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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!) " Thank god your back Oh wise one can you tell us Who looking at wonko profile | |||
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"What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given? X" If you aren't in bed by 10:30, you might as well go home | |||
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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!) Thank god your back Oh wise one can you tell us Who looking at wonko profile " Mostly researchers from Sydney University, plus some Facebook employees. Only to be expected now that its publicly traded and everything! | |||
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"Tell me... Why do I bother? " Because you are worth it | |||
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"Thank goodness! I've been in need of enlightenment for ages! Oh Jennie the Omniscient... where can I find someone to bring me coffee all day without wanting anything in return? "I hear that Lincoln is a good bet! | |||
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"Thank goodness! I've been in need of enlightenment for ages! Oh Jennie the Omniscient... where can I find someone to bring me coffee all day without wanting anything in return?
I hear that Lincoln is a good bet!"Abraham? | |||
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"Why is Guernsey the least happening place in the world on the swinging/kink scene? "That's because Lord Egbett the Vanilla, warden of the Cinque Ports in 1537 passed a law making it unlawful for any person in The Channrl Islands to 'consort wyth any others in any manner that would offend any mynister fo the cloth'. True fact. Is the law | |||
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"Why do I have a tin of magnolia paint in my hallway?" Because a certain friend of yours is more monochromatic than their username would suggest. You can always use it as a door stop | |||
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"I had a wank last night and right hand fell asleep mid stroke....why me??" You forgot to tighten the wrist nuts. Rookie error | |||
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"How did NASA capture an image of light from a Black Hole?" They used a really really big camera | |||
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"Hello Jennifer. Do you know where my mojo has got to, and how I can get it back? " Christ if your mojo gone there not a lot of hope for the rest of us . | |||
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"Hello Jennifer. Do you know where my mojo has got to, and how I can get it back? " It got shoved down the back of your sofa by the same goblin that comes in the house every night and takes the car keys off the hook, putting them in a place you definitely didnt leave them. | |||
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"How did NASA capture an image of light from a Black Hole? They used a really really big camera"  | |||
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"What are the winning numbers for Saturdays lottery? " And Friday's Euromillons while you at it too please. | |||
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"In quantum physics, how do I calculate the probability of a mu+ / mu- interaction? Also, why am I feeling pissed and horny tonight but there's no wonen queuing up for a shag with me?" Apply the magnolia coefficient. Pissed and horny are known to frequently coexist and to mutually amplify think of it as a oooft + interaction. As for availability of willing partners, shit happens. | |||
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"Dear Jennie, I’m a little bit behind on my television viewing. So…..who shot JR Ewing? " It was Kristen Ewning, Sue-Ellen's sister | |||
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"What are the winning numbers for Saturdays lottery? " There will be six of them (plus a bonus) All will be an integer between 1 and 50 | |||
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"What are the winning numbers for Saturdays lottery? And Friday's Euromillons while you at it too please." Please see answer above | |||
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"Dear Jennie, I’m a little bit behind on my television viewing. So…..who shot JR Ewing? It was Kristen Ewning, Sue-Ellen's sister"  Thank you Jennie.
Damn…..I put a bet on Ken Barnes…..  | |||
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"Thank goodness! I've been in need of enlightenment for ages! Oh Jennie the Omniscient... where can I find someone to bring me coffee all day without wanting anything in return?
I hear that Lincoln is a good bet!
Abraham?"Yeah.... but only if you want an Americano | |||
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"Dear Jennie, I’m a little bit behind on my television viewing. So…..who shot JR Ewing? It was Kristen Ewning, Sue-Ellen's sister Thank you Jennie.
Damn…..I put a bet on Ken Barnes….. "But then it turned out Bobby dreamt it all. Ray Krebbs got involved somewhere too | |||
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"Will there be more cleavage than creps on my first club visit of 2023?" Massively more. It will be greasy cleavage central | |||
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"Why do I have a tin of magnolia paint in my hallway? Because a certain friend of yours is more monochromatic than their username would suggest. You can always use it as a door stop" •  | |||
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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!)" So oracle I've taken the red pill and I want to plunge deeper into the swinging rabbit hole. Can you please tell me when my next meet will be please? X | |||
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"Dear Jenny, In Esping Anderson’s seminal masterpiece “Three Worlds of Welfare Capitalism “ why did he classify Japan as a conservative regime when even the average layman can see that he it’s a Confucian state? And perhaps more even more pressing a question, why am I even bothered?" Because Japanese conservatism seeks to uphold traditional family structures and social values above all else, which is more suited to the definition of political conservatism than religious conservatism. Whilst confucianism, zen and other budhist dogmas have no doubt influenced Japanese culture, the main driver of traditional values is tradition itself rather than religious tradition. | |||
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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!) So oracle I've taken the red pill and I want to plunge deeper into the swinging rabbit hole. Can you please tell me when my next meet will be please? X" You can't plunge into a swinging hole ... rabbit or otherwise. Wait till it stops moving, then jump in. | |||
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"jennie your a book of knowledge x" Jennie the Omniscient knows all | |||
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"Is an oracle a little boat made of skin and branches ? " Yes. Particularly from the skin of elderly ladies and the various closed branches of sundry High Street banks. They are shit boats. | |||
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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!) So oracle I've taken the red pill and I want to plunge deeper into the swinging rabbit hole. Can you please tell me when my next meet will be please? X You can't plunge into a swinging hole ... rabbit or otherwise. Wait till it stops moving, then jump in." Thank oh wise one, the all knowing one. I shall contemplate your words of wisdom x | |||
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"Is an oracle a little boat made of skin and branches ? Yes. Particularly from the skin of elderly ladies and the various closed branches of sundry High Street banks. They are shit boats." To carry shit in ? | |||
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"Is an oracle a little boat made of skin and branches ? Yes. Particularly from the skin of elderly ladies and the various closed branches of sundry High Street banks. They are shit boats. To carry shit in ?" Indeed. But not much ... they are usually quite small | |||
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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!) So oracle I've taken the red pill and I want to plunge deeper into the swinging rabbit hole. Can you please tell me when my next meet will be please? X You can't plunge into a swinging hole ... rabbit or otherwise. Wait till it stops moving, then jump in. Thank oh wise one, the all knowing one. I shall contemplate your words of wisdom x" Happy to help | |||
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"To be or not to be? That is the question" Indeed .. whetherc is nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or by opposing end them. The safe money is on to be. Don't be messing around with all that not to be malarkey | |||
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"In the beginning was the word and the word was with God. What was the word ." Eric | |||
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"Is there life after death." No. We return to our constituent elements. Job done | |||
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"Wtf is going on here?" We have a stranger in paradise | |||
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"Explain paradise " That's jennie job | |||
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"Wtf is going on here?" All the answers are arrayed before you. Jennie the Omniscient is here to share the secrets of the universe. Ask an you shall be Informed Seek and you shall find. Knowledge is yours for the taking | |||
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"Oh Jennie. When will I finally get the particular cock I've been craving for so long?" Bantam Silkies are all in high demand so the waiting list is quite long. Same goes for Polish Frizzels | |||
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"Explain paradise " Paradise is whatever you define it as. It is whatever your heart truly desires. To truly taste paradise, coat dessicated coconut in chocolate. | |||
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"Dear Jenny, In Esping Anderson’s seminal masterpiece “Three Worlds of Welfare Capitalism “ why did he classify Japan as a conservative regime when even the average layman can see that he it’s a Confucian state? And perhaps more even more pressing a question, why am I even bothered? Because Japanese conservatism seeks to uphold traditional family structures and social values above all else, which is more suited to the definition of political conservatism than religious conservatism. Whilst confucianism, zen and other budhist dogmas have no doubt influenced Japanese culture, the main driver of traditional values is tradition itself rather than religious tradition." Thank you oh wise and wonderful one! | |||
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"Jennie you’re up " Well.... You know how it is when the mood takes you. Mind of its own down there ... if you know what I mean? | |||
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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!)" Yay you’re back (finally  ) so tell me Jennie, why is it guys join fab but want and expect an exclusive relationship?  | |||
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"Explain paradise Paradise is whatever you define it as. It is whatever your heart truly desires. To truly taste paradise, coat dessicated coconut in chocolate." Lamingtons!  | |||
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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!) Yay you’re back (finally ) so tell me Jennie, why is it guys join fab but want and expect an exclusive relationship? "Because you are such a catch and once they have you they need no more. That and cos blokes are dicks | |||
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"Explain paradise Paradise is whatever you define it as. It is whatever your heart truly desires. To truly taste paradise, coat dessicated coconut in chocolate. Lamingtons! "If you define paradise as an antipodean rip-off of the Bounty Bar, then yes | |||
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"Explain paradise Paradise is whatever you define it as. It is whatever your heart truly desires. To truly taste paradise, coat dessicated coconut in chocolate. Lamingtons!
If you define paradise as an antipodean rip-off of the Bounty Bar, then yes"I went to the Paradise island that they filmed the bounty advert It rained. | |||
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"winning euromillions numbers for tomotrow please. Please send by Dm, Cant have everyone on fab winning a share of the jackpot. " I refer my right honourable friend to the answer I gave earlier I the thread | |||
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"Explain paradise Paradise is whatever you define it as. It is whatever your heart truly desires. To truly taste paradise, coat dessicated coconut in chocolate. Lamingtons!
If you define paradise as an antipodean rip-off of the Bounty Bar, then yes
I went to the Paradise island that they filmed the bounty advert
It rained."It does that sometimes The coconuts need the water | |||
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"And the Oracle is now closing for the night. Goodnight all xx" but i have a question........ Don't leave me in my hour of need | |||
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"And the Oracle is now closing for the night. Goodnight all xxbut i have a question........ Don't leave me in my hour of need "OK just for you ... a bonus hour or so. What is it you need to know? Any other seekers of knowledge out there? | |||
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"Madame Oracle, how difficult is it to find knowledge, insight, or common sense?" On the whole, extremely. Certain threads on this very site are the perfect illustration. | |||
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"Jenny, why is the one I have never the right fit for the hole? It's either too small and falls out, or it just won't go in to start with? . . . . . . Talking about light bulbs by the way "Because you did not, whist in a lucid interval, plan ahead and stock up. Silly child | |||
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"And the Oracle is now closing for the night. Goodnight all xxbut i have a question........ Don't leave me in my hour of need "Closed again... you snooze, you lose. | |||
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"And the Oracle is now closing for the night. Goodnight all xxbut i have a question........ Don't leave me in my hour of need
OK just for you ... a bonus hour or so. What is it you need to know?
Any other seekers of knowledge out there? "lol thats almost 24 hours later I've forgotten what i was going to ask now  | |||
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"Of the 4 plans I have for this coming week, how many of them will come to fruition and how many will life scupper for me?" 2 on 2 off. But make sure the water to the outside tap is turned off. It's going to get cold again next week and you don't want a burst pipe interfering with number 3 (number 3 is a hottie... oooft) | |||
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"Beloved oracle, why do problems only resolve themselves after I panic?" Because you prevaricate UNTIL you start panicking znd it is the anxiety of the panic that provokes you into action. Panic earlier, that way the problems get resolved sooner! | |||
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"Is it acceptable to rule people out of meeting based on them not liking cheese?" Not only acceptable, but desirable. Except for goats cheese, obvs. | |||
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"How long is a peice of string " It stretches exactly from one end to the other | |||
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"Is it acceptable to rule people out of meeting based on them not liking cheese? Not only acceptable, but desirable. Except for goats cheese, obvs." Yeah that’s gross | |||
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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!)" I need to get my cock wet...should I choose shower or bath? | |||
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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!) I need to get my cock wet...should I choose shower or bath?" Wet wipe. | |||
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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!) I need to get my cock wet...should I choose shower or bath? Wet wipe." Chaffing!! | |||
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"Its been a while, but, for one night only ..... ____________________________ Jennifer the omniscient is back. Ask her anything, and the answer shall be yours. Jennifer knows all. No subject too obscure (although her quantum physics is a bit rusty!) I need to get my cock wet...should I choose shower or bath? Wet wipe. Chaffing!!" A delightful village in rural Leicestershire | |||
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"I'm going to watch a movie a few good men should i or should i go out? "The truth is, watch the film. But .... "You can't handle the truth" | |||
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"Oh Mystic Jen Where can I purchase a winning scratch card? " You know the co-op? No not the one next to the chippy, the other one. Yeah. Go there. | |||
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"Can I go to bed now? Yes. Night night" Thank you oracle | |||
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"Should I check my credit card statement or leave it well alone? " Ignore it. You will find out how much you have spent when it gets declined. | |||
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"Oh Mystic Jen Where can I purchase a winning scratch card? You know the co-op? No not the one next to the chippy, the other one. Yeah. Go there." I’m on the way. If I don’t win I’m reporting you to trading standards | |||
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"Oh Mystic Jen Where can I purchase a winning scratch card? You know the co-op? No not the one next to the chippy, the other one. Yeah. Go there. I’m on the way. If I don’t win I’m reporting you to trading standards " Be quick. The winning card is the next one on the roll | |||
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"Someone suggested I get my cock wet with wetwipes yesterday and now my tip is burning ... Soothing suggestions please??" A cold compress and chamomile lotion. Boring I know, but shit happens. | |||
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"Oh Jennifer the Omniscient, I have a tv sitting in the corner of my room. Please tell me how to remove her because it’s disconcerting having her there whilst I try to sleep. Thank you. M" A mirror in the spare room. One with those film star dressing room lights around it. TVs can't resist a mirror. Oh some sequins too. Sequins are like TV catnip | |||
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"I'm going to watch a movie a few good men should i or should i go out?
The truth is, watch the film.
But .... "You can't handle the truth""lol whats the truth? | |||
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"I'm going to watch a movie a few good men should i or should i go out?
The truth is, watch the film.
But .... "You can't handle the truth""I'm watching the movie its on one of its many breaks | |||
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"Do you know what really happen at Dyatlov pass incident in 1959 " Slab avalanche caused them to panic and slash their way out of the back of the tent. | |||
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"Does reincarnation make timetravel to the past impossible, if you could go to the past you could theoretically meet you past self in another incarnation and how would this effect reality if quantum mechanics state that reality does't excist?" It would if it were real. However as we are all just a complex collection of carbon molecules held together by electrical impulses, there is nothing to reincarnate. | |||
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"Do you know what really happen at Dyatlov pass incident in 1959 Slab avalanche caused them to panic and slash their way out of the back of the tent." That explained it then if only they had you back then | |||
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"I'm going to watch a movie a few good men should i or should i go out?
The truth is, watch the film.
But .... "You can't handle the truth"lol whats the truth? "Jack Nicholson will tell you near the end | |||
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"Oh Jennifer the Omniscient, I have a tv sitting in the corner of my room. Please tell me how to remove her because it’s disconcerting having her there whilst I try to sleep. Thank you. M A mirror in the spare room. One with those film star dressing room lights around it. TVs can't resist a mirror. Oh some sequins too. Sequins are like TV catnip" It’s so obvious when it has been pointed out. Thank you, Omniscient one. | |||
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"Do you know what really happen at Dyatlov pass incident in 1959 Slab avalanche caused them to panic and slash their way out of the back of the tent. That explained it then if only they had you back then " If only | |||
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"Dear Jennie, Why oh why does Mascara cost so much?" Because beauty is priceless. | |||
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"Oh Jennifer the Omniscient, I have a tv sitting in the corner of my room. Please tell me how to remove her because it’s disconcerting having her there whilst I try to sleep. Thank you. M A mirror in the spare room. One with those film star dressing room lights around it. TVs can't resist a mirror. Oh some sequins too. Sequins are like TV catnip It’s so obvious when it has been pointed out. Thank you, Omniscient one." You are welcome. Enjoy your sleep | |||
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"I'm going to watch a movie a few good men should i or should i go out?
The truth is, watch the film.
But .... "You can't handle the truth"lol whats the truth?
Jack Nicholson will tell you near the end"I love Jack Nicholson great actor | |||
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"I'm going to watch a movie a few good men should i or should i go out?
The truth is, watch the film.
But .... "You can't handle the truth"lol whats the truth?
Jack Nicholson will tell you near the endI love Jack Nicholson great actor "Agreed | |||
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"I'm going to watch a movie a few good men should i or should i go out?
The truth is, watch the film.
But .... "You can't handle the truth"lol whats the truth?
Jack Nicholson will tell you near the endI love Jack Nicholson great actor
Agreed"" standing there looking like faggots in your white uniforms" It was a controversial film | |||
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"I'm going to watch a movie a few good men should i or should i go out?
The truth is, watch the film.
But .... "You can't handle the truth"lol whats the truth?
Jack Nicholson will tell you near the endI love Jack Nicholson great actor
Agreed" standing there looking like faggots in your white uniforms" It was a controversial film "It was of its time | |||
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"I'm going to watch a movie a few good men should i or should i go out?
The truth is, watch the film.
But .... "You can't handle the truth"lol whats the truth?
Jack Nicholson will tell you near the endI love Jack Nicholson great actor
Agreed" standing there looking like faggots in your white uniforms" It was a controversial film
It was of its time"true | |||
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"I'm going to watch a movie a few good men should i or should i go out?
The truth is, watch the film.
But .... "You can't handle the truth"lol whats the truth?
Jack Nicholson will tell you near the endI love Jack Nicholson great actor
Agreed" standing there looking like faggots in your white uniforms" It was a controversial film
It was of its timetrue "Of course. Jennie knows all | |||
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"Dear Jennie. I feel I may have gotten a reputation for being a cheese whore. Should I try and rebrand myself as something else or embrace the cheddar? " Drop the cheese part and you'll fit in just fine. | |||
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"Dear Jennie. I feel I may have gotten a reputation for being a cheese whore. Should I try and rebrand myself as something else or embrace the cheddar? Drop the cheese part and you'll fit in just fine." Thanks Jennie I’ll try and keep it in check | |||
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"Dear Jennie. I feel I may have gotten a reputation for being a cheese whore. Should I try and rebrand myself as something else or embrace the cheddar? Drop the cheese part and you'll fit in just fine. Thanks Jennie I’ll try and keep it in check "Be a gouda girl | |||
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"Dear Jennie. I feel I may have gotten a reputation for being a cheese whore. Should I try and rebrand myself as something else or embrace the cheddar? Drop the cheese part and you'll fit in just fine. Thanks Jennie I’ll try and keep it in check
Be a gouda girl "Get out! | |||
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"Hi Jennie what’s the correct oil to petrol ratio for my strimmer now spring is on it’s way I’m looking at servicing it I think it was running a bit rich last year as it smoked a bit " Almost fab male to female odds 50:1 | |||
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"Dear Jennie. I feel I may have gotten a reputation for being a cheese whore. Should I try and rebrand myself as something else or embrace the cheddar? Drop the cheese part and you'll fit in just fine. Thanks Jennie I’ll try and keep it in check
Be a gouda girl "Hahaha! | |||
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"Hi Jennie what’s the correct oil to petrol ratio for my strimmer now spring is on it’s way I’m looking at servicing it I think it was running a bit rich last year as it smoked a bit " 40:1 should do it. I do have fond memories of a two stroke. (Oo err) | |||
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"Hi Jennie what’s the correct oil to petrol ratio for my strimmer now spring is on it’s way I’m looking at servicing it I think it was running a bit rich last year as it smoked a bit Almost fab male to female odds 50:1" Oi Wonko! This is Jennie the Omniscient's thread. Ok? | |||
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"What is the solution to men?" Shoot them 
No….wait!  | |||
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"What is the solution to men?" Solution as in a liquid with something dissolved in it? You mean like a way to dispose of the bodies? | |||
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"What is the solution to men? Solution as in a liquid with something dissolved in it? You mean like a way to dispose of the bodies?" I didn't mean like Final Solution, yeesh | |||
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"What is the solution to men?" Sulphuric acid. That or a pair of killer heels and some lippy | |||
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"How do I get rid of the massive fly that’s appeared from nowhere and is buzzing around my bedroom sounding like 617 squadron on exercise?" Install teeny tiny anti aircraft guns. That or fill the room with spiders | |||
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"What is the solution to men? Sulphuric acid. That or a pair of killer heels and some lippy " You people are brutal | |||
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"What is the solution to men? Solution as in a liquid with something dissolved in it? You mean like a way to dispose of the bodies? I didn't mean like Final Solution, yeesh "See my reply below.... We are on a similar page | |||
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"Dear Jennie, I have developed a rather worrying addiction for Don ‘The Dragon’ Wilson films. I know they’re utterly shit but just can’t stop watching them. I’m too cheap to pay for Psychoanalysis so who should I replace him with to fulfil my shit flix fix needs? "Shit flix is a very specialist genre. Whatever you do don't type it into Pornh*b! I recommend searching for Icetastrophe so shit it's genius | |||
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"What is the solution to men?" • Don't be ridiculous, ferret  .
Without men you wouldn't have 'opause, the 'strual cycle and lack any 'tality. | |||
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"What is the solution to men? • Don't be ridiculous, ferret .
Without men you wouldn't have 'opause, the 'strual cycle and lack any 'tality."Well the first two can fuck off... | |||
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"Dear Jennie, I have developed a rather worrying addiction for Don ‘The Dragon’ Wilson films. I know they’re utterly shit but just can’t stop watching them. I’m too cheap to pay for Psychoanalysis so who should I replace him with to fulfil my shit flix fix needs?
Shit flix is a very specialist genre. Whatever you do don't type it into Pornh*b!
I recommend searching for Icetastrophe so shit it's genius"Thank you Jennie  That sounds right up my street | |||
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"Dear Jennie, I have developed a rather worrying addiction for Don ‘The Dragon’ Wilson films. I know they’re utterly shit but just can’t stop watching them. I’m too cheap to pay for Psychoanalysis so who should I replace him with to fulfil my shit flix fix needs?
Shit flix is a very specialist genre. Whatever you do don't type it into Pornh*b!
I recommend searching for Icetastrophe so shit it's genius
Thank you Jennie That sounds right up my street "(Seriously you will thank me) | |||
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