FabSwingers.com forum: Do you find it difficult

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To say no?. Not on here but in everyday life.

It’s something I’ve been really working on lately. So far it’s not going great

. Inside I’m shouting “just say no” but somehow the words “yeah sure, I’d love to” always seem to come out instead

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By *929Man
over a year ago

newcastle

Yes I’m bad for it and really wish I could say no easier. The amount of free shit I do for customers because of it

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West

No.

Is a complete sentence.

Takes practice to say it, but I highly recommend it.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I say no easier than I say yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No.

Is a complete sentence.

Takes practice to say it, but I highly recommend it. "

I just try and be honest..

It shouldn’t be confused with blunt either way

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Work? Friends? Or something else?

Work - if I'm genuinely busy I've got better at saying "I have this, this and this to do. Which takes priority?"

Friends - I struggle but have got better at saying I need my pj's. If I say yes I will then plead a last minute headache

Still get FOMO though.

Something else like family - I'm there doing it.

Here ends my Ted Talk

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

Really struggle with saying no, and feel guilty if I do

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

I do struggle with it still, but I’m getting much better at it as I get older. Maturity is giving me confidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To say no?. Not on here but in everyday life.

It’s something I’ve been really working on lately. So far it’s not going great

. Inside I’m shouting “just say no” but somehow the words “yeah sure, I’d love to” always seem to come out instead

I grew up seeing my mum getting taken for granted when it came to her friends and siblings. So it's not been an issue for me.

But there's moderation to everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never used to say no. Friends need help or something fitting in their home I would always help (im a joiner) friends need help with money I would always say yes. Anyone needed help or if asked I would always say yes. But it done me no favours, even thou I don't regret or feel as if I was being taken the piss out of. But some times being too nice or kind hearted back fire. Never stop saying yes but also remember if you needed help would that person be upcoming to say yes themselves? X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Much less so now than when younger. I have had some experiences that have led me to realise it's OK to say no, and more often than not a very good thing.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Yes. I mean no; Yes to saying no I imply.

Yes?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

Unfortunately the word no doesn't seem to work in my vocabulary in work/day to day life. It's as if there is a blocker stopping me from using it. Hugely frustrating but a work in progress

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *esi_maverickMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"To say no?. Not on here but in everyday life.

It’s something I’ve been really working on lately. So far it’s not going great

. Inside I’m shouting “just say no” but somehow the words “yeah sure, I’d love to” always seem to come out instead

I couldn’t even begin to say NO!!!! to you

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

I genuinely struggle with no. So I have come up with lots of scripts. They aren't as assertive as I'd like but the result is the same. "I'm so sorry, I'd love to but I have to..."

"That sounds amazing! I wish I wasn't already..."

I am a fibber

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

I am terrible at it at work. I frequently utter the words, 'sure, that's no problem', while deciding which bit of my weekend I'll need to use to do it...

Better socially, though I quite like saying yes to things there; I'll only go to things I want to go to!

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I just say I'll think about it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No.

Is a complete sentence.

Takes practice to say it, but I highly recommend it. "

Oh I agree!

I feel like everything needs to have a valid reason for saying no, When really it doesn’t always to have to.

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

no.

in fact i love saying no. since i started doing so people find someone else to bother because they know whats coming.

put yourself first. if its not right for you then no!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am terrible at it at work. I frequently utter the words, 'sure, that's no problem', while deciding which bit of my weekend I'll need to use to do it...

Better socially, though I quite like saying yes to things there; I'll only go to things I want to go to!"

Work is the absolute worst!. Especially when I’m asked to come in on my day off or one of my coworkers asks me to cover for them. I always say yes through gritted teeth, then hate myself for it afterwards

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Only to the dogs.

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By *opinovMan
over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

Apparently yes.

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By *cotCouple666Couple
over a year ago

Central Belt

Got better at saying no in work life. Used to take on far too much and ended up just stressing myself out. Those days are over. In everyday life however, it's hard answering no to the question "Are you ok?"

Beth x

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West

"No.

Is a complete sentence.

Takes practice to say it, but I highly recommend it.

Oh I agree!

I feel like everything needs to have a valid reason for saying no, When really it doesn’t always to have to. "

Society tends not to like it when women say no. We're not supposed to inconvenience others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes when people ask me to help them with things, I sometimes do myself no good by taking time off my work for them. I rather they didn't ask me because I feel its my duty to help them. Especially when it comes to family.

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"No.

Is a complete sentence.

Takes practice to say it, but I highly recommend it. "

I’m guessing you and I may frequent another popular chat forum.

Yes, saying no is a skill, very hard for women in particular who are socialised to please everyone all the time putting themselves constantly at the bottom of their priorities.

It gets easier with practice, like most things.

Stop saying sorry too!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Only to the dogs.

You can never say no to dogs!.

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West

"No.

Is a complete sentence.

Takes practice to say it, but I highly recommend it.

I’m guessing you and I may frequent another popular chat forum.

Yes, saying no is a skill, very hard for women in particular who are socialised to please everyone all the time putting themselves constantly at the bottom of their priorities.

It gets easier with practice, like most things.

Stop saying sorry too! "

I learned the power of No when I got sober.

Its crossed over into other bits of my life too.

As a feminist No has great power and relevance.

Another popular chat forum ?

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By *an de LyonMan
over a year ago

welling

"To say no?. Not on here but in everyday life.

It’s something I’ve been really working on lately. So far it’s not going great

. Inside I’m shouting “just say no” but somehow the words “yeah sure, I’d love to” always seem to come out instead

I used to but not so much anymore. So now I’m moody / grumpy / not fun anymore apparently

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

about some things, yes.

Cake, sweets, cider... sunset watching, boat spotting, there are quite a few situations I have no resistance to

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I’m the other way around. I struggle to agree with people’s nonsense.

The mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No"

That was easier than I thought

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

Yes. I always try to do what I can for my friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In order for me to say no I have to have more of a reason than just because I don't want to do it.

Otherwise the words yeah sure are out of my mouth before I have even thought about it

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Can be contextual though. Not always the best option to be so blunt.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I struggled with it for years and then a couple of very personal things happened just before turning 50 and resulted in me doing things for me for the first time in my life.

The other upside to that was the ability to say no when I need to.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

It's a fine balance that takes years to perfect.

It's not so much saying no as just not getting involved with people or involved in activities that you don't want to be involved in.

Getting that balance involves being your own judge. Most people are conditioned not to let others down and put themselves last or they FEAR others and don't want to be seen as mean.

Stop concerning yourself with how others moan when you won't help and concern yourself more with thinking about how you feel about it and be prepared for them to moan, bitch behind your back and generally act in other ways that show them for the juvenile gonk they are.

It's their monkey not yours.

CAVEAT: Don't decline to help so often and to so many people that you are that selfish bastard. e.g. if your mother is on fire that is more important than polishing your nails.

Have a few stock phrases ready too and not just a blunt 'no'.

e.g When i've done ABC i'll get back to you to see if you still need help with that.

I've already done it x times and perhaps someone else in the team would benefit from the experience.

If you can wait until Thursday next week, I'll be free to help then.

I think so and so has some free time right now OR thingy mabob is very good at this give her a ring she loves this kind of stuff.

Don't be that selfish person tho .... we all need help from time to time.

(P.S. I have a 'friend' I easily say no to cos she gets everyone to do everything and I find her to be a user so I have no problem just giving her an outright NO )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I struggle with saying yes for things, no is just my default answer now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say no to everything, yet F still does whatever the hell she wants

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is something I find really difficult.

As a result I end up spending time doing things I'd rather not.

As someone else said, I feel like I always need a more valid reason. Just not wanting to isn't enough. I also end up feeling really guilty too.

I am a bit of a people pleaser at times and it's actually really frustrating

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