FabSwingers.com forum: You’re own Mortality !

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is not a sympathy thread I was getting a shower two weeks ago found a lump had biopsy done just waiting for results should get them through soon

Have done a will and started making arrangements should the worst happen

I haven’t told anyone my daughters family etc have always said I will just disappear

Question is am I right or wrong to do it this way or do you think I’m been selfish not telling family friends etc

Biopsy might be clear or just benign have to wait and see

As well might be overthinking it as well

Advice or thoughts gratefully accepted

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Can relate to the waiting and the anxiety it causes, think you've made the right call in not telling people till some further information is known..

I did the same and only shared it with the OH and it was something else so all good as I didn't want to worry kids, family etc..

Fingers crossed it works out fine for you mate..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a hard decision either way though if it was me I wouldn't want to worry my family so I'd tell them when I got my results

I sincerely hope that your biopsy is clear xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can relate . I was diagnosed with lymphoma in October. No lumps found i just felt Ill and thought it was indigestion. Nothing more. Had a blood test and found out my kidneys were hardly functioning. Had a biopsy and I was diagnosed. Seemed all doom and gloom at the time. But I’m just about to complete cycle 4 of 6 cycles chemo today and life is definitely good.

Be positive and don’t assume the worst.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Hopefully all is well and if there is an issue then things can be done.

I don't think there's anything wrong with your actions everyone deals with situations differently and your taking positive action, which is admirable.

Fingers crossed that all is good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not selfish at all, but you are missing out on support from those around you that will ease the worry a little. It’s entirely your business whether to tell them, entirely theirs they would want to support you.

If the situation was reversed, would you want them to tell you?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Why do you want to just disappear? Is it to protect people from the emotional pain?

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By *red333Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"This is not a sympathy thread I was getting a shower two weeks ago found a lump had biopsy done just waiting for results should get them through soon

Have done a will and started making arrangements should the worst happen

I haven’t told anyone my daughters family etc have always said I will just disappear

Question is am I right or wrong to do it this way or do you think I’m been selfish not telling family friends etc

Biopsy might be clear or just benign have to wait and see

As well might be overthinking it as well

Advice or thoughts gratefully accepted

"
you're a lil bit premature but good luck with results

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Incredibly selfish to just disappear and not give anyone a chance to say goodbye.

That will traumatise them for the rest of their lives.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can relate . I was diagnosed with lymphoma in October. No lumps found i just felt Ill and thought it was indigestion. Nothing more. Had a blood test and found out my kidneys were hardly functioning. Had a biopsy and I was diagnosed. Seemed all doom and gloom at the time. But I’m just about to complete cycle 4 of 6 cycles chemo today and life is definitely good.

Be positive and don’t assume the worst. "

Thank you am trying to be positive finding it difficult thinking the worst all the time anxiety depression and feeling of one’s own life

Sorry for being a bit down depressing

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Whenever I've had tests like yours I've had the mindset that there's nothing to worry about until someone tells me there's something to worry about.

Fortunately for me, there wasn't anything to worry about.

It's not a bad thing to sort out your end of life preparations. I wish I'd done mine when I had the money to.

Always look on the bright side.

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By *amesBeelzebubMan
over a year ago

norwich

Hope it doesn't come to the worse but I guess we should all prepare for when the time comes early but we don't like to think about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think thinking like that is a bit premature, and that for your own emotional wellbeing, you should wait for any results before even considering any actions afterwards.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why do you want to just disappear? Is it to protect people from the emotional pain?"

Yes my sister has ms and would be in bits can’t tell her this or daughters

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Be positive and don’t assume the worst.

Thank you am trying to be positive finding it difficult thinking the worst all the time anxiety depression and feeling of one’s own life

Sorry for being a bit down depressing

Don't apologise for how you feel.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

That is the worst bit the waiting! I went with breast lumps got referred to hospital had mammogram that needed further investigation so they did ultrasound said looks suspicious including lymph nodes so took biopsies of lump and nodes all on same day then 2 week wait! Which was a long 2 weeks! But turned out to b benign ! Hope u get your result soon x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I chose not to tell my family simply because they’d worry far more than I would and I wanted things to continue as normal.

Wishing you all the best x

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Why do you want to just disappear? Is it to protect people from the emotional pain?

Yes my sister has ms and would be in bits can’t tell her this or daughters

Have you thought about how they'll feel if you disappear?

They'll never know what happened to you and won't be able to grieve?

You could be worrying prematurely yet, anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why do you want to just disappear? Is it to protect people from the emotional pain?

Yes my sister has ms and would be in bits can’t tell her this or daughters

Have you thought about how they'll feel if you disappear?

They'll never know what happened to you and won't be able to grieve?

You could be worrying prematurely yet, anyway.

This is true give up smoking a year ago as well think it’s just panic sets in just waiting for results

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Why do you want to just disappear? Is it to protect people from the emotional pain?

Yes my sister has ms and would be in bits can’t tell her this or daughters

Have you thought about how they'll feel if you disappear?

They'll never know what happened to you and won't be able to grieve?

You could be worrying prematurely yet, anyway.

This is true give up smoking a year ago as well think it’s just panic sets in just waiting for results

Take some deep breaths and try think positively.

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

At this stage you are just waiting for a biopsy.

Personally in try to avoid causing alarm and anxiety.

I’m sure you’ll be fine, and if not it’s probably a simple excision. I had a lump removed last year. It happens.

Having spent most of this week in various medical centres with an elderly parent, I’m really feeling my own mortality. And it’s made me think about sorting out my various messes and getting rid of years of junk. Getting your affairs in order can’t be a bad thing. It’s just never a priority.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mate my past adventures caught up with me recently and hit me hard mentally.

Knie what you are going through. Also had the thoughts of just disappearing..

Happy to chat

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

Sorting out your end of life affairs is a good thing to do anyway, after loosing my partner suddenly it made me realise how important it is to have those things set in place so your family don’t have to worry about the costs etc.

Honestly your family will want to know you are ok, you can’t just disappear, if the worst comes to the worst they will want to say things to you and support you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for all advice given sorry to bring it to forum just can’t talk about this to anyone at the moment

As said the Anxiety depression sinks in till the results come in as said might be overthinking it probably am

Strange thing life we are all born in to this life and at the end we try hold on as much as we can

Once again thank you for all comments

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

I think getting things in order just in case and waiting to know more detail of a possible diagnosis before going public , is a pretty balanced way of proceeding.

Ultimately it’s what works for you OP that counts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all deal with things in our own way.

I was diagnosed with Stage 3 bowel cancer in 2015. With the exception of my immediate line managers and a few close friends, i didn't tell anyone (and still haven't).

I hate fuss, i hate sympathy.

And i didn't want my kids and parents worrying.

Id much rather a close mate said to me "hurry up and snuff it so i can have your record collection/poke your missus", than "oh, you are so brave. Keep smiling".

Its personal choice. And my mindset.

And i didn't see any point in worrying, until there was something to actually worry about.

I only had one "oh fuck" moment from start to finish.

And that's after i was referred to my GP. I was asked to attend Unit C and my local hospital.

When i walked in, i saw the Marie Curie ward on my left, and realised. That was the "oh fuck" moment. Cancer hadnt been mentioned prior to that.

But others prefer the love and support of family and friends.

And that's completely understandable.

You do what's best for you.

Its still very early days, and fingers crossed the results come back negative.

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