FabSwingers.com forum: How do you keep going with your partner

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
over a year ago

Hastings

How do you keep going with your partner. Or is there a point to starting over. I'm hard to live with I know that. But just seams we want diferant things out of life.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Time to call it a day then!

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

All I will say, from experience, is that sometimes we take folk for granted and think the grass is always greener. But it often isn’t. So think seriously before making any major decisions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Different things? Like monogamy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I'm in agreement here with Luna. You see so many willing to risk what is a great relationship purely for some excitement, or something a little different. But is it really worth it? The grass isn't always greener.

I'd recommend being honest with your wife, having an open discussion and laying everything out on the table. If you really aren't compatible, and you both don't want to even try and work through it then maybe it's best to think about the future and if you want to be in the same place 10 years down the line.

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By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
over a year ago

Hastings

"Yes I'm in agreement here with Luna. You see so many willing to risk what is a great relationship purely for some excitement, or something a little different. But is it really worth it? The grass isn't always greener.

Yer tried that today I want to move home and garden are getting to big.

She wants another dog but works away quite alot.

There is just know middle ground. It all started Saturday night I was home alone got d*unk lost it with her over the phone.

Due to fly on hols on the 18th don't see that happening.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

True love can conquer all, and trust and honest communication is key.

If you don't have those solid foundations then you're fighting a loosing battle.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"True love can conquer all, and trust and honest communication is key.

If you don't have those solid foundations then you're fighting a loosing battle."

^^^Very much this. A solid relationship requires work. It's not plain sailing all the time. It's how you, as a couple, deal with the shit times that determine how successful it is. Not the good times - it's easy to just coast along being all happy and jolly.

Qualifications: 4 days shy of 19yrs together, since we were teenagers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All I will say, from experience, is that sometimes we take folk for granted and think the grass is always greener. But it often isn’t. So think seriously before making any major decisions."

That's so true, I know, luckily for me I was forgiven

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We discuss wants and needs instead of suffering in silence no matter how uncomfortable the conversation is.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"All I will say, from experience, is that sometimes we take folk for granted and think the grass is always greener. But it often isn’t. So think seriously before making any major decisions."

As a very good friend of mine once said, "the grass is always greener where you water it the most".

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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago

Near Wells

It didn't with me, 10 years of marriage which was mostly fun but I'm happily living on my own now and have been for almost 10 years.

We're still friends and catch up every now and then though m

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The bottom line really is that you have to decide that you want to keep going, then find a way to do it. That way doesn't look the same for everyone and what works for one couple might not work for another.

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By *oubleswing2019Man
over a year ago

Colchester

Are both your needs being met ? You bake the cake together but you don't have to eat exactly the same thing. Agree to change the recipe and find middle ground that you both enjoy. It's ok to have some parts of the cake more to your taste and vice versa. It's ok to have parts of the cake you both like too.

Draw a cake from above. Split it in 3.

Write Mine, Yours, Ours in each segment.

Now bisect each segment with Likes and Dislikes.

Then over a period of time, start filling in your likes, dislikes, shared likes and dislikes and get her to complete her likes, dislikes, shared likes, dislikes as well.

It might take a day, a week, perhaps even longer.

But come back to it when it starts looking busy and meaningful.

You'll have a list of "ingredients" in various segments and you will have clearer picture of things.

Why do this ? Because in my experience, when we "sit down to talk", things get very emotional, disjointed, tears flow, words get thrown all over the place. Remembering any of it afterwards is next to impossible. Sometimes that one word that was briefly mentioned gets drowned out and forgotten in the rest of the discussion. Yet to someone, it may have been a critical word indeed.

Hence it needs recording and considering.

I hope things go well for you both whatever you decide to do

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By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
over a year ago

Hastings

"Are both your needs being met ? You bake the cake together but you don't have to eat exactly the same thing. Agree to change the recipe and find middle ground that you both enjoy. It's ok to have some parts of the cake more to your taste and vice versa. It's ok to have parts of the cake you both like too.

Draw a cake from above. Split it in 3.

Write Mine, Yours, Ours in each segment.

Now bisect each segment with Likes and Dislikes.

Then over a period of time, start filling in your likes, dislikes, shared likes and dislikes and get her to complete her likes, dislikes, shared likes, dislikes as well.

It might take a day, a week, perhaps even longer.

But come back to it when it starts looking busy and meaningful.

You'll have a list of "ingredients" in various segments and you will have clearer picture of things.

Hence it needs recording and considering.

I hope things go well for you both whatever you decide to do

Thank you for this will give it a try and see.

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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

"How do you keep going with your partner. Or is there a point to starting over. I'm hard to live with I know that. But just seams we want diferant things out of life."

Sometimes things just fizzle out for no real reason, but as someone who knows, I can 100% assure you that you won't work anything out with her all the while your attention is being taken up by Fab.

I'm not judging but I'm telling you that you'll get further & further away from each other if you continue trying to get your needs met on here rather than working on your relationship

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Repair won't happen unless both engage fully.

Half-hearted won't do.

Lip service won't do.

It's effort and compromise and communication.

It's not just a short-term effort, it's forever.

And it's a choice.

That you have to make every day. Every time you get bored, annoyed, tempted or whatever.

You have to choose them over all else.

Choose the relationship.

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By *radleywigginsMan
over a year ago

northwest

"How do you keep going with your partner. Or is there a point to starting over. I'm hard to live with I know that. But just seams we want diferant things out of life."

Different things? You’re on a sex site as a single male, whose profile says you’re looking to have sex with men. That’s different things all right. A serious chat might be in order

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"How do you keep going with your partner. Or is there a point to starting over. I'm hard to live with I know that. But just seams we want diferant things out of life."

Show her your profile. Let her set one up as a single female. You guys will have something in common and she’ll have a great time. Plus you’ll probably get the house to yourself couple of nights a week. It’s a win win.

The mr

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By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
over a year ago

Hastings

"How do you keep going with your partner. Or is there a point to starting over. I'm hard to live with I know that. But just seams we want diferant things out of life.

The mr "
I get the house yo my self now and not looking for sex I come on hear most of the time just to chat as home alone she is married to her job as well as me.

Happy Valentines

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you keep going with your partner. Or is there a point to starting over. I'm hard to live with I know that. But just seams we want diferant things out of life."

Who is we? I’m guessing your partner!

Do they know your in here? On fab?

*because this is Valantines day. My answer will be based on yours.

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

Omg luv….I certainly wouldn’t be pouring out all my private business on here

I would dread the comeback

Just sort things out for yourself Luv…..I’m sure you are old enough to make your own decisions without us lot interfering

Xxx

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

Don't keep going because you're married keep going because you love each other, if you don't end it now, it will be awkward for a while but you can't live without sanity, I'm guessing because you're on here its ended anyway, it certainly will be when she finds out

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

Happy Valentines everyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heavy for 5:30am.

Hope it goes smoothly whatever you decide, don't want to see another Battle of Hastings.

I apologise immediately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

UPS and downs, you only live once so make the right decision don’t keep going for no reason. You need to build a relationship but ultimately you are responsible for your own happiness, we have ups and downs, many, we’ve been together since school, to me she is still the hottest woman on the planet. Also you need to understand that men and women’s brains don’t work the same, men can be very needy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Together 20 years married almost 10

We have our own paths that run Parallel

Sometimes these paths may take a detour but then come back.

Relationships take work and effort ,leave things to fester and it’s like dealing with an overgrown garden.

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Together 20 years married almost 10

We have our own paths that run Parallel

Sometimes these paths may take a detour but then come back.

Relationships take work and effort ,leave things to fester and it’s like dealing with an overgrown garden.

"
yes you need to rake it

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"How do you keep going with your partner. Or is there a point to starting over. I'm hard to live with I know that. But just seams we want diferant things out of life.

The mr I get the house yo my self now and not looking for sex I come on hear most of the time just to chat as home alone she is married to her job as well as me.

Happy Valentines "

Your verifications speak differently, my personal opinion your obviously not happy leave, don't just be sneaky behind her back because you don't have the guts to be honest with her.

Attention spent elsewhere is noticed like you notice she's married to her job, she probably noticed your time spent online and given to others.

Mrs

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By *elshcouple18Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Every couple has their struggles, I know we have on many occasion, best thing I (hubby) did was to change how I acted around my wife, I am totally open and honest with her regarding everything now, best thing I ever did, and yes it took guts for me to do that, but our relationship over the last 5 yrs has been the best ever.. sit down and discuss whatever.. be it important or trivial.

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By *aked2sumCouple
over a year ago

local

It’s really simple I just do as I’m told and she lets me stay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"True love can conquer all, and trust and honest communication is key.

If you don't have those solid foundations then you're fighting a loosing battle.

Qualifications: 4 days shy of 19yrs together, since we were teenagers. "

Definitely agree with this too.

Qualifications: 12 years together this year, since we were teenagers too

Miss S x

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By *andC1000Couple
over a year ago

Ashford

"All I will say, from experience, is that sometimes we take folk for granted and think the grass is always greener. But it often isn’t. So think seriously before making any major decisions.

As a very good friend of mine once said, "the grass is always greener where you water it the most"."

Exactly this; you can keep looking elsewhere and wonder why nothing happening at home. Before you know it it’s all too late

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All I will say, from experience, is that sometimes we take folk for granted and think the grass is always greener. But it often isn’t. So think seriously before making any major decisions."

Wise words

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"True love can conquer all, and trust and honest communication is key.

If you don't have those solid foundations then you're fighting a loosing battle."

Spot on.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

Yer tried that today I want to move home and garden are getting to big.

She wants another dog but works away quite alot.

There is just know middle ground. It all started Saturday night I was home alone got d*unk lost it with her over the phone.

Due to fly on hols on the 18th don't see that happening.

Hugs. I wasn't happy in my marriage so I had to withdraw and figure out how to make myself happy alone. I didn't break the marriage but I started to only look after myself ( so I didn't do self sabotaging things like getting d*unk or harming myself) No one can make us happy we have to make ourselves happy. Eventually I started to find some peace within myself but unfortunately, my former husband became angry at my peace and that I was no longer only focused on his wants and needs.

I never cheated but eventually he also got mad and made me the cause of his problems and assaulted me. So I left. if I'm the problem then I thought I will remove the problem from his life.

Eventually, after I left he wanted me to come back but it was too late. I never want to be someone's problem again.

If your partner doesn't consider your happiness reasonably then things might be going to a dark and dangerous place.

The fact that you had to use alcohol to open up honestly is a big red flag.

I also note that people who do not spend a lot of time with their life partner maybe running away from something..... People love to be workaholics because it's a seemingly valid reason to be constantly busy. I've learnt to live happier with less. My stress has significantly reduced now I'm no longer in the rat race. My stress and my suicidal thoughts. I have less money but I have more peace and joy.

If she doesn't want to come along with you on your journey, that's fair, she is her own person but sometimes you have to save yourself instead of waiting for the other person to figure it out while dragging you down.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"How do you keep going with your partner. Or is there a point to starting over. I'm hard to live with I know that. But just seams we want diferant things out of life.

The mr I get the house yo my self now and not looking for sex I come on hear most of the time just to chat as home alone she is married to her job as well as me.

Happy Valentines "

Oh dear when I hear married to the job...that fills me with dread.

I for one would not be able to mentally meet the needs of two spouses.

I can barely meet my own needs never mind two other people.

I sense an avoidance/fear of real life if someone is married to their job.

Are you just a spouse in title only?

I have to remind some of my couple meets that hey meet each other too! One I had to remind it was Valentines. Lol! Not for me but for their commmited life partner.

I'm solo so I do vally self-love happily!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like she already knows you’re playing away. This sound exactly like my marriage, he wasn’t even fucking about behind my back he was having full blown relationships (several at a time) I started spending as much time at work as I could to avoid him.

You’re going to have to have an unpleasant conversation at some point

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By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
over a year ago

Hastings

"How do you keep going with your partner. Or is there a point to starting over. I'm hard to live with I know that. But just seams we want diferant things out of life.

The mr I get the house yo my self now and not looking for sex I come on hear most of the time just to chat as home alone she is married to her job as well as me.

Happy Valentines

Oh dear when I hear married to the job...that fills me with dread.

I for one would not be able to mentally meet the needs of two spouses.

I can barely meet my own needs never mind two other people.

I sense an avoidance/fear of real life if someone is married to their job.

Are you just a spouse in title only?

I have to remind some of my couple meets that hey meet each other too! One I had to remind it was Valentines. Lol! Not for me but for their commmited life partner.

I'm solo so I do vally self-love happily!"

I think the 2 points you have made have made more sense to me than a lot of things for a long time.

Thank you for that.

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By *s-two-75Couple
over a year ago

Rugeley

"How do you keep going with your partner. Or is there a point to starting over. I'm hard to live with I know that. But just seams we want diferant things out of life."

Bring on this site then, should liven your relationship up

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By *andC1000Couple
over a year ago

Ashford

"Every couple has their struggles, I know we have on many occasion, best thing I (hubby) did was to change how I acted around my wife, I am totally open and honest with her regarding everything now, best thing I ever did, and yes it took guts for me to do that, but our relationship over the last 5 yrs has been the best ever.. sit down and discuss whatever.. be it important or trivial. "

Exactly this. It’s a hard step to take but good to know worthwhile. Not the same for everyone but in a lot of situations being brave and taking that step to open up can be for the best and open up so many more doors. If only more were as brave as you to the take that step would save a lot of heartache

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"How do you keep going with your partner. Or is there a point to starting over. I'm hard to live with I know that. But just seams we want diferant things out of life.

The mr I get the house yo my self now and not looking for sex I come on hear most of the time just to chat as home alone she is married to her job as well as me.

Happy Valentines

Oh dear when I hear married to the job...that fills me with dread.

I for one would not be able to mentally meet the needs of two spouses.

I can barely meet my own needs never mind two other people.

I sense an avoidance/fear of real life if someone is married to their job.

Are you just a spouse in title only?

I have to remind some of my couple meets that hey meet each other too! One I had to remind it was Valentines. Lol! Not for me but for their commmited life partner.

I'm solo so I do vally self-love happily!

I think the 2 points you have made have made more sense to me than a lot of things for a long time.

Thank you for that.

Mate if a happily single person for 9 years is making sense to you........and more sense than in a long time.....

I'm going to suggest you go to therapy on your own. I'm not sure she will have the time for anything else if she's always at work.

In the end, I went to therapy on my own when my former husband was being distant. It gave me the courage to leave his emotionally abusive arse.

I'm not saying you need to leave your wife but you might need to communicate your boundaries and needs and desires more explicitly..face to face..if and when she actually isn't at work.

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