FabSwingers.com forum: Ask your Auntie Wendi

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok boys and girls and all those in-between. It's time again for your favourite Agony Aunt, so anything you need help with ask away and I shall give you my advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi Auntie Wendi. First time caller, long time listener.

I've recently had to break up with my girlfriend as she never listened to me. I don't think she even listened to why we broke up.

What should I do in the future to stop this happening again?

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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

Auntie why the fuck did I fly back from Portugal to this shit

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

Hi Aunti Wendi,

I am meeting a lovely woman tomorrow for a coffee and chat about sex clubs, outdoor sex and generally just sex.

My question is, should I wear my funky multicolour pants or just plain black ones? I am not expecting to show them, but subconsciously I will know, you know?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I have to go to a funeral next week and the invitation stated that dress should be 'sombrero'.

Do you think it's just a typo or should I go on eBay and buy a mexican hat?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Auntie Wendy

I have an itch I can't reach

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Dear Wendi.

I am spending my evening bleaching my hair instead of ch*king on dick and feel most dissatisfied. What's the best way to relieve the frustration of an oral fixation without dragging some poor man over here to fix it for me?

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By *ikesEmBigMan
over a year ago

Herts

[Removed by poster at 19/01/23 20:58:52]

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By *ikesEmBigMan
over a year ago

Herts

"Ok boys and girls and all those in-between. It's time again for your favourite Agony Aunt, so anything you need help with ask away and I shall give you my advice."

Should I buy the psvr2 next month or should I stop playing video games and get some fanny?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi Auntie Wendi. First time caller, long time listener.

I've recently had to break up with my girlfriend as she never listened to me. I don't think she even listened to why we broke up.

What should I do in the future to stop this happening again?"

Communication is key, once the Communication breaks down you don't listen.

I find it easier to give them a condolence card with deapest sympathy for your loss. Then write your dumped.

They usually the message that way.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi Auntie Wendi. First time caller, long time listener.

I've recently had to break up with my girlfriend as she never listened to me. I don't think she even listened to why we broke up.

What should I do in the future to stop this happening again?

Communication is key, once the Communication breaks down you don't listen.

I find it easier to give them a condolence card with deapest sympathy for your loss. Then write your dumped.

They usually the message that way.

Love Auntie Wendi x "

Got it. That'll teach the bitch. Thanks, Wendi!

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

"Ok boys and girls and all those in-between. It's time again for your favourite Agony Aunt, so anything you need help with ask away and I shall give you my advice.

Should I buy the psvr2 next month or should I stop playing video games and get some fanny?"

The psvr1 is AMAZING!!!!! Pussy is fun but PSVR is for life!!!!!!

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Auntie, as a 50year old woman am I too old to be doing an nvq?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie why the fuck did I fly back from Portugal to this shit"

All good things can't last forever that's why it's called a holiday, so you know what you've to do now, save like made for your next wee break away.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Dear Auntie Wendi.

I think my neighbour is using my toothbrush as a sex toy. How can I catch them so I can wank about it later?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi Aunti Wendi,

I am meeting a lovely woman tomorrow for a coffee and chat about sex clubs, outdoor sex and generally just sex.

My question is, should I wear my funky multicolour pants or just plain black ones? I am not expecting to show them, but subconsciously I will know, you know?"

Ohh we all lole to wear something racey under are normal clothes.

I say be bold wear them as I know when I wear something under my clothes that I lile it makes me feel even sexier.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"Auntie why the fuck did I fly back from Portugal to this shit

All good things can't last forever that's why it's called a holiday, so you know what you've to do now, save like made for your next wee break away.

Love Auntie Wendi x "

Already planning

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have to go to a funeral next week and the invitation stated that dress should be 'sombrero'.

Do you think it's just a typo or should I go on eBay and buy a mexican hat?

Just get some black netting or a veil and attach it to the hat.

Nothing better than a statement funeral hat.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie Wendy

I have an itch I can't reach "

Ebay back scratches, washing machine, cheese grater lots if items around the house that'll help you out.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Dear Auntie Wendi,

I have a really awesome Halogen Heater.

I realise that this is not in any way, shape or form a problem but I just thought I’d have a boast at any rate

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Wendi.

Well they say blondes have more fun so just remember how good it'll look when finished.

You'll be inundated with dick, hope it turns ut OK for you.

Also remember to give it a good conditioning treatment mask after as bleaching is so harsh on your hair.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ok boys and girls and all those in-between. It's time again for your favourite Agony Aunt, so anything you need help with ask away and I shall give you my advice.

Should I buy the psvr2 next month or should I stop playing video games and get some fanny?"

If you can afford it and it rings you pleasure, then get one.

I'm not 100% sure if you can watch porn on them

Remember there's women on nine gaming forums too

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

Hi wendi..... I feel chilli when i wank

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Dear Auntie,

There’s a girl on here I really like. Whenever I message her she replies instantly, then it’s my go again and I don’t know what to say.

So I wait a full 24 hours then message again when I have thought of something funny or interesting to say and the same happens!

This is exhausting, and keeping me awake at night worrying….should I just block her?

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"Hi wendi..... I feel chilli when i wank

Personally I would suggest feeling a spag bol instead

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie, as a 50year old woman am I too old to be doing an nvq?

Knowledge is power my dear.

You're ne wr to old to learn.

Fair play to you for doing it later in life.

I'm going back to school this year myself at the Young age of 40, to do an advance colouring in between the lines course.

Once you get into it you'll not regret it and wish you'd done ot sooner.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi Auntie Wendy, I'm meeting up with my forum crush next week. It's not a problem or anything I need advice on. I've had a proper thing for her for a while though but never thought she'd be interested. So, if I may hijack your thread for a moment, my advice to the people of Fab would be this - shoot your shot, you never know what might happen

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie Wendi.

I think my neighbour is using my toothbrush as a sex toy. How can I catch them so I can wank about it later?"

Of its an electronic one that uses batteries take them out and put a note in it. They could just be using the batteries as they ain't cheap.

Try flirting with them see if the pick up on it.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"Auntie, as a 50year old woman am I too old to be doing an nvq?

Knowledge is power my dear.

You're ne wr to old to learn.

Fair play to you for doing it later in life.

I'm going back to school this year myself at the Young age of 40, to do an advance colouring in between the lines course.

Once you get into it you'll not regret it and wish you'd done ot sooner.

Love Auntie Wendi x "

Thank you xx feel much more confident now.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Well they say blondes have more fun so just remember how good it'll look when finished.

You'll be inundated with dick, hope it turns ut OK for you.

Also remember to give it a good conditioning treatment mask after as bleaching is so harsh on your hair.

Love Auntie Wendi x "

Oh god. I don't know if I can handle being any further inundated. Maybe I should dye it something else.

But yes, conditioning mask and many post bleach care products at the ready.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie Wendi,

I have a really awesome Halogen Heater.

I realise that this is not in any way, shape or form a problem but I just thought I’d have a boast at any rate

You go Glen Coco.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

"Hi Aunti Wendi,

I am meeting a lovely woman tomorrow for a coffee and chat about sex clubs, outdoor sex and generally just sex.

My question is, should I wear my funky multicolour pants or just plain black ones? I am not expecting to show them, but subconsciously I will know, you know?

Ohh we all lole to wear something racey under are normal clothes.

I say be bold wear them as I know when I wear something under my clothes that I lile it makes me feel even sexier.

Love Auntie Wendi x "

Thank you Wendi

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi wendi..... I feel chilli when i wank

Don't do it outdoors then. Put on some gloves. You know what they say cold hands.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

"Hi Auntie Wendy, I'm meeting up with my forum crush next week. It's not a problem or anything I need advice on. I've had a proper thing for her for a while though but never thought she'd be interested. So, if I may hijack your thread for a moment, my advice to the people of Fab would be this - shoot your shot, you never know what might happen

Have a great time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie,

There’s a girl on here I really like. Whenever I message her she replies instantly, then it’s my go again and I don’t know what to say.

So I wait a full 24 hours then message again when I have thought of something funny or interesting to say and the same happens!

This is exhausting, and keeping me awake at night worrying….should I just block her? "

Just tell her, we really aren't psychic.

We just always have an answer straight away.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just don't keep messaging if they say no or delete your message.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just don't keep messaging if they say no or delete your message.

Love Auntie Wendi x "

Excellent advice as always Wendi, thank you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie, as a 50year old woman am I too old to be doing an nvq?

Knowledge is power my dear.

You're ne wr to old to learn.

Fair play to you for doing it later in life.

I'm going back to school this year myself at the Young age of 40, to do an advance colouring in between the lines course.

Once you get into it you'll not regret it and wish you'd done ot sooner.

Love Auntie Wendi x

Thank you xx feel much more confident now. "

There will be times you'll struggle and think it's a bit much just step back take a breather for half an hour then tell yourself I got this girl. Think of the bigger picture.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Hi wendi..... I feel chilli when i wank

Personally I would suggest feeling a spag bol instead"
all that tomato sauce everywhere

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just don't keep messaging if they say no or delete your message.

Love Auntie Wendi x

Excellent advice as always Wendi, thank you "

Enjoy. Yes guys yous can get meets but remember,cits a swinging site. Not instafuck, wh effort you out into it and how you conduct yourself, goes along way.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi Auntie Wendi. First time caller, long time listener.

I've recently had to break up with my girlfriend as she never listened to me. I don't think she even listened to why we broke up.

What should I do in the future to stop this happening again?"

Pete I said you looked fine, are you still going on

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi wendi..... I feel chilli when i wank

Personally I would suggest feeling a spag bol insteadall that tomato sauce everywhere

Warm apple pie works, plus after you'll have the cream.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Hi wendi..... I feel chilli when i wank

Personally I would suggest feeling a spag bol insteadall that tomato sauce everywhere

Warm apple pie works, plus after you'll have the cream.

Love Auntie Wendi x "
thank you wendi so useful

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi Auntie Wendi. First time caller, long time listener.

I've recently had to break up with my girlfriend as she never listened to me. I don't think she even listened to why we broke up.

What should I do in the future to stop this happening again?

Pete I said you looked fine, are you still going on"

He just needs to stick with f&b that romance will never end.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi Auntie Wendi

I had a poo before the size of one of king kongs fingers at a customers place. The fucker took three flushes and I think they got on to it.

How long before I go back?

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Hi Wendi, long time listener

I've been back on the scene for a while after a few years break and everything was going great. Got a wonderful couple I was closely connected with, large group of extended playmates and friends, recognised by forum royalty as a generally good guy.

Then got news my father in law has less than a year to live.

Went to a club night and basically had a complete breakdown. I can't talk to the group, can't look anyone in the eye, I'm only communicating with my couple through WhatsApp when they check in to make sure I'm OK. All my hard work is down the tubes and I'm at my lowest point for years. I don't have a question, but I had to get it out.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"Auntie, as a 50year old woman am I too old to be doing an nvq?

Knowledge is power my dear.

You're ne wr to old to learn.

Fair play to you for doing it later in life.

I'm going back to school this year myself at the Young age of 40, to do an advance colouring in between the lines course.

Once you get into it you'll not regret it and wish you'd done ot sooner.

Love Auntie Wendi x

Thank you xx feel much more confident now.

There will be times you'll struggle and think it's a bit much just step back take a breather for half an hour then tell yourself I got this girl. Think of the bigger picture.

Love Auntie Wendi x "

You are very good at this x thank you again x

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

"Auntie, as a 50year old woman am I too old to be doing an nvq?

Knowledge is power my dear.

You're ne wr to old to learn.

Fair play to you for doing it later in life.

I'm going back to school this year myself at the Young age of 40, to do an advance colouring in between the lines course.

Once you get into it you'll not regret it and wish you'd done ot sooner.

Love Auntie Wendi x "

Advanced colouring is great fun. I has experience at it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi Auntie Wendi

I had a poo before the size of one of king kongs fingers at a customers place. The fucker took three flushes and I think they got on to it.

How long before I go back?"

Deny, deny, deny. Along as it didn't smell your ok.

It happens to the best of us so I've herd.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi Wendi, long time listener

Then got news my father in law has less than a year to live.

You dine the right thing.

You've kept in contact with one couple when they contact you.

This I'd normal alot of us shut down it's a coping mechanism same as flight or dye.

I'm really sorry to hear this.

People sometimes get lost on here in the sense of the forums clubs etc.

It's not reality in your everyday life.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Real life will always trump fab, fb, fwb,club meets.

When it's a genuine person people understand your family need you at present.

They come first always if people don't understand that then pardon my French (fuck them)

You do what you have to at this present moment in time.

Some of us have been there and know your pain.

If you ever need to vent PM me know matter how trivial you think it is.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie, as a 50year old woman am I too old to be doing an nvq?

Knowledge is power my dear.

You're ne wr to old to learn.

Fair play to you for doing it later in life.

I'm going back to school this year myself at the Young age of 40, to do an advance colouring in between the lines course.

Once you get into it you'll not regret it and wish you'd done ot sooner.

Love Auntie Wendi x

Thank you xx feel much more confident now.

There will be times you'll struggle and think it's a bit much just step back take a breather for half an hour then tell yourself I got this girl. Think of the bigger picture.

Love Auntie Wendi x

You are very good at this x thank you again x "

Years of practice, but again congrats it's hard owing things in later life.

I'm returning to it this year all joking aside, done it 8years ago and real life problems stepped in and always regretted not finishing of my course.

So this time round I'll be 45 instead of 35.

But you know what it's opening the path to what I truly want to do.

So again you do you girl shine bright like a diamond you've got this.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

If you ever need to vent PM me know matter how trivial you think it is.

Love Auntie Wendi x "

That means a lot Wendi, xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do I get a certain forumite to stop teasing me?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you ever need to vent PM me know matter how trivial you think it is.

Love Auntie Wendi x

That means a lot Wendi, xxx"

I mean I've been there.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do I get a certain forumite to stop teasing me?

Ahh the great is back.

We'll never stop teasing you

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

I've started having less than pure thoughts about someone that I really, really shouldn't be (erm not in a weird way). He's suggested a day for a date. Normally I'm quite proud of myself for my self restraint but my quim is betraying me. Do I keep voice noting a friend until it's out of my system? She's encouraging me so not really helping.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

You need to give in and listen to your quim

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

Go for it some of the best meets ove had are with people I shouldn't.

Love Auntie Wendi x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do I get a certain forumite to stop teasing me?

Ahh the great is back.

We'll never stop teasing you

Love Auntie Wendi x "

That's not helping

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Dear Aunty Wednesday

I’ve been flirting with a married woman on WhatsApp. Her fault as she initially led me to believe she was single. It’s been going on 1-2 months now getting quite steamy. She says she’s feeling guilty and disloyal but doesn’t want to stop.

She says at work she fantasises about me all over her like a hungry dog and it’s affecting her job as a teacher. We tried to tone it down and just be friends but failed. She called me babe, I sent a little x and we’re back there hard and wet.

I will meet her face to face in a few weeks at an event with mutual friends. She asked will I hug her or will that be weird, I said of course and added I’ll squeeze your bum too.

She said ok but be discrete as her husband and sister will be there

Should I risk slipping a finger in ?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

You need to give in and listen to your quim

Awful advice PD. Awful.

It's got to the point that if I'm voicenoting someone and a message from him appears, I find a reason to quickly end it so I can listen/watch him.

I'm an awful person with a daft crush.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

You need to give in and listen to your quim

Awful advice PD. Awful.

It's got to the point that if I'm voicenoting someone and a message from him appears, I find a reason to quickly end it so I can listen/watch him.

I'm an awful person with a daft crush.

I reckon it won't be long before he's blowing raspberries on your bean

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

You need to give in and listen to your quim

Awful advice PD. Awful.

It's got to the point that if I'm voicenoting someone and a message from him appears, I find a reason to quickly end it so I can listen/watch him.

I'm an awful person with a daft crush.

I reckon it won't be long before he's blowing raspberries on your bean

thank you for helping a girl out when she's very confused. If that does happen any time soon, I'll start a thread on interesting oral techniques (I'm sure it works for you PD

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

You need to give in and listen to your quim

Awful advice PD. Awful.

It's got to the point that if I'm voicenoting someone and a message from him appears, I find a reason to quickly end it so I can listen/watch him.

I'm an awful person with a daft crush.

I reckon it won't be long before he's blowing raspberries on your bean

thank you for helping a girl out when she's very confused. If that does happen any time soon, I'll start a thread on interesting oral techniques (I'm sure it works for you PD

I'm willing to share them with you Meli, I'm nice like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Forgive me Auntie Wendi, for I am about to sin

I made ONE New Year’s resolution, and I’m not even going to last until February

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/01/23 16:20:20]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

I haven’t heard the word quim for years

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

How much do I need to grovel to my date tomorrow for having to cancel last minute lady weekend due to having to pick up daughter from Southampton (trains/trees/flooding)

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

I haven’t heard the word quim for years"

It's a good word isn't it?

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

"... ...I haven’t heard the word quim for years

It's a good word isn't it?"

•

It's an exceptional word.

But I •love• the Elizabethan variant — Quinny. It's so mischievously suggestive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

I haven’t heard the word quim for years

It's a good word isn't it? "

Wonderful word

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

I haven’t heard the word quim for years

It's a good word isn't it? "

'God save the Quim' as they said in the second Bottom live show.

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By *tephanjMan
over a year ago

Kettering

Hi auntie. I had a phone call today but I couldn't get it in time I phoned back and it was the hospital, but I had no idea what department it was from now I'm worried

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By *uddy laneMan
over a year ago

dudley

What would you suggest as the most environmentally friendly method of removing pesky flies from the kitchen.

an insecticide from a spray can or half a tonne of horse crap in the living room.?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello Auntie Wendi.

So, my dilemma.

I haven’t heard the word quim for years

It's a good word isn't it? "

It’s a fantastic word. I’m going to drop it in to polite conversation tomorrow

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