FabSwingers.com forum: Being you.

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"If we all mirrored each other and smothered our personalities it'd make for a very dull world.

Let me see your colours."

Yep, it's inspired by another thread. So - how comfortable are you with being you to other people? Warts and all. Do you find it easy to be yourself?

How good are you at accepting another person for who they are? Do you place people on a pedestal and find yourself meh when they fall short? When it comes to Fab - do you prefer to keep some distance/have more of a fantasy feel to meeting new people?

(I'll go back to talking about sex tomorrow)

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm very accepting of others, I quite like their faults and annoyances. In fact I welcome them even in people I don't like.

Myself though... Past experience has always had me slightly reserved from being totally open to allowing me to feel accepted. I'm not ashamed of how I see or do things. But the struggle to feel it won't turn people away is always there.

I don't require people to like me, I don't care what people think to a point, but I do like to feel like how the person I feel I am comes across.

I don't misrepresent myself, what you see on the forum is 100% true to me BUT I don't show all I am either, there is more to me than what people see on the forum and only a few select people will get to see more of my true self.

I'm not 100% sure I answered the question but there we have it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not at all, most of time I get judged by how straight forward I’m with other people , what I assume put most off to continue talking. Do I care ? No, but I used to take this to a heart,but now? Im not here to please anyone(if it isn’t sexual desire) With other people, I don’t judge, I’m supportive whatever you decide to do,but if I get gut feeling about someone,I’m out and never looking back.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It took me a long time to accept myself and show the world who I am but I am here now and I won’t go back….ever.

Power !!!

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I'm overly polite but always the one to ask inappropriate questions, my mouth opens before I speak, I don't really care, it's just genuine fascination although I should learn to think before I speak sometimes.

The Mr says I'm the type to polite someone to death, in always myself maybe a shyer version at times but I wouldn't know how to be anything other than me, people either like or dislike me and it's all good.

Mrs

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Not the slightest bit comfortable being me.

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By *.T.Man
over a year ago

Belfast

I have many faults, my body is slowly falling apart, looks wise I'm not the prettiest however I gave up trying to be what I think people want (in all areas of life) and concentrate on being myself.

Work has broken me physically several times and mentally once. Fab (and a specific woman) broke me mentally once. Life has on occasion thrown me a bum deal, yet on the whole I've had a great life.

I am a people pleaser by nature but I have to remember to look after myself and accept myself for who I am.

I ain't perfect. But I'm me. I'm content with that.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

I am 100% unashamedly, unabashedly me. Here or elsewhere. I am a little bit of a chameleon where I can fit in with most people/groups, but am always true to myself. Like it or lump it, I’m afraid. I’m very clear what I do & don’t want .

To the point where quite recently I’ve been pushed to the limits of my comfort zone. Rather than shying away from it - I’ve openly said it’s new & uncomfortable. And I’m embracing the changes. I’m a curious soul and am enjoying my voyage of self discovery.

Make of that what you will

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From a slightly different angle but same topic:

I have been astounded, charmed and encouraged by the level of acceptance I have found on fab.

After (literally) decades of self doubt, denial and at times self loathing, I have found that fab and especially the forums have assisted my self confidence and self acceptance to grow exponentially!

For this reason I try to be as encouraging and accepting as I can. What comes around ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m honest with my and other people. I’m exactly as it says on the tin.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I'm unashamedly me. I tend to see things a bit differently to the masses - I'm eternally curious and like to know the where's and why for's, and to question things. Some people don't like this, they're comfortable just accepting things and don't like that I upset the status quo. Like me or don't like me - I could only change that by being fake, and I'm not about to do that for anyone.

That's not to say I'm eternally disruptive though, I'm a stickler for proper manners.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I'm always just me, people either like the way I am or they don't and I usually make people feel at ease so they can be themselves around me also.

It's got to be draining to act differently than just being yourself I reckon.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I'm always just me, people either like the way I am or they don't and I usually make people feel at ease so they can be themselves around me also.

It's got to be draining to act differently than just being yourself I reckon. "

I was going to post but this sums it up perfectly for me too ^

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

I struggled for years with being me in a few ways that are pertinent to life around here. The bi/pan thing, I've always been that. That wasn't an issue, really. It was logical to me, so I didn't ever question it. Girls are pretty. Boys are pretty too. Y'know?

The Aro thing, though? Never really read a classic novel that romanticises aromantic tendancies. They don't write songs about it really. There's no billboard advertisement telling you to buy perfume for a friend, or for yourself. Art isn't inspired by what I felt and society reflected it: I can walk down a street and see how geared our social narrative is to coupling up in a hundred ways that others never would. A few points, in my twenties, I actively tried to go against what I felt. Didn't go great for me. Probably lost some friendships I couldn't hope time would fix up.

My thirties has been almost a constant management of my me-isms, now. Literally: since my 30th birthday. That's a whole story, though.

I think I'm comfortable with me, now. I like to think it mostly shows when I'm around people, on my decent days.

I can be better.

But I know I can be way worse.

Most days, I can tell the balance is way into the side it should be.

...also I don't apologise for waffles pal, nor should you.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm a version of myself with everyone. Not everyone sees the same version.

I try and accept other people for who they are, not always successfully.

If I wasy actual, authentic self with everyone I wouldn't have many friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm always just me, people either like the way I am or they don't and I usually make people feel at ease so they can be themselves around me also.

It's got to be draining to act differently than just being yourself I reckon. "

I can confirm it was physically, mentally and emotionally draining. Not to mention confusing as fuck. It’s like a literal weight has been lifted from my life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It took me 48 years to accept who I was , I’m not really bothered about what others think as I deal with the biggest critic which is myself, the world needs to understand we are all human beings , we all have our faults but it’s them quirks which make everyone of us the beautiful people we are

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

""If we all mirrored each other and smothered our personalities it'd make for a very dull world.

Let me see your colours."

Yep, it's inspired by another thread. So - how comfortable are you with being you to other people? Warts and all. Do you find it easy to be yourself?

(I'll go back to talking about sex tomorrow)"

Good question Meli!

Personally, I hate everything about me. And I mean that. There is literally nothing about my body that I like, or my weird brain and the responses it pushes out to the world.

I used to allow that to rule my confidence. But in recent years I’ve learned to accept myself for who I am and now I unashamedly put myself on t’internet for all you filthy perverts to see.

What is a continual battle is the feeling of coming a distant second to the bod gods on fab. That is entirely on me. I know all that matters is what I think, and that I could very easily get my body into that shape if I chose, but it’s an ever present reminder of how I feel about my body.

That’s not a whinge or criticism of anyone/anything, I hasten to add. It’s just how I feel.

As for others, I find it very easy to accept people for who they are. I can only assume that comes from how I see myself. I don’t look for physical or mental perfection, I’m usually attracted by something like a smile, kind eyes, playfulness etc.

That being said, I am guilty of occasionally placing people on a pedestal and it’s soooooo hard to come back from that. I am currently struggling with how to manage that with one fellow Fabber and I hope I’ll get past it.

As for connecting with people, I like to chat and meet. I’ve got some great online friends who I may never meet, and that’s fine - it’s a nice supplement to meeting, but if I fancy someone and we get on, I don’t want that to stay a fantasy.

Christ, what a long waffle!! I am a positive person, I promise

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I love who I am, and I do my best to not hide any of it, even the parts I think are ugly.

If anything I'm too forgiving of other people's flaws, though absolutely refuse to give myself any leeway on my own.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

If I told my 16 year old self what I would do with my life and think he’d have said cool - lets get started!! So im pretty comfy in my skin… just as well cos im stuck with it

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By *mooth8Man
over a year ago

s hertfordshire

i like to be me

what you see is what you get

if you you think im likely fake

you're gonna loose you bet.

i like to meet up with couples

and genuine ones at that

unfortunately there are a few

who turn out to be a twat.

i like to meet a lady

whos fun and maybe fit

if i like her a lot

i like to touch her tit.

i might be your wife i fancy

or it maybe your children's nanny

but as long as she likes me

ill happily touch her fanny.

so to all the many time wasters

and all whos life is drab

you need to loosen up a bit

and enjoy the life on Fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very guarded when it comes to meeting new people. I like to feel them out and see what their personality is like so I can determine whether I like them or not and if I want to let my personality show more. If I do like them, I tend to become less guarded and more myself which I think (hope) leads to them liking me more and letting a friendship blossom from there.

To be honest though, I think that's just me being insecure so that I'm the one in control of whether things move forward as I'd rather not like them than they not like me if I'm myself from the jump if that makes sense?

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I have a very open, empathetic and (surprisingly to some

warm personality when meeting people face to face.

On here, I have learnt over the years to be more cautious, reducing self disclosure to a minimum until I can be sure the person is genuine (usually that means after meeting somebody in the flesh). Despite the many really pleasant and lovely people on here, there are some less pleasant people as well - just like in real life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a subject close to my heart as I've masked for decades. As far as my thoughts and feelings go, I'm pretty open, but physically there is an almost constant conscious effort to express myself in a socially acceptable way. Being taught that my autistic self isn't appropriate for public viewing kinda messes you up. Dropping the mask is a daunting prospect, and I only completely do it with very trusted people. Oddly, my stress stims are easier for people to cope with, but my happy stims make people very uncomfortable. Nobody seems to want to see a middle aged woman clapping her hands and doing little joyful jigs. I probably come across as very reserved as I have to quash those physical impulses and it leaves me sort of frozen looking.

Nell

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm very accepting of others, I quite like their faults and annoyances. In fact I welcome them even in people I don't like.

I don't require people to like me, I don't care what people think to a point, but I do like to feel like how the person I feel I am comes across.

I'm not 100% sure I answered the question but there we have it. "

You answered it perfectly - there wasn't a set way per se, it was more curiosity as to how we feel about ourselves. Others.

I'm sorry to read about the struggle to feel it won't turn people away - it's a crappy feeling isn't it? It means you have some little walls up and you're not fully you.

The forum representation - it's of a snapshot of who we are at one particular moment in time isn't it? I don't think everyone is fully themselves on the forum, we're so multifaceted it's not possible to be. Add in our biases when we read others and I think... it's not us. Not fully anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends on the situation you are in. If you are with people very close to you then you're more likely to open up about everything. If you're with strangers then you're likely to be more guarded and take it carefully.

On here I'm always true to myself and say what I honestly think so others can judge me on that - not that Im seeking validation. I think it's very hard to be something that you're not and to maintain that. There's a song by Sammy Davis jnr called I've gotta be me, which resonates with me.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It took me a long time to accept myself and show the world who I am but I am here now and I won’t go back….ever.

Power !!!

This is beautiful Jamie, it must not have been an easy journey but you've done it - don't go back. The you are today is a testament to your determination and epicness x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I generally find it pretty easy to be myself with others, even with new people I've just met.

Partly it's from having overcome the shyness that defined my early years (Which my profile gallery suggests I may have overcorrected), bust mostly it's due to the realisation that I have nothing to gain from people who don't appreciate me for who I am.

There are deeper sides of me you have to earn, but what is offered to begin with is pretty much a case of what you see is what you get.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

That’s deep….

I can only be me, so it’s pointless over thinking it or trying to be someone else. But I can strive to be the best version of me and close friends have permission to help me.

Others - I don’t really notice their faults, I tune in to the things I like, and like myself, just accept everyone has flaws and is a work in progress.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deep breath for this one....

I have had challenges in life like everyone does.

Mine started at the age of 10. Got to a very dark place and I spent 20 years either climbing back out of that pit or resolving all the events and reasons I ended up there.

When I lifted my head I was in a bad marriage with 4 kids and another 10 years soon passed.

Since then, I have looked around and watched everyone close to me as they reached for their dreams and gave their needs priority.

I am a very empathetic person and would not wish it otherwise. But it wearies me to lose myself to the needs of others. I have spent too long undoing the harm done by others and I resolved to make my needs matter. Not to the detriment of my kids obv but my needs matter. I matter.

I am as resilient a person as you will ever meet. I get hurt. I can be devastated. I be weary often. I stumble and fall in life. But I get back up.

Every. Fucking. Time.

I have wants and needs and likes to satisfy and by god I'm going to.

I have no time to waste. I lost decades to others. I have a clock bigger than BigBen in the depths of me urging me on. No time to waste on fakes or BS or self-delusion.

I'm honest. I'm loyal. I'm blunt. I'm the best friend you could ever hope for. And the worst enemy you could ever dream up.

If you've hit rock bottom. If you've been tested and forged from these kinds of experiences, petty shit rolls past you and people or words or deeds of low integrity can't hurt you.

I have a big life to live. If you can't or won't enjoy it and live it with me then step aside, this train is gathering speed

I no longer give people chance after chance. I set out my likes, wants & needs and am honest about what I am content to give and content to receive in return.

If my path is not theirs I will leave them to their path and journey on.

I'm not needy. I'm keen. I'm enthusiastic for this life I seek.

Like me, or don't.

Join me, or don't.

I'm grateful for all I have and all I have overcome. I'm happy to have the privileges that I do and acknowledge the lives much worse than mine. I'm here. I'm breathing. I have my children and our security.

Hello to all.... this is me

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By *ilBWoman
over a year ago

West Midlands

"This is a subject close to my heart as I've masked for decades. As far as my thoughts and feelings go, I'm pretty open, but physically there is an almost constant conscious effort to express myself in a socially acceptable way. Being taught that my autistic self isn't appropriate for public viewing kinda messes you up. Dropping the mask is a daunting prospect, and I only completely do it with very trusted people. Oddly, my stress stims are easier for people to cope with, but my happy stims make people very uncomfortable. Nobody seems to want to see a middle aged woman clapping her hands and doing little joyful jigs. I probably come across as very reserved as I have to quash those physical impulses and it leaves me sort of frozen looking.

Nell"

2 things:

I hope you never cover any inner or outer Pixie girl around me

I would love to see more clapping happy, it's the best, so underrated

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By *ilBWoman
over a year ago

West Midlands

"I struggled for years with being me in a few ways that are pertinent to life around here. The bi/pan thing, I've always been that. That wasn't an issue, really. It was logical to me, so I didn't ever question it. Girls are pretty. Boys are pretty too. Y'know?

My thirties has been almost a constant management of my me-isms, now. Literally: since my 30th birthday. That's a whole story, though.

I think I'm comfortable with me, now. I like to think it mostly shows when I'm around people, on my decent days.

I can be better.

But I know I can be way worse.

Most days, I can tell the balance is way into the side it should be.

...also I don't apologise for waffles pal, nor should you.

And this made me cry..eff you.

That's twice you've done that today.

The only "you" I know is a beautiful human in every aspect and that's just so "you"

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I don't mind when people have self doubts and issues because everyone does.

I no longer have the energy or inclination to help or support everyone who crosses my path though.

Those energies are reserved for family and close friends.

One of the reasons my circle of friends is small is because I've had too many people in the past use and abuse my friendship and specifically the fact that I'm always the strong one that everyone turns to.

Within the confines of fab there are very few that I can be myself with because my experiences here have turned me into a cynic in regards to human nature and more specifically the nature of some which is not deserving of respect.

I've never subscribed to the "fab is a supportive community" BS because lip service is so prevalent here and more often than not people are doing the exact opposite to what they preach in the forums.

I have been lucky to meet an amazing FWB through fab and we trust each other implicitly and I can be myself without hesitation in her company.

Unfortunately other lovely people have felt the need to use my friendship to feather their own nest and to climb the fab ladder.

For that reason I know I have seen the real them and not the fake personas they present on here.

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

I can’t be anyone but me. I’ve been very honest about my life on the forums and I’m sure some would think it’s too much, over share, or it’s pushed some people away, but hey ho.

Strangely maybe I sometimes cover up how I feel in real life with family and friends, with the old ‘I’m ok’ reply. Sometimes it’s easier to paint the smile on than opening up and feeling vulnerable face to face.

I try and keep part of myself & my heart guarded as it’s already been through the worst heartbreak imaginable and I’m not sure it could take any more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I’m made to feel comfortable I can relax and be myself, if not then I can come across as quiet.

But I do try to be accepting to others, like most people I guess, the only time I’m not is if they are being a massive cockwomble!!

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By *itvclaireTV/TS
over a year ago

Birmingham

I'd like to think I'm myself with everyone I meet. What you see with me is what you get. One thing I have tried to work out though, and never have is why my female side is more confident than my male side. Guess it's just one of the quirks of my gender fluidity.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I can’t be anyone but me. I’ve been very honest about my life on the forums and I’m sure some would think it’s too much, over share, or it’s pushed some people away, but hey ho.

I try and keep part of myself & my heart guarded as it’s already been through the worst heartbreak imaginable and I’m not sure it could take any more.

You always know where I am if you need a 3rd party to chat to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nell

2 things:

I hope you never cover any inner or outer Pixie girl around me

I would love to see more clapping happy, it's the best, so underrated

Dude, you were right there when I jigged my way around the mini golf course

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