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"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail. Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them? Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them? " Depends. Are you likely to be at risk or put them at risk through your sexual shenanigans? Are they possessive and or jealous? Do they know (of) each other and if so whats that relationship like? Anyway.. who is he! | |||
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"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail. Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them? Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them? " no i certainly wouldn't appreciate that, some might but definitely not me | |||
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"It depends on your FWB dynamic, I'd say? Presumably before entering into the "benefits" dynamic, you'd discuss the sort of "terms of the deal", including anything about exclusivity etc? " I'd agree with this. I originally joined Fab with a fwb, he was meeting women without telling me and I usually found out when I replied to a status or in chatting and ended up looking like a dick. Obviously outwith fab it's different but I think it's important to discuss the dynamic beforehand | |||
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"In real life, what's the likelihood that people would have more than 1?" What do you mean by "real life"? Pxx | |||
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"You either know you're exclusive or you know you aren't. Simple." Weirdly I was just about to type the same thing. It really is as simple as that as long as it’s been made clear from the start. | |||
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"In real life, what's the likelihood that people would have more than 1?" In the past I have had 2 FWBs at the same time. They both knew about each other. I am only meeting one of them now though .. | |||
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"So for everyone sleeping with multiple people, do you use condoms with all partners? " Just the ones that look like they could do with a couple of showers and a Beth in a row | |||
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"In the past someone I met here and who already had 2 FWBs insisted I be exclusive to her. She was honest enough to tell me about the other guys and very open about the fact she would continue to meet both of them but I was not allowed to meet anyone else. This wasn't a dynamic I was ever interested in and told her so. It was either a two way street or nothing as far as I was concerned. Long story short I left Fab for over a year because of the drama she created when I didn't step in line. " That's hardly fair to expect you to accept that she can see others but you can't. I don't get how some people's minds work. Sorry to hear she caused you drama. | |||
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"No it’s none of their business just like their fwb’s are none of mine " This. | |||
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"So for everyone sleeping with multiple people, do you use condoms with all partners? " I do, with 1 exception. But he is only sleeping with me, and I still test regularly. | |||
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"We like to have them all around once a month for a tea party. Usually bake a red velvet cake. They compare notes and generally talk about how lucky they are to have us and that they don’t mind sharing as long as they are a part of our sexual shenanigans " Same. Only mine each bake a different cake to bring round and I am Pru Leith and do a taste test.... Then we all have very dirty sex , smear cake and swear allegiance to Paul and Noel then go home with different partners. | |||
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"We like to have them all around once a month for a tea party. Usually bake a red velvet cake. They compare notes and generally talk about how lucky they are to have us and that they don’t mind sharing as long as they are a part of our sexual shenanigans Same. Only mine each bake a different cake to bring round and I am Pru Leith and do a taste test.... Then we all have very dirty sex , smear cake and swear allegiance to Paul and Noel then go home with different partners. " Do you do that for all of them or only the special ones that get bum fun? | |||
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"I prefer complete honesty. I also expect the same from people that I have sex with. If I find out that they have lied, I will no longer wish to have sex with them. I don’t have a problem with them having sex with others, but I have a massive problem with liars." This. | |||
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"I prefer complete honesty. I also expect the same from people that I have sex with. If I find out that they have lied, I will no longer wish to have sex with them. I don’t have a problem with them having sex with others, but I have a massive problem with liars." I’m exactly the same as this! I’m honest about not being exclusive and if they want to know details they can ask, but I also expect the same honesty back. In my experience on fab I find that guys aren’t generally as honest or open which is mind boggling for me at times. | |||
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"I like to hear the details too." I like to but purely in a masochist type of way. It tortures me at the time to hear it | |||
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"It depends on your FWB dynamic, I'd say? Presumably before entering into the "benefits" dynamic, you'd discuss the sort of "terms of the deal", including anything about exclusivity etc? " Yea, this. | |||
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"I like to hear the details too. I like to but purely in a masochist type of way. It tortures me at the time to hear it " It excites me imagining him with other women. The downside is I'm not there with them. | |||
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"So for everyone sleeping with multiple people, do you use condoms with all partners? " Condoms with all but 1 partner who I have a fluid-bonhd with - ie she only plays unprotected with me. This is expandable but would only be with someone who we both trust to do likewise with us. | |||
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"We like to have them all around once a month for a tea party. Usually bake a red velvet cake. They compare notes and generally talk about how lucky they are to have us and that they don’t mind sharing as long as they are a part of our sexual shenanigans " Honestly, I was all set to cum'n'go on you guys until you broke out that cake | |||
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"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail. Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them? Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them? " Anyone I am meeting like that would know I'm not exclusive. They would not know details though.. as its none of their business and vice versa. However if we were playing without condoms I would expect to know and tell others if there was anyone else | |||
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"We like to have them all around once a month for a tea party. Usually bake a red velvet cake. They compare notes and generally talk about how lucky they are to have us and that they don’t mind sharing as long as they are a part of our sexual shenanigans Honestly, I was all set to cum'n'go on you guys until you broke out that cake " Cum ‘n’ go again soon | |||
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"Yes, I tell them I shag others. Emphasis on us as non exclusive partners at this stage. Through experience there were fwb who were genuinely interested to know more as part of sex game, but there were few becoming jealous so we usually stick to the fact that we could and we did but no details. If you are lying to your fwb saying you are exclusive - it’s basically cheating in the relationship. " FWB isn't a relationship. | |||
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"So for everyone sleeping with multiple people, do you use condoms with all partners? " all but 2 of them yes. X | |||
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"FWB isn't a relationship. " Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments. | |||
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"FWB isn't a relationship. Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments." true. Unless you consider them as toys you can use when you wish to ? | |||
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"FWB isn't a relationship. Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments. true. Unless you consider them as toys you can use when you wish to ? " it doesn't matter how you consider them they are still human beings with feelings please respect them | |||
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"I wouldn’t want to know details but I’d want to know if/how many others they were playing with besides me. Purely from a health point of view. I wouldn’t be fwb with anyone I had feelings for or got jealous about " Same. I make it quite clear I'm not looking to be exclusive with anyone and that I look after my own sexual health... They can do then choose to do what they like with that information. I don't go into any details and I don't want to hear about others either. | |||
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"FWB isn't a relationship. Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments." I disagree.. it's not a relationship | |||
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"FWB isn't a relationship. Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments. I disagree.. it's not a relationship " Then don’t can them friend and use the term ‘commodity’ | |||
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"FWB isn't a relationship. Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments. I disagree.. it's not a relationship Then don’t can them friend and use the term ‘commodity’" You think there's a line between commodity and friend with nothing in between? | |||
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"FWB isn't a relationship. Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments. I disagree.. it's not a relationship Then don’t can them friend and use the term ‘commodity’ You think there's a line between commodity and friend with nothing in between? " It depends on how you treat them. | |||
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"Fwb is a type of relationship, just like friendship is. " Exactly. Otherwise, replace friend by object. | |||
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"Fwb is a type of relationship, just like friendship is. " Yes. Friendship is the closest I'd call it as. Not a romantic relationship | |||
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"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail. Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them? Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them? " Yeah I'm not great at lying. And I definitely do not lie to my friend with benefits because he is my actual friend before the benefits. Being neurodivergent means I need to have some really clearly defined boundaries and I'm too brutally honest. Friend with benefits is a title only reserved for people I would actually call in an emergency as well as when I'm feeling horny. Other people are lovers, Fab meets, intimate companions, a date, etc. I don't do well with fuckbuddies because I'm not always around when people want to fuck. | |||
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"Fwb is a type of relationship, just like friendship is. " See people have lots of different boundaries and definitions of the word "friend" I've known my Friend with benefits for nearly 30 years. We've hung out at each other's parents' homes and we've hung out with other non-sexual friends together. We've gone to the beach with his daughter. We offer each other emotional support. we are not in a relationship because we just agree to disagree on certain values and life outlooks and mindsets but we don't hit each other over the head due to those differences. Some people if you've fuck 3 times in three weeks you automatically become their friend in their mind. With my FWB, there are strings attached but we know where the boundaries are and we know enough about each other to not stomp all over each other's boundaries. Yes my FWB knows I'm polyamorous and fucking other guys and I know he fucks other people. | |||
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"I used to, I had one partner who wanted a full evaluation of them against the other ??" Cringe and no. I don't want to know every single detail about their other sex partners and I won't be comparing myself to their other sex partners. Any guy who tries to get that kind of information from me on other men will put me right off. I'm not feeding my insecurities or anyone else's. | |||
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"I tell them, like openness & honesty but no details. If they object to me having multiple lovers then I’ve chosen badly " Mate I tell them from the beginning. "you are not the only one and I don't have to be the only one." | |||
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"FWB isn't a relationship. Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments. I disagree.. it's not a relationship " The definition of relationship that I use from the good ole Oxford English dictionary: the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected. Now if some dude is sticking his body parts in mine I'd say there's a connection...or at least I would hope there is a connection and we are not just doing it for likes..... | |||
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"FWB isn't a relationship. Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments. I disagree.. it's not a relationship Then don’t can them friend and use the term ‘commodity’ You think there's a line between commodity and friend with nothing in between? " Um.. there is lots of things between commodity and friend...I dunno I read a lot of psychology books and spoke to a lot of psychotherapists so maybe this is why I know this. acquaintance lover date meet fuckbuddy drinking buddy clubbing buddy companion associate Nudist pal Romance joy rider...okay I made that up. Lol! Please don't make me use a dictionary again. One word can mean different things to different people so it's always important to say exactly what you mean and don't assume. I know people hate labels but labels are the only way I can understand things with my neurodivergent traits. | |||
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"FWB carries a particular meaning for me and I don't feel that I have ever experienced that. I have guys in my life who I love to spend time with from time to time with no expectation of exclusivity on either side, though I prefer it when our conversations don't go into the detail of other meets. " Hugs. my FWB is a real friend who I spend time with in groups or alone together. He puts up with me dragging him to places he would never go alone and I listen to his sexual escapades (He likes recounting it but I don't compare myself). If something bad happened during a meet, I could tell him for emotional support and vice versa. So details aren't really off-limits although I do restrain myself from discussing details that I know he might be insecure about. Men things like cock size, car size, bank account size, height size. There is no expectation of exclusivity but when he was in a committed relationship I backed off because he should be speaking to his committed partner more than me. We chat online if not every day, every other day. If it's an emergency I know where his mom and closest male friends live and their telephone numbers. We just fancied each other since school and we are now both single middle-aged perverts lol! life is too short. Lol! | |||
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"Fwb is a type of relationship, just like friendship is. Exactly. Otherwise, replace friend by object. " Shudder...I hope to God I don't treat anyone like a commodity or an object... If someone told me I did that to them, I would feel worse than if I recognized that they treated me like that. I can ignore people but that's due to me feeling overwhelmed and burnt out and starting to dissociate. I try to let people know up front but it still blindsides people including me. | |||
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"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail. Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them? Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them? " Our preference is honesty. If everyone is clear from the start what the expectations are, and are happy with the agreement then there no issues and no potential for drama. You either agree your exclusive or not. Mrs | |||
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"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail. Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them? Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them? Our preference is honesty. If everyone is clear from the start what the expectations are, and are happy with the agreement then there no issues and no potential for drama. You either agree your exclusive or not. Mrs " I'm genuinely interested in the variety of responses. Surely agreeing to be exclusive takes the 'relationship' to a whole new level. Aren't you then a couple or a throuple? | |||
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"I prefer complete honesty. I also expect the same from people that I have sex with. If I find out that they have lied, I will no longer wish to have sex with them. I don’t have a problem with them having sex with others, but I have a massive problem with liars." This | |||
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"Shudder...I hope to God I don't treat anyone like a commodity or an object..." Having chatted to you in person and on this topic to an extent, I don't think you have anything to worry about. | |||
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"I prefer complete honesty. I also expect the same from people that I have sex with. If I find out that they have lied, I will no longer wish to have sex with them. I don’t have a problem with them having sex with others, but I have a massive problem with liars." Fair enough. Straight rule. | |||
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"I prefer to know and did not mind my last FWB having other lovers, however, she tended to lie and also got jealous of my other Fab friends even though they were not lovers." .very truely unbalanced.. il eat all the cake. You cant even look at the Crumbs lol. People are more fragile than they care to admit. Somewhere down the line, FWB's will develope into feelings from one of them. Coz the lovw,closeness hormone gets released during sex and brings bond and closeness. | |||
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"In the past someone I met here and who already had 2 FWBs insisted I be exclusive to her. She was honest enough to tell me about the other guys and very open about the fact she would continue to meet both of them but I was not allowed to meet anyone else. This wasn't a dynamic I was ever interested in and told her so. It was either a two way street or nothing as far as I was concerned. Long story short I left Fab for over a year because of the drama she created when I didn't step in line. " Good you didnt step in line. Hold form! | |||
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"So for everyone sleeping with multiple people, do you use condoms with all partners? " Multiple partners. Who knws about soul- ties? And pair bonding? .issues later. | |||
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"So for everyone sleeping with multiple people, do you use condoms with all partners? " Always and at all times. I won't have unprotected sex unless I'm in a loving monogamous relationship and we have both had a fresh STI screen. I only know for sure where I have been, I don't ask or question anyone else's situation but have found single men can get very funny when they know you're having sex with others. So honesty is the best policy but people don't always feel that way in reality. | |||
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"You either know you're exclusive or you know you aren't. Simple." This | |||
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"Set a whattsapp group up...." I actually once tried that , it was a nightmare lol | |||
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"I tell them, like openness & honesty but no details. If they object to me having multiple lovers then I’ve chosen badly Mate I tell them from the beginning. "you are not the only one and I don't have to be the only one."" Yeah, I don’t beat around the bush , but some people are new to poly so I take a slightly different approach, explaining why monogamous relationships are flawed. I care about the feeling of the people I have sex with and don’t want them having feelings of jealousy or insecurity. | |||
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