FabSwingers.com forum: Real talk

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

In recent months I came across an interesting notion, a single woman I had met from Fab last summer explained to me that she believed the majority of other single women on the site downplay their negative experiences, the emotions women feel about their appearance especially, alongside their fear of rejection. She even went on to say that some of them lie about their popularity in the forums or their updates like how many messages or fabs they get, in order for them to get noticed.

She explained to me that given her own experiences of the site, and after speaking with more experienced female fabbers, that women get rejected a lot more than they care to admit. The rejection coming in all forms, abuse, no shows, getting blocked, deleted messages with no response etc.

She expressed her own issues with the site and the way it made her feel being here, being a member since June last year. She's a very attractive woman, has an incredible figure from working out at the gym, very intelligent and the skill in the bedroom to match, yet she explained she didn't receive as many messages as other women claim to have, and the attention she did receive was either abuse or men she had almost no attraction to, and any men she had any attraction to were unpleasant, crude, and simply off putting in their personality. All of this really affected her mental health and her self-esteem.

After giving it some thought I've felt compelled to put this out there and see if some of you can corroborate on what she says, maybe it'll helps others on the site be more empathetic towards single women. At the same time I'm interested to hear if anyone disagrees with her and what you believe on the contrary.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Hopefully she's finding life away from fab kinder to her.

It's probably not healthy to get too immersed here to the point that it leaves you feeling so badly about yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I openly admit I don't get hundreds of messages. That would be a lot to bulk delete. But some do.

And I do struggle to find guys, I think I'm up to about 4 basically telling me to get fucked over the last few months.

But it's different for every woman.

Some will get inundated, some won't. Location plays a part, the pictures you post plays a part, the bio you write plays a part. How horny men are that day plays a part.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

People's experiences on here and how they perceive them are different. Doesn't make either right or wrong.

I don't think being intelligent, gym fit and amazing in the bedroom, makes it easier on here.

I hope she has found a better place to interact with others and doesn't see this thread. I wouldn't like a post about my mental health on a forum for all to see.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I openly admit I don't get hundreds of messages. That would be a lot to bulk delete. But some do.

And I do struggle to find guys, I think I'm up to about 4 basically telling me to get fucked over the last few months.

But it's different for every woman.

Some will get inundated, some won't. Location plays a part, the pictures you post plays a part, the bio you write plays a part. How horny men are that day plays a part.

That sucks, honestly men need to be more mature if they realise nothing is gonna happen or when they dictate that

I do feel that maybe her bio was a little off putting to some as it can come across as standoffish, but honestly I couldn't blame her with the experiences she's had, you have to be pretty head strong not become jaded after what she had been through in the world of casual sex

She has some great pictures though, plenty of clear face pics, some revealing pics but nothing too explicit to leave something to the imagination, but she's nice and welcoming when you get to talk to her. Maybe it's mostly her presentation that stopped some men from sending that first message

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've never been a single woman actively looking to meet on here. Therefore I have no reason to disbelieve her experience, I don't disbelieve others either because bi can't possibly know. I would be wary of suggesting anyone was lying about this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get the 100s of messages some women claim to .

Over the years I've had my fair share of rejection, negativity and even on occasion abuse.

It's amazing how fast can go from being the object of someone's fantasy to a horrible,ugly slag because you don't reply or because you politely decline them. Infact I've been insulted in a first message too.

I think lots of people have their own hang ups and sometimes the way people interact on here can actually do more harm than good for some people.

Until I've met a person and or gotten to know them,then everyone here is a random stranger on the Internet who isn't going to affect me .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The most important thing in any walk of life ...here or in the real world.... is to be happy in your own skin , if a person says they get thousands of messages and someone else gets 5 or 6...so what ??? Personally l couldn't give a f**k how many messages a person gets ..just be happy in your own skin... simple really ..don't let anyone here ...or in the real world ...take the fun out of anything for you..you are way too precious to let that happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been privileged to be told tales by some women. I was once privalidged to read a woman’s Dms and also know who she’d met.

*in my opinion some people on here should come with warnings or name and shame should be allowed… maybe not.

I empathise with lots on here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve been privileged to be told tales by some women. I was once privalidged to read a woman’s Dms and also know who she’d met.

*in my opinion some people on here should come with warnings or name and shame should be allowed… maybe not.

I empathise with lots on here.

Same here, she showed me her DMs and beyond the very generic one liners, the rest of her messages were either abuse, crude, or upsetting, like "I want to destroy your pussy" (she is completely put off by rough sex which she did state in her bio when I had met her)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A new profile will attract loads of men and messages. You get what I call the fresh meat rush. Then it dies down. Because you delete and block the majority of them and most will give up. Others will continue and end up on the block list. Again some will give up. Others will continue knowing they fall down the inbox and will keep messaging to be at the top and seen.

After a few weeks it levels out.

Put a new pic up you will get a surge again. Same with a status.

But yes most won't be men you're attracted to. Most will be awful profiles and messages. That in itself with their approach of you being a free sex worker they just want to use will dishearten anyone and leave them feeling like just a hole. Sorry crass way to put it but it describes it aptly given the approach.

If you hit hot pics it's worse. You can also be put on a fab pedestal meaning you don't get messaged because everyone assumes you have a full inbox, your pick of men, you wouldn't be interested in them, or they just aren't confident enough to try, they won't want to compete with others, they assume you are fucking everyone, they assume you're probably on other sites and just directing them there from here. I personally hate that. It actually lowers the chances of finding someone you like. Even on forums threads people won't interact for the same reasons. Previously it actually pissed me right off.

I'm currently not getting many messages. It's levelling out I think, but my status and the fact I've put pics away may be a factor.

I have been blocked, rejected and had people stop talking once they've got a face pic from me. Numerous times. I even chased after one guy with no luck whatsoever.

I rarely get abusive messages.

But yes sometimes I can think ffs I want sex and this is impossible. But the majority of the time I don't care. It's the nature of the site. It can take months to find someone, months to get to know them and actually meet.

I deleted one guy, he tried again with a different face pic and he turned out to be bloody awesome.

Never take this place too seriously. Have patience and a thick skin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I myself have been through all that she explained to you. I also don't receive that many messages but I use filters.

Over my ten years on and off I haven't actually met that many.

I'm not insecure though, my sekf esteem is fine i love me and who i am.

I don't allow the negatives to stop me from going for what I want. The worst that will happen is I get a no and that's fine.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

There are many things said on here to gauge responses or provoke a particular reaction.

Over the years I've been told that I'm the only trustworthy man they have ever spoken to and they aren't chatting to anyone else but their verifications and forum comments say otherwise.

I've been told they have all their filters as tight as possible but when they send a screenshot of their latest nasty message they have 1000 unread messages.

I've been told they don't want to be popular or in hotpics but they hide all their pics apart from the latest to take advantage of the fabbing fraternity.

I've been told they are private individuals and don't do drama but they have the inside scoop on what everyone else is doing and are in as many external chatgroups as it's possible to be in.

Just because these people have told me all these things doesn't mean a single word of what they say is true.

I'm sure they have their reasons for downplaying their involvement in the site but if it's to gain sympathy or support it's just as dishonest as many things they accuse others of.

I've no idea who your friend is or anything about her beyond what you have told us.

What I do know is that we shouldn't take everything at face value in here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are many things said on here to gauge responses or provoke a particular reaction.

Over the years I've been told that I'm the only trustworthy man they have ever spoken to and they aren't chatting to anyone else but their verifications and forum comments say otherwise.

I've been told they have all their filters as tight as possible but when they send a screenshot of their latest nasty message they have 1000 unread messages.

I've been told they don't want to be popular or in hotpics but they hide all their pics apart from the latest to take advantage of the fabbing fraternity.

I've been told they are private individuals and don't do drama but they have the inside scoop on what everyone else is doing and are in as many external chatgroups as it's possible to be in.

Just because these people have told me all these things doesn't mean a single word of what they say is true.

I'm sure they have their reasons for downplaying their involvement in the site but if it's to gain sympathy or support it's just as dishonest as many things they accuse others of.

I've no idea who your friend is or anything about her beyond what you have told us.

What I do know is that we shouldn't take everything at face value in here. "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm another who doesn't get hundreds of messages. I recently had my first rejection. As yet I haven't had any abuse. You need a thick skin to be on here and know your worth. A message from a stranger telling me they will destroy my pussy doesn't upset me at all. Why would it? I'm never going to meet them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A new profile will attract loads of men and messages. You get what I call the fresh meat rush. Then it dies down. Because you delete and block the majority of them and most will give up. Others will continue and end up on the block list. Again some will give up. Others will continue knowing they fall down the inbox and will keep messaging to be at the top and seen.

After a few weeks it levels out.

Put a new pic up you will get a surge again. Same with a status.

I'm currently not getting many messages. It's levelling out I think, but my status and the fact I've put pics away may be a factor.

I have been blocked, rejected and had people stop talking once they've got a face pic from me. Numerous times. I even chased after one guy with no luck whatsoever.

I rarely get abusive messages.

I deleted one guy, he tried again with a different face pic and he turned out to be bloody awesome.

Never take this place too seriously. Have patience and a thick skin.

Thanks for sharing your experience, I will admit myself from a guys position, that when I chat to someone who I would like to perhaps meet, and I see a face pic, it's extremely hard for me to turn them down. An attractive face is just as important to me as their personality, I know a lot of women here want anonymity or at least not be recognised, but it's never easy for me to reject someone when I know how rejection feels when it's based on my looks

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I think comparing yourself to others never really leads to anywhere positive.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I think every experience is so unique, it would be unfair of me to assume everyone has had the same experience as me. I know it's not, I've seen some of the awful messages.

So, let's see. I've been on here for soon a decade (in two weeks actually, just in time for a social and kink night!).

Have I received abuse on here? Yes. Three messages. One with horrific racial slurs. One because I disagreed with a forum comment. One because someone disagreed with me. The first made me feel physically sick - never want to read that sort of thing again.

I don't readily find people I'm attracted to, not because I'm anything special. Far from it. I'm chubby. Kind of posh and wanky. Waffle far too much. Intense. Or zero communication. Really selling myself here. But, I do. I don't set out to, I'm rather happy connecting solely on a friendship level. Sometimes though the journey takes a slightly different path.

I don't really receive bad messages. Not since my bio change. Not even before then, it was just men saying how much they want to wank down the phone to me. Can't blame them for that. Sometimes I'd love to receive a pure smutty message. The smuttiest I've had recently was someone telling me how beautiful I was and how they'd love to breed me because I'd make cute babies.

I've never been rejected. Nor messages deleted without a response. My issue is it takes me some time to want to meet people. Very rarely do I talk to someone and think yes, you, I want to meet you as soon as possible.

Right now I'm actually experiencing a surge of interest. I think it's because I'm giving off more of an energy about wanting to meet people. Posting more about sex.

Also, the change in weather. I'm so ready for summer dresses and dusky nights flirting with fascinating people.

So my experience is very different to your friend's. I have no idea why that is but I think I'm rather fortunate in having the experience I am on here.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Sad that she had this experiance! But generally I have very good experiences from here! Lots of messages and on the whole treated with respect x

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By *haron StonerTV/TS
over a year ago

Haywards Heath

Pointless!

People drag their shit everywhere, some people want people to feel sorry for them, their lives are shit, shit for aspirations, reaching above their level or putting to much thought into this site and the shite people say.

Don't read into it, delete it.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Everyone's experiences on here vary, part of the joy of the site.

When I was actively searching and sending first messages on here I'd experience a fair bit of rejection. It wasn't an issue as it's the same on any site - you'll never be to everyone's taste.

What I experienced on here more than I'd seen before was how hard it was to feel part of the community. It feels impossible to make friends here, so hearing other people talk about how easily they found that aspect did make me question myself and I found my confidence shaken.

Thankfully there are communities out there for everyone and I've found places that restored my faith in my ability to connect. Not every site is a good fit for every person, and when it comes to non-sexual connection I'm not a good match for this site.

Where you mentioned different forms of rejection I find that true on here too - while it might not be as overt as someone deleting your message, allowing a conversation to grind to a halt is a form of rejection, as is being stood up, both of which are talked about on a depressingly regular basis.

Being stood up by someone I was meeting with a view to sex was miserable, but it didn't shake my confidence much (just led to me screening more effectively). Being stood up by someone who was looking primarily for friendship from me really did bother me though. It felt a far more personal rejection, odd as it may be.

I've pulled back a lot from the site as I find the less I'm on here the more I enjoy the time I do spend here. I dont think my experience is typical but I wouldnt know, my experience is my only frame of reference!

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

When I first joined the forums a young popular forumite gave me the best bit of advice that anyone has ever said to me.

People only ever show you what they want you to see.

If I wanted 1000's of messages then sure, I'd post a new pic every half an hour, constant status updates, drop all my filters. But I don't so I'm filtered up to my neck.

Rejection wise yes, definitely in my stable building days, but you have to go through the incompatible ones to find your ones. Nowadays though I tend to mainly pull in real life at socials

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Everyone's experience is different on here.

I only received hundreds of messages when I first joined I found the filters pretty fast and they are tighter than a ducks ass so I don't get many messages. Which suits me as I don't want loads that I can't or won't answer.

Yes I had some abuse on her at times some of it extremely graphic yes it upset me the first couple of times I rarely get any now and when I do I just block them and don't give them another thought.

Of course you won't be attracted to everyone who messages you or you chat to that's pretty normal yes I've been rejected and I've rejected others. But there's no need to be a twat about it when you do and it's fine.

Some people live through fab and their popularity on here and see other people especially women as competition who they will either befriend in order to keep an eye on them or slag them off to put others off them,sometimes they do both at the same time which I find all very bizarre.It is not a competition there are plenty of people on here to meet so there is absolutely no need for the drama and bullshite that can go on behind the scenes.

If you loads of messages then you can't complain if some are rubbish you will never control what others send.You can only control how you react to it all.If it has an effect on your mental health leave or take a break until you feel more able to deal with it.

If you want to know all the gossip and drama or info on others there are groups and people galore who will gladly tell you and share others info ,they will of course share yours as well but hey if you dance with the devil than that's a price you pay on here.

If you don't want drama it's easy enough to avoid those who revel in it.And take a lot of what you are told with a big pinch of salt at times cos things get twisted a lot on here to suit some people's own storyline.

Basically you have to find hour own niche on here there is no wrong or right way to do fab everyone does it differently.And if you find a way that suits you and you don't take it too seriously then fab can be great.That is just the way I've found it plenty will probably disagree but I'm happy with my fab journey so I'll just keep pottering along my own track .

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By *amesBeelzebubMan
over a year ago

norwich

"I openly admit I don't get hundreds of messages. That would be a lot to bulk delete. But some do.

And I do struggle to find guys, I think I'm up to about 4 basically telling me to get fucked over the last few months.

But it's different for every woman.

Some will get inundated, some won't. Location plays a part, the pictures you post plays a part, the bio you write plays a part. How horny men are that day plays a part.

I think alot of men get off on being abusive. It's like the flasher effect.

Hope you are ok. I guess you get used to it but must still feel like shit when men are like that

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