FabSwingers.com forum: Undiagnosed ADHD

By *uteness69 OP Woman
over a year ago

Walthamstow

I found out a few months ago that the reason my whole life has been (and continues to be) a hot mess, is because it's *highly* likely that I have ADHD.

I've spoken to two women in my job who were diagnosed late.

I've entered perimenopause, which is said to make the symptoms of ADHD worse, newsflash, it has.

Obviously, I've done a lot of research and although I constantly have imposter syndrome, I have to get assessed as I just can't live in chaos (emotionally and physically) any longer.

Posting this here might seem odd but I'm hoping this forum will have open minded people, who will be compassionate and understanding.

If I'm diagnosed (I believe I will be) It will make a lot or sense with regards to my emotional dysregulation and chaotic sexual adventures.

I wonder how many of us live our lives feeling like we're on the outside looking in, due to being undiagnosed.

Please be kind in your replies.

I'm going through a tough time.

Hugs (virtual will do) would be appreciated!

Thank you for reading

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erriman69Couple
over a year ago

highworth

Perimenopause makes most things more difficult. I'm there too and struggling with certain aspects.

I hope you get a clear diagnosis. I understand that medication can help. And of course speak to your gp about hormone therapy for the menopause. Everyone i know who is on it says its a miracle!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uteness69 OP Woman
over a year ago

Walthamstow

"Perimenopause makes most things more difficult. I'm there too and struggling with certain aspects.

I hope you get a clear diagnosis. I understand that medication can help. And of course speak to your gp about hormone therapy for the menopause. Everyone i know who is on it says its a miracle!! "

I'm on full throttle HRT.

It helped stop the night sweats and joint pain.

Thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I had a strong educated guess about autism, which was confirmed in 2019. It's usually an extremely long wait to be diagnosed (I'm assuming ADHD is in the same diagnostic pathway as autism in adults).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's a thread in Swingers Chat for neurodivergant folks. There are quite a few women with ADHD on there.

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1420947

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uteness69 OP Woman
over a year ago

Walthamstow

"I had a strong educated guess about autism, which was confirmed in 2019. It's usually an extremely long wait to be diagnosed (I'm assuming ADHD is in the same diagnostic pathway as autism in adults). "

I have paid for a private assessment as I'm desperate to try medication so that I might have some focus and live the life I've always dreamed of living.

I'm glad you got diagnosed. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uteness69 OP Woman
over a year ago

Walthamstow

"There's a thread in Swingers Chat for neurodivergant folks. There are quite a few women with ADHD on there.

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1420947"

Oh, I didn't know that, thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best of luck, presume you've spoken to your GP. I can imagine peri is difficult enough without the Uncertainty around your diagnosis going on too.Take care.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I have paid for a private assessment as I'm desperate to try medication so that I might have some focus and live the life I've always dreamed of living.

I'm glad you got diagnosed. Xx"

Even though you shouldn’t have to, this is the best thing you could do in my opinion. We went through 8 years of hell with the NHS with no diagnosis. Paid privately and saw a top child psychiatrist at the priory and had a diagnosis within an hour and life totally changed. I hope you find answers and a diagnosis soon x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My husband (whose also here) believes he has ADHD or similar, and in all honesty, without going through all the tests, I believe he has too.

He has major "quirks" that to most people are highly irritating but to me, they are just him, like if he is talking to anyone and he gets cut short and another conversation starts (which I find rude anyway) you can see him struggling because he wants/needs to finish his conversation, now we go off somewhere together and he tells me, it helps most of the time.

We went to a karaoke place recently and he chose his song, the DJ didn't call his name and he couldn't let this go, even two weeks later it's like a job undone (what I should have done is played it on the way home so he could have sung it).

There are loads of things and he does piss lots of people off, especially in the Kik room we are in, some understand his way, others do not and do not like him for it but he likes being in there (most of the time).

Luckily he works in health insurance and he can go on some kind of pathway to get tested, while having a diagnosis isn't the be all and end all and won't change a thing, having a reason he is like it will be a comfort.

I love him none the less and if I can help him with all the things he finds difficult, I will x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women are great at masking neurodivergent tendenciess and easily pass it off as something else. It's when all these 'something elses' fit together to form ADHD

I too am ADHD, for a long time I didn't understand it or know what was going on but even as I child I always knew that my brain was miss wired.....I found out when I was studying for my degree and one of my lecturers picked up on it, I was in my 40's at that point.

It was a game changer, understanding it is half the battle I think

Good luck OP, I hope you get answers x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My husband (whose also here) believes he has ADHD or similar, and in all honesty, without going through all the tests, I believe he has too.

I love him none the less and if I can help him with all the things he finds difficult, I will x "

I relate to the conversation thing, it's like sensory overload to me when there are several people talking and the conversation moves quickly. I rarely say anything because my head is trying to process it all

And the fixation on stuff, yes! My brain can flit from thought to thought yet if It's something interesting I can hyperfocus but that will be my focus...

My sleep isnt great, 4 am is my wake up time and my anxious brain is asking things like 'omg what if vampires are real' 'what would we do if aliens attacked?' 'If you turned into a zombie would you know you've turned into a zombie?' 'Ohh how much pasta is in the cupboard?' Then the compulsion to check is overwhelming...

When I do sleep my dreams are horrific....

I think my son is undiagnosed ADHD too along with aspergers but he was always high functioning at School so it was never addressed. He gets fixated on stuff too...

And we could never be spontaneous with days out because he would meltdown, you had to plan it so he had time to process it...a few days in and he would start asking questions such as 'how long does the journey take?' 'What route are we using?' 'How long will be there for?' And you had to stick to what you told him. He wasn't really a playful child, loved using his imagination and loved small world stuff along with books. Very academic, loved maths, it was his first obsession, he would be out and about and be working out the algebraic order of everything from steps and stairs to trees in a park

He told me when he was seven about fibonacci and recurring numbers in nature. Like wtf and at 9 he took part in an online maths challenge and out of 60, million children worldwide he finished at number 85 on the World leader board...he was at number 10 earlier in that week but dropped over the weekend.

But according to teachers he was fine, just high functioning

He's 27 now and is living his best life in London

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been waiting 4 years for my adhd assessment. Just wish I could afford to go private

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Peromeapause also has symptoms akin to some of those with adhd so I feel your pain.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was filling in an adhd assessment form/following procedural process for my son 4yrs ago... He is adhd, and so am I! The assessor said I'd more adhd pointers than him

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I may have an 'ism'..It only affects me so I'm not really interested in diagnosis or treatment. Plus too old to worry about it now. I've always been aware that I don't quite mesh socially, and my humour is way off piste. Out of curiosity I have done a lot of online tests that all indicate that way, but I am considered normal-ish and high functioning, just a little off-beat. Possibly just bat-shit crazy?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I may have an 'ism'..It only affects me so I'm not really interested in diagnosis or treatment. Plus too old to worry about it now. I've always been aware that I don't quite mesh socially, and my humour is way off piste. Out of curiosity I have done a lot of online tests that all indicate that way, but I am considered normal-ish and high functioning, just a little off-beat. Possibly just bat-shit crazy?"

We're unique

! No such thing as "normal" imo, only neurotypical and none-neurotypical/neurospicy and omigosh, life's very colourful for non-neuros

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're unique

! No such thing as "normal" imo, only neurotypical and none-neurotypical/neurospicy and omigosh, life's very colourful for non-neuros

Maybe not then. My life is fairly dull, beige at best...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *anae21Woman
over a year ago

Nearer than you think

My adult daughter had to wait 5 years for an ADHD assessment (confirmed diagnosis 4 wks ago).

She now has a 6-9 month wait for medication.

It's a long wait, so start investigations now and get to your GP.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exy Pretty FeetCouple
over a year ago

Live in Scotland Play in England

Sending virtual hugs

If you haven't already done so, look into access to work for help and support with coping at work... As far as I know you don't need a diagnosis to access this

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're unique

! No such thing as "normal" imo, only neurotypical and none-neurotypical/neurospicy and omigosh, life's very colourful for non-neuros

Maybe not then. My life is fairly dull, beige at best..."

you've the power to turn it colourful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

I found out a few months ago that the reason my whole life has been (and continues to be) a hot mess, is because it's *highly* likely that I have ADHD.

I've spoken to two women in my job who were diagnosed late.

I've entered perimenopause, which is said to make the symptoms of ADHD worse, newsflash, it has.

Obviously, I've done a lot of research and although I constantly have imposter syndrome, I have to get assessed as I just can't live in chaos (emotionally and physically) any longer.

Posting this here might seem odd but I'm hoping this forum will have open minded people, who will be compassionate and understanding.

If I'm diagnosed (I believe I will be) It will make a lot or sense with regards to my emotional dysregulation and chaotic sexual adventures.

I wonder how many of us live our lives feeling like we're on the outside looking in, due to being undiagnosed.

Please be kind in your replies.

I'm going through a tough time.

Hugs (virtual will do) would be appreciated!

Thank you for reading

I am with you on this journey

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My adult daughter had to wait 5 years for an ADHD assessment (confirmed diagnosis 4 wks ago).

She now has a 6-9 month wait for medication.

It's a long wait, so start investigations now and get to your GP. "

I manage without meds (had years & years without) but know some people need medication. That waiting time of 6-9 months is quite bad. Elvanse has helped my son immensely but was a struggle getting the dose just right

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uteness69 OP Woman
over a year ago

Walthamstow

Thank you, everyone for your replies.

I wasn't sure what to expect but you've made me feel less alone, haha.

It's extremely isolating having this brain/mind but I'm looking forward to the meds, which should be in a month's time

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Greetings my people. I have found my tribe!!

This is the forum thread I didn't even know I was looking for. Now everything (well, not quite) makes sense. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/06/23 05:16:53]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Join the club heh!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

For those of you with or without a diagnosis have a look at adders dot org lots of very usefull info and advice for add/adhd people.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My grandson whose under 4 has been signposted as having significant autism traits, my grandson of coming up 3 has been signposted as having ADHD traits. Services have flagged repeat referrals from their nursery. CHAMS won't even put them on the list till they turn 5, and then it's currently another 5yrs for assessment.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And I know this is a zombie thread, and I'm seriously not detracting from the OP's thread (who have been inactive for months). But there's kids not able to get an active diagnosis, which is massively impacting their daily life functions. And I'm not saying it's depressive that someone whose 50 ain't had that either... But they've also obviously made it to 50...sooo

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ames-77Man
over a year ago

milton keynes

I've always lived on the outside.. couldn't give a fuck what other people think or say always done what I want my way and never doubted myself .. don't allow any negative in my life that gets removed immediately and I'm in control of my mind no one could tell me what I am or have

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've always lived on the outside.. couldn't give a fuck what other people think or say always done what I want my way and never doubted myself .. don't allow any negative in my life that gets removed immediately and I'm in control of my mind no one could tell me what I am or have "

Cool!... Have you had a diagnosis, or are you just spouting off?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And I know this is a zombie thread, and I'm seriously not detracting from the OP's thread (who have been inactive for months). But there's kids not able to get an active diagnosis, which is massively impacting their daily life functions. And I'm not saying it's depressive that someone whose 50 ain't had that either... But they've also obviously made it to 50...sooo "

More often than not they've made it to 50 by the skin of their teeth. The psychological and emotional toll of daily living in a neurotypical world is huge. MH problems in neurodivergant people are much more prevalent than for NT folks, and our life expectancy is lower as a result due to increased risk of suicide. For some adults getting a diagnosis is literally life saving.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over

This thread is very upsetting. How could we be taking 5 years to diagnose and support people with conditions that blight their daily lives in some unimaginable ways is beyond me. The direct and indirect consequences of that are huge. Thinking of all of you out there who struggle daily and hope you get support and understanding too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

To use a cliche but relevant, its playing life on hard mode. Powering through or white knuckling and masking can extract a heavy price.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

This is quite an interesting read. I've had a recent diagnosis of ADHD.

It's peculiar for me as I am still processing past experiences. Trying to determining how meaningful it is to me.

Hyper-focus seems to be the thing that's always been noticed by others and my difficulty around organisation. I've just learnt to ignore other people's judgment over the years. Work for myself, find a career where it is more beneficial than stifling.

There's definitely been some challenges for me. School was a nightmare and I was a 'problem-child' and suffered some pretty harsh sanctions and abuse, which probably directly relate to having ADHD. I responded by rebelling substantially in order to preserve my self-respect.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is quite an interesting read. I've had a recent diagnosis of ADHD.

It's peculiar for me as I am still processing past experiences. Trying to determining how meaningful it is to me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To use a cliche but relevant, its playing life on hard mode. Powering through or white knuckling and masking can extract a heavy price."

Wookie tune = lifes a Battle.

The net and apps really dont help.

Bullying still going on in work places.

Iam based at a large annully fee paid organisation & trust for the wealthy .

From the get go x2 so called collegues started the covert bully tactics.

This is dire and triggers past Truama's and ADHD Levels. Many assume you to be agrresive when defending yourself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread is very upsetting. How could we be taking 5 years to diagnose and support people with conditions that blight their daily lives in some unimaginable ways is beyond me. The direct and indirect consequences of that are huge. Thinking of all of you out there who struggle daily and hope you get support and understanding too

Well written and highlighted.

No resources for such conditions. Yet millions of funds raised via fines,where is all the money going daily!! from yellow boxs in london.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r SteelhammerMan
over a year ago

belfast

"Perimenopause makes most things more difficult. I'm there too and struggling with certain aspects.

I hope you get a clear diagnosis. I understand that medication can help. And of course speak to your gp about hormone therapy for the menopause. Everyone i know who is on it says its a miracle!!

I'm on full throttle HRT.

It helped stop the night sweats and joint pain.

Thank you "

As you say undiagnosed don't ever take any form of tablet they leave you feeling sh*t if you need any help turn to caffeine it calms you down you have got this and many peoples support

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aui.Man
over a year ago

around here

Hey op, interesting post. I hope you manage to get a few answers and make things a little easier.

I totally understand where youre coming from. My life has always been very chaotic. It's just always been that way and gets passed off as a funny quirk and sometimes not so funny. I had never really thought there was a reason why, it's just me, it's what I'm like.

Until recently that is. I started following a page on IG. It's a girl with ADHD. She posts these funny but informative videos on what it's like to live with ADHD. Honestly it's like everything she posts is my life. Its kind of a relief to think there could actually be a reason I'm such a disaster all of the time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I recently spent time with my friends sister, who works as an art therapist and half way through the evening she turned to me and asked if I had ADHD... My friend jumped in immediately and said on no, she doesn't ... But since then its been rolling around my head and now I'm getting loads of tiktoks with '5 ADHD things blah blah blah' and i can identify with most of them - someone mentioned an online test you can do? I don't think i need treatment, its just been more of an a-ha moment for me.

I always associated ADHD with kids running riot and out of control at school

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I recently spent time with my friends sister, who works as an art therapist and half way through the evening she turned to me and asked if I had ADHD... My friend jumped in immediately and said on no, she doesn't ... But since then its been rolling around my head and now I'm getting loads of tiktoks with '5 ADHD things blah blah blah' and i can identify with most of them - someone mentioned an online test you can do? I don't think i need treatment, its just been more of an a-ha moment for me.

I always associated ADHD with kids running riot and out of control at school "

Many things traits behaviours are overlooked and being overlooked.

And much has come to light in forums,the internet and the world daily esp in the last 3 years ,moveing on more will appear so.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oco_marsWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

I was recently referred for assessment. There are some days when it feels like a superpower and some days I realise how much this has affected me over the years and feel really quite low about it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

"I was recently referred for assessment. There are some days when it feels like a superpower and some days I realise how much this has affected me over the years and feel really quite low about it."

When you can hyperfocus on something you need to do it's great. Every other time you're dragging yourself through life. Wading through waste deep treacle just to get the simplest task done.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oco_marsWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

"I was recently referred for assessment. There are some days when it feels like a superpower and some days I realise how much this has affected me over the years and feel really quite low about it.

When you can hyperfocus on something you need to do it's great. Every other time you're dragging yourself through life. Wading through waste deep treacle just to get the simplest task done."

You got it in one!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"I was recently referred for assessment. There are some days when it feels like a superpower and some days I realise how much this has affected me over the years and feel really quite low about it."

I think that many reassess and review their life and see how it affected them. For some that might be a week, others will take much longer.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always associated ADHD with kids running riot and out of control at school "

I thought the very same. So much is still misunderstood about the Mind and Brain. What in embedded within it esp from childhood,into out Adult lives,whch affects us Daily!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asty tatsyMan
over a year ago

london

I have an assessment next month for it, everyone thought I had it as a kid but wasn’t diagnosed. Adult life I was actually a lot better until a few years ago it hit me like a brick wall, days go by where I feel I have just day dreamed the whole day. Some days are better than others, I think the tiredness gets to me the most though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m pretty sure I have undiagnosed something or other. I have done several online assessments and they all come back with indication of autism but I have always functioned well, better than average at work. It’s in the social sphere it becomes more apparent.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tussy75Man
over a year ago

haddington

I was diagnosed 4 years ago. It probably explains my high sex drive and fetishes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found out a few months ago that the reason my whole life has been (and continues to be) a hot mess, is because it's *highly* likely that I have ADHD.

I've spoken to two women in my job who were diagnosed late.

I've entered perimenopause, which is said to make the symptoms of ADHD worse, newsflash, it has.

Obviously, I've done a lot of research and although I constantly have imposter syndrome, I have to get assessed as I just can't live in chaos (emotionally and physically) any longer.

Posting this here might seem odd but I'm hoping this forum will have open minded people, who will be compassionate and understanding.

If I'm diagnosed (I believe I will be) It will make a lot or sense with regards to my emotional dysregulation and chaotic sexual adventures.

I wonder how many of us live our lives feeling like we're on the outside looking in, due to being undiagnosed.

Please be kind in your replies.

I'm going through a tough time.

Hugs (virtual will do) would be appreciated!

Thank you for reading

I know how you feel, all tests that you can do prior to the long fight for a recognized diagnosis indicate ADHD here.

Stay strong xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found out a few months ago that the reason my whole life has been (and continues to be) a hot mess, is because it's *highly* likely that I have ADHD.

I've spoken to two women in my job who were diagnosed late.

I've entered perimenopause, which is said to make the symptoms of ADHD worse, newsflash, it has.

Obviously, I've done a lot of research and although I constantly have imposter syndrome, I have to get assessed as I just can't live in chaos (emotionally and physically) any longer.

Posting this here might seem odd but I'm hoping this forum will have open minded people, who will be compassionate and understanding.

If I'm diagnosed (I believe I will be) It will make a lot or sense with regards to my emotional dysregulation and chaotic sexual adventures.

I wonder how many of us live our lives feeling like we're on the outside looking in, due to being undiagnosed.

Please be kind in your replies.

I'm going through a tough time.

Hugs (virtual will do) would be appreciated!

Thank you for reading

Before anybidy can understand us. We have to know ourselves abit better.

Plus society has no time for anybody in this day and age.

Like the wookie tune " life is a Battle "

Keep chin up,and help yourself,and set you free.

Peace.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm on a waiting list to get tested for ADD.

It's like a 6 month wait and then another 7 for treatment to start if diagnosed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

"
in answer to your first sentence fools put a cross in a box marked tory and they just cut cut cut wasnt this bad 16 years ago when dealing with my sons Adhd .trying to get help for my cousins child with the same condition is a nightmare the mental and physicriatry health systems have been gutted and are a shadow of what they were

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread