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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've just started a new book this week - The Good Life Method and it got me thinking about what the various schools of thought are here on Fab.

Sometimes I wonder why certain profiles read overly rude, for sure there has to be a reason behind this. Other times, I wonder if stating "I have a busy life" is necessary on a profile.

It'll be nice to come back to this thread and read about different perspectives glimpsed from various people from a life on Fab. What guides your approach and how have you come to fashioning a Good Life on Fab?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I have one of those deliberately hostile profiles in the vague hope it'll slow the inbox messages from unwanted penii.

I'm fully aware that it could put off someone that might have been an excellent connection, but then the more morons there are wasting my time the less likely I am to be in the right frame of mind to click with someone.

I find my profile works for what I want. And it makes it very easy to spot who has and hasn't read it from their messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've just started a new book this week - The Good Life Method and it got me thinking about what the various schools of thought are here on Fab.

Sometimes I wonder why certain profiles read overly rude, for sure there has to be a reason behind this. Other times, I wonder if stating "I have a busy life" is necessary on a profile.

It'll be nice to come back to this thread and read about different perspectives glimpsed from various people from a life on Fab. What guides your approach and how have you come to fashioning a Good Life on Fab?"

My profile, text especially is used as a snap shot of my personality. Tbf it's long, had to stop adding to it. If it works it works, if doesn't it doesn't, it's as simple as that, some will find it appealing as some won't. But it's me and that's all I can be. I don't have to be anything other than that, just because I'm fab doesn't mean I have tailor anything about myself. If I feel like I have to then I need to question why I do

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"I've just started a new book this week - The Good Life Method and it got me thinking about what the various schools of thought are here on Fab.

Sometimes I wonder why certain profiles read overly rude, for sure there has to be a reason behind this. Other times, I wonder if stating "I have a busy life" is necessary on a profile.

It'll be nice to come back to this thread and read about different perspectives glimpsed from various people from a life on Fab. What guides your approach and how have you come to fashioning a Good Life on Fab?"
yes women and couples are very popular for messaging and yes some women /couples have deliberately negative write ups as a result, i tend to avoid those profiles one because they are the been there done it types and two because i don't like negative profiles, i know why they do it but it doesn't excuse it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My profile is two lines long and still nobody reads it

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By *un-n-frolicsMan
over a year ago

London

May return to this. But I’m brief, I and my partner (with whom I also share an account) like positive, well written profiles.

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By *un-n-frolicsMan
over a year ago

London


"My profile is two lines long and still nobody reads it "

Are you sure?

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"My profile is two lines long and still nobody reads it "
lol cockadoooooodle doo

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

Lots of guys go in ninja too ya know

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

My school of thought is a bit different... for me I've found that my fab journey is greatly improved by a) being more positive and b) more open to talking to people. Oh and c) knowing what I want.

I think it's quite easy to become a bit bummed out by messages but since changing my profile and knowing more clearly what I want I've had some lovely, promising conversations. I think that you attract what you put out into this world. And it works for me. I can't be doing with negativity on my profile, it doesn't make me feel good. Changes the tone of messages.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"My school of thought is a bit different... for me I've found that my fab journey is greatly improved by a) being more positive and b) more open to talking to people. Oh and c) knowing what I want.

I think it's quite easy to become a bit bummed out by messages but since changing my profile and knowing more clearly what I want I've had some lovely, promising conversations. I think that you attract what you put out into this world. And it works for me. I can't be doing with negativity on my profile, it doesn't make me feel good. Changes the tone of messages. "
this

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"I've just started a new book this week - The Good Life Method and it got me thinking about what the various schools of thought are here on Fab.

Sometimes I wonder why certain profiles read overly rude, for sure there has to be a reason behind this. Other times, I wonder if stating "I have a busy life" is necessary on a profile.

It'll be nice to come back to this thread and read about different perspectives glimpsed from various people from a life on Fab. What guides your approach and how have you come to fashioning a Good Life on Fab?"

The easiest way to have a good life on Fab is to recognise that it's just a tiny part of your life. Far less important than most others - family, friends, work, social life, hobbies etc.

Those that seem to have to most upsetting and unhappy times on here often appear to put far too much emphasis on what a simple contact site (because that's pretty much all Fab is) can do to enhance their daily existence.

I guess it's much easier for couples who have eachother, but I've seen many a single guy or woman almost live on site and become angsty when things aren't going how they planned.

It's good to step away at times. It's also good to realise that there's often a vast difference between what's done and said online and what happens in the real world. Its very easy to get sucked in and invest too much time and emotional energy in something that isn't real on the Internet. And definitely not healthy.

A

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By *yanShireMan
over a year ago

Motherwell

Interesting thread and I’ve varied from nothing to full disclosure in my profile. I can understand why females and couples may feel the need to come across as strict or demanding - the deluge of messages must be overwhelming. I think what is key to me is the way people come across in DM’s. Recently I responded to an advertised meet where I genuinely thought, hmm, maybe I fit the bill, but the response was “don’t bother, we’re not interested in you anyway”. It’s fine because I don’t need anyones validation to feel good about myself but FFS, they just needed to say, “Thanks but we’re all sorted”

I think the fab philosophy should be that everyone is here from all walks of life looking for fun and sometimes friendship. Once people start getting up themselves then it destroys the spirit of the place. Just my opinion.

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By *yanShireMan
over a year ago

Motherwell


"I've just started a new book this week - The Good Life Method and it got me thinking about what the various schools of thought are here on Fab.

Sometimes I wonder why certain profiles read overly rude, for sure there has to be a reason behind this. Other times, I wonder if stating "I have a busy life" is necessary on a profile.

It'll be nice to come back to this thread and read about different perspectives glimpsed from various people from a life on Fab. What guides your approach and how have you come to fashioning a Good Life on Fab?

The easiest way to have a good life on Fab is to recognise that it's just a tiny part of your life. Far less important than most others - family, friends, work, social life, hobbies etc.

Those that seem to have to most upsetting and unhappy times on here often appear to put far too much emphasis on what a simple contact site (because that's pretty much all Fab is) can do to enhance their daily existence.

I guess it's much easier for couples who have eachother, but I've seen many a single guy or woman almost live on site and become angsty when things aren't going how they planned.

It's good to step away at times. It's also good to realise that there's often a vast difference between what's done and said online and what happens in the real world. Its very easy to get sucked in and invest too much time and emotional energy in something that isn't real on the Internet. And definitely not healthy.

A"

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've just started a new book this week - The Good Life Method and it got me thinking about what the various schools of thought are here on Fab.

Sometimes I wonder why certain profiles read overly rude, for sure there has to be a reason behind this. Other times, I wonder if stating "I have a busy life" is necessary on a profile.

It'll be nice to come back to this thread and read about different perspectives glimpsed from various people from a life on Fab. What guides your approach and how have you come to fashioning a Good Life on Fab?"

The crap men spoil it for the decent men.

The shite messages, abuse, entitlement, disrespect, makes some people be negative on their profiles because they just get sick of the crap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My school of thought is a bit different... for me I've found that my fab journey is greatly improved by a) being more positive and b) more open to talking to people. Oh and c) knowing what I want.

I think it's quite easy to become a bit bummed out by messages but since changing my profile and knowing more clearly what I want I've had some lovely, promising conversations. I think that you attract what you put out into this world. And it works for me. I can't be doing with negativity on my profile, it doesn't make me feel good. Changes the tone of messages. "

Meli, you're way with words is incredible.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

I just think different courses for different horses. As I look at profiles that have many positive verification but I really don't find them appealing. I go with my gut instinct now. So far so good with the choices I made. But prefer to meet someone with substance rather than a fly away one time experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting thread and I’ve varied from nothing to full disclosure in my profile. I can understand why females and couples may feel the need to come across as strict or demanding - the deluge of messages must be overwhelming. I think what is key to me is the way people come across in DM’s. Recently I responded to an advertised meet where I genuinely thought, hmm, maybe I fit the bill, but the response was “don’t bother, we’re not interested in you anyway”. It’s fine because I don’t need anyones validation to feel good about myself but FFS, they just needed to say, “Thanks but we’re all sorted”

I think the fab philosophy should be that everyone is here from all walks of life looking for fun and sometimes friendship. Once people start getting up themselves then it destroys the spirit of the place. Just my opinion. "

They probably already had loads of messages from men who aren't what they're looking for and they were just sick of the disrespect.

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By *unthum62Man
over a year ago

Benidorm


"My profile is two lines long and still nobody reads it "

Almost nobody.

Rhode Island Red or Light Sussex ??

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

Very interesting thread.

My profile is brutally honest and that’s also how I am in real life.

I found honesty works the best for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A negative profile is off putting, I sometimes think it's due to experience they've had on here and messages they've received. But it just puts me off. Some profiles have lots of capital letters in them, that gives me the impression that the person behind the profile is angry and shouty.

I do put on my profile that I have a busy life as there are some months when it's impossible to meet due to my demanding job, so I only think it's fair that I pre-warn people. They can still get arsey that I can't meet them but that's up to them.

A positive profile is what's appealing to me.

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By *yanShireMan
over a year ago

Motherwell


"Interesting thread and I’ve varied from nothing to full disclosure in my profile. I can understand why females and couples may feel the need to come across as strict or demanding - the deluge of messages must be overwhelming. I think what is key to me is the way people come across in DM’s. Recently I responded to an advertised meet where I genuinely thought, hmm, maybe I fit the bill, but the response was “don’t bother, we’re not interested in you anyway”. It’s fine because I don’t need anyones validation to feel good about myself but FFS, they just needed to say, “Thanks but we’re all sorted”

I think the fab philosophy should be that everyone is here from all walks of life looking for fun and sometimes friendship. Once people start getting up themselves then it destroys the spirit of the place. Just my opinion.

They probably already had loads of messages from men who aren't what they're looking for and they were just sick of the disrespect. "

Don’t disagree with that at all. I would hate to have the s*** that females and couples have to put up with on here. And if guys message repeatedly, yeah go nuts on them. I guess I’m just meaning overall kindness to people on the site seems to dissipate quickly. Even on the forums I’ve seen so many where someone posts something and then suddenly it’s a pile-on an about the OP. If everyone respects boundaries (way too many don’t) and is polite then it should be a shiny happy place. But I guess that’s not real life.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Great thread!

My first thought is that do you ever self reflect O.P. ?

If you find something 'overly rude' (your words ) do you ask yourself why you find it rude ? What is it about you that finds rudeness in the behaviour of another ?

What does rude mean ? Does it mean the same to everyone ?

I don't have a public profile as it helps prevent messaging when it's simply a waste of the others time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Things can always be as simple as you let them be.

Be the kind of person you wish to attract. Like is drawn to like.

Let people do their thing, you don't need to 'fix' anyone or show them your way is better.

There's room on the broom for all so shuffle over and focus on your own journey

And as for the forums, a discussion requires opposing points of view (shared respectfully). Anything else is just a blah blah echo x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Having read the entire thread I want to add that there is never an excuse for negativity or rudeness on profiles. Reasons can be given but they should never be taken as an excuse.

Maybe people who say they are negative to keep the men away need to think more about the control of the self they have given away.

Whoever I am. I am me and not what this place or any person here has driven me to be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I imagine feeling the need to state ‘have a busy life’ might be down to the huge amount of people who send message after message after message and get the hump when you don’t reply immediately

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By *heBlowinsCouple
over a year ago

West Cork


"Great thread!

My first thought is that do you ever self reflect O.P. ?

If you find something 'overly rude' (your words ) do you ask yourself why you find it rude ? What is it about you that finds rudeness in the behaviour of another ?

What does rude mean ? Does it mean the same to everyone ?

I don't have a public profile as it helps prevent messaging when it's simply a waste of the others time.

"

Very interesting and valid point.

Much of the negativity and perceived rudeness (and I'd add entitlement) that people write on their profile (women/couples mainly) is almost entirely reactionary, and as previously mentioned, an attempt to slow the deluge of unwanted interest.

As for the bit about being busy- you're right OP, it doesn't necessarily need to be there but we've found that it does help to set people's expectations if they're seeking something quicker and/or more regular.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought this was a thread about Felicity Kendall.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

This site to me is just a hobby.

Yes I log in a dozen times every day but never for more than 5 mins at a time so that equates to an hour a day at most.

I only use the forums and haven't initiated conversation with anyone since January 2020 which was a conscious decision.

I've had 4 profiles in the 6 years I've been here and accumulated 60+ veries so for me it has been generally positive and successful as far as making connections goes.

Only 7 of those connections however have led to sex and strangely enough that has been by choice because even though I initially joined for NSA experiences I quickly discovered I much preferred exploring with people I knew and understood rather than just sex for the sake of it.

My fab philosophy since creating this profile nearly 4 years ago has been to take ownership of me and my own desires.

I don't expect people to change to suit me and prefer them to be true to themselves but at the same time I refuse to blow smoke up anyones arse just because they have a few nice pics.

My experiences with this profile have been very different than those with the previous 3 but there have been similarities.

Most messages I receive compliment my bio or pics but also respect the fact that I am my own person with my own opinions and life experiences.

I will admit to sounding like a broken record sometimes in regard to the imbalances on fab and especially the forums but that comes from frustration that despite doing everything possible to avoid the usual drama queens and having nothing to do with their little games they see fit to influence how others engage with me.

Fortunately those who are of a similar mindset are more than happy to ignore the background noise.

Therefore my journey through fab will continue as normal and those who use the site for validation and adulation can carry on without mine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting thread and I’ve varied from nothing to full disclosure in my profile. I can understand why females and couples may feel the need to come across as strict or demanding - the deluge of messages must be overwhelming. I think what is key to me is the way people come across in DM’s. Recently I responded to an advertised meet where I genuinely thought, hmm, maybe I fit the bill, but the response was “don’t bother, we’re not interested in you anyway”. It’s fine because I don’t need anyones validation to feel good about myself but FFS, they just needed to say, “Thanks but we’re all sorted”

I think the fab philosophy should be that everyone is here from all walks of life looking for fun and sometimes friendship. Once people start getting up themselves then it destroys the spirit of the place. Just my opinion.

They probably already had loads of messages from men who aren't what they're looking for and they were just sick of the disrespect.

Don’t disagree with that at all. I would hate to have the s*** that females and couples have to put up with on here. And if guys message repeatedly, yeah go nuts on them. I guess I’m just meaning overall kindness to people on the site seems to dissipate quickly. Even on the forums I’ve seen so many where someone posts something and then suddenly it’s a pile-on an about the OP. If everyone respects boundaries (way too many don’t) and is polite then it should be a shiny happy place. But I guess that’s not real life. "

I think people start off shiny happy but after multiple stupid shitty messages they get fed up and unfortunately the last person to message may get the flack. Even if they just send a happy "how are you today? " message.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I thought this was a thread about Felicity Kendall. "

I never saw the attraction.

Do you think she'd still win rear of the year ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My profile is me, it's so honestly me and whether it is on the forum or in general I always keep in mind that fab is a pastime, not a life style. I think it's easy to become too invested in it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I thought this was a thread about Felicity Kendall.

I never saw the attraction.

Do you think she'd still win rear of the year ?"

I just googled a current photo and she looks great. Must be all that home grown veg.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"My school of thought is a bit different... for me I've found that my fab journey is greatly improved by a) being more positive and b) more open to talking to people. Oh and c) knowing what I want.

I think it's quite easy to become a bit bummed out by messages but since changing my profile and knowing more clearly what I want I've had some lovely, promising conversations. I think that you attract what you put out into this world. And it works for me. I can't be doing with negativity on my profile, it doesn't make me feel good. Changes the tone of messages.

Meli, you're way with words is incredible. "

Aww thank you Ruby. I think that it's far too easy to become almost trapped in a negative view of Fab. In turn that leads to less enjoyment, increasingly unhappy text, experiences on here. I enjoy being true to my self on here and that's led to the experiences and adventures it has so far. In my many years on here I've had various phases - I'm sure you'll remember some of them. The angry bitchy woman. The child in a sweet shop one. Complete with quim photo.

But now I'm in a good place and continuing to attract those who enhance that. Only you can really dictate your fab experience when it comes down to it, really.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I say my profile is deliberately hostile, but it's still very much representative of who I am.

My personality is certainly not to everyone's tastes, and that's just fine. I can't be dealing with bland small talk and sugarcoating nonsense pleasantries, so it's best to have that out there so people don't waste their time or mine.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish


"I've just started a new book this week - The Good Life Method and it got me thinking about what the various schools of thought are here on Fab.

Sometimes I wonder why certain profiles read overly rude, for sure there has to be a reason behind this. Other times, I wonder if stating "I have a busy life" is necessary on a profile.

It'll be nice to come back to this thread and read about different perspectives glimpsed from various people from a life on Fab. What guides your approach and how have you come to fashioning a Good Life on Fab?

The easiest way to have a good life on Fab is to recognise that it's just a tiny part of your life. Far less important than most others - family, friends, work, social life, hobbies etc.

Those that seem to have to most upsetting and unhappy times on here often appear to put far too much emphasis on what a simple contact site (because that's pretty much all Fab is) can do to enhance their daily existence.

I guess it's much easier for couples who have eachother, but I've seen many a single guy or woman almost live on site and become angsty when things aren't going how they planned.

It's good to step away at times. It's also good to realise that there's often a vast difference between what's done and said online and what happens in the real world. Its very easy to get sucked in and invest too much time and emotional energy in something that isn't real on the Internet. And definitely not healthy.

A"

This.

I know most people don't pay attention to "read and accept" pop-up thingies but I feel like everyone on here should be made to read this post weekly or monthly.

J

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By *heArrowsCouple
over a year ago

When we joined fab originally we made a profile to show who we were and what we wanted. It worked for us. We made friends and had fun.

One of our friends had a really aggressive profile and it worked for her too. During a date she read out some of her messages and I have to say ... her aggressive stance was warranted. She rarely met people off messages. Usually she would find her meets at socials or party's or clubs.

But she was happy with her profile and engagement

So it is definitely a case of each to their own.

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By *heBlowinsCouple
over a year ago

West Cork


"I say my profile is deliberately hostile, but it's still very much representative of who I am.

My personality is certainly not to everyone's tastes, and that's just fine. I can't be dealing with bland small talk and sugarcoating nonsense pleasantries, so it's best to have that out there so people don't waste their time or mine."

Amen - quite like your profile. You come across brilliantly honest and know exactly what you want. Well put

Meli's approach is also fantastic imo.

I (Mr) struggle with some dark mental spaces sometimes so err on keeping the positivity going and find that works best for me but ooh boy do I feel both sides of what y'all are putting out here!

"Only you can really dictate your fab experience" - great way of putting it

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By *ORBCouple
over a year ago

Dundalk

We both have well verified single profiles here and as such know exactly what we want from this profile.

Despite what this site is all about, neither of us would place sex high on our list of priorities.

There are many other things in life that are much more important and especially in recent times which is why we aren't currently meeting either through this profile or as singles.

Therefore we fully accept when someone says they have a busy life. It shouldn't be a given because many others give the impression that their lives revolve around fab and swinging and they are always on the road and traveling to events etc.

That can lead them to assume that everyone else should be able to meet at the drop of a hat.

Our profile is not intended to be rude but is fully intended to put many off.

We don't have the time to engage with tyre kickers that don't fit with what we are looking for and even when we are meeting, those meets will be few and far between so we only wish to engage with those who are patient and have a similar sense of humour.

We haven't had a lot of messages since creating this profile, probably less than 30 in total, but it's funny how our "amazing" profile and pics suddenly become crap and we are up our own holes when we politely tell someone they aren't what we are looking for.

RB

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I imagine feeling the need to state ‘have a busy life’ might be down to the huge amount of people who send message after message after message and get the hump when you don’t reply immediately "

But they don't read it anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I imagine feeling the need to state ‘have a busy life’ might be down to the huge amount of people who send message after message after message and get the hump when you don’t reply immediately

But they don't read it anyway. "

Definitely seems that way sometimes!

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By *rMrsBrightsideCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

I just had to read our profile as I’ll admit it’s been a long time since we wrote it and it isn’t something I really give much thought to now. I don’t really use fab to attract new people as I already have people I talk to and meet and other than that we tend to use clubs and group socials to meet people these days.

I’m generally a positive and friendly person and I think that is how we have tried to come across but also give an indication of what it is we are looking for. Ours is quite light I suppose as doesn’t really give away much about our personalities but I would hope that once engaging in conversation that would come across.

I like a humorous profile or an intriguing one. Something that sparks some interest for me and makes me want to find out more about the person.

Kx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've just started a new book this week - The Good Life Method and it got me thinking about what the various schools of thought are here on Fab.

Sometimes I wonder why certain profiles read overly rude, for sure there has to be a reason behind this. Other times, I wonder if stating "I have a busy life" is necessary on a profile.

It'll be nice to come back to this thread and read about different perspectives glimpsed from various people from a life on Fab. What guides your approach and how have you come to fashioning a Good Life on Fab?

The easiest way to have a good life on Fab is to recognise that it's just a tiny part of your life. Far less important than most others - family, friends, work, social life, hobbies etc.

Those that seem to have to most upsetting and unhappy times on here often appear to put far too much emphasis on what a simple contact site (because that's pretty much all Fab is) can do to enhance their daily existence.

I guess it's much easier for couples who have eachother, but I've seen many a single guy or woman almost live on site and become angsty when things aren't going how they planned.

It's good to step away at times. It's also good to realise that there's often a vast difference between what's done and said online and what happens in the real world. Its very easy to get sucked in and invest too much time and emotional energy in something that isn't real on the Internet. And definitely not healthy.

A"

Your response is very insightful.

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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago

Brighton

Our profile is pretty long. It takes about three minutes max to read. It sums up our ethos regarding swinging and what we are looking for. If someone cannot be bothered to read it then we won’t bother to read their message. It acts as a good filter. In our opinion our profile text is not negative, it just spells things out so everyone knows what they are getting into. We do our utmost to read all messages that have clearly given us the time to read our profile as we appreciate the effort. We are also always polite unless they are a complete cock womble when generally we just ignore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine is meant to be off putting

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Great thread!

My first thought is that do you ever self reflect O.P. ?

If you find something 'overly rude' (your words ) do you ask yourself why you find it rude ? What is it about you that finds rudeness in the behaviour of another ?

What does rude mean ? Does it mean the same to everyone ?

I don't have a public profile as it helps prevent messaging when it's simply a waste of the others time.

"

If I'm being honest, I've asked myself these questions as well and my answers vary from profile to profile. Most times 'overly rude' tends to point towards profiles that suggest they have a choice of pickings. While they probably do, I don't think it's appropriate to treat people like pawns even if there are some that would willingly offer themselves up for it.

Also, you can always convey a message in a manner that reads easy. I once read that if you go over what you're going to say and you know it sounds rude, it only takes a bit of effort to remodel the message.

Our egos greatly influence our perspectives and I'm working daily towards putting my ego in check. Listening to podcasts on Buddhism has been the most helpful pathway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Crocadile style crunchy on the outside human leftovers on the inside

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"Having read the entire thread I want to add that there is never an excuse for negativity or rudeness on profiles. Reasons can be given but they should never be taken as an excuse.

Maybe people who say they are negative to keep the men away need to think more about the control of the self they have given away.

Whoever I am. I am me and not what this place or any person here has driven me to be. "
wise words

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Great thread!

My first thought is that do you ever self reflect O.P. ?

If you find something 'overly rude' (your words ) do you ask yourself why you find it rude ? What is it about you that finds rudeness in the behaviour of another ?

What does rude mean ? Does it mean the same to everyone ?

I don't have a public profile as it helps prevent messaging when it's simply a waste of the others time.

If I'm being honest, I've asked myself these questions as well and my answers vary from profile to profile. Most times 'overly rude' tends to point towards profiles that suggest they have a choice of pickings. While they probably do, I don't think it's appropriate to treat people like pawns even if there are some that would willingly offer themselves up for it.

Also, you can always convey a message in a manner that reads easy. I once read that if you go over what you're going to say and you know it sounds rude, it only takes a bit of effort to remodel the message.

Our egos greatly influence our perspectives and I'm working daily towards putting my ego in check. Listening to podcasts on Buddhism has been the most helpful pathway."

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

I completely understand why some people resort to those arsey profiles...anyone that's seen a typical single woman's inbox on here would understand. I suppose those people feel that that's the best way to stop the deluge of crappy messages. But I think it's a very counterproductive way to try to achieve it...from past discussions on here, I'd say that most people infer that the owners of such profiles are 'up themselves' or similar. Giving those vibes out is highly unlikely to attract the people that they really want to attract, which leaves their inbox empty of anything but the messages from the people that send the same cut and paste messages to every female profile they come across.

During my many years on here, I've re-written my profile several times, and it's always fascinated me just how much the contents of my inbox altered in relation to the different words and tone in my profile. Ive never had a shouty, moany profile though, that's just not me...plus, I just hit the back button as soon as I see one as I know that isn't my kind of person, and I'd expect a lot of people do the same.

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By *heBlowinsCouple
over a year ago

West Cork


"During my many years on here, I've re-written my profile several times, and it's always fascinated me just how much the contents of my inbox altered in relation to the different words and tone in my profile. "

Yes!

People do indeed read profiles - there will always be the people who don't of course but by and large we've found there's a distinct change in amount of messages received and inherent tone based on different profile iterations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mines just for fun, I rewrite it every few months.

I always try to make it humours as most never read mine.

After a while on fab you get to know just by an introductory message, content and looking at their profile if it's worth while engaging with the person.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We don't overthink it. It's a few words and it doesn't matter how you phrase it a few tells give your personality away to an observant reader.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think a lot of profiles read like a frustrated response to the messages & experiences the authors having here.

After a while you learn to make this place work and it’s evident in the softer more interesting profiles

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