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" Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff. Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning." Your needed in my office for some oral dicktation to be taken in hand, full attention needed for satisfactory outcums | |||
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" Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff. Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning." Dear Petite, I wanted to thank you for your work on the big ‘Member’ account. It seems your personal touch was exactly what was needed to get the result they wanted, but your use of a small, dedicated team demonstrates our values of inclusivity and customer servicing. The head of Member was particularly pleased how accommodating you were to his strategy. | |||
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"Can I be the sexy Secretary? I'd like to meet in the boardroom..." Could you help me with something in the stationary cupboard, I need something you sharpen my pencil | |||
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"Who you I have to fuck to get a promotion?? Asking for me? " Dear Woody. Please be advised that the CEO is currently in a meeting with multiple members of staff and will not be available until later. There is a current state of undress the CEO needs to attend to. Kind Regards PetiteWoman | |||
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"@Will work for sushi…… I suggest you don’t lead with your name during your appraisal…." I'm cheap Woody... | |||
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"What did everyone do at the weekend? " I can tell you who I caught in the stationary cupboard after hours on Friday and he was doing more than taking down her particulars | |||
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"I'll be the tea lady... Who wants to nibble on my buns with their morning coffee. I need numbers ASAP Kind regards The tea lady" Ooh me please. With real cream, I hope? | |||
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"I'll be the tea lady... Who wants to nibble on my buns with their morning coffee. I need numbers ASAP Kind regards The tea lady Ooh me please. With real cream, I hope? " For you anything, you can have extra | |||
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"What did everyone do at the weekend? I can tell you who I caught in the stationary cupboard after hours on Friday and he was doing more than taking down her particulars " I bet he was stealing the sellotape… again | |||
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"I'll be the tea lady... Who wants to nibble on my buns with their morning coffee. I need numbers ASAP Kind regards The tea lady Ooh me please. With real cream, I hope? For you anything, you can have extra " I do love me some fresh buns, hun | |||
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"I'll work in accounts. "Double entry" book keeping anyone? " I actually am an accountant, and I need someone to credit my balls and debit their face | |||
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"To the IT department. The Internet is running slow, perhaps you need to check the browser history and clear some memory " IT dept here. Have you tried turning it off and on again? J | |||
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"What did everyone do at the weekend? I can tell you who I caught in the stationary cupboard after hours on Friday and he was doing more than taking down her particulars I bet he was stealing the sellotape… again " Well, I could tell you who I saw doing what to who with sellotape...in the middle of the day as well | |||
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"To the IT department. The Internet is running slow, perhaps you need to check the browser history and clear some memory IT dept here. Have you tried turning it off and on again? J" @it dept, I've got some ram for you to to take a look at.. | |||
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"To the IT department. The Internet is running slow, perhaps you need to check the browser history and clear some memory IT dept here. Have you tried turning it off and on again? J" Very easily turned on, seems difficult to turn me, sorry it, off. Might need a hand | |||
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"What did everyone do at the weekend? I can tell you who I caught in the stationary cupboard after hours on Friday and he was doing more than taking down her particulars I bet he was stealing the sellotape… again Well, I could tell you who I saw doing what to who with sellotape...in the middle of the day as well " IT have taken all my permissions away. My Internet history is being searched | |||
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"Can everybody who is attending the annual orgy photoshoot be ready to strip off on the boardroom in 15 minutes. Crystal - Marketing manager " Crystal, have you remembered the custard? Catering | |||
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"What did everyone do at the weekend? I can tell you who I caught in the stationary cupboard after hours on Friday and he was doing more than taking down her particulars I bet he was stealing the sellotape… again Well, I could tell you who I saw doing what to who with sellotape...in the middle of the day as well IT have taken all my permissions away. My Internet history is being searched " I'm not surprised you mucky devil | |||
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"Can I be the penetration tester? " Only if you can penetrate everyone so that a fair comparison can be made. | |||
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"To the IT department. The Internet is running slow, perhaps you need to check the browser history and clear some memory IT dept here. Have you tried turning it off and on again? J @it dept, I've got some ram for you to to take a look at.. " OK, I'll byte. J | |||
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"To the IT department. The Internet is running slow, perhaps you need to check the browser history and clear some memory IT dept here. Have you tried turning it off and on again? J Very easily turned on, seems difficult to turn me, sorry it, off. Might need a hand " There appears to be a large Trojan disrupting our usual smmoth and efficient service. | |||
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"To the IT department. The Internet is running slow, perhaps you need to check the browser history and clear some memory IT dept here. Have you tried turning it off and on again? J @it dept, I've got some ram for you to to take a look at.. OK, I'll byte. J " OK I'll download my boxers for proper inspection | |||
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"What did everyone do at the weekend? I can tell you who I caught in the stationary cupboard after hours on Friday and he was doing more than taking down her particulars I bet he was stealing the sellotape… again Well, I could tell you who I saw doing what to who with sellotape...in the middle of the day as well IT have taken all my permissions away. My Internet history is being searched " We have throttled your downstream and will be hand-wiping your system. | |||
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"Vacant Position We are urgently seeking a member to this role. Must be hard working, pay attention to detail and work efficiently in a large group or independently. Previous experience required but not essential. Please go to the HR dept for an aptitude test to qualify. Please note you will be required to do a trial. Kind Regards PW " Pw I'll drop my cv into your private mail box | |||
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"Who you I have to fuck to get a promotion?? Asking for me? Dear Woody. Please be advised that the CEO is currently in a meeting with multiple members of staff and will not be available until later. There is a current state of undress the CEO needs to attend to. Kind Regards PetiteWoman " Later? do you want me to cum in for overtime? | |||
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"Can I be the penetration tester? Only if you can penetrate everyone so that a fair comparison can be made." I'm always one for half arsing a job so may only be able to get round to the women and couples. | |||
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"Everybody, please insert extra devices right now as we can not cope with such large uploads. Thanks IT" @it, can u cope with my external hard drive | |||
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"Everybody, please insert extra devices right now as we can not cope with such large uploads. Thanks IT @it, can u cope with my external hard drive " We should be able to handle it. If necessary we can bring in extra staff. J | |||
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"Hi Gertrude, Can you please forward to me the project's Non-Fucktional Requirements (NFRs)? I've asked PeTITeWoman but she appears to be on Anal Leave and hasn't set her out-of-orifice message. Regards, N." Dear Nero Can you please cum and sort my spell check out I much prefer yours, and my out-of-orifice too when available. PW | |||
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"I just appear to be cc’d on all of these emails. Nobody knows what I *actually* do…. In fact nor do I " You're definitely in marketing. | |||
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"Everybody, please insert extra devices right now as we can not cope with such large uploads. Thanks IT @it, can u cope with my external hard drive We should be able to handle it. If necessary we can bring in extra staff. J" Outside assistance is always needed. The more the merrier | |||
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"I'll be working from home for the next few days, if you need me in a meeting, don't expect me to turn my webcam on " Please come to the office offive immediately. We need to discuss your availability and webcam settings. Please bring you laptop with you so we can help you with the settings. | |||
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"I just appear to be cc’d on all of these emails. Nobody knows what I *actually* do…. In fact nor do I You're definitely in marketing. " Yes. Yes I am…. “Head of marketing”. I can market various heads… Anyway back to “social media networking” (wanking on fab) | |||
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"I'll be working from home for the next few days, if you need me in a meeting, don't expect me to turn my webcam on Please come to the office offive immediately. We need to discuss your availability and webcam settings. Please bring you laptop with you so we can help you with the settings. " Yeah, sure that's completely fine, no worries... *rubs wet wipe over keyboard* | |||
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"*PW walks across the office in tight pencil skirt, slightly unbuttoned blouse and heels. Points to several staff members and then her office and says you are needed for an urgent staff meeting NOW*" I hope it's a disciplinary J | |||
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"Following a time and motion study it has been concluded that nobody in the office fufills any work related function due to lack of available time. Therefore on the basis that no staff are needed to maintain the current website status the office will close and all staff will be made redundant. Sorry folks, thank you all for your devotion to promoting every possible sexual activity but please feel free to carry on with your valuable research at home." Flagging this email! Can IT please ensure unwanted emails and spam are dealt with promptly as per their job description. | |||
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"*PW walks across the office in tight pencil skirt, slightly unbuttoned blouse and heels. Points to several staff members and then her office and says you are needed for an urgent staff meeting NOW*" *Does a u turn with her squeaky wheeled tea trolley to see who's doing what to who and where* | |||
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"*PW walks across the office in tight pencil skirt, slightly unbuttoned blouse and heels. Points to several staff members and then her office and says you are needed for an urgent staff meeting NOW*" I was on my lunch break wasn’t I? | |||
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"Dear HR, Further to your request for me to visit your department because I am to be disciplined, I would like to request this is done by Sally and I would like to choose her outfit. " Please contact the compliance team. They will assist you with your request. | |||
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"*PW walks across the office in tight pencil skirt, slightly unbuttoned blouse and heels. Points to several staff members and then her office and says you are needed for an urgent staff meeting NOW*" That *definitely* sounds like a marketing problem… | |||
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"*PW walks across the office in tight pencil skirt, slightly unbuttoned blouse and heels. Points to several staff members and then her office and says you are needed for an urgent staff meeting NOW* *Does a u turn with her squeaky wheeled tea trolley to see who's doing what to who and where* " Me and the tea lady were in the cupboard talking football. Her panties coming off was just fortunate | |||
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"*PW walks across the office in tight pencil skirt, slightly unbuttoned blouse and heels. Points to several staff members and then her office and says you are needed for an urgent staff meeting NOW*" Do we need to bring a pen? | |||
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"Following a time and motion study it has been concluded that nobody in the office fufills any work related function due to lack of available time. Therefore on the basis that no staff are needed to maintain the current website status the office will close and all staff will be made redundant. Sorry folks, thank you all for your devotion to promoting every possible sexual activity but please feel free to carry on with your valuable research at home. Flagging this email! Can IT please ensure unwanted emails and spam are dealt with promptly as per their job description. " Apologies PW, unfortunately staff members appear to have cliqued on certain off-limit areas leading to an increase in viruses We will endeavour to offer a clean up service. J | |||
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"*PW walks across the office in tight pencil skirt, slightly unbuttoned blouse and heels. Points to several staff members and then her office and says you are needed for an urgent staff meeting NOW* That *definitely* sounds like a marketing problem… " Also the head of the audio and visual team should to present, so happens I saw this email just in time | |||
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"Hi Gertrude, Can you please forward to me the project's Non-Fucktional Requirements (NFRs)? I've asked PeTITeWoman but she appears to be on Anal Leave and hasn't set her out-of-orifice message. Regards, N. · Dear Nero Can you please cum and sort my spell check out I much prefer yours, and my out-of-orifice too when available. PW " • Dear PeTITeWoman, If your sir-cum-stances are clitical then I am more than willy to supply you with technical support cervixes. Hoping for a sucksex-full outcome. Regards, Nero. P.S. You can connect with me on LickedIn | |||
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" • Dear PeTITeWoman, If your sir-cum-stances are clitical then I am more than willy to supply you with technical support cervixes. Hoping for a sucksex-full outcome. Regards, Nero. P.S. You can connect with me on LickedIn" Dear Nero I think you'll find this is the It department's area of sexpertise. No ifs or butts. Regards J | |||
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"Who's the office manager btw?" That would be the biggest wanker of all time. | |||
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" • Dear PeTITeWoman, If your sir-cum-stances are clitical then I am more than willy to supply you with technical support cervixes. Hoping for a sucksex-full outcome. Regards, Nero. P.S. You can connect with me on LickedIn Dear Nero I think you'll find this is the It department's area of sexpertise. No ifs or butts. Regards J" • Dear J, Will our hotel meet be slapped onto the company sexpense account? Hopefully it's not considered a (friends with) benefit in kind and affect any incum tax issues. Yours Sin-cerely, Nero. | |||
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"Or..please wipe the photocopier down after use " Oops... sorry.. | |||
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"Or..please wipe the photocopier down after use Oops... sorry.. " • It must be a Hewlett-Crapard™. | |||
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"Or..please wipe the photocopier down after use Oops... sorry.. • It must be a Hewlett-Crapard™." Canon actually.. | |||
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"Dear Nero I think you'll find this is the It department's area of sexpertise. No ifs or butts. Regards J • Dear J, Will our hotel meet be slapped onto the company sexpense account? Hopefully it's not considered a (friends with) benefit in kind and affect any incum tax issues. Yours Sin-cerely, Nero. " Dear Nero I must remind you that inappropriate use of company resources will result in a dressing down orally and perhaps even a disciplinary. So yes, let's go for it! Yours, Miss Appropriation | |||
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"Dear Facilities Management, Where is the best place in the building to find a four-way gang? Thanks, IT" The electrical storage cupboard | |||
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"Dear Facilities Management, Where is the best place in the building to find a four-way gang? Thanks, IT" Probably in Accounts | |||
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"Dear Facilities Management, Where is the best place in the building to find a four-way gang? Thanks, IT The electrical storage cupboard " Shocking! | |||
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"Dear Facilities Management, Where is the best place in the building to find a four-way gang? Thanks, IT The electrical storage cupboard Shocking! " Best hurry we are currently low in stock | |||
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"Dear Facilities Management, Where is the best place in the building to find a four-way gang? Thanks, IT The electrical storage cupboard Shocking! Best hurry we are currently low in stock " Not surprising, everyone wants a bit of multiway action. I'm on my way. | |||
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