FabSwingers.com forum: Sexless marriage

By *lexV16 OP Man
over a year ago

Welling

Ladies and Gents,

Reading through Forum I notice there are lot of responses from guys and gals that they are here because not getting sex home or getting far less than wanted.

So my question, why do you lovely people decided to stay in that marriage? What do you think the reason for your marriage became sexless? What did you do (if anything) before you come to sex on the side story?

No judgment on this topic please. It is created just out of curiosity and provide ability to share the stories.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As stated on another topic and whilst my marriage is not completely sexless just rarer and not as varied as I’d like. My marriage is great in all other aspects, friendship, interests and good fun the only thing lacking is ‘my’ sexual needs

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"As stated on another topic and whilst my marriage is not completely sexless just rarer and not as varied as I’d like. My marriage is great in all other aspects, friendship, interests and good fun the only thing lacking is ‘my’ sexual needs"

Needs...or wants?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it was a growing resentment for my other half, if he touched me I flinched even.

I couldn’t leave as I was being financially abused, I asked him to go a myriad of times but he wouldn’t go without having someone else to leech off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Needs...or wants?

You’re correct - my wants

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By *lexV16 OP Man
over a year ago

Welling

Needs...or wants?

You’re correct - my wants "

Needs or wants doesn’t matter. We are just humans.

May I ask if it always was like that or faded with time, maybe kids or anything else?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my situation it changed over time due to personal (mine and my wife’s) circumstances

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat

I stayed for the kids. Me and the ex were sexually incompatible from the start. I had major insecurities about my body (that I didn't manage to conquer until after I became single). Add to that reversed roles, kids, losing my identity as a woman in my own right when I became a mother, permanently knackered from working long hours in a demanding job, running a home etc etc.

For anyone who is interested I found The State of Affairs by Esther Perel an insightful read which helped me to make sense of the root causes of our issues.

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By *he_TicklersCouple
over a year ago

Havant & Aberdare

My best friend hasn’t had sex with his wife in 7 years, since a motorcycle accident that had her wiping his bum for months. He can get around ok now, though cheats at every opportunity, constantly trying to start a 3 some with me and mrs. I keep telling him he just needs to cut his losses, but keeps up appearances and continues to cheat

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By *un-n-frolicsMan
over a year ago

London

Mating in Captivity - a book by a therapist about the tension between passion and a long term relationship, especially with kids involved.

The amount of sex in a relationship is very likely to reduce. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

There are more and less honest ways of addressing the issues - honesty applying to others and to oneself.

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

"Ladies and Gents,

Reading through Forum I notice there are lot of responses from guys and gals that they are here because not getting sex home or getting far less than wanted.

No judgment on this topic please. It is created just out of curiosity and provide ability to share the stories.

Maybe because we absolutely love the person we are married to but just want a bit of extra help In that department

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Because I’m too much of a pussy to call it a day?

Because all my friends and family will judge me for being an ass hole?

Because I want to have my cake and eat it?

Because she is loaded and I am broke?

Because I enjoy treating her like a door mat?

Because even though it might be sporadic, its still 100x more than I would get if I were single?

Because I am a cheat?

Because I enjoy deceiving people?

Because I want to ensure she is just as miserable as me?

Pick your posion!

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I'm not judging anyone but if things were turned around how would you feel too be at the receiving end

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

"Ladies and Gents,

Reading through Forum I notice there are lot of responses from guys and gals that they are here because not getting sex home or getting far less than wanted.

So my question, why do you lovely people decided to stay in that marriage?"

Because more often than not, being in love with/married to someone is about much more than just sex.

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Needs...or wants?

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

"Ladies and Gents,

Reading through Forum I notice there are lot of responses from guys and gals that they are here because not getting sex home or getting far less than wanted.

So my question, why do you lovely people decided to stay in that marriage?

Because more often than not, being in love with/married to someone is about much more than just sex."

Well said xxxxx

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By *aria_dreamgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

stockport

Love transcends sex.

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By *lexV16 OP Man
over a year ago

Welling

"I'm not judging anyone but if things were turned around how would you feel too be at the receiving end "

When marriage is sexless it’s for both. Each choses own coping strategy. Either cheat or meditate or do more sports or an honest talk and solution that suits both.

The aim of this topic to listen to various coping strategies and how people came to it.

The topic isn’t about hypothetical what if. Please please, let’s steer clear from judgemental comments or questions.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"Because more often than not, being in love with/married to someone is about much more than just sex."

No because unless the partner is aware of the other looking elsewhere for sex then the whole relationship becomes built on a lie. The pain caused by finding out is horrific and something I would never wish on anyone.

Why has it become sexless? What effort are you making to communicate? These things can be sorted but it takes a huge amount of work from both partners.

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

"No because unless the partner is aware of the other looking elsewhere for sex then the whole relationship becomes built on a lie. The pain caused by finding out is horrific and something I would never wish on anyone."

This doesn't disprove what I said. The reasons people cheat can be complicated. The reasons people stay in sexless relationships can be complicated. More often than not it's not about just sex. Very simple.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I'm not judging anyone but if things were turned around how would you feel too be at the receiving end

When marriage is sexless it’s for both. Each choses own coping strategy. Either cheat or meditate or do more sports or an honest talk and solution that suits both.

The aim of this topic to listen to various coping strategies and how people came to it.

The topic isn’t about hypothetical what if. Please please, let’s steer clear from judgemental comments or questions.

But it's still coping. So rather than just doing it talking would be another strategy as this can also help each other understand

I saw this on a program from Germany sex therapist and did help to add fire within the relationship as well as the bedroom

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

I agree that people stay for more complicated reasons. That much is simple.

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

I stayed in my previous marriage out of fear. I was mentally abused to feel like nobody would want me and I would be homeless. I think a lot of marriages stay together for convenience. Dont want to upset the kids or have to deal with splitting property etc. But also they don't want to be alone.

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By *un-n-frolicsMan
over a year ago

London

"I stayed in my previous marriage out of fear. I was mentally abused to feel like nobody would want me and I would be homeless. I think a lot of marriages stay together for convenience. Dont want to upset the kids or have to deal with splitting property etc. But also they don't want to be alone. "

From a slightly different perspective - the sheer cost of living apart relevant to living together.

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By *moothshaftMan
over a year ago

Coventry

My wife told me many years ago that she no longer finds me sexually attractive. That hurt!

But we still love each other. Probably about once a year, I'm invited into her bedroom for a little play, but no penetrative sex.

I really really miss the naked cuddles.

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By *jEuphoriaCouple
over a year ago

north kent

"Ladies and Gents,

Reading through Forum I notice there are lot of responses from guys and gals that they are here because not getting sex home or getting far less than wanted.

No judgment on this topic please. It is created just out of curiosity and provide ability to share the stories.

Sex is a two way thing, in which you have to give to receive, and vice versus. Ask yourself, “am I giving my lady what she wants?”. Surely it should make you happy to make the other person happy. Men can be, and usually are, very selfish.

Men and Women, (usually), have completely different sex drives. With men it’s SO easy to get stimulated just visually.

Women take a LOT longer. Most men can be so impatient, but don’t realise, “the more you reap, the more you sow”. If you aren’t getting enough you need to learn to be a ‘pleaser’. Slow things down, be more erotic, she’ll love a massage. People don’t talk to each other.

But in my case, with my ex, (husband), he just had a smelly cock. (Although, I didn’t leave just because of that). I couldn’t stay in a sexless marriage, (my answer).

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By *jEuphoriaCouple
over a year ago

north kent

"My wife told me many years ago that she no longer finds me sexually attractive. That hurt!

But we still love each other. Probably about once a year, I'm invited into her bedroom for a little play, but no penetrative sex.

I really really miss the naked cuddles. "

That’s really sad.

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By *moothshaftMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"My wife told me many years ago that she no longer finds me sexually attractive. That hurt!

But we still love each other. Probably about once a year, I'm invited into her bedroom for a little play, but no penetrative sex.

I really really miss the naked cuddles.

That’s really sad.

It is yes. We still get on really well, loads of laughs, and happy. And i still fancy her a lot.

If only it was reciprocated!

Smelly cock...... that made me laugh!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The concept of Body-related insecurities fills my heart with sadness...

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

Found out after marriage that my wife was abused as a child. All was fine until her father passed away and she went to the police. After the all the past was draged up she finds it hard to me intermittent witch I understand. I love hear to bits but would like/want a bit more.

Strongly on holidays its diferant. Have sergested moving but this is her dream home.

And yes I'm just a randy sod.

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By *ickdasterdly51Man
over a year ago

Lingfield

Unfortunately my wife and I don't have a lot in common and her character can make our relationship difficult at time (although I'm not saying I'm a saint either). We should have divorced years ago but I didn't because I didn't want to be a dad who saw his kids every other Saturday for a couple of hours in Macdonalds before going home alone to a bedsit. I've been a real hands on dad, I love then both more than words can say and don't regret my decision. The sex was good as well. That has drifted off now although I shouldn't complain, she does do stuff with me but it's really to keep me happy rather than a desire for me. It's now reached the stage where she's told me she's quite happy for me to have sex elsewhere and I'm really not sure how I feel about that. However mostly it's the companionship I miss, someone who shares the same interests as me as we go into the later stages of our lives. But at 62 it seems too much of an upheaval and too scarey to go it alone and find someone else. I suppose we'll just meander along having good and bad patches like we always have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/01/23 17:16:13]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Possibly "some" is a better quantitative reflection than "a lot of".

Some certainly do remain married under economic and/or familial circumstances...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for sharing such a thought-provoking anecdote. The parental-child bond sounds highly admirable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you think abuse and swinging have a level of overlap?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging can sometimes compensate for lack of sexual attraction between partners. I'm thinking of the amount of choice at a rip-roaring, friendly, busy party or club night where guests are relaxed, playful and not strolling around as if they are God's Gift...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Alex, excellent, thought-provoking post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ladies and Gents,

Reading through Forum I notice there are lot of responses from guys and gals that they are here because not getting sex home or getting far less than wanted.

So my question, why do you lovely people decided to stay in that marriage?

Because more often than not, being in love with/married to someone is about much more than just sex."

It isn't thought is it you want sex so you can't love her that much unless she knows your on here

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

"It isn't thought is it you want sex so you can't love her that much unless she knows your on here

I'm sorry? I don't understand your point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It isn't thought is it you want sex so you can't love her that much unless she knows your on here

I'm sorry? I don't understand your point."

Surely if you love someone that much you would just accept if its sexless and not play away

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By *onzoDog74Man
over a year ago

Cheshire

The same reason a frog stays in a boiling pan.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The same reason a frog stays in a boiling pan. "

Lol does he now

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By *onzoDog74Man
over a year ago

Cheshire

Yes, it's a true fact. So long as the water is room temperature to begin with x

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By *exleybuffboyMan
over a year ago

sidcup and Spain

My wife cheated on me years ago, and I cannot let it go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, it's a true fact. So long as the water is room temperature to begin with x"

Bet he just prefers his legs in the water lol

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

"Surely if you love someone that much you would just accept if its sexless and not play away"

I mean, obviously not? Otherwise it wouldn't be so common and people would just leave if it were so simple and easy? I can only speak for myself, of course (as someone who has chosen to remain and not cheat), and I chose to answer a specific part of OP's question; "why do people stay in sexless relationships?" answer; "because, usually, there's more to being in love with someone than just the sex."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ladies and Gents,

Reading through Forum I notice there are lot of responses from guys and gals that they are here because not getting sex home or getting far less than wanted.

No judgment on this topic please. It is created just out of curiosity and provide ability to share the stories.

I grew up in care and think that I find it difficult to form the right relationships in life. I'm staying now for the kids so that they have a decent upbringing until they're old enough to cope with their parents separating. It became sexless because she doesn't enjoy sex and she's told me not to try to change the situation. She had always known what I have done before meeting her (30 years of this, mostly not here) so I am pretty sure I don't need to tell her or her ask. How I ended up like this is a question I often ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you for posting this; another thought-provoking one,

Nat

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By *iss.ddWoman
over a year ago

Leeds + Newcastle

An incredible life doesn't centre round sex, it's just a part of it.

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By *onzoDog74Man
over a year ago

Cheshire

Let it go or let her go.

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By *uckcpl4biCouple
over a year ago

somewhere around there

We had filthy sex for years until he started having issues get it up n then we tried 3sum n led to discussing mrs needs n hubby understanding it suited if she plays with other guys with him knowing or him there as he can n at least ain't behind his bk x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This....

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

"My wife told me many years ago that she no longer finds me sexually attractive. That hurt!

But we still love each other. Probably about once a year, I'm invited into her bedroom for a little play, but no penetrative sex.

I really really miss the naked cuddles.

That’s really sad.

It is yes. We still get on really well, loads of laughs, and happy. And i still fancy her a lot.

If only it was reciprocated!

Smelly cock...... that made me laugh!! "

That must be tough.

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By *lexV16 OP Man
over a year ago

Welling

"My wife cheated on me years ago, and I cannot let it go. "

I am not sure I understand this. Your wife cheated that led to sexless marriage but you are staying in it?

What is the reasoning for that? Kids? Financial burden of divorce? Great love?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is currently my life and I’m getting married in 2 weeks time. We’ve not slept together in 8 months

I’m fine most of the time, but it affects my MH - I keep thinking, why should I marry someone who won’t sleep with me. I’m always told it’s not my fault, and we do have occasional oral play, but never full sex.

It’s depressing only at the times I dwell on it. I do communicate often but no difference.

I’m not even sure what to do anymore tbh. I hope things change, but the thought of committing myself to a sexless marriage is daunting - however I still live in hope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not all relationships are unhappy some are great but this is just also the cake they want to eat alongside the one they have.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Ladies and Gents,

Reading through Forum I notice there are lot of responses from guys and gals that they are here because not getting sex home or getting far less than wanted.

No judgment on this topic please. It is created just out of curiosity and provide ability to share the stories.

So my question, why do you lovely people decided to stay in that marriage?

1. There is more to a marriage than sex - isn't there ? No one has to get married to have sex do they ?

What do you think the reason for your marriage became sexless?

2. There are more reasons for marriages becoming sexless than there is bandwidth to write them on.

What did you do (if anything) before you come to sex on the side story?

3. I've never had sex on the side.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I do sometimes wonder why some people act as if their cock is their fucking wind pipe.....

It's just sex - no one dies. ( that's another site entirely )

If I go to ASDA and there's no wholemeal loaf, I'll nip to Waitrose - I'm that fickle but if someone told me that ASDA was closing down because I didn't like their bread, I'd eat the white sliced shite...... I mean ........ ASDA has been my regular for years.... and they have other things that feed me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/04/23 10:58:20]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do sometimes wonder why some people act as if their cock is their fucking wind pipe.....

It's just sex - no one dies. ( that's another site entirely )

I love this analogy

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By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee

This is currently my life and I’m getting married in 2 weeks time. We’ve not slept together in 8 months

It’s depressing only at the times I dwell on it. I do communicate often but no difference.

I’m not even sure what to do anymore tbh. I hope things change, but the thought of committing myself to a sexless marriage is daunting - however I still live in hope"

I would seriously put the wedding on hold! I know that wouldn't be easy but it's better than the alternative!

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

"My wife told me many years ago that she no longer finds me sexually attractive. That hurt!

But we still love each other. Probably about once a year, I'm invited into her bedroom for a little play, but no penetrative sex.

I really really miss the naked cuddles.

That’s really sad.

It is yes. We still get on really well, loads of laughs, and happy. And i still fancy her a lot.

If only it was reciprocated!

Smelly cock...... that made me laugh!! "

Same’s happened to me… apart from the smelly cock lol. He’s told me several times he doesn’t find me attractive.

I used to find him very attractive until last year… so now I kind of understand where he’s coming from. We’ve had counselling- lots, he makes the right noises then, says yes, we’ll try and then he doesn’t.

He did have an emotional/somewhat physical affair in 2017 which spurred me to join Fab. He is aware I see other people and just shrugs about it. We get on well on every other aspect and he is an excellent father. Cannot fault him there.

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By *lexV16 OP Man
over a year ago

Welling

This is currently my life and I’m getting married in 2 weeks time. We’ve not slept together in 8 months

It’s depressing only at the times I dwell on it. I do communicate often but no difference.

I’m not even sure what to do anymore tbh. I hope things change, but the thought of committing myself to a sexless marriage is daunting - however I still live in hope"

Oh, that’s another level of it. I’d seriously consider to put wedding on hold till you figure it out.

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By *iKentMan
over a year ago

Kent

I know what you mean about missing the naked cuddles.

Following health issues, my wife and I hadn't had sex for 5yrs until this weekend. But as well as no sex, we've not been intimate or even having naked cuddles in that time. It was great to become intimate again over the weekend, she felt it was painful so we had to stop during sex but in her words we reached first base so progress.

It's going to be small steps but hopefully we'll return to an intimate relationship again. It's all about talking, listening and being patient.

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By *andC1000Couple
over a year ago

Ashford

"Because more often than not, being in love with/married to someone is about much more than just sex.

Why has it become sexless? What effort are you making to communicate? These things can be sorted but it takes a huge amount of work from both partners."

exactly this having been on the receiving end.

Communication and communication effort are needed on both parts not just one sided if things are to work

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

exactly this having been on the receiving end.

Communication and communication effort are needed on both parts not just one sided if things are to work"

Sometimes no amount of communication seems to work. Sometimes, relationships are just complicated.

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By *urve_your_enthusiasmWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

Everybody's situation is different. Honesty in my opinion is the best option. It will be awkward, potentially painful but it could really help that side of things. Fab has definitely helped me and my relationship. It's not perfect but we are honest and communicate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ladies and Gents,

Reading through Forum I notice there are lot of responses from guys and gals that they are here because not getting sex home or getting far less than wanted.

No judgment on this topic please. It is created just out of curiosity and provide ability to share the stories.

"
well it depends on your marriage situation. I was in the military my x husband claimed sexless issues because I was deployed all the time. Is it right he went behind my back ? It was his choice and then lied about it. The lying hurt more then the sex. So now he is a X for a reason.

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