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Tough love or spoil them rotten?

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By *ools and the brain OP   Couple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Parents what's your parenting style?

Are you give them everything possible spoil them rotten at the expense of yourself

Or

Help and support but try to get them to stand on own two feet as much as possible if this means harsh tough love scenarios so be it?

I'm talking kid's of adult age 18+

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Half and half I’d say. Causes dramas butting heads with the other parent at times tho

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Bit of both I think. Brought them up to know you get nothing handed on a plate to you and you work hard for what you want/have. They’d get nothing if they were a pair of lazy arses but they’re not. They know if I give it I don’t want it back, if I lend it I do want it back. They probably get spoilt Christmas and birthdays and if they’re out with me they never pay for anything but they always offer. If they expected it I probably wouldn’t do it as much.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

My girls are all 20s, early 30s,. I don’t spoil them at all but just like when kids I support and encourage them to build good habits, am extremely generous and spontaneous and treat them like princesses still but I am honest when I think their choice are bad , but it would never cause us to fall out.

I encourage them to save by matching what they save if it’s for property etc. encouraged them all to study and actually enjoy uni by agreeing to pay rent /bills for them all up to masters level so they didn’t have to work to survive while a student. These choices took decades of planning and sacrifices

Now I try and take them for dinner individually at least once a week and spend quality time so I know what’s happening in their lives . I buy random gifts like expensive make up, lush cosmetics, spa day vouchers things I know they like but wouldn’t or can’t buy themselves , so they feel special but also thoughtful things that don’t cost much like poetry books, cards, lucozade and a Disney magazine when they have a bad cold! I’ll help with car purchases by beating credit terms offered and giving 25-50% so they make good purchases.

I’d never buy them alcohol / cigarettes and wouldn’t subsidise bad lifestyle habits, but I’d never judge if they did them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it should be more of a 60/40 split with the most being tough love approache and the 40% is more when they need supporting and when that have done things right and you should show pride in them it's worked out very well with my 2

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get where your coming from but you can always take the higher ground most of the time by not getting dragged into any drama easy said than done sometimes but it gets easier over time x

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By *ull English with teaMan
over a year ago

London

Bit of both for me. If they are naughty they get locked in the shed for the night with no food. If they are good I’ll get them a PlayStation. It’s a balance but seems to work…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spoiled my son - regretting it somewhat now though!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a parent but I am an uncle. She talks al about the things her kids get away with saying and doing things that we would never get away with when we were kids. She still disciplines them when it goes too far, but I think overall, parents these days have become more accepting of letting kids express themselves rather than telling them what's right or wrong. Or it could just be my family lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not a parent but I am an uncle. She talks all about the things her kids get away with saying and doing things that we would never get away with when we were kids. She still disciplines them when it goes too far, but I think overall, parents these days have become more accepting of letting kids express themselves rather than telling them what's right or wrong. Or it could just be my family lol."

I should mention that "she" refers to my sister. No idea why I didn't say that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine are grown and long gone. I'm happy that they still want me in their lives, but they don't need me in their lives.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spilt up from their Dad when they were young and the guilt of doing that resulted in me spoiling them completely. Not with material objects as that was not possible because times were very tough but I was exceptionally soft with them.

I never raised my voice with them let alone smack them and shouting was never heard in the house. Growing up as teenagers they never gave me any issues whatsoever, have always been polite and respectful and I’m so proud of how well they are doing now as adults.

Now I am in a fortunate position to spoil them financially and why not

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Spoilt them all bended over backwards still do ! That said they are good to me x

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford


"I spilt up from their Dad when they were young and the guilt of doing that resulted in me spoiling them completely. Not with material objects as that was not possible because times were very tough but I was exceptionally soft with them.

I never raised my voice with them let alone smack them and shouting was never heard in the house. Growing up as teenagers they never gave me any issues whatsoever, have always been polite and respectful and I’m so proud of how well they are doing now as adults.

Now I am in a fortunate position to spoil them financially and why not "

I did this with youngest 3 felt I had to compensate for their dad dieing ! X

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I'm a dad not a biological father so it became tricky when that was explained to him a few years back. I occasionally get the whole 'you're not my dad' routine but only when he's chucking a proper wobbler, which is thankfully rare.

I've always been firm but fair, the same way my father was with me. And that won't change. We've never spoiled. Sometimes he throws the 'but my friends have one' or' they get to do xyz' lines out but we try and educate him that not everyone is the same, not all parents can afford the things others have/do and that some parents just give everything to their kids to keep them quiet and for an easy life, which we don't do.

A

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"Parents what's your parenting style?

Are you give them everything possible spoil them rotten at the expense of yourself

Or

Help and support but try to get them to stand on own two feet as much as possible if this means harsh tough love scenarios so be it?

I'm talking kid's of adult age 18+"
I gave them everything at my expense yes

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