FabSwingers.com forum: Jokes so shit they're kinda good...

By *JJ_6969 OP Man
over a year ago

Aspull

Give me your best.

I'll go first.

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

What do you call a snail on a boat ?

A snailor.

The mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the one moth say to the other moth

I'm moth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the sea say to the shore?

Nothing, it just waved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to a zoo that only had one animal that was a dog. It was a shihtzu

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?

Cos the parrots-ate-them-all

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"I went to a zoo that only had one animal that was a dog. It was a shihtzu "

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

What did the buffalo say when his son left

Bison.

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By *akspeedCouple
over a year ago

blackdown hills

What did the cheese say when he looked in a mirror?

Helloooo mee

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By *ubcdverykinkyMan
over a year ago

Bourne lincs

Fabswingers and fabguys

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

And if anyone makes a fish pun, please let minnow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Liverpool football club

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"What did the buffalo say when his son left

Bison. "

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowlady?

Snow balls!

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden

"What did the cheese say when he looked in a mirror?

Helloooo mee "

What cheese can you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone.

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By *mooth321Man
over a year ago

Tonypandy

Whats the difference between a buffalo and I bison?

You can't wash your hands in a buffalo...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You hear about the explosion in the cheese factory?

There was nothing left but de-brie

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By *weetkitten65Woman
over a year ago

Halifax

If you're too weak..does that make you a fortnight?..

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?

Cos the parrots-ate-them-all

"
close it's

Parrots eat em all

(Paracetamol)

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Why do giraffes have such long necks?

Because their head's are so far away from their bodies.

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

There are three types of people in this world

Those who can count and those that can’t

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's brown n sticky

My shit

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden

"What's brown n sticky

My shit"

I was going to say "a stick".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Spanish footballer with no legs?

Grassy ass

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By *cotCouple666Couple
over a year ago

Central Belt

What's yellow and grey, and very dangerous?

Shark infested custard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been trying to think of fruit and veg jokes.

If you can think of any lettuce know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall....

Dam

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By *ersuasion22Couple
over a year ago

Herts

"Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?

Cos the parrots-ate-them-all

close it's

Parrots eat em all

(Paracetamol)"

Thank you! I was struggling to work that one out

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By *ersuasion22Couple
over a year ago

Herts

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

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By *esYesOMGYes!Man
over a year ago

Didsbury

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

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By *punkyMcFuckKnuckleMan
over a year ago

Now Kilmarnock

Why did the wee biscuit cry?

It's maw was away for too long.

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By *hismMan
over a year ago

Ballygonowhere

What do dentists call x-rays?

Tooth pics

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By *hismMan
over a year ago

Ballygonowhere

I'd like to tell you a funny story about my new house build,but I'm still working on it

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By *cotCouple666Couple
over a year ago

Central Belt

What's black and dangerous, and lives in tree?

A crow with a machine-gun.

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By *ixenforfunWoman
over a year ago

banes mask

What do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back.

A stick

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By *ixenforfunWoman
over a year ago

banes mask

Whats the difference between ooohhh and aaahhhh

About 3 inches

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Oh crikey - she's off.

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By *ixenforfunWoman
over a year ago

banes mask

"Oh crikey - she's off.

My time to shine

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By *owYaDiddlinMan
over a year ago

Pontefract

I think make-up sex is brilliant and I love it.

Until I have to clean the foundation and mascara from under my foreskin!

*I'll get me coat*

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By *izzmasterzeroMan
over a year ago

Aberdeen

What do you get hanging from banana trees?... sore arms.

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By *hubby guy 999Man
over a year ago

BISHOP AUCKLAND

Irish ram raider spent £20 on petrol chasing a mobile shop

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What did the cheese say when he looked in a mirror?

Helloooo mee

What cheese can you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone."

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you

Nacho cheese

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An English man a scotch man and an Irish man walked into a bar

Ouch ,ouch ,ouch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s big red and sits in the corner?

A naughty bus

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By *aughty Couple ABCCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Why was the dwarf laughing while he was walking?

The grass was tickling his balls.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?

A headbanger

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By *lappyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

tomorrow is make a building from Lego day ….. I’m bricking it

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By *cotCouple666Couple
over a year ago

Central Belt

"An English man a scotch man and an Irish man walked into a bar

Ouch ,ouch ,ouch "

You drink Scotch. We're called Scots

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Guy walks up to a girl in a nightclub and says "hi the names Bond".....

She replies "I suppose your first name is James"

"Actually it's Uni and I'm here to fill your crack"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw a burglar breaking into his own house yesterday. He must have been working from home.

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By *wcdfor2TV/TS
over a year ago

SKELMERSDALE

I was comparing the prices of Peat and manure on line, turns out there's not mulch in it.

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By *ttentiveRabbitMan
over a year ago

Lymington

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the perverts house.

Knock knock

Whose there?

The chicken

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By *ot_Guy999Man
over a year ago

Close by...

What's long hard and full of seamen?

A submarine

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By *ttentiveRabbitMan
over a year ago

Lymington

What’s pink and wrinkly and hangs out your trousers?

Your mum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.

Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

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By *oulkissMan
over a year ago

Croydon

[Removed by poster at 09/02/23 18:30:16]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son asked me to explain a total eclipse. I said no son

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/02/23 18:41:24]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did Kermit the Frog say when he got to the top of the hill?

I muppet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you cut the sea in half???

With a SEA-SAW

I’ll see myself out

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By *an de LyonMan
over a year ago

welling

What’s a cat’s favourite colour?

Purrrrple

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By *an de LyonMan
over a year ago

welling

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Cows go

Cows go who?

No, cows go moo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One snake asks his friend "are we poisonous?"

Friend replies "no, why?"

First snake says " pheew.. that's good, I just bit my tongue"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tried to catch fog the other day ... mist

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
over a year ago

Benidorm for a week

Get me a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the hardest thing to do in the world?

Milk, chocolate digestives

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What did the cheese say when he looked in a mirror?

Helloooo mee

What cheese can you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's green and brown, has 6 legs, and is highly dangerous?

A snooker table with a machine gun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's pink and smells of Ginger?

Fred Astaires' fingers.

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By *drian52Man
over a year ago

Derby

What do you call a blind Bambie

No eye dear

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By *ikynminnyCouple
over a year ago

South shields

whats wrong with micky mouses helicopter

disney land

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By *burns7Man
over a year ago

walsall

Call a Russian who’s got one ball?

Nick abollockov

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By *iscreetfuncpl12Couple
over a year ago

Somerset

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I walked into a club last week with a strict dress code, the doorman said “You haven’t got a tie on”

He said “Put these jump leads around your neck, in you go, just don’t start anything”

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By *olvespairCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

What is E.T. short for?

He has little legs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call an Indian heroin addict...

Syringeit

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By *omad1234540Man
over a year ago

WORCESTER

I bought some Viagra tea bags

Does nothing for my sex life but stops my biscuits going limp when I dunk them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some vegetarian girl said she recognised me today but I've never seen herbivore

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By *ornyblue69Man
over a year ago

Wirral

"Liverpool football club "

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By *ornyblue69Man
over a year ago

Wirral

"I bought some Viagra tea bags

Does nothing for my sex life but stops my biscuits going limp when I dunk them "

I bought the eye drops once’s. Did nothing for my sex life but made me look hard

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By *ornyblue69Man
over a year ago

Wirral

What do you call a French man wearing sandles?

Philippe Filop

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By *ertfordshiremaleMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

Where do cows go to watch films?

To the Mooooovies

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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago

milton keynes

"Where do cows go to watch films?

To the Mooooovies

Killed the thread lol

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

For all the folk from Scotland of a certain age...

What's the difference between bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

Bing sings and Walt disnae

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was flying a passenger plane and the control tower picked me up and asked for my height and position?

I said I was five foot two and sitting in the front

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did 1 snowman say to the other snowman?....

Can you smell carrots?

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Chicken and frog visit the library.

Chicken says

Book book book

Frog says

Readit readit readit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ?

Because it was dead !

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Why did the Baker have brown hands?

He kneaded a poo

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By *he Rocks666Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

"Liverpool football club "

If you're a Man United fanz the jokes on you!!!!

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By *akbearMan
over a year ago

Newbury

"What do you call a blind Bambie

No eye dear"

What do you call a blind Bambie with no legs???

Still no eye dear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apparently, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

Personally, I've never eaten a monkey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you know that dogs can’t see inside you?

Cat scan though.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

"What do you call a blind Bambie

No eye dear

What do you call a blind Bambie with no legs???

Still no eye dear"

What do you call a blind deer with no legs who is being mated with?...

F**cking, still no eye deer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll try a grape.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a blind Bambie

No eye dear

What do you call a blind Bambie with no legs???

Still no eye dear

What do you call a blind deer with no legs who is being mated with?...

F**cking, still no eye deer."

What do you call a fly with no wings ?

A walk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man with no shins ?

Tony ….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some good news for insomniacs.

Only two sleeps till Christmas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

What do you call a dog who is deaf, blind and has no legs?...

Anything you want,- he still won't come to you.

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By *.T.Man
over a year ago

Dromore

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

a wooly jumper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the Mexican fireman call his 2 sons?

Jose and hose b.

What would be the best cheese to tempt a bear out a tree?

Camenbert

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By *amesBeelzebubMan
over a year ago

norwich

I had a dream i was swimming in fizzy orange.

It was a Fanta sea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills. Those were Goodyears.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

"What did the Mexican fireman call his 2 sons?

Jose and hose b.

What would be the best cheese to tempt a bear out a tree?

Camenbert "

What did the Greek cheese say as it looked into a mirror?

Hullo me

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

What kind of cheese does Findus use to flavour its lasagne?

Maskapony

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By *ersuasion22Couple
over a year ago

Herts

What do you call a fly with no wings ?

A walk "

What do you call a fly with no wings and no legs?

A currant

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By *b72Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

A limbo dancer walks into a bar.!!!!

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By *ustyMilfxxxCouple
over a year ago

Swansea

Man goes to the DR.

Man- Dr I’ve got terrible shakes , it’s like all the time.

Dr - oh I see. Do you drink alot?

Man- No Dr I spill most of it…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As one Dundonian Siamese twin said to another -

Have you seen Oor Wullie?

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By *ultured Gent16Man
over a year ago

close.

I saw a second hand tv for sale on t’internet.

55” flat screen smart tv.

£10 good working order but stuck on maximum volume.

I thought what a bargain… I can’t turn that down…

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By *idewillyMan
over a year ago

poole

3 people went into a cafe one had egg and chips one sausage and chips 3rd one had chicken and chips….which one was the sailor man ……..the one with the sailor suit on….its bad but remember my grandad telling it me

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

What time does this international women's day Finnish

I'm starving

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

I'm on a music diet

I've given up Bread jam hot chocolate..Cream and meatloaf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked my cat who her favourite Chinese dictator is and she said "Mao".

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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago

milton keynes

What part of a vegetable can't you eat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call an Irish sniper?

Rick O'Shea

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By *ldFashionedGentMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Can February March? No, but April May!

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By *ldFashionedGentMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

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By *burns7Man
over a year ago

walsall

Call a guy with no shins?

Tony

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By *ldFashionedGentMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Why did Shakespeare only write using pens?

Pencils confused him

2B or not 2B

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By *ldFashionedGentMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

I was addicted to the hokey kokey……but I turned myself around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where does a General keep his armies?

In his sleevies

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By *uke Duchess llCouple
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent

What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman,

The mosquito won't stop sucking till I slap it.

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By *rucking-HellMan
over a year ago

Northampton

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

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By *iyoMan
over a year ago

kent

Why can’t a cock be 12” long ?

Because then it would be a foot !

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By *alk on the wild sideCouple
over a year ago

manchester

A friend of mine offered me 4 sides of venison for £500:00

I thought that’s two deer….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is said to the baker “how come all your cakes are 50p but that one is a £1?”

He said “thats Madeira cake”

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By *oulkissMan
over a year ago

Croydon

Hey guys, something to remeber.

Without women, life would be a pain in the arse.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

"What do you call an Irish sniper?

Rick O'Shea "

I thought he was the guy who bounced off walls

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two parrots on a perch. One says to the other 'Can you smell fish?'

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other 'Does this taste funny to you?'

Two fish in a tank. One says to the other 'I will drive , you fire the gun'

I will get my own coat and taxi ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is said to the baker “how come all your cakes are 50p but that one is a £1?”

He said “thats Madeira cake” "

That legit made me laugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Paddy and Murphy throwing stones at the floor….

Paddy missed!

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By *otbox88Man
over a year ago

Falkirk

Pady sits down at the doctors doctor asks whats wrong

So paddy tells him everwhere i poke on my body it hurts

Doctor show me

Pady procedes to poke all over his body and sure enough crys out in pain

Doctor

Ok you daft c##t i know whats wrong you have broken your finger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the rabbit "What blood type are you?"

"I'm probably a Type-O", replied the rabbit.

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By *rucking-HellMan
over a year ago

Northampton

Just landed myself a new job at a zoo circumcising elephants.

The pay is low, but the tips are massive.

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

What is the slowest moving creature on the planet.

A nudist climbing through a barbed wire fence.

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By *uropean LatinoMan
over a year ago

Norwich

"What is the slowest moving creature on the planet.

A nudist climbing through a barbed wire fence. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Made a belt out of watches earlier, waist of time

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

What did the eye say to the other eye?

Something between us smells

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By *arren and AliciaCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

A guy sitting in the pub orders 5 tequila shots drinks them really quick then orders another 5 does the same again downs them bartender ask what's the rush guy replies you would drink them as quick if you had what I had bartender asks what he has guy replies he only has £2

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By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"A guy sitting in the pub orders 5 tequila shots drinks them really quick then orders another 5 does the same again downs them bartender ask what's the rush guy replies you would drink them as quick if you had what I had bartender asks what he has guy replies he only has £2 "

Thats terrible

I'll send into my chat that will love it

MrsAbz

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

What’s better than Ted Danson

Ted singing and danson.

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By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"What’s better than Ted Danson

Ted singing and danson.

Awful but I shall put it on for my fellow terrible joke lovers

MrsAbz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife has gone to the West Indies.

Oh, really? Jamaica?

No, she wanted to go....

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By *idnight RamblerMan
over a year ago

Pershore

What do you call a cross between an Elephant and a Rhino?

'ell if I know

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"I asked my cat who her favourite Chinese dictator is and she said "Mao"."

Brilliant

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan
over a year ago

St Leonards

2024 will be the year I finally put my pantomime addiction behind me.

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By *amesBeelzebubMan
over a year ago

norwich

My wife said she was going out for 2 hours

I said I hate those little dogs.

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By *amesBeelzebubMan
over a year ago

norwich

"2024 will be the year I finally put my pantomime addiction behind me."

Oh no you wont!!

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan
over a year ago

St Leonards

"2024 will be the year I finally put my pantomime addiction behind me.

Oh no you wont!!"

Oh yes I will!!

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania

What's black and yellow and dangerous?

Shark-infested custard.

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By *oinerbillMan
over a year ago

warrington

"Give me your best.

I'll go first.

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat... "

tickled me that one

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By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

Shot at some Fog today,Mist.

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By *ature420Couple
over a year ago

aberdeen

What’s blue and smells like red paint

Blue paint

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear the story about the magic tractor??

Turned into a field:

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

The comedian Roger Swift has a set full of deliberately bad prop puns. He delivers it with such panache, it is brilliant

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By *issYeuxBleusWoman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

Oh, just updated my status with a Christmas cracker

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

What sort of music does Santa’s elves listen to whilst working?

Wrap music lol

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

What's the kinkiest type of pasta?

Rigger Tony.

One day I'll retire on my Christmas Cracker royalties.

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
over a year ago

A den in the Glen

There’s so much nudity and sex on TV, I just sit there shaking my fist!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's got 2 legs and bleeds?

Half a dog

---

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick

---

What do you call a Pakistani in a milk bottle?

Ramdin

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By *he Running Man 2022Man
over a year ago

Shipley, Bradford

Elton John is upset, cos Storm Pia has blown his e-reader away.

Apparently it was there one minute and then it went like a Kindle in the Wind

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By *rucking-HellMan
over a year ago

Northampton

How do snowmen get to work?

By icicle.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

The ex tried to humiliate me in front of her friends.....said I was shit in bed....should have seen her face when they disagreed with her.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Overcooked my Hawiain pizza last night.

Next time, I'll turn my oven to aloha setting.....

.... I'll get me coat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call two lesbians in a cupboard?

A liquor cabinet.

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By *akspeedCouple
over a year ago

blackdown hills

What’s more dangerous than 2 girls running with scissors?

2 girls scissoring with the runs!!

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By *immyGGMan
over a year ago

South Cheshire

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

*gagging noises

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats green and smells of pork?

Kermits fingers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats green and turns red at the flick of a switch??

A frog in a blender

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Overcooked my Hawiain pizza last night.

Next time, I'll turn my oven to aloha setting.....

.... I'll get me coat"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I accidentally took the cats medicine this morning instead of my own....don't ask meow.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

3rd Rock from the sun

"I accidentally took the cats medicine this morning instead of my own....don't ask meow.

... stealing...

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