FabSwingers.com forum: Apologies....

By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

When is an apology however sincerely in its intention, not acceptable?

Have you ever told the apologising person that it was not "good enough"?

Do you wish you had said that instead of saying, "it's ok"?

I am curious as usual

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I only accept apologies with an understanding of what went wrong and an indication they're actually going to actively try to be better.

My apologies don't include the word sorry

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I only accept apologies with an understanding of what went wrong and an indication they're actually going to actively try to be better.

My apologies don't include the word sorry

"
If a person apologising to you, does not seem to grasp what they did wrong but they sounds genuinely remorseful that they upset you - how would you handle that?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Usually, I'll explain why something sucked for me. If they can't garner the empathy to connect with what I'm saying enough to understand, then they're probably the wrong people for me anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some things just can't be fixed with an apology, in some cases it's an insult at best.

Pxx

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Usually, I'll explain why something sucked for me. If they can't garner the empathy to connect with what I'm saying enough to understand, then they're probably the wrong people for me anyway."

Fair enough, and there is of course, a need for the offended party to draw that line.

I wondered because sometimes (definitely not automatically granted) I can accept somebody lacking the capability of understanding the exact nature of their offense but realising eventually that they have upset me.

An example, a friend made a supposedly funny comment about a gay couple at the next table. They did not hear it but because of choice of words etc it made me cringe. After a minute of silence or so I tried to explain why it had really irked me and my friends did not seem to grasp it - I tried from different angle but in vain. Eventually they apologised saying they did not understand why I would be upset but they realised that they had caused the problem and they wanted to apologise for that.

It kind of left me feeling ok ish - but not great because I could see this or a similar issue re-occurring on another occasion.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Some things just can't be fixed with an apology, in some cases it's an insult at best.

Pxx"

No, I quite agree - and genuine remorse probably has to be there, doesn't it?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I'm generally quite forgiving - we're all human and make daft mistakes. Or sometimes slightly more than daft.

I've never said to anyone the apology wasn't good enough - sometimes I say I don't need to hear it repeatedly, because I don't but I can understand it's needed more for the giver than the recipient.

Generally the behaviour that follows someone's need to apologise is more telling than the words. And for the most part it's not happened again so I don't regret saying "it's fine, don't worry".

There are some behaviours that I find really awful and do struggle to accept. Serious lies being one.

I learn to move past it, forgive but not forget.

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By *ensual mMan
over a year ago

conwy

I call it out by saying this is not the 1st time youve apologised for the same thing.

If your truly sorry you wouldnt do it repeatedly.

The word is overused and unless sincere means nothing

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I'm generally quite forgiving - we're all human and make daft mistakes. Or sometimes slightly more than daft.

I've never said to anyone the apology wasn't good enough - sometimes I say I don't need to hear it repeatedly, because I don't but I can understand it's needed more for the giver than the recipient.

Generally the behaviour that follows someone's need to apologise is more telling than the words. And for the most part it's not happened again so I don't regret saying "it's fine, don't worry".

There are some behaviours that I find really awful and do struggle to accept. Serious lies being one.

I learn to move past it, forgive but not forget."
I would concur with this - especially when somebody has lied about an important issue. I do try to understand where the need to lie came from, e.g. whether it was protecting a third party (more forgivable) or the person themselves (difficult to forgive as it is a massive breach of my trust).

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I call it out by saying this is not the 1st time youve apologised for the same thing.

If your truly sorry you wouldnt do it repeatedly.

The word is overused and unless sincere means nothing

I think you have a point that "sorry" actually seems to be the easiest word at times.

What could be done differently - what would be more effective, more congruent?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I would very much echo what Meli says. We are all imperfect. We will all make mistakes and I've made enough. The question you put is when is it unacceptable even if sincerely meant. For me it would depend on the scale and impact of the wrongdoing. Whilst the person may be truly sorry your decision on whether it is acceptable may depend on the damage it caused you. I'm quite a forgiving person and it would have to be pretty serious for me not to accept an apology.

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By *ebootCouple
over a year ago

Telford

Anytime it’s followed by the word “but”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I realise I have fucked up, I immediately hold my hands up and apologize for it.

On the odd occasion if I have done something wrong at something and I haven't realised, I've apologized in a rash "I'm sorry" with attitude but then I go off, have a breather go back and then say I am sorry with a clearer head.

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

I only accept apologies that I have asked for.

Some people think that because they have apologised, it is then beholden on me to accept it and if I don’t then they are off the hook, simply because they have offered one.

On many occasions I do not want an apology because that would be too easy of a way out for them.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I only take apologies meaningfully when its an inner circle friend.

Anybody else when they say I'm Sorry and expect it all to be OK again, will be held at arms length. I don't trust easily and once that trust has been broken, It's damaged forever

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