FabSwingers.com forum: does someones lifestyle choices affect what you think of them.

By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

Happy new year everyone.

I have a small dilemma at the moment that I need to sort out myself but was wondering how you would all feel in my shoes.

A friend of mine has told me she doesn't want me to change my opinion of her. But she's just started on the game for no other reason than she wants more money she has a job in the caring profession. Is married to someone making good money but wants to sell herself. I have a moral dilemma with this as I do think differently of her now. I don't know if I am just being judgemental. I have warned her of the dangers but she is a law unto herself and has been known to get into situations that could have been dangerous. I'm worried about her but also don't want to know about that side of her life. How would you all feel if this was someone you knew and cared about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure to be honest how I would react but in your situation, maybe she has got herself into debt and doesn't want anyone certainly not her partner to know and this is a way of earning quick money? If it isn't maybe suggest swinging instead? Or have you already done that?

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

"Not sure to be honest how I would react but in your situation, maybe she has got herself into debt and doesn't want anyone certainly not her partner to know and this is a way of earning quick money? If it isn't maybe suggest swinging instead? Or have you already done that?"
she's not in debt I asked this and she is a swinger but even then gets in cars without telling anyone where she's gone or who she's meeting.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

how is swinging gonna help her earn more money ?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I would not like a very close family member to do but would be ok if it was a good friend.

hypocrite maybe, just being honest.

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By *o-jCouple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Notts

Your their friend , be a friend tell her you your thoughts ( which you have ) and then support their choice .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not sure to be honest how I would react but in your situation, maybe she has got herself into debt and doesn't want anyone certainly not her partner to know and this is a way of earning quick money? If it isn't maybe suggest swinging instead? Or have you already done that? she's not in debt I asked this and she is a swinger but even then gets in cars without telling anyone where she's gone or who she's meeting. "

Blimey!! I have never and would never get in a car with someone I have not met already, too wary of what might happen!

Not sure then what she is playing at but I can see why you are concerned

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By *o-jCouple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Notts

Tbh honest I've fantasised about doing this , maybe she's acting out that fantasy ?

Bit like swinging but without the choice .

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By *enithWoman
over a year ago

closer than you think

is her partner aware of the situation? Why does she need the money? There is obviously some reason for her wanting to go into prostitution?

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

"Your their friend , be a friend tell her you your thoughts ( which you have ) and then support their choice ."
i don't think I can support her choice there is no reason to do it she's a kept woman and I don't see why she needs to sell herself. I had a friend do this some years ago she was doing it to provide for her kids tho and caught hiv then aids she died aged 38 leaving her kids alone

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Not sure to be honest how I would react but in your situation, maybe she has got herself into debt and doesn't want anyone certainly not her partner to know and this is a way of earning quick money? If it isn't maybe suggest swinging instead? Or have you already done that? she's not in debt I asked this and she is a swinger but even then gets in cars without telling anyone where she's gone or who she's meeting. "

I know someone like that and have warned them of the dangers but at the end of the day we are grown adults who can easily make our own decisions.. You can guide and warn but we can't make their decisions for them... if she adamant that she wants to carry on there are sites that are designed for this...

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By *hangovCouple
over a year ago

sheffield

She is making a dangerous choice but it is her choice to make.

Some people would think less of people who are swingers after all!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not sure to be honest how I would react but in your situation, maybe she has got herself into debt and doesn't want anyone certainly not her partner to know and this is a way of earning quick money? If it isn't maybe suggest swinging instead? Or have you already done that? she's not in debt I asked this and she is a swinger but even then gets in cars without telling anyone where she's gone or who she's meeting. "

You have replied twice now and I have responded above, is the site playing funny buggers, seems to have been the last couple of days

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

"is her partner aware of the situation? Why does she need the money? There is obviously some reason for her wanting to go into prostitution?"
She thinks it will be fun!!!! How nieve

She claims hubby knows and is okay with it but I'm not so sure. I think she's told me this so I don't contact him asking about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would it change what you would think of her...... its not really any different to her being a.swinger.

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

"Not sure to be honest how I would react but in your situation, maybe she has got herself into debt and doesn't want anyone certainly not her partner to know and this is a way of earning quick money? If it isn't maybe suggest swinging instead? Or have you already done that? she's not in debt I asked this and she is a swinger but even then gets in cars without telling anyone where she's gone or who she's meeting.

You have replied twice now and I have responded above, is the site playing funny buggers, seems to have been the last couple of days

"
possibly the site or my tablet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think there is anything wrong with what she does in having sex for money, i would be worried for her safety though.

Maybe she likes living dangerously

and at the end of the day its her life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that putting aside the fact she is after money the risk of std and in turn passing this on is bad enough but she clearly as no regard for her physical safety. Sod that this is serious enough you should tell her hubby if she falls out with u so what its better than finding her hurt or worse and having the knowledge you could have possibly prevented it.

Imagine what her hubby would do if he knew that you knew and never said owt.

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

"Why would it change what you would think of her...... its not really any different to her being a.swinger."
its the risk factor cali and her attitude to it she thinks it will be fun. Maybe I am narrow minded but sexy for money is different to being a swinger in my eyes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why would it change what you would think of her...... its not really any different to her being a.swinger."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your their friend , be a friend tell her you your thoughts ( which you have ) and then support their choice . i don't think I can support her choice there is no reason to do it she's a kept woman and I don't see why she needs to sell herself. I had a friend do this some years ago she was doing it to provide for her kids tho and caught hiv then aids she died aged 38 leaving her kids alone "

Even thought she may be a kept woman, she clearly seems to feel that she is missing out on something and feels this is the way to achieve what she thinks is missing. I appreciate, I have never had to come across this situation, but you as a friend can only give her what you feel is your thoughts and feelings, if she decides to go through with it. in the end you either stay around to pick up the pieces or walk away, harsh I know. Only you know how strongly you feel about this behaviour. . S xx

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

i think possibly your previous experience is affectin your ability to see things objectively here. No one would want any of their friends to be hurt or ontract an ilnes through the choice they make but its just that....their choice.

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

Her safety is a big issue but I don't think I want to know about that part of her life if she goes ahead with it. Thanks for opinions tho guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that putting aside the fact she is after money the risk of std and in turn passing this on is bad enough but she clearly as no regard for her physical safety. Sod that this is serious enough you should tell her hubby if she falls out with u so what its better than finding her hurt or worse and having the knowledge you could have possibly prevented it.

Imagine what her hubby would do if he knew that you knew and never said owt."

Why would she be more at risks of std's getting paid for sex as opposed to doing it for free as a swinger?!

OP it depends on your thoughts of prositution I guess. Is it that that's bothering you, or the fact that she goes off with strangers?

Even meeting a single man at a hotel room for a meet could turn nasty.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Why would it change what you would think of her...... its not really any different to her being a.swinger."

it is though. if men are paying for a service they expect that service to be delivered whether she likes them or not. there are much greater risks being a prostitute than meting men for NSA sex.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

There are support agencies who work with those that work in the sex industry.. Maybe just point her in those directions however it seems that she could do with some support rather than judgement right now.. She will see the not so fun side of it when she has her first "punter".... That might sway her into thinking what was the hell I was thinking...Maybe she could consider escorting a safer way to make money I suppose...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why would it change what you would think of her...... its not really any different to her being a.swinger. its the risk factor cali and her attitude to it she thinks it will be fun. Maybe I am narrow minded but sexy for money is different to being a swinger in my eyes."

Only difference I find is actually the money and I often her more respect from clients. I.however any careful of my own safety. If I could accommodate still id do it more.

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

If she truely is a friend then i would state my position but not walk away from them providing they dont bring it into my life. Make sure she and her husband know the importance of being safe and someone knowing where she is going and who with, maybe suggest a text system etc"
i did suggest this so she asked to use me but I refused as I suggested this with her when I found out she was being a bit wreckless with meets from here she said she would let me know when she was home and never did for days on end I can't cope with that again.

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By *o-jCouple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Notts

"I dont think there is anything wrong with what she does in having sex for money, i would be worried for her safety though.

Maybe she likes living dangerously

and at the end of the day its her life.

After read other things you've put no need for money , she's a swinger etc .

I think she's doing it for the thrill , the same as some couples send the wife to a bar to be picked up , apart from the extra naughty feeling she'd get of doing it for money

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont think there is anything wrong with what she does in having sex for money, i would be worried for her safety though.

Maybe she likes living dangerously

and at the end of the day its her life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps she is seeing this as a "dangerous" fantasy??? Who knows. But whatever the case, as long as you have told her what you think, then all you can do is be there for her if things pan out wrong. A dilemma for you that i would not wish on anyone.....good luck xxx

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

If she truely is a friend then i would state my position but not walk away from them providing they dont bring it into my life. Make sure she and her husband know the importance of being safe and someone knowing where she is going and who with, maybe suggest a text system etci did suggest this so she asked to use me but I refused as I suggested this with her when I found out she was being a bit wreckless with meets from here she said she would let me know when she was home and never did for days on end I can't cope with that again. "

no, i can understand not wanting to be her safety net, that is too much responsibility for you to have and frankly it shoud be her husband.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Imagine what her hubby would do if he knew that you knew and never said owt.

Why would she be more at risks of std's getting paid for sex as opposed to doing it for free as a swinger?!

OP it depends on your thoughts of prositution I guess. Is it that that's bothering you, or the fact that she goes off with strangers?

Even meeting a single man at a hotel room for a meet could turn nasty. "

I accept your point re stds never thought of that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why would it change what you would think of her...... its not really any different to her being a.swinger.

it is though. if men are paying for a service they expect that service to be delivered whether she likes them or not. there are much greater risks being a prostitute than meting men for NSA sex."

I have sex on here with people I dont fancy. I however any not wreckless with my safety. I fall to see how its more risky than meeting off here though.

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By *o-jCouple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Notts

One more question , is she hanging around street corners or more of a high class type thing ?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Why would it change what you would think of her...... its not really any different to her being a.swinger.

it is though. if men are paying for a service they expect that service to be delivered whether she likes them or not. there are much greater risks being a prostitute than meting men for NSA sex.

I have sex on here with people I dont fancy. I however any not wreckless with my safety. I fall to see how its more risky than meeting off here though."

because, to me, if i meet someone off here and i dont want to take it further there is no expecation (mostly) and i have the choice to say no thanks.

If someone has paid to meet me then there is an expectation of sex happening. if i am not happy wt the person or the situation and want to walk away there is more potential for the person i ameeting to get pissed off and demand i follow through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my own personal opinion, as long as I knew she was being safe, both phusically away from harm, and sexually, then I wouldn't have a problem with it. At end of the day, she can turn round and say its her own life and for you to get lost. So I would support her on it, even though you disagree about her choice.

Just my opinion in any case, hope you figure it out soon!

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By *otheredWoman
over a year ago

country ville

Stereo typing is at the fore front here and also lack of knowledge and preconceived conceptions!! Surprising really in what is supposed to be an open minded community

Escorting..hooking...prostitution..what ever we all call it is only as seedy as the individual wants it to be..re STD's..the risk is down to the individual 'putting out' whether a sex industry worker or a Swinger..its down to the individual getting their regular checks and using precautions at all times to ensure their own personal health well being...and this should be some thing that is under taken whether a swinger or a worker in my opinion

i could go on and on re this topic...

but one thing i can def say no matter what your 'friend' chooses to do ..it is under no circumstance your place to go squealing to her husband....big no no if you ask me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stereo typing is at the fore front here and also lack of knowledge and preconceived conceptions!! Surprising really in what is supposed to be an open minded community

i could go on and on re this topic...

but one thing i can def say no matter what your 'friend' chooses to do ..it is under no circumstance your place to go squealing to her husband....big no no if you ask me

Thumbs up to all this post.

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By *o-jCouple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Notts

"Stereo typing is at the fore front here and also lack of knowledge and preconceived conceptions!! Surprising really in what is supposed to be an open minded community

i could go on and on re this topic...

but one thing i can def say no matter what your 'friend' chooses to do ..it is under no circumstance your place to go squealing to her husband....big no no if you ask me

Thumbs up to all this post."

Ditto

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Happy new year everyone.

I have a small dilemma at the moment that I need to sort out myself but was wondering how you would all feel in my shoes.

I knew a woman until recently who was married with two kids and went as far as an inter_iew at an escort agency. Had "glamour shots" taken for her portfolio as well, but failed to go through with it. Didn't stop her having casual unprotected sex with around 20 men in about 18 months though, all behind her husband's back. She's q manager on about £30k a year.

OP pm me if you want to chat further as I can't pm you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do think that it seems that it's more a concern for her friends safety. I just don't get the its less acceptable than swinging bit

I chose the same way. If someone gets to me and I really don't want to then I don't. And to be honest I find the guys more respectable than the vast majority on here.

Maybe I use this site differently from some but I do see cash as the only real difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would express my thoughts, and tell her you don't want to be kept regularly updated with her activity. However I would also lay it on the line that I was there to help if needed.

I would suggest from a safety point of _iew working a massage parlor or brothel, as at least she has a safer venue to work from, and its semi regular clients.

All you can do is support her when she needs it.

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

It is more the safety aspect than anything else she is easily persuaded to do things she doesn't want to and some of the things she's done on meets from here shocked me and she says she's hated herself after but has still done it again. If the price is high enough I'm worried what she will do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

they do say everyone has a price.

but i know a few woman on here who do use another site for men to visit them for sex and pay for it.

anything is a risk, could fall out of bed,trip over the cat and be in a wheelchair for the rest of your life.

sometimes it is a thrill we need, i get it from riding motorbikes on tracks, some get it from sex.

my _iew about women who gets paid for sex is that if they look after themselves, have no drug or drink problems, and can look after the money side of things so they can have a better life then good luck to them.

same as adult porn stars who use dating sites and alike to meet people.

all have our needs, things we want which are out of reach and if this is a way to get them then i see no problem.

i know you have said the lady in question has no real need to do it.

but i dont have a need to go dangerously fast on a race bike. we do it because its inside us eating away.

the feeling,thrill and excitement.

cannot understand it unless youve done it. i just hope she stays safe and makes a hell of a lot of money enjoying herself.

if i could do it i would but i havnt got the breasts for it

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"It is more the safety aspect than anything else she is easily persuaded to do things she doesn't want to and some of the things she's done on meets from here shocked me and she says she's hated herself after but has still done it again. If the price is high enough I'm worried what she will do."

Hating herself after doing something she has been 'persuaded' to do is possibly the key to this. She takes risks and then does things that make her loathe herself. What is really going on in her head that she is now finding new ways to test her own self-respect?

She wants to share the experience by telling you about it too - is that so that you can make her feel just a little guiltier about it all?

I don't see anything shameful in sex work but I do see something shameful about wanting to find new ways to self-harm.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do think that it seems that it's more a concern for her friends safety. I just don't get the its less acceptable than swinging bit

I chose the same way. If someone gets to me and I really don't want to then I don't. And to be honest I find the guys more respectable than the vast majority on here.

Maybe I use this site differently from some but I do see cash as the only real difference."

I don't see that cash is the only difference. This site is designed for like minded adults to get to know each other, and share common interests. When you meet there is no pressure to play with someone you don't like.

Prostitution is a service for money. Therefore there is more of an onus to service or play with someone you wouldn't normally, as they are paying for your time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If my friend decided to become a prostitute, regardless of needing money or not, I would still be her friend.

I would talk over with her the expectations and I would inform her of what I know about the risks. And then of course I would mind my own business because an adult can make their own decisions.

And I would certainly not be discussing anything with her husband because that to me is overstepping the mark, I don't see it as any of my business to talk about what my friends tell me with their husbands.

There are some things I would judge on and would make me see friends in a less favourable light and possibly end the friendship, they would be committing a serious crime or doing something deliberately to me that would hurt me. Who they have sex with or the dynamics of how they do this wouldn't change our friendship. The most I'd do is tell them I can't support or agree with what they are doing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend is a friend, whatever his/her lifestyle choices.

And I would like to believe those I consider as friends would respect mine without being judgemental.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My cousin was an escort and then ran a brothel. All the family knew what she did but it didn't change how we saw her or felt about her.

It was her life and how she choose to make a living was her business.

As has been said previously, there is no more risk of std's than for anyone who swings or just has a busy sex life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you are bound to think differently but I wouldn't fall out with someone over it or be negative as everyone has the right to choose how they wish to live their life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People choose different paths in life.

Some choose sex, some choose drugs, some choose alcohol.

There are many avenues for a person to wander down and no-one knows the consequences of their actions until it's too late.

Ask yourself if it will directly affect you or your family, if yes, then walk away, if no, let her get on with it.

OP, is this the same friend you had concerns about who was d*unk and revealed certain things to you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A friend is a friend, whatever his/her lifestyle choices.

And I would like to believe those I consider as friends would respect mine without being judgemental.

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By *otheredWoman
over a year ago

country ville

"Not sure to be honest how I would react but in your situation, maybe she has got herself into debt and doesn't want anyone certainly not her partner to know and this is a way of earning quick money? If it isn't maybe suggest swinging instead? Or have you already done that? she's not in debt I asked this and she is a swinger but even then gets in cars without telling anyone where she's gone or who she's meeting. "

"she is a swinger but even then gets in cars without telling anyone where she's gone or who she's meeting"...she already takes 'risks' as you say...you obviously havent turned your back on her as a friend and have advised and tried to support her within the swing capacity..so because she is now choosing a path that you personally dont find acceptable youre contemplating not supporting her??? how bizarre!!

Would that make it acceptable if you confided in a 'vanilla' friend that you swing and they found it to against their personal morals/life choices -for them to treat you differently????

Live and let live..be a true friend to her and be there for her if she needs you.!! You dont have to give her your blessing..shes an adult and will and can make her own life choices..good luck to her and let karma keep her safe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are sites designed for escorting that work the same way as this one really.. U have a profile, display ur do's and donts and can verify each other.. At the end of the day she is an adult and I think u r _iewing the stereotype of escorting as u have never experienced it urself..

As for people paying for a service and expecting it.. I don't see any difference from the people who come on here with the attitude of woman wanting sex and therefore are sluts who will do anything.. Same dangers and same ways of filtering through to find the good guys..

The problems with paid sex is when u start hanging out on street corners full of pimps and drugs!

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

"People choose different paths in life.

Some choose sex, some choose drugs, some choose alcohol.

There are many avenues for a person to wander down and no-one knows the consequences of their actions until it's too late.

Ask yourself if it will directly affect you or your family, if yes, then walk away, if no, let her get on with it.

OP, is this the same friend you had concerns about who was d*unk and revealed certain things to you?"
yes it is well remembered.

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

"I think you are bound to think differently but I wouldn't fall out with someone over it or be negative as everyone has the right to choose how they wish to live their life. "
I'm trying not to but its a dilemma I will no doubt still be a friend to her as I can't stop worrying about her and her actions so will still be here for her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think you are bound to think differently but I wouldn't fall out with someone over it or be negative as everyone has the right to choose how they wish to live their life. I'm trying not to but its a dilemma I will no doubt still be a friend to her as I can't stop worrying about her and her actions so will still be here for her."

Friendship is a two way street. It's fair enough to say you should be there for your friend no matter what... but is she there for you? You said you don't want to know what she's up to or have the worry about her. If it was me I'd explain that to her, ask her to be careful but also say I didn't want to have the responsibility of knowing those secrets.

If the two of you can't come to an agreement that suits you both then perhaps it might be time to move on. People change. If she's making you sad then is it really worth it?

Just another slant on it. Not telling to you abandon your friend, just saying don't feel guilty if it doesn't work out. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People choose different paths in life.

Some choose sex, some choose drugs, some choose alcohol.

There are many avenues for a person to wander down and no-one knows the consequences of their actions until it's too late.

Ask yourself if it will directly affect you or your family, if yes, then walk away, if no, let her get on with it.

OP, is this the same friend you had concerns about who was d*unk and revealed certain things to you? yes it is well remembered. "

All you can do is be there for her, you can't make her mind up for her.

Carry on with your life and family until she needs you.

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By *ub bbw OP Woman
over a year ago

oldbury

If the two of you can't come to an agreement that suits you both then perhaps it might be time to move on. People change. If she's making you sad then is it really worth it?

Just another slant on it. Not telling to you abandon your friend, just saying don't feel guilty if it doesn't work out. x"
I have told her this she can be self absorbed and even if I'm having a tough time only seems to think of herself. But I will still be there for her I know what I'm like I can't abandon someone like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People take risks everyday, such as deciding to cross the road on a red man, far more deaths on the road every year than through meeting strangers for sex. We all now its safer to use a green man but choose to take the risk.. Do u get at people for this?

Its her life and I don't see how it should affect u.. Seems more a moral dilemma u have over it than her safety maybe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about if she took up an extreme sport? Would that be different then?

U say she is self absorbed, but u seem to only be thinking about how her choice is making u worry. How about how it is making her feel and why she is doing it?

If someone found out u were into swinging and focused on the negatives of swinging and worried for ur safety, would u stop doing it?

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By *ussypussWoman
over a year ago

South Birmingham waiting for the bf to come back after crimbo

Hi hunny, I know this is the friend we chatted about the other day.

I agree with most that she's a friend and that you are concerned for her safety, so you should tell her exactly that and be a friendly ear if needed.

Her hubby should know what she's doing coz if she's opening herself up to contracting STIs then she's putting him at risk too. I know it's not really your place to tell him but as a previous poster has said, what is he likely to do if her found out what she's up to and that you've known about it all along and kept it from him. I know by telling him you risk losing her as a friend, but sometimes it's better to lose the friend than go against your own morals and principles.

As for the part about her wanting to use your spare room for these liaisons, as I told you the other day, that for me would be an absolute no-no, not least because she would be infringing on your privacy, but also because if she was caught by the law, you would be implicated for letting her do this under your roof, also there would be huge repercussions with your landlord.

So, in a nutshell, be her friend, make sure her hubby knows what she's planning, but do NOT let her use you or your home for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bit about her wanting to use your spare room... If that was me, it would be the final straw. She's not a friend, she's taking the piss.

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