FabSwingers.com forum: Never intending to meet

By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

Why do people lead you to believe they are going to meet you and then let you down ?

I’ve had this a few times now

Do people take a perverse pleasure from leading people on when they never intended to go through with the meeting

It’s hard enough to get any traction on this site without being given false hope

Very frustrating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve no idea why they do it.

Have you considered asking them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve no idea why they do it.

Have you considered asking them? "

Maybe he can’t ask them as what’s happened to me before I got blocked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe they lost interest, chsnged their minds, life got in the way, found someone more suitable and a lot of other reasons. Chatting with someone isn’t a commitment to meet. Chill and move on, be sociable, it’ll work itself out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve no idea why they do it.

Have you considered asking them?

Maybe he can’t ask them as what’s happened to me before I got blocked. "

That’s fair enough but still a valid strategy for the ones that don’t block. Whether an answer is forthcoming or not is a different matter.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Because not everyone is honest about why they are using this site, or for what reasons... maybe?

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By *an4funMan
over a year ago

london

"I’ve no idea why they do it.

Have you considered asking them?

Maybe he can’t ask them as what’s happened to me before I got blocked.

That’s fair enough but still a valid strategy for the ones that don’t block. Whether an answer is forthcoming or not is a different matter. "

Maybe he wants to hear about other people's experiences and opinions

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

There could be a thousand and one reasons why. You can drive yourself mad asking why.

That's why we like the social event and club scene. At least there are actually people there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do people lead you to believe they are going to meet you and then let you down ?

I’ve had this a few times now

Do people take a perverse pleasure from leading people on when they never intended to go through with the meeting

It’s hard enough to get any traction on this site without being given false hope

Very frustrating "

How do you know they had no intention to meet?

Something may have been said that put them off.

Did you do sex chat? He likely finished his wank.

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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I’ve no idea why they do it.

Have you considered asking them? "

It comes across as a bit needy to follow up I suppose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve no idea why they do it.

Have you considered asking them?

Maybe he can’t ask them as what’s happened to me before I got blocked.

That’s fair enough but still a valid strategy for the ones that don’t block. Whether an answer is forthcoming or not is a different matter.

Maybe he wants to hear about other people's experiences and opinions "

Exactly

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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Why do people lead you to believe they are going to meet you and then let you down ?

I’ve had this a few times now

Do people take a perverse pleasure from leading people on when they never intended to go through with the meeting

It’s hard enough to get any traction on this site without being given false hope

Very frustrating

How do you know they had no intention to meet?

Something may have been said that put them off.

Did you do sex chat? He likely finished his wank. "

There was a bit of suggestive texting but it was more about the where and when details

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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I’ve no idea why they do it.

Have you considered asking them?

Maybe he can’t ask them as what’s happened to me before I got blocked.

That’s fair enough but still a valid strategy for the ones that don’t block. Whether an answer is forthcoming or not is a different matter.

Maybe he wants to hear about other people's experiences and opinions

Exactly "

That was the idea of the thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve no idea why they do it.

Have you considered asking them?

Maybe he can’t ask them as what’s happened to me before I got blocked.

That’s fair enough but still a valid strategy for the ones that don’t block. Whether an answer is forthcoming or not is a different matter.

Maybe he wants to hear about other people's experiences and opinions

Exactly

That was the idea of the thread "

I don’t really see the point in people posting if they don’t have a idea why lol

it’s a bit of a waste of time

Anyways hope you have plenty more fun meets in the future

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

so many timewasters poss want wank material sex chat changed minds

many dont read profiles

sometimes life gets in way

i think you need to set some rules and move on

but love the honesty re wife etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive not been messed about but have had 3 bad meets out of the few ive had and go with gut instinct its never wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do people lead you to believe they are going to meet you and then let you down ?

I’ve had this a few times now

Do people take a perverse pleasure from leading people on when they never intended to go through with the meeting

It’s hard enough to get any traction on this site without being given false hope

Very frustrating

How do you know they had no intention to meet?

Something may have been said that put them off.

Did you do sex chat? He likely finished his wank.

There was a bit of suggestive texting but it was more about the where and when details "

What happened? Did they not turn up or cancelled before the meet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't dwell on it. Plenty of cockwombles on here.

We just got blocked by a couple that ghosted us and stopped replying to whatsapp messages after we reached out saying we'll be at the same club event.

Their excuse was that we removed them from friends list, except the part where we removed everyone. Calm down, don't flatter yourself with importance.

Plenty of fish in the sea as they say.

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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"so many timewasters poss want wank material sex chat changed minds

many dont read profiles

sometimes life gets in way

i think you need to set some rules and move on

but love the honesty re wife etc "

Cheers x

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By *ull English with teaMan
over a year ago

London

I actually got stood up for the first time last night. Apparently it ‘slipped her mind’ as she was busy at work. I wouldn’t have minded but she was the one that messaged me in the first place! She won’t be getting a second chance.

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By *oupleformeetCouple
over a year ago

london

"Why do people lead you to believe they are going to meet you and then let you down ?

I’ve had this a few times now

Do people take a perverse pleasure from leading people on when they never intended to go through with the meeting

It’s hard enough to get any traction on this site without being given false hope

Very frustrating "

thats not nice agreed. but there maybe genuine reasons. we are here to meet people for a fun when we are away or in hotels - sometimes life gets in way of plans but we always expalin and try to reschedule xxx

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

If it happens regularly to you OP then I would suggest you might want to think about you filter your potential meets.

Personally I find that people who want to chat a lot almost never meet so I tend to cut those conversations out. If I have any doubts about them then I will also ask to cam or chat on the phone - it is amazing how many people can’t/won’t do that.

Don’t just jump straight in because someone has messaged you - you need to check whether they are genuine as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there is a huuuuuuge number who aren’t single and are seeing how far they can push themselves. Most will never make it past the chat and fantasy of making plans.

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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"If it happens regularly to you OP then I would suggest you might want to think about you filter your potential meets.

Don’t just jump straight in because someone has messaged you - you need to check whether they are genuine as well."

Good advice thanks

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By *cunnylassCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

"I think there is a huuuuuuge number who aren’t single and are seeing how far they can push themselves. Most will never make it past the chat and fantasy of making plans."

Definitely!

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Why do people lead you to believe they are going to meet you and then let you down ?

I’ve had this a few times now

Do people take a perverse pleasure from leading people on when they never intended to go through with the meeting

It’s hard enough to get any traction on this site without being given false hope

Very frustrating "

How far have these discussions gone?

We have a simple set up on here. I dick around in the forums and Fox runs the inbox.

Every now and then she'll go for a browse, find a guy or two that catches her eye, drop them a wink and conversations will commence. Some will progress, others the chat will make her lose interest.

In an ideal world (where we've won the lottery, have no work/family/life commitments stopping us meeting whenever we'd like) we'd be quicker to arrange socials and potential follow up play meets. But our world isn't ideal, as with many others. So those chats that start with a flurry of messages slow down. It doesn't mean she's/we've lost interest. It just means that we're busy right now.

The guys that understand that don't stress, don't panic and think we've moved on to someone else and will be patient and wait for things to fall in place and everyone have the time to meet.

Those that are just after a quick fuck and assume they've dropped off our radar, who keep sending messages almost daily trying to maintain visibility to ensure we don't forget them? They'll be the ones we're least likely to continue engaging with.

Everyone moves at their own pace. If theirs doesn't match the pace you like - move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think there is a huuuuuuge number who aren’t single and are seeing how far they can push themselves. Most will never make it past the chat and fantasy of making plans."

This! It’s a game for many, an alternative universe in their own heads but when it comes down to the reality something gets in the way … life, conscience, balls (or lack of) … or like you say they reach the point that they can’t take the fantasy further and then it’s over and out.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Why do they do it?

Because it amuses them I would guess!

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Don't dwell on it. Plenty of cockwombles on here.

We just got blocked by a couple that ghosted us and stopped replying to whatsapp messages after we reached out saying we'll be at the same club event.

Their excuse was that we removed them from friends list, except the part where we removed everyone. Calm down, don't flatter yourself with importance.

Plenty of fish in the sea as they say.

We have a simple solution to 'friends list' drama.

We have zero friends only photos/videos. There's literally nothing to be gained by adding us as friends except we'd appear in that part of the updates page - but then just hotlisting does the same job of bookmarking a profile. Face pics are kept in the private gallery so there's no 'bonus content' at all for anyone who gets added.

The only people we have on ours are those we've met and would enjoy meeting again, friends from years of being on here that we've met socially and some mods.

Aside from any drama related to who we do/dont add as friends it also cuts down on the volume of random friends requests out of the blue. We barely get any.

Winner winner!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had arranged to meet someone once for a first social with a hope for more when out of the blue he started talk of rough sex and cuckold shaming which has always been a clear no on our profile.

Meet was cancelled immediately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel for you OP, it's happened to me a few times recently where they've messaged first, we're chatting and have a few things in common and then they just go silent or block you, never to respond again.

People think men do it because we're fantasists but women and couples are just as guilty if they think something better has come along. It's easy to say that you need to have a thicker skin but it doesn't help the confidence in what Fab can offer if it happens often.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"I feel for you OP, it's happened to me a few times recently where they've messaged first, we're chatting and have a few things in common and then they just go silent or block you, never to respond again.

Indeed. There are some amazing people on here, but often the demonising of men often overshadows the just as bad behaviour of some women and couples too that single men get called out for.

It is certainly a common male trait, but it sure as shit is not uncommon among women either.

I'm not here to shit on women... Even if that may be their thing. Just highlight it is a people thing, not limited to sex or gender.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Some people like to chase but never catch. It's quite common OP. Don't let it put you off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I don't think I will ever arrange a meet on here other than at a social. However gaining the confidence to attend a swingers event is a different issue.

I have no idea what to expect, and certainly don't want to feel line a 2nd class citizen because I'm a single male, of which I belive there are an abundance of.

Therefore I resign myself to the fact that i use this site for the forum only because its good fun

In a nutshell...I have zero expectation

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Everyone is capable of cuntish behaviour, regardless of how they present themselves on here. Some are very deft at manipulating their public image.

However, man bashing is an easy way to get notoriety or popularity, which could in theory lead to that elusive fuck meat!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im not sure why they do it or what they get out if it, but I can imagine the reasons vary from too nervous to actually go through with meeting, have a genuine reason for not being able to make it, they like the fantasy of it but not the reality or they're getting their kicks from it by deliberately leading people on.

Whatever the reason is you just have to say sid em and move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do wonder if it's a case of different expectation from the very beginning as conversations ramp up quickly on fab and both have different views of the end result

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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Im not sure why they do it or what they get out if it, but I can imagine the reasons vary from too nervous to actually go through with meeting, have a genuine reason for not being able to make it, they like the fantasy of it but not the reality or they're getting their kicks from it by deliberately leading people on.

Whatever the reason is you just have to say sid em and move on

Thanks xx

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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I do wonder if it's a case of different expectation from the very beginning as conversations ramp up quickly on fab and both have different views of the end result

I had a sneaky suspicion it was too good to be true as she was stunning and also mentioned bringing a female friend !! And she sent pics of her and the friend !! Plus she had very believable verifications

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they told you the truth, could you handle it?

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"I do wonder if it's a case of different expectation from the very beginning as conversations ramp up quickly on fab and both have different views of the end result

That’s exactly the type of situation where you want to speak to “her” to make sure she is really who you think/hope she is.

Too good to be true is usually a big warning sign for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do wonder if it's a case of different expectation from the very beginning as conversations ramp up quickly on fab and both have different views of the end result

Ahh! A Catfish maybe? Or 'bored' and looking for easy kicks and ego boost maybe?

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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"If they told you the truth, could you handle it? "

I’d prefer that at least you know there is no chance

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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I do wonder if it's a case of different expectation from the very beginning as conversations ramp up quickly on fab and both have different views of the end result

Ahh! A Catfish maybe? Or 'bored' and looking for easy kicks and ego boost maybe? "

Who knows ? But I’m over it now !!

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By *hristopherd999Man
over a year ago

Brentwood

"I’ve no idea why they do it.

Have you considered asking them? "

I have asked, either get ignored blocked or they delete their profile only to appear a couple of days later with a slightly different name

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't dwell on it. Plenty of cockwombles on here.

We just got blocked by a couple that ghosted us and stopped replying to whatsapp messages after we reached out saying we'll be at the same club event.

Their excuse was that we removed them from friends list, except the part where we removed everyone. Calm down, don't flatter yourself with importance.

Plenty of fish in the sea as they say.

We have a simple solution to 'friends list' drama.

The only people we have on ours are those we've met and would enjoy meeting again, friends from years of being on here that we've met socially and some mods.

Aside from any drama related to who we do/dont add as friends it also cuts down on the volume of random friends requests out of the blue. We barely get any.

Winner winner!!

Sound advice, thank you. We'll act on it. Even though it is funny to see how self important some people can be. I rather not have to deal with it at all.

Not sure what to class that kind of drama. Screams immaturity to say the least.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do people lead you to believe they are going to meet you and then let you down ?

I’ve had this a few times now

Do people take a perverse pleasure from leading people on when they never intended to go through with the meeting

It’s hard enough to get any traction on this site without being given false hope

Very frustrating "

Welcome to fab.

People are here for lots of different things, it’s cool when you find people are matching the same thing as you. You just goto keep your eyes open op.

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By *ucifer And MazikeenCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Indeed. There are some amazing people on here, but often the demonising of men often overshadows the just as bad behaviour of some women and couples too that single men get called out for.

It is certainly a common male trait, but it sure as shit is not uncommon among women either.

I'm not here to shit on women... Even if that may be their thing. Just highlight it is a people thing, not limited to sex or gender. "

You are correct we have just as much in the inbox from couples and single females that do the same as op has put. The same as the first messages I think its just that it is more pointed out about the single males

It is clear on our profile that if you send the typical first message hi how are you there will be no reply yet daily off couples single females and males still get them. And we stick with what our profile saysand none of them get a reply no matter what they look like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because they fear being labelled 'time wasters'? Because maybe they just need a chat and they know you'd most likely move on if you knew you had no chance to meet them? Some people just want to talk about fantasies, not live them, I suppose.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Happens all the time, I've had profiles disappear on the day of the social, like an hour before we're due to meet.

People ask if I'm free, I tell them yes, they can join me on my walk for coffee.... Then nothing... I now always tie a social in with something else in doing anyway, then my time isn't wasted. It's a them problem... Had one guy msg me on another platform, saying he wasn't on here anymore, yet good profile was still active lol I've given up trying to understand them.

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By *ohnlooking4uMan
over a year ago

bath

Fairly common I would say happened a few times to me either when it gets close to the meet all messaging drys up or worse on the day message to say not able to make it with no explanation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Happens all the time, I've had profiles disappear on the day of the social, like an hour before we're due to meet.

That's been my strategy too for a while. Always having a solo plan B. A museum nearby, a park to stroll around and take nature photos, a new cafe to check out. Anything really

quality time alone is just as important right ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Welcome to the weird wonderful world of fab, if you wanna work ppl out on fab, and why they do what they do...you'll give yourself a headache. Ppl do this fir a whole host of reasons...what's important is you don't make it mean anything about you...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before anyone asks, it wasn’t me

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Before anyone asks, it wasn’t me "

IT BLOODY WAS YOU COCKTEASE

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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

I have had a few couples do this in the past 2/3 months. Not sure why they would waste time talking to me for a few days if they didn’t want to meet. I always send a facepic on the first or second message. I just assume it’s because things happened last minute and they couldn’t meet. Perhaps they felt different last minute and changed their mind.

Would much rather people say “actually you know what, I’m not feeling it anymore” rather than not say anything and keep you wondering.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Before anyone asks, it wasn’t me

IT BLOODY WAS YOU COCKTEASE"

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By *ngelsdevilWoman
over a year ago

Merseyside

Just to throw in a different perspective. There's a guy I've been talking to, he's absolutely gorgeous literally makes me wet just looking at his face, also, his cock is like a weapon. In my head I desperately want to meet him but I worry that I'm not good enough for him and he'll take 1 look at me and be like 'wtf have I done ere' thats MY insecurity screaming at me. I want to be brave and just do it. Maybe if he wasn't so gorgeous -he wouldn't intimidate me? He knows all of this BTW, I've been totally upfront. No intentional cock teasing here!

So it's not always to wind men up, sometimes we just shit out because we're dickheads

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

could be many reasons from it was a man pretending to be a woman/couple to they simply changed their mind or something was said to put off maybe .. but nothing is concrete on this scene until you are face to face ..

for a guy very thick skin is needed because the shit to wade through will be thick very thick and the longer you are on this scene the easier these things will be easy to see and avoid its just a sad fact men will find it harder mainly due to the abundance of them and other men who join just to pretent to be a woman / couple / troll / be nasty / cock block ..

as for blocking its the best tool on fab it should be used more often by others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe they lost interest, chsnged their minds, life got in the way, found someone more suitable and a lot of other reasons. Chatting with someone isn’t a commitment to meet. Chill and move on, be sociable, it’ll work itself out.

This

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

"If it happens regularly to you OP then I would suggest you might want to think about you filter your potential meets.

Don’t just jump straight in because someone has messaged you - you need to check whether they are genuine as well."

Everyone does fab differently though. When I am meeting new people I won't meet fast off here and will chat for a while before arranging a meet. I find it very annoying when someone pushes for a meet early on. I also don't cam or chat on the phone

we would definitely never meet

It doesn't mean I'm not genuine though and leading anyone on. The one time I met off here fast it was the worst and scariest meet I ever had. So no way will I ever do that again.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Op there are loads of reasons people don't meet after chatting. Sometimes they are just leading you on a merry chase and never have any intention of meeting. You just need to spot the signs that they won't.

Sometimes it is what someone has said has made me think nope I am not meeting them. I have always told someone though when that has happened.

Sometimes maybe they chat to someone else and think the grass is greener over there .

There are so many reasons and most of the time you probably won't know why it happens. But just brush it off and don't let it get to you when it happens.

At the moment I'm not doing new meets and that means I won't do chats either so no one gets the idea that a chat will lead to a meet.I use to chat and always tell people at the very start (it is also on my profile I'm not doing new meets at present) but found any chat led some men to believe I would meet anyhow. So it's easier to just not chat at all now.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

If people wanna meet you they will , if they don’t they won’t. How they decide and manage peoples expectations isn’t really something you have much control over. Not everyone is confident enough to be direct or make and stick to decisions.

Take a bit of responsibility in your role of dealing with people and stop whining

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Why do people lead you to believe they are going to meet you and then let you down ?

I’ve had this a few times now

Do people take a perverse pleasure from leading people on when they never intended to go through with the meeting

It’s hard enough to get any traction on this site without being given false hope

Very frustrating "
hey I'm sorry they've let you down not a nice feeling but sometimes its nerves on their part, sometimes they are guys pretending to be females and sometimes a better offer has come up and thats the reason for let down, rotten i know but in the long run a god send

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get what kids these days call “the ick” and go off people pretty quickly. So quite often I’ll chat with the intention of meeting them, then either the feeling will die off or they’ll say something that puts me off them.

So… I imagine that those people might think I had no intention of meeting them.

Sometimes the other party just doesn’t feel the same way, plus people are free to change their minds.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people wanna meet you they will , if they don’t they won’t. How they decide and manage peoples expectations isn’t really something you have much control over. Not everyone is confident enough to be direct or make and stick to decisions.

Take a bit of responsibility in your role of dealing with people and stop whining "

I'm sorry but that's utter bollocks. Surely they set the expectation when they message back and forth and act like you're this great guy that meets their criteria. It's never safe to assume things but if they say these things you're not thinking "Well they would never want to meet me anyway". It's being led down one path and then taken a sharp left off a cliff. In that case, the "whining" is justified

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By *onnie 90Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I suppose those who aren't getting any meets must get frustrated by those that are. You know, envious. So they set their mind to pissing people about. Set up a fake profile, talk the talk, lead you up the garden path then...

Silence.

The "if I'm not getting any neither are you" mindset. Pathetic really.

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