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"*ring ring, ring ring* An emergency at home, you say?! Swift exit " Yes, that could work. Maybe I am overthinking it!  | |||
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"“I’m really sorry but I’ve changed my mind”. " That would be my preferred option but it kind of feels so offensive? | |||
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"Inspired by the thread about getting naked but not wanting to hijack it with a slightly different question. What do you do if you met somebody for a social and that went ok, you then proceed to meeting them again and have a bite to eat, both thinking initially that this is going somewhere but then, for some reason (something that was said or done) you decide that you no longer want to have sex with them. Awkward for sure. How do you get out of that situation, not wanting to cause offense, if you do not want to proceed? Genuine question." Be honest and don't go head .rather than having unforfulling sex. | |||
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"We always state just before a meet that if anyone not comfortable with anything then they have the right to say no even if all others want it to go further. At end of day it needs to be good for all and we always respect that decision "Within a party environment absolutely. In a one to one it just feels so difficult though. | |||
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"Inspired by the thread about getting naked but not wanting to hijack it with a slightly different question. What do you do if you met somebody for a social and that went ok, you then proceed to meeting them again and have a bite to eat, both thinking initially that this is going somewhere but then, for some reason (something that was said or done) you decide that you no longer want to have sex with them. Awkward for sure. How do you get out of that situation, not wanting to cause offense, if you do not want to proceed? Genuine question. Be honest and don't go head .rather than having unforfulling sex. " I agree that would be best because if you do proceed you feel awful after for a number of reasons. | |||
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"Surely either party can just say, sorry but nothing more will happen. We would! " If you are a couple, agreed. More tricky when it is a 1-2-1 though. | |||
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"Be adult about it and just say it like it is." You know I think I could do that but my concern would be about the response I am getting which would not be so "adult"? | |||
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"Does this happen, most men i meet want it to move past a social there and then, I’ve never heard of having a social then meeting for food. Where do I find these strange creatures that want to treat me like more than just a sex doll?! "Sorry maybe I was not explaining it well. So first meeting completely social and quite pleasant. Second meeting includes some food and a drink before moving on. I think I cam answering it myself now - it should be at this point where one could say, actually really enjoyed the social and chat but I am not feeling it. Still awkward as hell but better than going ahead. | |||
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"Be adult about it and just say it like it is.You know I think I could do that but my concern would be about the response I am getting which would not be so "adult"?" If you don't get an adult response back then it proves your instincts were right to not take things further x | |||
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"Be honest with them- it’s your body- don’t make excuses- just tell them as it is. " What would you do if it happened to you? I am curious how a man would respond? Well, some men... | |||
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"Couldn't proceed after eating anyway, i need recovery time. Just be upfront " | |||
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"Does this happen, most men i meet want it to move past a social there and then, I’ve never heard of having a social then meeting for food. Where do I find these strange creatures that want to treat me like more than just a sex doll?! "Rare as they might be we are here  | |||
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"I'd just say your a really nice person but unfortunalty I don't want to take it any further" | |||
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"Be adult about it and just say it like it is.You know I think I could do that but my concern would be about the response I am getting which would not be so "adult"? If you don't get an adult response back then it proves your instincts were right to not take things further x" This | |||
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"I'll just say sorry but I'm not interested in taking this any farther. It's quite simple really if the other person can't take a no then they are not someone I want to meet anyhow. And I don't do pity fucks anymore I admit I did it once and I felt like crap after so now I won't be guilted into fucking someone if I don't actually want to. And I would want someone to be honest with me too than actually just go ahead because they thought it would be too awkward to say no ." Good point because it could also be the other way round, couldn't it? | |||
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"Does this happen, most men i meet want it to move past a social there and then, I’ve never heard of having a social then meeting for food. Where do I find these strange creatures that want to treat me like more than just a sex doll?! Sorry maybe I was not explaining it well. So first meeting completely social and quite pleasant. Second meeting includes some food and a drink before moving on.
I think I cam answering it myself now - it should be at this point where one could say, actually really enjoyed the social and chat but I am not feeling it. Still awkward as hell but better than going ahead. "Thats what I suggested. If they are anything other than disappointed, your instincts were bang on | |||
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"Does this happen, most men i meet want it to move past a social there and then, I’ve never heard of having a social then meeting for food. Where do I find these strange creatures that want to treat me like more than just a sex doll?! Sorry maybe I was not explaining it well. So first meeting completely social and quite pleasant. Second meeting includes some food and a drink before moving on.
I think I cam answering it myself now - it should be at this point where one could say, actually really enjoyed the social and chat but I am not feeling it. Still awkward as hell but better than going ahead.
Thats what I suggested.
If they are anything other than disappointed, your instincts were bang on"Yeah, think you are right. | |||
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"In most case for me when I get to a social meet is because we spoke for a long time first eastblished a rap our and the meeting is simply confirming that we are moving in to the next stage .or its been agreed that its just social meet ." I know where I went wrong actually - I must have s given the impression it was a foregone conclusion that the second meet would lead to playtime. | |||
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"Unless you had chatted specifically about sex being on the table, then it would be easy enough to just end the date after the food " | |||
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"Does this happen, most men i meet want it to move past a social there and then, I’ve never heard of having a social then meeting for food. Where do I find these strange creatures that want to treat me like more than just a sex doll?!
Rare as they might be we are here "Nice to know! | |||
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"I have been in this position. Indeed I have gone further than that... Had a second meet with a guy and as soon as we started getting down to it I realised that I wanted it to stop (we had had tipsy hot sex first time we met but he had turned in to an arrogant, selfish wannabe porn star in the intervening period). I asked him to stop as I wasn't feeling it. I won't lie to save their feelings or make it any less awkward. And I certainly wasn't going to continue because I didn't want to have a difficult conversation. I would want the same if the tables were turned. Just be honest. " That is also really helpful! Thanks | |||
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"Be adult about it and just say it like it is.You know I think I could do that but my concern would be about the response I am getting which would not be so "adult"? If you don't get an adult response back then it proves your instincts were right to not take things further x" | |||
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"I don't think you can get out of it without causing at least mild offence. The other person will surely feel slightly rejected at best and utterly downcast at worst. We've had a couple of multiple socials with men that have lead nowhere. In some cases at their behest and in some at ours. The men usually just stop responding to messages and we usually send a polite message saying we aren't able to take things further for some reason " I think you are spot on with saying no at that stage e.g. 2nd meet, will cause some degree of upset (unless they are feeling it as well) and that is probably what I need to accept, that awkward feeling of having upset somebody. | |||
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"Be adult about it and just say it like it is." Wow have you got licence for that blouse . got to be number one on fabs . | |||
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"If they had changed their mind, how would you like them to let you know? X" Really good question. I think I would be more grateful for their honesty than upset about the rejection if that makes sense? | |||
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"I don't think you can get out of it without causing at least mild offence. The other person will surely feel slightly rejected at best and utterly downcast at worst. We've had a couple of multiple socials with men that have lead nowhere. In some cases at their behest and in some at ours. The men usually just stop responding to messages and we usually send a polite message saying we aren't able to take things further for some reason I think you are spot on with saying no at that stage e.g. 2nd meet, will cause some degree of upset (unless they are feeling it as well) and that is probably what I need to accept, that awkward feeling of having upset somebody. "I think most of us (women especially) like to avoid upsetting other people but it's an unavoidable fact of life. We're taught from early on to be nice, not to 'lead men on', to avoid conflict etc. Possibly if everyone was more open in a tactful way we'd all be able to accept rejection more easily. | |||
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"I don't think you can get out of it without causing at least mild offence. The other person will surely feel slightly rejected at best and utterly downcast at worst. We've had a couple of multiple socials with men that have lead nowhere. In some cases at their behest and in some at ours. The men usually just stop responding to messages and we usually send a polite message saying we aren't able to take things further for some reason I think you are spot on with saying no at that stage e.g. 2nd meet, will cause some degree of upset (unless they are feeling it as well) and that is probably what I need to accept, that awkward feeling of having upset somebody.
I think most of us (women especially) like to avoid upsetting other people but it's an unavoidable fact of life. We're taught from early on to be nice, not to 'lead men on', to avoid conflict etc. Possibly if everyone was more open in a tactful way we'd all be able to accept rejection more easily. "So true! | |||
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"Tell the Truth. Why sugar coat ." | |||
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"If they had changed their mind, how would you like them to let you know? X" I would like someone to make it clear in a tactful way. I think we all know that the 'emergency at home' phone call is tactical but if someone receives such a call while they're with me I'm getting the message loud and clear. I'd still feel miffed but I'd also feel that face saving had occured | |||
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"Inspired by the thread about getting naked but not wanting to hijack it with a slightly different question. What do you do if you met somebody for a social and that went ok, you then proceed to meeting them again and have a bite to eat, both thinking initially that this is going somewhere but then, for some reason (something that was said or done) you decide that you no longer want to have sex with them. Awkward for sure. How do you get out of that situation, not wanting to cause offense, if you do not want to proceed? Genuine question." you tell them you're going to loo and disappear  | |||
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"If they had changed their mind, how would you like them to let you know? X I would like someone to make it clear in a tactful way. I think we all know that the 'emergency at home' phone call is tactical but if someone receives such a call while they're with me I'm getting the message loud and clear. I'd still feel miffed but I'd also feel that face saving had occured " Yeah I don’t think it would bother me done that way to be honest. It would mortify me if someone went through with it if they didn’t want to! | |||
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"Tell the Truth. Why sugar coat . "Being generally honest instead of coming up with excuses leaves the other person with a sense of closure. No what if I did this or that. | |||
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"Inspired by the thread about getting naked but not wanting to hijack it with a slightly different question. What do you do if you met somebody for a social and that went ok, you then proceed to meeting them again and have a bite to eat, both thinking initially that this is going somewhere but then, for some reason (something that was said or done) you decide that you no longer want to have sex with them. Awkward for sure. How do you get out of that situation, not wanting to cause offense, if you do not want to proceed? Genuine question.you tell them you're going to loo and disappear "Not so great if you are on the fifth floor | |||
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"Tell the Truth. Why sugar coat . Being generally honest instead of coming up with excuses leaves the other person with a sense of closure. No what if I did this or that. "I think I would prefer that if it were me being rejected. People cannot help whom they fancy and whom they don't | |||
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"Tell the Truth. Why sugar coat . Being generally honest instead of coming up with excuses leaves the other person with a sense of closure. No what if I did this or that. I think I would prefer that if it were me being rejected. People cannot help whom they fancy and whom they don't"Exactly no sense in being offended. | |||
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"Be honest with them- it’s your body- don’t make excuses- just tell them as it is. What would you do if it happened to you? I am curious how a man would respond? Well, some men..." I respect a woman- I’m a human not an animal- I will fully respect your choices and hold your honesty in high regard. I hate lying and appreciate the truth | |||
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"Inspired by the thread about getting naked but not wanting to hijack it with a slightly different question. What do you do if you met somebody for a social and that went ok, you then proceed to meeting them again and have a bite to eat, both thinking initially that this is going somewhere but then, for some reason (something that was said or done) you decide that you no longer want to have sex with them. Awkward for sure. How do you get out of that situation, not wanting to cause offense, if you do not want to proceed? Genuine question." Sorry...its goodnight from us!  | |||
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"Be adult about it and just say it like it is.You know I think I could do that but my concern would be about the response I am getting which would not be so "adult"?" Erm hate to say this but if your feeling this way about it now, should you be having a second meet at all... ? Is it likely to become suddenly ok.....obviousley something's triggering doubts.....instincts tend to be right first time... | |||
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"I always highlight before a meet that there is no expectations for play. " exactly how it should be and if its one drink and 30mins later you both depart then all good, there's obviously lots of seductive pics vids on here from both sexes but that doesn't mean its on offer on a meet. | |||
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"*ring ring, ring ring* An emergency at home, you say?! Swift exit " Yeah......just don't forget the safeword next time though eh?  | |||
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"“I’m really sorry but I’ve changed my mind”. That would be my preferred option but it kind of feels so offensive?" I wouldn't be offended I would,however, feel hurt if I thought someone felt they needed to blag their way out of taking things further Be open Be honest Be true to your gut | |||
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"If I could have your attention for this sweeping statement….. If you’re not comfortable saying “no” when you want to, you probably shouldn’t be there in the first place. Thank you Carry on. " | |||
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... but joke aside, I am getting the message that I need to find a phrase that will be diplomatic in effectively stating a rejection based on my having changed my mind. | |||
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"Thank you so much for all the contributions, yes, I appreciate every single one! So just to summarise again, I am not generally uncomfortable saying no. And it was not about a first meet (I always set the expectation that NOTHING is going to happen on the first meet beforehand and first meets always happen n a very public place!) My question relates to a second or third meet with the person and something just does not feel quite right, maybe the attraction is just not there any more, maybe they said or did something that put you off since first meeting... either way you just don't feel it anymore but the other person has no inkling about you having second thoughts and changed your mind. I guess as somebody pointed out, I do not particularly like to disappoint anybody (although they actually be more disappointed if I went ahead and had sex with them ... but joke aside, I am getting the message that I need to find a phrase that will be diplomatic in effectively stating a rejection based on my having changed my mind."It is difficult for all the reasons that have been discussed. And it's hard because they may have a different view of how things might progress and you're effectively quashing any hopes they might have. But it is important to find a way of putting it that shows it's not up for discussion or debate so that you can close it off there. They may well ask why you've come to your decision but you don't have to come up with a list. Good luck and I hope you can work it out x | |||
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"Inspired by the thread about getting naked but not wanting to hijack it with a slightly different question. What do you do if you met somebody for a social and that went ok, you then proceed to meeting them again and have a bite to eat, both thinking initially that this is going somewhere but then, for some reason (something that was said or done) you decide that you no longer want to have sex with them. Awkward for sure. How do you get out of that situation, not wanting to cause offense, if you do not want to proceed? Genuine question." this does happen and when it doesim honest and just tell them and either i walk away or they do ... its another reason to make sure your doing everthing safely it can happen both ways all part n parcel of swinging .... no is no no matter what or when ... i would not carry on | |||
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"Inspired by the thread about getting naked but not wanting to hijack it with a slightly different question. What do you do if you met somebody for a social and that went ok, you then proceed to meeting them again and have a bite to eat, both thinking initially that this is going somewhere but then, for some reason (something that was said or done) you decide that you no longer want to have sex with them. Awkward for sure. How do you get out of that situation, not wanting to cause offense, if you do not want to proceed? Genuine question.you tell them you're going to loo and disappear Not so great if you are on the fifth floor"yes but the loos in reception  | |||
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