FabSwingers.com forum: Rant and opinions please.

By *ultured Gent16 OP Man
over a year ago

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My ex took our children on holiday during term time and now I’m being faced with a fine as well as her.

I did not agree to the holiday and we have been separated for 5 years.

I have called the council regarding this and apparently I am still parentally liable…

Surely this is against my human rights since she has committed what amounts to a crime that needs a fine.. So why is it extended to me??

Personally I don’t see it as a crime but if a person is fined surely that’s what it amounts to.

What was I supposed to do? Break into her and my children’s home and confiscate their passports? Let her tires down on the day they went to take the flight?

Steal my children and keep them to make sure they go to school and be the Daddy that spoils the holiday their mummy has promised them???

If she was to put cigarettes out on our child would I be prosecuted too??

Im parentally liable so surely any wrong doing is my responsibility too!!!

And before anyone starts….. I pick my kids up from school 2 or 3 times a week and have them at weekends. I adore my girls and would die for them.

I’m not a father who shirks his responsibilities simply because it didn’t work out with their mum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like a gaping black hole in their legislation for these circumstances.

I would imagine it's not something that you could prevent without a legal challenge and costs so to be held liable seems inappropriate.

But I don't know how/what you can do to challenge it. Would you perhaps have a route to prove you objected? Or in future register your objection with the school? It's a tough one. The school likely won't want to play piggy in the middle to a dispute but they could perhaps just make a notation on records.

Good luck.

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

Not sure how’d that stand up in a court. As, from what you’re saying, it seems the law requires you to give permission every time your ex wants to do something with the kids.

I’d speak with a family solicitor on this, as it seems to be a slippery slope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't even bother to challenge the fine and unfortunately it has to be paid from both parties.

Once the school has paperwork which shows parents are separated, relating to anything from sickness contacts,parents evening or things like school trips, absences/fines to pay it will always be both sides that get stitched up

In my local area a "dad" did a similiar thing and refused to pay,all went to court and it ended up with him thousands out of pocket by time they finished with him.

It's extremely unfair if you didn't exactly agree to it and will have to be a lesson for the future to not go again in term time whether that's you or someone else taking the kids away, as they do keep sending the fines through.

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

Your a single dad, no one cares

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would be just as true in reverse.

My ex took my youngest to England against my wishes.

Should I be expected to sit on the child if there are no legal routes?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Morally your partner should pay the fine. Legally they don't have to - you're both liable.

It's not the LA's job to define your parental arrangements for your children and to determine if consent from both is needed to take them out of school or on holiday - that's down to parents.

If parents can't agree then you have to get something in writing via a solicitor. Which costs money. That way if one party breaks any agreement you can apply for changes to custody/access agreements and they'd also then be liable for any penalty.

You could try going down the legal route to place full liability on your partner but that would probably cost more than just paying the fine.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Heard of this before and yes totally unfair on u ! Although tbh I think the whole system of taking them out of school for family holidays should not b wrong x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is why I'm so glad my son's now left school. I found the whole education system to be a bit of a stitch-up. I kept him off school much of the time because of this, was fined (I paid them, kept the wolf from the door..), was told he'd amount to nothing (not in so many words), told he'd be 'socially inept' (again, not in so many words)..

He left school, got an apprenticeship, is now a band 4 NHS administrator at 20, has lots of friends & great social life. Pay the fine, count the days down til they leave school

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you both be fined the same amount of has the fine been sent to both of you? If only the one fine has been issued and sent to both of you, she should pay for it, as she was the one who took them away and j might possibly get looked down on here but if that is the and she is refusing to pay for it, say you will pay it but for x amount of months, her child maintenance will be less until it's paid back (I'm not saying fully in one month, I'm not a monster!)

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By *ultured Gent16 OP Man
over a year ago

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Yes we got fined the same amount.

However the letters went to her address so I’m now facing £1000 as opposed to the £60 she paid.

Apparently I failed to update the school with my new address.

My apologies for letting this slip my mind when my life was falling apart, I was moving out of the family home and losing the ability to see my kids everyday and hunting for a room to live in and living in my car and paying this that and the other to support them while struggling to live myself.

Sorry that I only managed to update new addresses with banks and councils and governments and didn’t even fit a second letting the school know because they never wrote to you anyway. All communication goes through email, school app and phone calls!!!

I even went to the council to try and get help with a new place to live and was told n these exact words, “If you’re not an immigrant, a refugee or a single mother you’ve got no chance.”

And I’m still liable to a fine from that council!!!!!!!

And even if I’d had the letter on time I’d still refuse to pay for something that was no way down to me.

Like someone said above.

Single Dad. No one cares.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel for you because I've been there myself.

In anger and frustration at the original time, I did seek legal advice on how I could stop an ex taking my child abroad (this being about 12yrs ago now) I was basically told I would be completely wasting my money on solicitors and court fees. Unless there was any concern for the child's welfare (which thankfully there wasn't) then I had no case as each parent has equal responsibility and if I decided I wanted to take my daughter on holiday, she couldn't stop me....

With regards to fines with school that's a little different. I know now our schools here ask you to 'apply' to them if your planning on taking the kids away during term time and their fairly leniant depending on reason e.g family wedding etc.

I don't think your going to get away with appealing the whole fine but I think you could possibly have grounds to get it reduced with it not going to your address or being passed on to you. I'd maybe start with free advice from somewhere like citizens advice or somewhere first then take it from there and hopefully you get some kind of result.

Best of luck though, not a great situation I know.

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By *ultured Gent16 OP Man
over a year ago

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I WILL NOT be paying the fine.

I’d rather get dragged through the courts and make as much noise as humanly possible.

I’m so sick of this institutions way of stealing money from hard working decent people and letting huge corporations squirrel their money away in tax havens or not even forced to pay the correct amount of tax and the small person being forced into what some way still resembles the days of Robin Hood folklore when the rich or the government in whatever guise they take, take what they want and do what they want and law covers their asses.

Sorry.

Just outraged.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"Yes we got fined the same amount.

However the letters went to her address so I’m now facing £1000 as opposed to the £60 she paid.

Apparently I failed to update the school with my new address.

I even went to the council to try and get help with a new place to live and was told n these exact words, “If you’re not an immigrant, a refugee or a single mother you’ve got no chance.”

And I’m still liable to a fine from that council!!!!!!!

And even if I’d had the letter on time I’d still refuse to pay for something that was no way down to me.

Like someone said above.

Single Dad. No one cares.

I know nothing about this, so just interested, but what are the grounds for your fine being £940 higher than your ex's? Genuinely curious as that seems extraordinary!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know nothing about this, so just interested, but what are the grounds for your fine being £940 higher than your ex's? Genuinely curious as that seems extraordinary!

I think it works like any fine you get.... If you pay within a certain time frame then it's reduced, but the longer you leave it then the higher it can increase.... As OP said before, because his ex never passed the letter on and because the school never had his updated address, it meant he never got this the same time and hence his ex only had to pay the initial £60 where his has since gone up

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By *ultured Gent16 OP Man
over a year ago

close.

I know nothing about this, so just interested, but what are the grounds for your fine being £940 higher than your ex's? Genuinely curious as that seems extraordinary!

Correct.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"Your a single dad, no one cares

He's not though. The mother has them the majority of the time. Yes he's a dad, but not a single parent.

I agree you shouldn't have to pay the fine, did she write in to get permission? I did that before, but because it wouldn't affect the attendance score (was 100%) that it would be put down as not granted, but no further action.

Do the kids have good attendance the rest of the time? You could argue that.

Also depends if you have any rulings in the custody agreement about taking them out of the country.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

I know nothing about this, so just interested, but what are the grounds for your fine being £940 higher than your ex's? Genuinely curious as that seems extraordinary!

Yeah, I understand that - like a parking ticket. I just didn't understand how it had reached £1000. That's an awful lot of rollovers - and you would have assumed it was capped, but like I say, I don't have children so this is not something I deal with, so hope you get it sorted, OP.

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By *opman121Man
over a year ago

stoke on trent

I went away with my grandkids in term time but if u get the all clear from the school then no fine ?

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

If as it seems from your posts you opposed the trip and can prove that she unilaterally decided to take them out of school in term time against your wishes Id say it’s outrageous to expect you to pay a fine as you have no control over what your ex does. You didnt go with them - I do think you should seek legal advice - jeez if she decides to rob a bank are you going to get 20 years too?? Get your MP involved too because things only happen when the top of the tree gets shaken. Some knobhead penpusher is behind that and its easier and more profitable if they fine you both regardless of culpability. Boils my piss.

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By *ister_ee_1981Man
over a year ago

Sunniest Exeter...

"Your a single dad, no one cares

This. You are responsible, even when you don't know and even if you did know and didn't consent, there is nothing you can do to prevent it.

Stay strong, King

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