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For those of you with teens…

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By *inx.x3 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Bath

What time do you make them get off their devices at night?

My daughters nearly 12 and started secondary school in sept.

I’m sure she feels like her whole world has opened up since starting year 7. Shes very very sociable and she’s made a ton of new friends as well as keeping most of her primary school friends.

However since she’s started school her phone use has also rocketed. She hardly glanced at her phone before year 7 but now she’s constantly playing games and on call to her friends at the same time as well as all the usual stuff they do at that age.

Iv been telling her devices off by 9 and then she can watch tv/read for an hour in bed before her bed time at 10pm but she was getting upset last night as she’s saying a lot of her friends get in bed at 9 and then they all go on call together and chat / play Roblox and she feels like she’s missing out.

Is 9pm too early? Do others not remove devices overnight? Am I being mean or reasonable already…

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I always had a rule phones go downstairs on charge from 9pm , 10pm when a bit older like 14/15, same for adults! …..and I never had a TV in any bedroom.

They appreciate it now said it definitely helped them, a few fights at the time though, but they were worth it

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Mine was in bed and asleep by 9, so I'm definitely with you!

She's your child, you lay down the law.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

8.30pm is device hand over time. Showers and all that Jazz before chilling and bed at 9pm. We are up at 6am every day and they need their sleep.

I went hard ball and just put No for any negotiating on times for screen time. They are on it from home anyway and see all their mates at school. Plus I need to go through the chats to make sure all is ok

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By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee

We have a difference of opinion in our house. I feel that the eldest's devices need to be limited or she would literally be on them from opening her eyes to closing them.

Shogun is more lenient than me. He feels that it's the way kids are now and apparently if they aren't up to date with everything they get bullied. Personally I think bullies will be bullies regardless, even without the phones.

They even sit at the same table and speak to each other through their phones rather than actually speak to their faces, which I think will not be helping their development, but the school aren't policing it so what can you do?

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By *inx.x3 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Bath


"We have a difference of opinion in our house. I feel that the eldest's devices need to be limited or she would literally be on them from opening her eyes to closing them.

Shogun is more lenient than me. He feels that it's the way kids are now and apparently if they aren't up to date with everything they get bullied. Personally I think bullies will be bullies regardless, even without the phones.

They even sit at the same table and speak to each other through their phones rather than actually speak to their faces, which I think will not be helping their development, but the school aren't policing it so what can you do?

"

My daughters school has a no phone policy. So although they can take them into school they are not allowed to use them at break or lunch and if caught it gets taken away til the end of the day.

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By *astandtheCurious2Couple
over a year ago

letchworth

My son is year 7 and his gets turned off about 9, bedtime 9.30, my daughters year 11 and hers goes off at 10. At weekends they are allowed them on later though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our 12 year olds device turns off at 7pm. We can extend it via out phones if she asks but on a school night she doesn’t even bother asking as we will say no. She also can’t download an app without us getting a notification and approving it. We made mistakes with our older two by not setting clear rules at the beginning. It’s been a lot easier with the younger two. Homework gets completed on time and they’re not tired in the mornings (mostly) when they get up. During the school holiday we are more relaxed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have two of my teenage grandkids twice a week over night,there 14 and 15 it's a nightmare trying to get them of there game consoles,Grandaughter is glued to her phone it's 11 for her,Grandson doesn't bother with a phone but I've caught.him on his xbox at 2 in the morning

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Is 9pm too early? Do others not remove devices overnight? Am I being mean or reasonable already…

"

I just want to only touch upon this part. You are being the parent you want and need to be on your own terms. There will be parents that won't let them on other than 1 hour of an evening, and there will be parents that won't limit at all.

That is their parenting style and if that works for them great. But you do what works for you and what you want to be as a parent.

If you limit her, you will be called mean by some. If you allow her to keep the device longer you will be questioned as to why you are as "they" never would do that.

You won't really win the court of public opinion on parenting issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is 9pm too early? Do others not remove devices overnight? Am I being mean or reasonable already…

I just want to only touch upon this part. You are being the parent you want and need to be on your own terms. There will be parents that won't let them on other than 1 hour of an evening, and there will be parents that won't limit at all.

That is their parenting style and if that works for them great. But you do what works for you and what you want to be as a parent.

If you limit her, you will be called mean by some. If you allow her to keep the device longer you will be questioned as to why you are as "they" never would do that.

You won't really win the court of public opinion on parenting issues. "

Bravo sir. I was thinking exactly the same.

While looking for opinions isn’t bad OP, they are just that. You have to come up with something that is workable for everyone. It’s not easy but you can find a happy compromise.

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By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee


"We have a difference of opinion in our house. I feel that the eldest's devices need to be limited or she would literally be on them from opening her eyes to closing them.

Shogun is more lenient than me. He feels that it's the way kids are now and apparently if they aren't up to date with everything they get bullied. Personally I think bullies will be bullies regardless, even without the phones.

They even sit at the same table and speak to each other through their phones rather than actually speak to their faces, which I think will not be helping their development, but the school aren't policing it so what can you do?

My daughters school has a no phone policy. So although they can take them into school they are not allowed to use them at break or lunch and if caught it gets taken away til the end of the day. "

According to the girls mother, there is a law in Scotland now that classifies teachers removing devices from pupils as theft, so they don't do it. I haven't checked that out myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With my kids if they ignore me I switch it all off with no debate whatsoever.

4 year old goes to bed at 7:30pm, I switch her ipad off at 6:30pm and she only has it to play games between 5pm to 6:15pm and it's not every day of the week she bothers with it anyway.

11 year old gets her devices turnt off at 8:30pm and she goes to bed at 9pm no questions asked during the week and is up at 6:15am for school.

Weekends she gets until 9:30pm that's it no extensions.

My son is 13 and he has his switched off at 9pm during the week and his usually flaked out asleep by 9:30pm and is up around 6am usually.

Weekends he gets until 10pm again no extensions.

Usually asleep not long after that.

Never take the phones or ipads or xbox stuff away from them either as I can see via my phone if any of it has been used after cut off times.

So far so good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Daughter 14. Sick of her attitude so 9 30 phone taken off her. Sleeping earlier. .less attitudes in mornings now

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

When our son was younger, we had similar rules, OP. He resented it at the time, but now, he looks back and understands and agrees with us (he is now 20). We will follow similar rules when our daughter is a bit older.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

.

Daughter's (age 12) phone goes off at 8, then bedtime is 8.30-9pm. she knows those are the rules so doesn't bother arguing.

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By *inx.x3 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Bath


"Our 12 year olds device turns off at 7pm. We can extend it via out phones if she asks but on a school night she doesn’t even bother asking as we will say no. She also can’t download an app without us getting a notification and approving it. We made mistakes with our older two by not setting clear rules at the beginning. It’s been a lot easier with the younger two. Homework gets completed on time and they’re not tired in the mornings (mostly) when they get up. During the school holiday we are more relaxed. "

She will be my only one I have to worry about this for. Her younger brother is disabled so I won’t need to do this for him and I’m not having anymore kids!!

I need to get it right first time

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By *inx.x3 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Bath


"Is 9pm too early? Do others not remove devices overnight? Am I being mean or reasonable already…

I just want to only touch upon this part. You are being the parent you want and need to be on your own terms. There will be parents that won't let them on other than 1 hour of an evening, and there will be parents that won't limit at all.

That is their parenting style and if that works for them great. But you do what works for you and what you want to be as a parent.

If you limit her, you will be called mean by some. If you allow her to keep the device longer you will be questioned as to why you are as "they" never would do that.

You won't really win the court of public opinion on parenting issues. "

I totally understand that. I was just wondering if In general I was doing it totally different to everyone else as there are a lot of kids that still message her/call her after 9 and some even as late as 11.30pm.

I check her phone every night so I can see all the unread messages that pop up on her screen

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By *ixenforfunWoman
over a year ago

banes mask

I have family link on my phone so i set my oldest ones to lock at 9pm. An extenstion ob iously at the weekends. Like your child the amount of time spent on phone jumped once starting school and i had to clamp down because the moodiness and attitude were off the charts.

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By *inx.x3 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Bath

Thanks everyone who replied.

I think il stick to 9pm but explain why it’s set to 9pm again to her.

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By *inx.x3 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Bath


"I have family link on my phone so i set my oldest ones to lock at 9pm. An extenstion ob iously at the weekends. Like your child the amount of time spent on phone jumped once starting school and i had to clamp down because the moodiness and attitude were off the charts. "

She’s not too bad in terms of moodiness yet but her hormones are everywhere at the moment which is why I think she was upset. I just hate seeing her upset even if it’s over something so trivial

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By *hostheman1972Man
over a year ago

tipperary

No phones upstairs at night.

You can put a screen time limit per day on the phone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What time do you make them get off their devices at night?

My daughters nearly 12 and started secondary school in sept.

I’m sure she feels like her whole world has opened up since starting year 7. Shes very very sociable and she’s made a ton of new friends as well as keeping most of her primary school friends.

However since she’s started school her phone use has also rocketed. She hardly glanced at her phone before year 7 but now she’s constantly playing games and on call to her friends at the same time as well as all the usual stuff they do at that age.

Iv been telling her devices off by 9 and then she can watch tv/read for an hour in bed before her bed time at 10pm but she was getting upset last night as she’s saying a lot of her friends get in bed at 9 and then they all go on call together and chat / play Roblox and she feels like she’s missing out.

Is 9pm too early? Do others not remove devices overnight? Am I being mean or reasonable already…

"

Stick to phone off and out of her room at 9 and check the history

Do not let her have snapchat

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

I don't remove devices but internet access is restricted at the router for my youngest. Otherwise he'd be up all night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure checking the phone is a good idea, lots share pics of themselves

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I could have written that! Bloody roblox . I’ve set my daughter’s devices to go off at 9:30pm. If it’s school hols or weekend she’ll Sometimes ask for extra time but I have to put a code in and choose the amount of time. I wouldn’t let her have it on constantly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my son was younger, getting him off stuff was horrendous - he’d want to stay up playing Minecraft, watching family guy, playing against pals on the Ps, he was 11/12 it went on for a yr or so

In the end I just disconnected at 10, lots of cussing, tantrums ensued but stuck to my guns and he came round

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I were you I’d set a screen time allowance. That way she can manage the time herself. For example, give her 3 hours to use (which is a lot), and she can spend that allotted time however she wants throughout the day.

I believe parental controls allow you to do that.

It’ll leave her feeling like she has some independence, and you have the peace of mind of knowing she’s not on the phone all the time.

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