FabSwingers.com forum: Letting go...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

I'm going to try and reply to posts and not do my usual start, abandon thing.

So, letting go. Whether it's of hurt, of hope. Of love. Of bad energy, negative thoughts. A person, whatever dynamic.

Do you find it easy to let go? Is it a process you're aware of doing or do you wake up one morning and realise you have?

It's a drizzly Monday evening so the musings on life are strong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's hard for me. But once I've let them go and can see how it makes me feel better I can accept the fact it's for the best. (It might be years until I realise it though)

I've had 2-3 moments in my life where this has happened.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

"I'm going to try and reply to posts and not do my usual start, abandon thing.

So, letting go. Whether it's of hurt, of hope. Of love. Of bad energy, negative thoughts. A person, whatever dynamic.

Do you find it easy to let go? Is it a process you're aware of doing or do you wake up one morning and realise you have?

It's a drizzly Monday evening so the musings on life are strong.

I’m a deep reflector and find it impossible to deliberately choose to let go. I tend to find that, after time, I notice I have moved on.

There are certain people who force me to talk things through and that always helps

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Yes and no _eli.

If I've cared about them but cannot see a way forward after trying it starts to get me down overthinking and stuff.

So I let go.

Here, people come and go, one day they message you then you don't hear from them for weeks if ever. That's different and easy to deal with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I held a candle for my ex for quite a while, but I eventually forgot her as I went about my life. I tend to hold onto things until they just sit in the background and I forget or they are no longer important. But it's not often where I have too let go.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I'm totally rubbish at it, but I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. I don't necessarily let go of things but I'm quite good at shelving things. Sometimes, they will crop up but usually it's because, something has triggered that memory. I think I'm quite open about my feelings so it doesn't build into something bad. Which allows me to tolerate things instead of resist them.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I'm usually pretty much instant with the letting go thing.

As soon as it's decided that something is over I'm pretty much over it. I may mourn for a day or two if the decision wasn't the choice I'd have made for myself, but if I've decided it then I'm already settled with the idea that's done.

I've been called an ice queen for it when it comes to relationships. But things are what they are, and there's just no point wishing things were different or fantasising about an idealised version. It doesn't achieve anything.

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By *ssexSwitchMan
over a year ago

hornchurch

I tend to think about them for a while. But then generally all of a sudden I just get to a point of acceptance and it’s done.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Depends on the person and how much they’ve annoyed me.

But as I’m void of most emotions i find it relatively easy.

The mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had real trouble letting go when I was married. I knew I should have walked away long ago but I didn't and I seriously regretted it. I like to think I'm a strong person but I was very weak where he was concerned and put up with far to much.

I'm all good now once he left it was like the sun starred shining again.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

If you’re letting go it means they want to go so absolutely I can yes. I’d never try and hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Given I have a heart like a swinging brick, letting go is the easiest thing for me.

For those I’ve been emotionally involved with, I have a rule that I never go back, only made that mistake once and won’t do it again

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"Depends on the person and how much they’ve annoyed me.

But as I’m void of most emotions i find it relatively easy.

The mr "

You are not void of most emotions. ( not that I know you

) As a human being you have the entire range of emotions at your disposal.

I'd argue you must just be sufficiently stable and in control of your emotions.

I know i'm in control of what I do and how I feel, that's why I am thinking you should perhaps word yourself in a better light ........ void of nothing, just not given to needless drama

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a tricky one for sure.

Sometimes it's not so much the person but the idea of what may have been with them that can be the hardest thing to let go of.

I feel quite deeply so if someone gets a piece of my heart then they always live there a little.

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By *eorge1949Man
over a year ago

BroadwayWR11

For me, life is too short to bother with lost causes, so I don't have any issues with letting go and moving on.

Memories may remain in some cases but they too fade, some say it's callous - I say it's realistic!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"Given I have a heart like a swinging brick, letting go is the easiest thing for me.

For those I’ve been emotionally involved with, I have a rule that I never go back, only made that mistake once and won’t do it again

That heart isn't brick ... trust me. It's a heart of tissue and quite vulnerable.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

I find it incredibly easy to let go Meli.

However , I don't do it at all with most family and proven friends.

I am there for the good times and the bad times and across the distances and the chasm of time.

If I'm not fussy they can fuck off .... I won't notice.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Letting go of hurt..... = too many variables.

Letting go of love = too many variables.... same ting anyways.

Letting go of people - see above post

Of hope ? = nope there is always hope - always. ( fucking useless most of the time but it's always there can boost those too blind to see )

Bad energy ? = That'd be someone elses not mine ..... they can foof off too.

Negative thought - seldom have them and then when I do , I drop them cos this moment is all I am sure of and I will enjoy it x

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"Depends on the person and how much they’ve annoyed me.

But as I’m void of most emotions i find it relatively easy.

The mr

You are not void of most emotions. ( not that I know you

) As a human being you have the entire range of emotions at your disposal.

I'd argue you must just be sufficiently stable and in control of your emotions.

I know i'm in control of what I do and how I feel, that's why I am thinking you should perhaps word yourself in a better light ........ void of nothing, just not given to needless drama "

A little too in control. Sometimes I do wish I could feel sorry for people, all that Love Thy Neighbor shite, but it’s just not me.

The mr

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It depends entirely on what I'm letting go of.

As I said previously I'm excellent at leaving things in the past but there are exceptions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm going to try and reply to posts and not do my usual start, abandon thing.

So, letting go. Whether it's of hurt, of hope. Of love. Of bad energy, negative thoughts. A person, whatever dynamic.

Do you find it easy to let go? Is it a process you're aware of doing or do you wake up one morning and realise you have?

It's a drizzly Monday evening so the musings on life are strong.

This is a tough one. For me, letting go can be as much an ego thing as much as anything else - someone has decided they aren't interested any more, or that I wasn't the right person for a job opportunity, etc, and so I can get hung up on what that says about me. And that can take a while to work through sometimes.

Other times I've been hung up on a person who I really shouldn't have been and then one day...I'm not, and I let go of them very easily.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"It depends entirely on what I'm letting go of.

As I said previously I'm excellent at leaving things in the past but there are exceptions. "

Sometimes my kids ( they are middle aged to be fair ) remind me of things and I say .... oooooooooooo yeahhhhhh I remember that.

So maybe im good at letting go cos age does it for me anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I let go too readily, to the point of appearing uncaring and insensitive

I can cut people dead in a heartbeat

Not without a second thought

Yet if I think their presence or influence is unhealthy or draining, off they fuck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've only had to let go of 2 guys. One took a good couple of years, so I guess I don't do it easily.

The other is still ongoing! It sucks loving someone that doesn't give a shit about you.

But when I do move on, I'm done for good. No ever going back.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

If someone tells me I’m not capable of doing something - can’t let go. Dog with a bone and stubborn as hell…

People/feelings/grudges/relationships - can let go in a heartbeat. I’m cold like that.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

When it's people I think a lot depends on if your business with them is finished. It's why people find sudden disappearances so hard and one sided break ups

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Latham’s are a newish band becoming quite popular. I bought their album and the first song brought me to tears. Actual tears and I had the 1st of my emotional breakdowns. My last one was last week.

I’ve had to let go of my whole entire life from the age of 18. And letting go of that is hard everyday. It’s been 14 months since I knew my marriage was over.

It gets easier right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm currently in the process of grieving the end of a relationship. I can't describe or express the sheer highs and lows I experienced. Despite the toxicity in that relationship from both sides, she is a truly amazing woman, exotic, beautiful, intelligent, adorable, fun, and my god the sex... THE SEX! I don't think I could ever top the experiences I had with her and that's soul crushing. The sex was pure addiction, so much so it feels like chasing the dragons tail being without her.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

"The Latham’s are a newish band becoming quite popular. I bought their album and the first song brought me to tears. Actual tears and I had the 1st of my emotional breakdowns. My last one was last week.

I’ve had to let go of my whole entire life from the age of 18. And letting go of that is hard everyday. It’s been 14 months since I knew my marriage was over.

It gets easier right?

Huge hugs, Woody xxx

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"It gets easier right?

Hugs, Woody.

It does get easier. You’ll never ever be completely over it. Never. But like a bereavement (which it kind of is, in a way) it impacts your daily thoughts less and less, given time.

That loss is just part of you now. And whatever marvels might be in your future are partly because of it.

Keep your chin up.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I'm getting better at it which I'm not sure is a good thing as it clearly means I've had too much practice

But in all seriousness, I suppose it depends how deeply connected I felt in the first place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a person means little to me or I have obviously meant little to them it's easy.

If letting go is due to something neither wants but is out of our control its much harder.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't find it easy, no. I don't try to hold onto relationships, with partners or friends, that have reached their natural end, but it takes me a long time to process my feelings after the event, going through various stages of hurt and grief, becoming accustomed to the change.

Nell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had to let go of my whole entire life from the age of 18. And letting go of that is hard everyday. It’s been 14 months since I knew my marriage was over.

It gets easier right?

I'm so sorry you've been through this .

I have no words of wisdom to offer other than to be kind to yourself. Where there's a loss there is also a process of resetting and adjustment. Moment to moment, becomes hour to hour and then day to day. You've got this x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fantastic band, the story of the lead singer is quite a deep one too. Beautiful song writing at such a young age yet coming from such a dark place.

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

No, it's takes / has taken me a long time to let go. You think you're ok, then later, after a bit of time passing, you realise you weren't ok at all.

It's a form of bereavement. You never forget, you just keep going hoping things get better but it's a slow process.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

I’ve had to let go of my whole entire life from the age of 18. And letting go of that is hard everyday. It’s been 14 months since I knew my marriage was over.

It gets easier right?

Man hugs.

I believe it will get easier for you. Slowly, imperceptibly, but better each day.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Thank you for this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrGiL_c16Rk

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Brilliant question I do like these deep posts.

I think its about emotional significance for me.

I've been asked 'are you over your wife?', she died in 2019, we were together for 20 years. If letting go means I never think about her then, I doubt that will ever happen and I don't want it to. If it's: I'm in a place where I have space for a new relationship - then yes.

I am pretty aware of my process. I let myself feel what I need to feel rather than bury it. If I do that it passes, if I don't - it can fester and eat away at me.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Depends on the "thing"

Some, I'm quite easily to let go, no second thoughts or memories held on to. It's like it didn't exist.

Others... A few things I'm still holding on to and just can't let go, some by choice until I want to, others even when attempting to just let go (or feeling like I am) I can't. Maybe one day, but it is not this day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It all depends what it is.

I've had many losses to try and let go of. And one conversation that lasted all of 20 minutes max altered my thinking in a way where I could accept all of those losses and see it all so differently. I wish I could thank that woman. She has no idea what she gave me. Here knowledge was the best thing she could have given me. And was only a fraction of it.

Another event in life taught me just how fragile life is. How I could have been gone so easily. That altered my thinking on life massively. Mellowed me, and now I simply can't be arsed with some things and people as they are such a waste of energy that I let go easily.

But people that lie, people that are nasty, people that take and take and take, I struggle to let go of why I deserved that treatment. I find it hard to let go of the questions I want answers to but the truth will never ever get.

And now I have lost two people I that I am heartbroken over. Devastated. Yet no one gets it. So much so I stopped talking about it. It was dismissed by one person as nonsense. So I shut down. And have stayed like it. I just can't let go of these people and never will.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

I walk away like a snake shedding it's skin and never look back. It's a learned behaviour from historical abuse and I am happy not to change it

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"And now I have lost two people I that I am heartbroken over. Devastated. Yet no one gets it. So much so I stopped talking about it. It was dismissed by one person as nonsense. So I shut down. And have stayed like it. I just can't let go of these people and never will. "

I hope you can, but you’re absolutely right that you won’t if that’s how people close to you treat it.

Being told that it’s nonsense; that what you’re feeling isn’t valid definitely doesn’t work. There are other ways and hopefully one of them will help you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it difficult to let go but again, depends from what I'm letting go off. If it's a person who deeply hurt me, I can let go quite easily but my feelings might still linger around on the surface for a while. I'm finding that the older I get though, the easier it gets to let go off whatever it is. I think the true healing lies in acceptance.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I can cut people dead and never give them a second thought. Past relationships when they've been over thats the end of that. It took me all of two weeks to get over the end of my marriage.

But I will never let go of my love for Jay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no idea what happened that lead to you losing those people, but I can understand why it's hard to let go, the emotions you feel, the part they played in your life, sometimes you just have to grieve and feel that loss. There's no solution that will just free you of those feelings. Simply feeling that heartbreak and letting it do it's thing is sometimes the only way forward

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It's hard for me. But once I've let them go and can see how it makes me feel better I can accept the fact it's for the best. (It might be years until I realise it though)

I've had 2-3 moments in my life where this has happened.

It's for the best is an important realisation isn't it? It might hurt at first. Feel uncomfortable. But sometimes you need to put your happiness first. How you feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had this. If you feel it, it isn't nonsense. No one but you can know how losing someone affects you.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm going to try and reply to posts and not do my usual start, abandon thing.

So, letting go. Whether it's of hurt, of hope. Of love. Of bad energy, negative thoughts. A person, whatever dynamic.

Do you find it easy to let go? Is it a process you're aware of doing or do you wake up one morning and realise you have?

It's a drizzly Monday evening so the musings on life are strong.

I’m a deep reflector and find it impossible to deliberately choose to let go. I tend to find that, after time, I notice I have moved on.

There are certain people who force me to talk things through and that always helps"

Oh those people.

I have a wonderful friend. She might read this. Probably will.

And for me, I get to a point where I swallow my sad. Just ignore how I feel. And recently she's been very direct with me. And says 'That's great Meli but how do you actually feel?'. And it's that sort of question which has led to me being more honest about how I feel. Admitting it to myself and others.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Yes and no _eli.

If I've cared about them but cannot see a way forward after trying it starts to get me down overthinking and stuff.

So I let go.

Here, people come and go, one day they message you then you don't hear from them for weeks if ever. That's different and easy to deal with"

Overthinking is such a drain isn't it? It doesn't serve you, can't be switched off. I read a wonderful article today - in it the writer expressed something so simple yet beautiful. He said 'if you have to ask something constantly, you already know the answer'. I'm going to start employing that more oft.

Oh on here I'm not sure I've ever let go of people. It's too transient, too fluid. I think their path just took a different direction to mine.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I held a candle for my ex for quite a while, but I eventually forgot her as I went about my life. I tend to hold onto things until they just sit in the background and I forget or they are no longer important. But it's not often where I have too let go."

You do forget sometimes. Things that seem so important at the time, like they were everything, the only focus. Over time you forget or they are in the background.

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By *exyEggsCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Excellent to see you following through with your replies, OP. See me not letting go...

I think I've got better at sitting with uncomfortable emotions. So I wouldn't think about letting go as such, but I'm better at looking at and acknowledging my emotions when a relationship or situation is ending. Such a honking great cliché but time really does give you perspective.

Mrs TMN x

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

I generally find it easy to let go of things, whether it be love etc.

At times though, I’ve been called “cold” because of how quickly I do it.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Physically I find it easy to let go, I can distance myself from the person, forgo contact etc.

Emotionally? Well the answer is “it depends”, I’ve had a fair view relationshudders in my time and they ended because it was their time to end, I do not yearn for those, they are part of my memory and the reason they ended is unlikely to have changed, ergo easy to let go.

I fell in love once, that remains a part of me, I do not get involved in relationships now because of that love, that’s not to say I pine or I am unhappy, I wish that person happiness in all that they do, I guess that’s love, you want that person to be happy, and you feel it would be magnificent if they were with you and felt that happiness, but if they don’t feel the same, then you still wish them a wonderful life all the same, without resent or sorrow.

But I have created a distance between that person and myself that cannot be bridged, as it cushions my heart somewhat.

As they say “the only way to hold on is keep letting go”

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm totally rubbish at it, but I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. I don't necessarily let go of things but I'm quite good at shelving things. Sometimes, they will crop up but usually it's because, something has triggered that memory. I think I'm quite open about my feelings so it doesn't build into something bad. Which allows me to tolerate things instead of resist them. "

Shelving things rather than letting go. I like that, I'd never considered it in that sort of way before.

I'm very open about how I feel but don't you find that can be detrimental at times? You can be too intense.

I had a recent experience where I was triggered by something. Didn't realise until I saw it how much I was holding on to the hurt and shame I felt. I'm better equipped now.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm usually pretty much instant with the letting go thing.

I don't think you're an ice queen. Realistic and sensible, yes. You can lose so much of yourself wishing for something that doesn't exist and forget or lose sight of what does.

I wish I was more like you in terms of letting go.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I find it difficult to let go but again, depends from what I'm letting go off. If it's a person who deeply hurt me, I can let go quite easily but my feelings might still linger around on the surface for a while. I'm finding that the older I get though, the easier it gets to let go off whatever it is. I think the true healing lies in acceptance. "

I agree with that acceptance is what heals.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes me a long, long, long time to let anything go. There are a few injustices I am still holding onto regarding my kids and I havent quite decided that I wont yet blow up and make a huge scene, but so far the messages have just been written in my head and they are easy to delete from there

I have found it is possible to fall out of love when people show they dont really value you as you would like them too. Still takes me years but I get there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, I find it difficult to let go. I think a lot of it is down to me being a sentimental person, and also a lot of it has to do with massive childhood and teenage trauma from bullying, where adults would often attempt to shut me up by telling me that whatever I was going through didn't matter/was a small thing/won't matter in the future. So subconsciously I hold on even tighter to past memories, hurts, love, experiences, lives, personalities even.

Because I feel that letting go of so many of them would be the biggest act of self-invalidation damage I can do to myself, that I went through hell socially and mentally when growing up and then the whole world just acts like shit never happened to me/with me and I'm the one left with all the scars and who I am today being the sum of my pasts.

When you grow up being told by people around you that "nobody cares/gives a shit about you/how you feel/what you think, just turn the other cheek and ignore those who hurt you", holding onto things becomes the only way you learn to show care and give importance and self-validation to your own life and being as a spit-in-the-face-spite against everyone else who built their happy memories up by stepping on yours. The more others tell you to let go and make it sound easy and as casual as throwing away something expendable/disposable, the more I plant my foot down and say "no, those are IMPORTANT to me, those things MADE ME WHO I AM. and NOBODY gets to invalidate me and everything that's happened to me in life be it good or bad. I MATTER, what made me MATTERS, even if you or anybody else or time tries to tell me otherwise".

My personal motto is "Never Regret, Never Forget". I guess that sums it up. Is it tiring to live like this? Yes. Some days more than others. But it is also the fuel that drives me to want to make something of myself in life. To become somebody in life that people can't simply ignore, belittle, pass up, or discount.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seems appropriate here, especially to those suffering loss ...

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.

Washington Irving

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I was so hoping the thread was going to be about farting as well

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Sometimes it takes years, other times it's in an instant.

I've got quite good at cutting people out, once I'm done, I'm really done.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Shelving things rather than letting go. I like that, I'd never considered it in that sort of way before.

I'm very open about how I feel but don't you find that can be detrimental at times? You can be too intense.

I had a recent experience where I was triggered by something. Didn't realise until I saw it how much I was holding on to the hurt and shame I felt. I'm better equipped now.

I can't say I do find it detrimental to be honest. The people in my life know how I am, and I'm open about my triggers, and they accept it or maybe tolerate it. In general once I've explained how I feel and we've discussed it, I can then shelve it again.

Some things I think are impossible to let go of, so shelving is the easiest way to get on with my life.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I was so hoping the thread was going to be about farting as well

“ Let it go, let it go … Can’t hold it back anymore …”

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By *he VanderfluffsCouple
over a year ago

Malice

Letting go i find very easy Meli, mainly surrounding people wether it be emotions or actions. Grief though over the loss of my dog's no. It was a pure love so harder to move on.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

No I don't find it easy to let it go. I have things from years ago I still hold grudges over. There are people who I'll never speak to if I passed them in the street, wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire etc.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I tend to think about them for a while. But then generally all of a sudden I just get to a point of acceptance and it’s done. "

Yes, giving yourself time to think is important. You do reach that point don't you? It's a realisation that it is what it is. You move on.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Depends on the person and how much they’ve annoyed me.

But as I’m void of most emotions i find it relatively easy.

The mr "

Ha. Yes. There's a definite spectrum of annoyance isn't there? It would be weird to not let go of that time when Sue scanned the wine twice and you didn't check your receipt until you were consuming said wine. A decade ago.

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By *eliciousDiva69Woman
over a year ago

Schitts Creek

I do and I don’t, most of the time for me when it’s done, it’s done simple as that. I rarely fall hard for someone but on the very few occasions it has happened they've always retained a space in my heart - which can also be problematic if they just pop back into your life out of nowhere.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I had real trouble letting go when I was married. I knew I should have walked away long ago but I didn't and I seriously regretted it. I like to think I'm a strong person but I was very weak where he was concerned and put up with far to much.

I'm all good now once he left it was like the sun starred shining again. "

Oh Chaotic

A friend described it perfectly to me very recently - the sun is always shining, there's always that light. But sometimes you're wearing sunglasses and you don't realise just how brightly the light is on you until you remove them.

It's brilliant you found that courage to love yourself again, x

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"If you’re letting go it means they want to go so absolutely I can yes. I’d never try and hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be there. "

Wise Nora, wise. Sometimes people hold on to things for familiarity, for fear of the unknown. But if someone doesn't choose you, why keep holding on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Letting go ?? Jeez.. probably the most difficult thing for me to do ...but life really toughens you in that respect, lm at the stage in my life where people's actions determine wether they stay in my life or not ,it's very very difficult when you are totally nuts about someone but those feelings are not returned and you are left behind,when that happens you ask yourself why .. I think that's why l am a little scared.. frightened even ..that if l give myself completely to someone that lm leaving myself open to the exact thing happening again where l get totally crushed by someone else and l don't think I could survive that again , letting go is a process that a person has no choice but to go through..timewise is up to each individual..but stepping out there again .. putting yourself at the mercy of others is very very difficult , l have spoken to a few people who have told me they are done ..they will not go there again simply because the hurt was too much ...and anyway who wants a person in their lives that doesn't want to be there ?? I don't ..but letting go ...ooooohh..it's very very difficult.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a process but I have to go through the motions first. People I don't have issues letting go of but the effects they've had on me I do. It's hard to let go of pain but once it's gone, it's gone for good.

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

With people, I tend to find it fairly easy to do. I'll stew on it for a few days or a week and that gives me enough time to process and let go and forget.

With situations, jobs, things people have said, I find it much harder depending on what it is as I have tendancy to overthink how I could've approached it differently and can very much be at the forefront on any decisions I make going forward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it hard to let go but once I detach myself there is no going back, ever.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I'm going to try and reply to posts and not do my usual start, abandon thing.

So, letting go. Whether it's of hurt, of hope. Of love. Of bad energy, negative thoughts. A person, whatever dynamic.

Do you find it easy to let go? Is it a process you're aware of doing or do you wake up one morning and realise you have?

It's a drizzly Monday evening so the musings on life are strong.

Late to the party as was a long working weekend.

I used to really struggle and would over analyse everything, seek solutions when there was no point, fail to recognise that something had ended naturally and would seek blame either in myself or others when things didn't turn out how I expected.

These days?

I just think 'fuck it', move on in a heartbeat and don't give it/them a second thought.

I think at some point in life (the age will vary based on the individual) you realise dwelling is pointless and the best thing to do is take the Disney approach and just let it go.

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By *rofessor ElementalMan
over a year ago

Durham

From personal experiences letting go is a process that is not done until it’s done. As they say time can be a great healing tool and well as motivation for change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For some reason I struggle to let go and to forget grudges against people when things have gone wrong. Incidents may have happened ages ago but I remember them clearly and for some individuals I can't seem to let go, even though its a waste of energy.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Given I have a heart like a swinging brick, letting go is the easiest thing for me.

For those I’ve been emotionally involved with, I have a rule that I never go back, only made that mistake once and won’t do it again

Ah, a negative experience can colour your future interactions can't it?

I didn't want to leave this thread after people opened up - so I'm going to try and reply now. Admittedly late.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Its a tricky one for sure.

Sometimes it's not so much the person but the idea of what may have been with them that can be the hardest thing to let go of.

I feel quite deeply so if someone gets a piece of my heart then they always live there a little.

Yes. I'm very much like you. It's not the person as such. It's the hopes for the future, the plans once discussed. I'm very much someone who feels deeply and yes. Once someone's in my heart, they always will be. Even if it's a little piece.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I find it incredibly easy to let go Meli.

However , I don't do it at all with most family and proven friends.

I am there for the good times and the bad times and across the distances and the chasm of time.

If I'm not fussy they can fuck off .... I won't notice. "

That's when you know something really matters isn't it? You see it through the good and bad times. Over distance and time.

I find that it's quite easy for me to close down with people where I don't have that emotional investment - it might hurt a little occasionally but it's relatively easy.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm going to try and reply to posts and not do my usual start, abandon thing.

So, letting go. Whether it's of hurt, of hope. Of love. Of bad energy, negative thoughts. A person, whatever dynamic.

Do you find it easy to let go? Is it a process you're aware of doing or do you wake up one morning and realise you have?

It's a drizzly Monday evening so the musings on life are strong.

Other times I've been hung up on a person who I really shouldn't have been and then one day...I'm not, and I let go of them very easily. "

Internalising and laying the blame at yourself isn't fair though. I mean sometimes sure. But, and I mean this in the nicest way, as a friend reminds me when I'm sad about something - the world doesn't revolve around me. Sometimes it just happens and it's not to do with you being you. It just is.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I let go too readily, to the point of appearing uncaring and insensitive

I can cut people dead in a heartbeat

Not without a second thought

Yet if I think their presence or influence is unhealthy or draining, off they fuck "

Do you mind being that way? I'm not sure it's insensitive, it's more knowing yourself. Being unafraid to act on that.

Unhealthy/draining dynamics are exhausting. At some point you have to look at what it's bringing to you and if it's worth it. Quickly doing so makes a lot of sense x

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I've only had to let go of 2 guys. One took a good couple of years, so I guess I don't do it easily.

The other is still ongoing! It sucks loving someone that doesn't give a shit about you.

But when I do move on, I'm done for good. No ever going back. "

I'm sorry, that must be tough. Loving someone who doesn't care about you can make you question yourself. I hope you're able to and ready to move on soon, you deserve that for yourself.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

I’ve had to let go of my whole entire life from the age of 18. And letting go of that is hard everyday. It’s been 14 months since I knew my marriage was over.

It gets easier right?

Oh Woody. It will do. Might not feel like that right now, but it will. Even if it takes months. I hope in that interim, you're able to be kind to yourself. And take as long as you need to, x

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm currently in the process of grieving the end of a relationship. I can't describe or express the sheer highs and lows I experienced. Despite the toxicity in that relationship from both sides, she is a truly amazing woman, exotic, beautiful, intelligent, adorable, fun, and my god the sex... THE SEX! I don't think I could ever top the experiences I had with her and that's soul crushing. The sex was pure addiction, so much so it feels like chasing the dragons tail being without her."

Ah sex. Yes. When it's intoxicating and addictive it adds a really fucking annoying element to it where letting go isn't quite as simple. Those highs and those lows... as fucked up as it reads, a part of it makes you feel alive doesn't it? Grieving the end of a relationship is difficult, sending you hugs.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I don't find it easy, no. I don't try to hold onto relationships, with partners or friends, that have reached their natural end, but it takes me a long time to process my feelings after the event, going through various stages of hurt and grief, becoming accustomed to the change.

Nell"

Yes. It's that change. Losing that thing. The language between you? The plans. The happiness. You work through those stages don't you? It doesn't always feel the easiest thing to do but one day you wake up and your chest doesn't feel as tight when you look back on it. You can even smile a little and remember fondly the good times.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"No, it's takes / has taken me a long time to let go. You think you're ok, then later, after a bit of time passing, you realise you weren't ok at all.

It's a form of bereavement. You never forget, you just keep going hoping things get better but it's a slow process."

A form of bereavement is how I see it. It is. The death of some part of you; some dynamic. And you do grieve it. Whether it's in a big way, a little tear. It's that moment when you realise it's finished. And nothing can change that.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I can cut people dead and never give them a second thought. Past relationships when they've been over thats the end of that. It took me all of two weeks to get over the end of my marriage.

But I will never let go of my love for Jay"

I hope you don't Karen. Love isn't something you need to let go of. You can carry on but you don't need to let go necessarily. Jay will always have your love, x

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

I gradually withdraw i think - rationalising how something or someone isn’t working- then … it makes sense to end something and i can be more objective.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It really does make you feel alive, you're not wrong there. The worst part for me especially being only 31 with so much of my life still ahead of me, that feeling of never finding an experience like that or even remotely close just makes me feel like the rest of my active sex life will be mediocre at best. How does anyone who's sexually active live like that?

It's like "welp, my sex life is over, might as well become a monk in Tibet". Joking aside, as grateful as I am for having those experiences, the flip side is that I'm now going to severely struggle to enjoy sex with anyone else, nevermind actively seek it with other people. I mean I could meet someone who ticked all the boxes for my emotional needs and have memorable experiences with them but then when the sex is involved, it'll just feel disappointing,l... Not disappointed in them, more like being disappointed in the fact that the best sex of my life was with someone who is no longer my person

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It all depends what it is.

Hey PW.

I'm curious as to what the woman said that made you reframe your thinking on loss.

Those who lie/deliberately hurt you? It's hard isn't it. Sometimes I've blamed myself. You know, if I wasn't so me, perhaps they'd have treated me better. When I want to know the truth after being lied to, I ask a flurry of questions trying to make sense of it all. I hate that I do but lies really hurt. Really make me doubt myself.

The two people you've lost? It's not nonsense to keep talking about it. Far from it. Don't let go. Fuck what others think, your heartbreak is real and valid. A few years ago I lost someone very very dear to me. It still hurts now, so much so that I can't do something I really want to because she was so intrinsically linked to it. I hope though, for you, that the hurt lessens a little in time x

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Brilliant question I do like these deep posts.

I think its about emotional significance for me.

I am pretty aware of my process. I let myself feel what I need to feel rather than bury it. If I do that it passes, if I don't - it can fester and eat away at me."

You're right Hans, it's about the emotional significance you place on another, on something.

I don't think you'll ever be over your wife as such. It's a rather callous question. But you can find new happy.

I think I've reached a point of burying it. I'm definitely the sort to tackle things head on - I hate things festering and eating away and then it becomes A Big Thing and you're telling the person to fuck off and you never want to hear from them again.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Excellent to see you following through with your replies, OP. See me not letting go...

Mrs TMN x"

Hey NipNips.

Don't let go of that point. You're right. I post threads, ones where I want to know about someone's experience. Read their authentic voice. And then I get distracted, whether by emails, planning, calls. It's not quite fair. I think if someone is slightly vulnerable, heck, if someone's taken the time to show me a bit of who they are, I can find the time to acknowledge that. Because I am grateful for it.

So, I'm glad you brought it to my attention.

Uncomfortable emotions? I'm goodish. I think I'm getting better at seeing things for what they are. Work in progress but learning.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Seems appropriate here, especially to those suffering loss ...

Washington Irving"

This is beautiful Dee, thank you.

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere

I’m a deep reflector and find it impossible to deliberately choose to let go. I tend to find that, after time, I notice I have moved on.

There are certain people who force me to talk things through and that always helps"

Yea I think I'm a bit like this. It's never a 'ok, moving on from that' and it's done moment. More after time, it's a 'oh, I've moved on from that'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go

Herman Hesse

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