FabSwingers.com forum: Changes...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

in behaviour towards you.

How do you cope/deal with it? Are you an anxious overthinking sort? An "I don't notice it" kind of person? Do you try and tackle it head on or just leave it be because heck, the world doesn't revolve around you. This could be in any dynamic - professional, personal. What do you do oh wise forum users?

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

"in behaviour towards you.

I don’t think theres a one size fits all approach- in work if someone becomes distant I’ll get to the root of it - or at least try to - see if it’s something Ive done ir theres a cause elsewhere and offer help if appropriate

If someone becomes arsey in my personal life - as long as its not something ive caused then they just go - dont need it and dont want it.

Really does depend on the situation i guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have found there are two reading peoples behaviour change. Either I’ve pissed them off… highly possible, in which case I sort it out.

Mostly though something has happened in their life or they’re under a lot of stress and may not realise their behaviour has changed. In which case I try to support them.

There is always the exception to the rule and they can just fuck right off.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I notice and overthink it all, it's a curse.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I live my life and don’t allow others to destroy it. If people become arseholes, I just disassociate myself from them. I don’t need their crap or negativity. Hang around fun and positive people, make your life a lot sweeter

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

"I have found there are two reading peoples behaviour change. Either I’ve pissed them off… highly possible, in which case I sort it out.

Mostly though something has happened in their life or they’re under a lot of stress and may not realise their behaviour has changed. In which case I try to support them.

There is always the exception to the rule and they can just fuck right off. "

^potential Head of HR here!! ^

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I tend to pick up on it quite quickly but not over think it, because our mind will generally take us in the direction of insecurity. Observe a while , tackle it if needed, but remain proactive , I’d never just let something fizzle or end up friendzoned without a bit of fight.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

So many if's and but's Meli.

Is it work ? Is it love ? Is it family? Is it someone I hardly know ? ( all rhetorical )

I'll invent a scenario where I have known someone for a long time.

At first it's just a cock of the head like your spaniel can smell food.... then I just let it all go. If it happens again I think ...... hmmmmmm and look a bit more like a pug sucking a lemon ... but time influences everything in that if these things happened once per year..... no problem but if they are happening over a shorter period of time then there is something they need to tell you ...... cos let's face it ... it's all communication and they are telling it without words.

Then it would be share my feelings time.

Then what happens after that is how I feel about the response

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Bringing it to reality .... I have a long term friend whose behaviour toward me differs greatly from how it used to be ..... I've made more than one opportunity for it to be discussed to be met with , 'there's no change in me, sure it's not you? Well I know me..... and I know the change in behaviour. As it hasn't reverted back I have summed up the situation and absorbed the change and changed myself accordingly and not necessarily to their benefit but to mine. It's okay for someone to say they haven't changed but it doesn't mean that the new 'them' is what I seek ....

Sense ?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I wonder why and can usually work out the reason. Depending on the situation I either change the way I am with them or continue as before.

In general terms I have noticed a change in behaviour towards me recently. A lot of people (mostly younger) tend to assume that I won't understand certain things (technology mostly) or will be unable to do certain things. There's also in increased unwillingness to engage with me on any level. I know this is down to my age and I expected it to happen but I'm feeling sorry that I was one of those who used to dismiss older people

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I wonder why and can usually work out the reason. Depending on the situation I either change the way I am with them or continue as before.

Drives me insane.

A woman in late thirties a few weeks ago smiled and congratulated me on my computer skills in a way that said ...... fuck me an old person knows about computers..... everyone come see the miracle....

They can be twats at times......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

chronically overthink until the point i make myself ill, and then absolutely implode.

but that isn't just regarding a change in someone's behaviour to me.. this is literally any aspect of my life.

not the best really

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I wonder why and can usually work out the reason. Depending on the situation I either change the way I am with them or continue as before.

Drives me insane.

A woman in late thirties a few weeks ago smiled and congratulated me on my computer skills in a way that said ...... fuck me an old person knows about computers..... everyone come see the miracle....

They can be twats at times...... "

When I'm asked if I can use a computer I now respond with

"Yes, what would you like to know".

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

As you know I'm an overthinker.

But sometimes it's more the habit of overthinking than actually being anxious, worried and overthinking. It's just how my brain works, I need to know why regardless - the process more than the answer.

In some cases I'll wonder why things changed but not actually care on what the reason is, and others I will be extremely self conscious.

I'll get all the what ifs, did I do this wrong, did I upset them etc

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"in behaviour towards you.

If someone becomes arsey in my personal life - as long as its not something ive caused then they just go - dont need it and dont want it.

Really does depend on the situation i guess. "

It's very much situational, I kind of left it open so people could answer as they wanted.

Work wise I take a similar approach to you - gently but directly tackle it so it doesn't affect performance, can be resolved etc. It's not an area I've really overthought in. Ever. Which is weird for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Things happen, people change. Sometimes its related to you, sometimes its them. I'd adapt your behaviour accordingly to the new normal, &/or perhaps discuss it if you feel its merited.

If you do communicate about it you can at least identify/ resolve any issues or be more supportive. Equally if your boundaries are being breached &/or needs are being neglected, you need to protect yourself. Takes 2 to break or repair a relationship or friendship. Hugs xo

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I notice.

How I deal with it depends very much upon the situation and person involved.

At work, I tend to opt for a subtle

bull in a china shop approach.

If it's someone that I actually like I'll take a step back, think about it for a while, and broach it with them in a gentler (but still direct) way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't care what people think of me or how the act around me.

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

I definitely overthink it and wonder if I might have done something wrong to cause that shift in attitude towards me. My gut instinct tells me I have and feel like I can make it worse by trying to overcompensate by trying to get to the bottom of it as a result instead of just letting it go and letting it play out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve found someone else to watch new Ant Man with op

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By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

So long as I make a positive impact on people’s lives i try to go from day to day being a better person than I was yesterday.

But then other people happen and the philosophy becomes very difficult.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I used to worry about changes to behaviour around me but I don't anymore because I'm fairly self aware and I know for sure most times that it's not me.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I'm at the point where I just ask them, in person if possible so I can read their body language. If I've done something wrong then tell me, if you have tell me, if there is shit you're dealing with then tell me.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I notice changes in behaviour towards me quite quickly. How I deal or react to it depends on how much value I place in the relationship.

It can vary between being up front with them, to sitting back and watching the world burn while they tie themselves in knots.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I have found there are two reading peoples behaviour change. Either I’ve pissed them off… highly possible, in which case I sort it out.

Mostly though something has happened in their life or they’re under a lot of stress and may not realise their behaviour has changed. In which case I try to support them.

There is always the exception to the rule and they can just fuck right off. "

That's very true. I think sometimes we can fall into the trap of believing we're responsible for another person's mood and have to change that - it's not fair on them or us to believe that. People can just need our support to weather a dark day without making it about us.

A friend has taken to replying to my occasional overthinking messages with - the world doesn't revolve around you Meli. I love them for it. That directness helps snap me out of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I notice, replay conversations and over think.. its annoying lol

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I notice and overthink it all, it's a curse.

Mrs "

Overthinking is irksome - the more you tell yourself not to the more your mind runs away with you. I'm getting better at just saying fuck it though. After a good waffle.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Inner circle wise, we talk about it instantly.

Work and social friends I ignore it. Leave them be and see what happens later

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

I don't take it to heart! We have a group of 6 of us at work and other week one said so and so is off with me is she OK with u? I said she's bit quiet don't worry she said thank goodness thought it was me! Was just having a down day! all comes out in wash x

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"...it's all communication and they are telling it without words.

Then it would be share my feelings time.

Then what happens after that is how I feel about the response "

I loved the animal comparisons to the stages you go through.

But it's the top quoted line that really resonated with me.

I think you can pick up so much on someone's actions. Their communication without it being explicit. I'm quite good at reading people (from an external pov, if I'm involved I'm fairly useless). I can tell quite a few things without them being explicitly said. Sometimes I'll ask direct questions but it's more what they don't say that tells me things.

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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago

london stratford

Deep down, I can be quite sensitive.

So I tend to over think about it,

This only if I like the person/people involved. If they do not mean anything to me, then sod them

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

My first problem is that I have a tendency to be very blunt and untactful. Often I convey messages with thinking how it would feel to someone else. Invariably that causes offence or upset, but I’m not great at catching that.

I do notice when someone is off with me but often struggle to connect that with something I may have done.

That being said, when I do notice someone is off with me, it upsets me greatly. I care about not upsetting folk and hate to learn that I have - it is almost always unintentional.

I try to fix it by being sincere and apologetic which often works.

There are, of course, exceptions to this. Some people are just c***s.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Professionally- I’m free-lance. I have a niche small client base. If there was a change I’d notice & tackle it head on & professionally. I think. It’s never happened.

Personally- I’m still trying to break free of people pleasing. I was gaslit for so many years, I still tend to automatically blame myself…. That said I’m getting stronger every day. I have female friends who are my cheerleaders and are building me up. Pre-dickhead I used to ask what the problem was and tackle it head on.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I have a superiority complex, so most of peoples' behaviour towards me is ignored-because I'm better than them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely a overthinker, will always notice if someone is being different with me, even in the slightest.

I'm not the the world revolves round me kinda gal but I like to resolve things if there is something to be resolved as i hate the drama or all the faffing in the middle.

Miss S x

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