FabSwingers.com forum: Dom/sub help

By *hatBeardedChap OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

Entering into a Dom/sub partnership

& she's tasked me with coming up with some rules rewards & punishments

So thought i'd come here for some help & inspiration because it's sunday and brains not working today, thanks

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By *ycanNightsMan
over a year ago

Workington

I mean entering into a d/s relationship before you've discussed the rules... limits etc. Might not be the best idea...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I mean entering into a d/s relationship before you've discussed the rules... limits etc. Might not be the best idea...

This

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Well im here to help those that have true desire to learn .but will watch this thread with interest.

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By *ubmissiveman2uMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Maybe sit down together, establish what you both want out of your new journey together.

Both write your lists, and compare, begin your dynamic,play safe and consensual and have fun ..

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Maybe sit down together, establish what you both want out of your new journey together.

Both write your lists, and compare, begin your dynamic,play safe and consensual and have fun .."

That's well put .

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By *hatBeardedChap OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

I forgot to say or did i

She's asked me to come up with some ideas

& I posted here to spitball

with folks most likely more knowledgeable

than myself in these matters

I know obviously end of the day we will finalise things between each other

Fun is the end goal after all

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By *ycanNightsMan
over a year ago

Workington

"I forgot to say or did i

She's asked me to come up with some ideas

& I posted here to spitball

with folks most likely more knowledgeable

than myself in these matters

I know obviously end of the day we will finalise things between each other

Fun is the end goal after all"

the concern would be deciding to enter into a dynamic before you've discussed in detail.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you the D or the s ?

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By *hatBeardedChap OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I forgot to say or did i

She's asked me to come up with some ideas

& I posted here to spitball

with folks most likely more knowledgeable

than myself in these matters

I know obviously end of the day we will finalise things between each other

Fun is the end goal after all

the concern would be deciding to enter into a dynamic before you've discussed in detail."
I know but it seems it's been blown out of proportion she's asked me as the Dom to come up with idea's to then discuss with her but folk seem to be getting wrong idea

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By *hatBeardedChap OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Are you the D or the s ? "
I'm the dom she's the Sub & she's asked me to come up with idea's while she sleeps to then talk to her about later on

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Once you’ve mutually set boundaries…..

No topping from the bottom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Safe word and above all else remember although the dynamic is you are in charge, you earn her trust first, then she gives herself to you, so she is actually in charge without knowing unless she’s unhinged in which case it’s been nice ….. aftercare aftercare aftercare, did I mention aftercare? I mean love this woman cos that’s what a true Dom will do, deeply, emotionally, look after her needs before your own, let the dynamic grow out of that, on the days when you cant be arsed or she’s being too needy, that’s when you love her, it’s not a title or a set of rules, it’s a commitment to go further down the rabbit hole than either have you have done before, it’s not 50 shades of abject titillation , it’s withering heights with heaving bosom and electricity, good luck OP respect the journey

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

One of things I find bizarre about Fab is that a person asks a question in good faith about bdsm and they get critized when what they need is helpful guidance.

I have set out some thoughts below. As in all things D/s and kink there is no one way and people have different views.

We can all agree, with that helpful comment given to a lost person asking for help, "Well I would not start from here if I was you!".

Therefore I would start from the position, by asking OP "Is this fun in that the D/s relationship is bedroom only or is it a serious D/s relationship?

If a serious D/s relationship, then I would suggest that the relationship is more than punishment. It is a question of understanding both the vanilla part of the relationship, and how the D/s will work with that. You (as the Dom) need to do the thinking on what will count as breaches of the relationshiop requiring punishment.

When you decide what acts or ommisions constitute breaches you then think about punishments and what will be appropriate punishments.

However, if it is bedroom D/s then you will be looking funishments. Which are fun and sexy things to apply. But again you need to decide up front what acts and omissions require funishment and then decide on the funishment.

All punishments and funishments should be discussed and agreed. You can find examples online with a Google search.

However, I would add if a sub/bottom tried to task me with anything, we would need a serious discussion about the roles of a Dom and a sub. I would see the act of setting such a task for me as topping from the bottom, which if the attitude is not corrected it would require punishment or the end of the relationship. If she did not want the relationship to end I would then discuss appropriate punishments for misbehaviour at that point,

Apologies that this does not give you some instant handy punishments but Google is your friend there. But, as of others have said, this is a cart before horse situation as these things should be discussed at the start. But I appreciate that in the real world the D/s bit can sometimes be sprung on a person by the potential partner.

Good Luck

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By *hatBeardedChap OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

Thank you Zensual I was going to DM you today after an Acquaintance of yours DM'd me with helpful advice they said i should seek you out

If you don't mind I'd still like to DM you and pick your brain on this matter as its a new thing for me & I'm excited to see where it leads

Thanks lifeblowstoo appreciate the input aftercare is always top priority..haha big cuddly bear at heart we're using an app i can't probably name to set boundaries/rules/habits & rewards

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"Thank you Zensual I was going to DM you today after an Acquaintance of yours DM'd me with helpful advice they said i should seek you out

If you don't mind I'd still like to DM you and pick your brain on this matter as its a new thing for me & I'm excited to see where it leads

Thanks lifeblowstoo appreciate the input aftercare is always top priority..haha big cuddly bear at heart we're using an app i can't probably name to set boundaries/rules/habits & rewards"

I am always happy to help. Today is a bit busy so I will be unlikely to reply until tomorrow.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

It really depends what her kinks/fetishes are and what type of sub she is.

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By *ull English with teaMan
over a year ago

London

Could you get her to come round and hoover my flat as her first task please?

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By *K-cplCouple
over a year ago

....

This comment has not received the love it clearly deserves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sub here

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