure partners was hard work and took a long time but it's 1000% worth it

this .

I think that's the ideal really

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"I love romantic music, novels and movies. The thought of a romantic dance.

In reality though, I'm not a fan of showy declarations. I can't dance well with another person unless it's swaying awkwardly round and round

Someone showing they care through truly thoughtful actions is the sort of real life romance I prefer. I think so, anyway.

Beef, have you got a big showy declaration for me so I can see if I like it or not?

He was lovely with me last time ... flowers, chocolate, a show, ball gag.

Oh! What a man! Did the ball gag have a little heart on it? That would be the BEST!

FFS

Yes it was *that* one, what is it with you two that you can't keep these things under your hat? She's not going to be satisfied with a cheese and ham toastie and the occasional slap on the arse, while she is doing the washing up, if this gets out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send flowers to my place of work with a note of dayroom details and smack my bum before I re enter the office

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

I say if you both want it.

Go for it.

Get the hell off of here and enjoy life together.

No shame in having feelings for each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love romantic music, novels and movies. The thought of a romantic dance.

In reality though, I'm not a fan of showy declarations. I can't dance well with another person unless it's swaying awkwardly round and round

Someone showing they care through truly thoughtful actions is the sort of real life romance I prefer. I think so, anyway.

Beef, have you got a big showy declaration for me so I can see if I like it or not?

He was lovely with me last time ... flowers, chocolate, a show, ball gag.

Oh! What a man! Did the ball gag have a little heart on it? That would be the BEST!

FFS

This one's a keeper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of maybees to your questions op.

I’m pretty romantic, I like the slower journey sometimes so I can check out the view.

Holding hands, looking into her eyes, giving her something to bring a smile to her face, even having a proper date together. Sounds nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think I’m very romantic. I don’t like big displays of affection or all that mushy stuff. My idea of being romantic would be making your favourite dinner , buying you little things I know you like or doing things I know you enjoy to show my affection.

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania

"I love romantic music, novels and movies. The thought of a romantic dance.

In reality though, I'm not a fan of showy declarations. I can't dance well with another person unless it's swaying awkwardly round and round

Someone showing they care through truly thoughtful actions is the sort of real life romance I prefer. I think so, anyway.

Beef, have you got a big showy declaration for me so I can see if I like it or not?

He was lovely with me last time ... flowers, chocolate, a show, ball gag.

Oh! What a man! Did the ball gag have a little heart on it? That would be the BEST!

FFS

This one's a keeper "

Mmmmmm... but, but cheese and ham toastie!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I gift him a pair of my worn knickers does that count?

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

I’m not romantic.

(These words will be carved into my gravestone)

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"If I gift him a pair of my worn knickers does that count?

Absolutely, see it's the personal touch - much better than flowers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I gift him a pair of my worn knickers does that count?

Absolutely, see it's the personal touch - much better than flowers."

And if I let him pick my outfit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I gift him a pair of my worn knickers does that count?

Honestly, you just invite them to your inbox don't you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I gift him a pair of my worn knickers does that count?

Is this a hint to your love language lol?

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"If I gift him a pair of my worn knickers does that count?

Absolutely, see it's the personal touch - much better than flowers.

And if I let him pick my outfit? "

Ha yes that counts too, but stop before I start drooling.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Have no interest at all in romance ! Just been chatting to a guy on pof and he can't get his head around the fact I won't kiss! But romance is deffo dead to me!x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I gift him a pair of my worn knickers does that count?

Honestly, you just invite them to your inbox don't you?

yep! Have to sort the men from the boys somehow!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I gift him a pair of my worn knickers does that count?

Honestly, you just invite them to your inbox don't you?

yep! Have to sort the men from the boys somehow! "

Just don't complain about being overrun with messages!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I gift him a pair of my worn knickers does that count?

Honestly, you just invite them to your inbox don't you?

yep! Have to sort the men from the boys somehow!

Just don't complain about being overrun with messages!

Oh but I like a good moaning session now and then!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I gift him a pair of my worn knickers does that count?

Honestly, you just invite them to your inbox don't you?

yep! Have to sort the men from the boys somehow!

Just don't complain about being overrun with messages!

Oh but I like a good moaning session now and then!"

With your photos, I'm not surprised you're inundated! Moan away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am a hopless romantic. I am a big softie and I adore all things romance.

I genuinely believe romance can be found everywhere without it breaking your heart.

However I realise in the world of casual encounters or swinging romance might be seen as a step too far.

However I also know that all my best experiences have had an element of it so I embrace it at every opportunity. Its up there with affection and intimacy and often all three together.

Some Tuesday afternoon questions to ponder?

How romantic are you?

Do you crave romance or do you run from it?

Can there be romance without risk?

To answer your questions OP

And sorry for being a twat on your thread. Hard habit to break.

I can be very romantic, but these days I don't as previously it wasn't appreciated for what it was. Or done back. So I gave up on it.

I neither crave it nor run, but yes it would be nice. I just don't think it'll happen.

I think in a fab world there is still room for some romantic gestures. But there's a line many wouldn't want to cross and the risk of people getting the feels is usually avoided. So I avoid romantic gestures naturally.

However wouldn't put me off cooking dinner for someone and lighting candles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being in 'fab love' is a thing and it can afford some romance to your encounters I think. I prefer a bit of that to the simply cum and go. Its usually nothing more than friendship and mutual respect that builds from knowing someone well. But you can give each other little tokens or whatever. *slips into full on romance.........

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By *eversayNeverCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Liverpool

We are lucky in that we both bring out the romantic side of each other.

We met for the hot steamy sex sessions, and we stay for the candlelit oily massages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very romantic, it comes in small and big gestures, even when having a casual encounter I'll have sex with that person passionately. Of course It wouldn't be making love unless there are genuine emotions and a connection involved, but when there is I make sure that person loses all sense of time and reality, they know that in those moments, they are the only person on the planet who matters to me, I devote 100% of my time and attention to them and giving them the best experience of their lives

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’m more of a hopeful romantic. I like hand holding, cuddles, foot rubs. I like the idea of a romantic partner in crime.

I don’t need big grandiose displays of affection, but I do like to feel wanted, loved and cared for and if I’m having a shit day of epic proportions they’d cheer me up by sending me a photo of their cock windmilling or something.

It’s a two way thing of course and needs work to keep things alive. Bit like watering a plant.

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By *KloganMan
over a year ago

Ramsbottom

"I might not think of romance the way others do. To me it's being made a cup of tea in the morning, a kiss or a cuddle as they walk past just because they want to, cuddling on the sofa watching a a film.

So because romance to me is a closeness of body and mind - I don't think it would work without feelings and attachment

This in a nutshell for me.. I always bang on about a mind and body connection and that’s what enables what we decipher as romance. It’s understanding each other in ways we both expect and are surprised by.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am a hopless romantic. I am a big softie and I adore all things romance.

I genuinely believe romance can be found everywhere without it breaking your heart.

However I realise in the world of casual encounters or swinging romance might be seen as a step too far.

However I also know that all my best experiences have had an element of it so I embrace it at every opportunity. Its up there with affection and intimacy and often all three together.

Some Tuesday afternoon questions to ponder?

How romantic are you?

Do you crave romance or do you run from it?

Can there be romance without risk?

To answer your questions OP

And sorry for being a twat on your thread. Hard habit to break.

I can be very romantic, but these days I don't as previously it wasn't appreciated for what it was. Or done back. So I gave up on it.

I neither crave it nor run, but yes it would be nice. I just don't think it'll happen.

However wouldn't put me off cooking dinner for someone and lighting candles. "

Apologies not required . It was funny

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I read something today that said

' a true gentleman understands that while she may already be yours, the romantic pursuit never ends '

I think that should go for everyone and the effort should always be maintained..

Perhaps it's why I'm single. I expect too much !

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By *ycanNightsMan
over a year ago

Workington

Pretty sure my idea of romance is necessarily everyone else's...But within that context yes I can be ...but clearly this is with / for partners

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

Define romance, creating a conection with someone or the disney/hollywood version to self flowers and diamonds.

You can't possible fall in love with someone else untless you can truely love yourself by yourself.

Roamce and be grateful for the small thing, the air you breath, the trees anf flowers (which are not pulled up o cut for someone), the beauty of the animals and wonder of the universe not a box of chocalate flavoured suger or a hallmark card once per year.

Once you find the beauty in yourself then you can see the beauty in all things.

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By *amesBeelzebubMan
over a year ago

norwich

I'm romantic.

Maybe too much so at times

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By *amesBeelzebubMan
over a year ago

norwich

"I'm romantic.

Maybe too much so at times"

Sorry!!!!

I meant rheumatic!

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

I just wrote this for Compy’s thread about sexual vs emotional sharing, but I reckon it actually fits better here. So I’m quoting myself like some sort of egotistical wanker.

"There’s a Venn diagram somewhere with three circles labelled ‘sex’, ‘romance’ and ‘love’. I could place everyone I’ve ever had sex with in one or two of those circles. I could probably count on the fingers of one hand the people I’d place bang in the middle, fulfilling all three.

Erm. I guess what I’m saying is that I see sex, romance and love as separate things with fuzzy boundaries. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just wrote this for Compy’s thread about sexual vs emotional sharing, but I reckon it actually fits better here. So I’m quoting myself like some sort of egotistical wanker.

There’s a Venn diagram somewhere with three circles labelled ‘sex’, ‘romance’ and ‘love’. I could place everyone I’ve ever had sex with in one or two of those circles. I could probably count on the fingers of one hand the people I’d place bang in the middle, fulfilling all three.

Erm. I guess what I’m saying is that I see sex, romance and love as separate things with fuzzy boundaries. "

I agree..not with the egotistical wanker bit but with fuzzy categories.

I don't think I've ever found all three in the one person, but certainly I've had moments of all three. Those moments made me realise how rare and important they are to me .

It is certainly challenging to somehow rank them in importance because at different times I need and want different things x

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I just wrote this for Compy’s thread about sexual vs emotional sharing, but I reckon it actually fits better here. So I’m quoting myself like some sort of egotistical wanker.

Erm. I guess what I’m saying is that I see sex, romance and love as separate things with fuzzy boundaries.

I agree..not with the egotistical wanker bit but with fuzzy categories.

I don't think I've ever found all three in the one person, but certainly I've had moments of all three. Those moments made me realise how rare and important they are to me .

It is certainly challenging to somehow rank them in importance because at different times I need and want different things x

There's a theory called Sternberg's triangular Theory of love I think he uses passion intimacy and commitment. So they are different aspects.

E.g. commitment + intimacy = companionate love.

All three he calls consummate love.

It's pretty interesting there's a wiki page on it.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

This thread.

I'm going to try and streamline a response soon.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

So because romance to me is a closeness of body and mind - I don't think it would work without feelings and attachment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Softy softy hearts and flowers make me gag! Waking me up to a coffee (we have a make our own brew rule in our house so this is romance), knowing I’m having a bad day and buying me some magnums. Supporting me and cheering me on to pass my degree when I felt like giving up.

T is my kind of romantic

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Softy softy hearts and flowers make me gag! Waking me up to a coffee (we have a make our own brew rule in our house so this is romance), knowing I’m having a bad day and buying me some magnums. Supporting me and cheering me on to pass my degree when I felt like giving up.

T is my kind of romantic

Those things are no less beautiful

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just wrote this for Compy’s thread about sexual vs emotional sharing, but I reckon it actually fits better here. So I’m quoting myself like some sort of egotistical wanker.

Erm. I guess what I’m saying is that I see sex, romance and love as separate things with fuzzy boundaries.

I agree..not with the egotistical wanker bit but with fuzzy categories.

I don't think I've ever found all three in the one person, but certainly I've had moments of all three. Those moments made me realise how rare and important they are to me .

It is certainly challenging to somehow rank them in importance because at different times I need and want different things x

There's a theory called Sternberg's triangular Theory of love I think he uses passion intimacy and commitment. So they are different aspects.

E.g. commitment + intimacy = companionate love.

All three he calls consummate love.

It's pretty interesting there's a wiki page on it."

It's an interesting read. He goes on to discuss stories and I wasn't surprised he used adduction and recovery as examples.

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