FabSwingers.com forum: The value of...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

People.

Do you tell friends how much they mean to you? Loved ones? Do you find it a bit awkward? A lovely conversation with a dear friend happened this afternoon. We both realised we were saying the same thing to each other. Typing it at the same time. Sending it.

I'm quite an affectionate sort of person, openly so. Sometimes I'm really rubbish at contact. Actually a lot of the time. But I do try and let people know how much I value them when I'm talking to them. And show it. Learn their language and speak it.

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By *acDreamyMan
over a year ago

Wirral

I'm rubbish at that sort of thing. I would be an awful millennial!

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden

Yes, I do. Not always or with enough emphasis, however.

More recently I've been declaring to my nascent friends (from Fab) how much I really value their friendship, their counsel and 'love' (of sorts).

Fab, despite people's misgivings, is a harbour of kindred spirits.

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By *rolicUsCouple
over a year ago

Alluringly mysterious

Yes I think I do. I am free with my words and hugs. I’m very affectionate.

I know others have different ways of expressing, and preferring to receive, affection and this can sometimes be mistaken for being less demonstrative.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Not any more. It all got too one-sided.

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By *iromancergirl1Woman
over a year ago

bolton

Yes all the time we are all soft sods in our house/family/friends we say love you all the time to each other even my 21 year olds sons friends all say love you darlin to each other even when coming of the phone which I find very heart warming.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People.

I'm very fortunate that I have friends who give me everything and ask for nothing, who build me up but also ate brutally honest with me. Give each other due affirmation for things there doing well, but also quick to highlight shortcomings....true friendship built on no hidden meanings or motives, just in wanting each ither to strive in life, and do well

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By *aximum_funMan
over a year ago

West Herts

"People.

Not enough, I find it hard to express even when I'm there explicitly telling people how much they mean to me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People.

Want to know who your real friends are? Go through hell......and watch who comes with you. I used to be horrendous with showing emotion and opening up to people, but the last couple of years have taught me a hell of a lot.

There's a select few people who were there for me at every turn, dragged me out of a dark place and came through the other side with me. Sometimes they just listened to me rant, other times they were there with dark humour at exactly the right times.

They were there for me when I needed them most, and I make damn sure they know just how much I appreciate that, and how much I love them for it

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I show how I feel by actions rather than words. That's how I am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Family - Not at all

Friends - Very few

Fab - Absolutely I have done and do. Although like anything I guess, I’m a lot more cautious these days, because I’ve learnt how disposable you can be. But I have told someone recently, how much she really means to me

On here through this world of fab, I connect far better than I ever do with friends and family outside of the swinging world…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I'm always telling my kids how much I love them,my parents told me and my siblings that frequently, so I find it easy

My 14 year old Grandson often WhatsApp me just to say he loves me

It takes me a little more time to open upto friends though as I don't want to burden them with my problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one loves me so never

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I struggle to do it in person, I usually feel like a bit of twat when I hear myself saying it out loud.

I prefer to communicate those kinds of feelings in written form…..card, note, text.

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By *trawberry shortcake 9999Woman
over a year ago

Yes I tell my kids, a couple of close friends and family I love them when ending calls, when we see each other, I hug a lot too.

I give praise and thanks to people at work for help, doing what I feel is a good job.

I will only do the above in a genuine way, I won't just go through the motions as it makes the above pointless and false

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the recipient of my affections. Some friends and family squirm with excruciating discomfort if anyone utters words of love and appreciation, so I smile fondly and call them a knob instead. Others thrive on verbal affection and I give it willingly.

I'll take either. I adore being someone's favourite knob

Nell

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Family, yes. But usually in writing (not in the formal sense - we're not exchanging letters - but if I have a reason to send a card or message. I'm rubbish at doing the same face to face.)

Friends, no. They just have to be telepathic.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"People.

Not often enough. Both family and friends, sadly.

I've had many an issue with both over the years and there's been long spells when there's been no contact at all.

I'd like to think I'm getting better now and more able to recognise when I need to cut ties completely for my own sanity, or when I realise its been too long since I touched base and actually make the first move.

I doubt I'll ever get it right but I try.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to be good at this especially with daughters grandsons etc but with women totally different I can’t say how I feel because the two women I have loved mother and wife both passed

So tend to be a bit crap at it not because I fear relationships

Because I fear of losing someone I love again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My children most definately, I tell them on a regular basis.

Other family members such as my mum and nan it's a simple 'I love you' and hugs. As close as I am to my dad, we don't discuss feelings, it's just the way we both are with each other.

I'm not always the best with words so I tend to show it more compared to say it. Sometimes the way a person is with someone and their actions can have more of an impact than words in my opinion.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I love telling people close to me how much they mean to me…it comes back then. Not that I’m doing it to get it back but it creates that environment where you both can express yourselves.

I’m rubbish at telling people who are awkward though…my dad can’t deal with emotions or talk which potentially could mean he’d have to open up so we chat about things he’s safe with - football and yeah football

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By *BootyfulDayWoman
over a year ago

…

I am absolutely terrible! During lockdown I was feeling lonely so ended up just writing out lots of cards to various family members and friends to remind them they were being thought of….I find it so much easier to write it in a cute card than actually in person!

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Some more than others are easier to actually say things to

The girls I chat with every day online, because we rarely see each other. Will always tell them I'm proud of them for any achievements.

Mostly my closest friend, tell each other all the time, miss and love you.

My son, if he's here, every time he leaves the house, goes to bed, I get I love you, my parents were never like that with me so I've always done it with him, and I know he's like that with his mates.

Other people... One of my friends I met off here, I tell him I miss his face and I adore him.

Then for some it's more a case of doing something to show you care rather than saying it.

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"People.

They were there for me when I needed them most, and I make damn sure they know just how much I appreciate that, and how much I love them for it "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tell my closest family what they mean to me quite often, and show them with lots of affection.

My best friends, I occasionally will tell them what they mean to me too.

I can be quite an open book and wear my heart on my sleeve so people often know my emotions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am absolutely terrible! During lockdown I was feeling lonely so ended up just writing out lots of cards to various family members and friends to remind them they were being thought of….I find it so much easier to write it in a cute card than actually in person!

Love this. Hope you got some back too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tend to be good at this especially with daughters grandsons etc but with women totally different I can’t say how I feel because the two women I have loved mother and wife both passed

So tend to be a bit crap at it not because I fear relationships

Because I fear of losing someone I love again

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West

I wish I was more naturally open emotionally, but I'm not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With family, no, not at all - i just feel so awkward!

But close friends - i think so... However, I'm also rubbish at maintaining contact

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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"People.

Every day to those that are important to me

Sometimes I’m too open with my emotions and affection sometimes to my detriment.

I tell my children I love them all the Time, I tell my close friends both male and female I love them, apparently men shouldn’t do this

Eh ho

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm rubbish at that sort of thing. I would be an awful millennial! "

Ha! I don't think it's a generational thing. Perhaps it is and younger people are more open to expressing their feelings. I think it's more to do with a person. There's nothing wrong with not declaring every few seconds how much someone means to you.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Yes, I do. Not always or with enough emphasis, however.

More recently I've been declaring to my nascent friends (from Fab) how much I really value their friendship, their counsel and 'love' (of sorts).

Fab, despite people's misgivings, is a harbour of kindred spirits."

I really think it is. The forums receive a lot of negative erm... press. Let's call it that. But I think about the friendships I've found, the love. I very much value the connections I've made thanks to this slightly peculiar cesspit of drama.

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By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford

With family, yes. I wasn't always sure if my parents loved me, though I am now. My son won't ever worry about that.

Friends...I'm getting slowly less embarrassed. And I do try with friends from here, though not sure I always get it right. But on that note, this is another really interesting thread from the best thread-starter on Fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really thought that was going to be an Oscar Wilde quote from the title.

With friends and Family I'm mostly show, not tell. Prove the love, not just say the words, which like all words can mean everything or nothing.

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By *929Man
over a year ago

newcastle

Have a group of friends that grew up with and When d*unk we all turn into right sloppy cunts always telling each we love each other haha

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By *mperiumMan
over a year ago

Absolutely not.... I'm Irish.... I can't even hug my Mam

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Dunno why but all my female friends we seem to do it to each other but we are very close. Few male friends do but not as much but still close. Then the circle of special male friends we embrace with a hug when we see each other and even when leaving as for family some do some don't most of my friends are just like good family

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Probably not as much as I should to some, and too much to others.

Some people are too self absorbed to truly understand the value of friendship and take them for granted.

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Used to be rubbish at it, went through a ton of shit health and life experience wise and basically I think learned what matters and what doesn’t. And yes as per pp who has had similar experience you certainly find out your true friends then!

Now I say it and show it all the time. The slight downside is that occasionally a call handler will get a “love you” at the end of a call

But I don’t stress about that and figure it will have at least raised a wry smile there so no harm done and I’m sure I’m not the only customer that does this.

I have a core group of friends I’ve had since childhood and we have seen each other through amazing and terrible things. So of course I love them like siblings and I sincerely hope they know that.

My mum isn’t great at this but now she’s getting on too she’s also becoming more demonstrative and we end our calls/visits every time with “love you so much”.

I’ve lost some truly beloved people the last few years and I’m so unbelievably thankful that the last time we saw each other/spoke we said we loved each other and it was a positive encounter (not always possible with my family - lots of strong characters!). It’s a small blessing at a tragic time, but a blessing all the same.

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Terrible. Horrible. Awful. I'm really no good at it

I like to think that I get it across in my own emotionally stunted, sarcastic way but no, I'm quite poor at being direct about what people mean to me...

LvM

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

"I show how I feel by actions rather than words. That's how I am."

Fond is as fond does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, I am quite demonstrative, but I also try to respect boundaries, for example, my mum isn't tactile, but my sister is.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

No people are far too needy for my liking. Don’t come to me with your problems I ain’t the samaritans. Doesn’t help that I’m the least sympathetic person you will ever meet.

As my friends say “ you love the man, you have to learn to love the cunt”.

The mr

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

A very wise man once taught me the value of your calendar on key relationships. Relationships just become great by luck, but by blocking out quality time for them often a year in advance.it’s the process of prioritising who and what is important to you

Telling them is one thing. Words are nice but actions , quality time and service back up those words.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"No people are far too needy for my liking. Don’t come to me with your problems I ain’t the samaritans. Doesn’t help that I’m the least sympathetic person you will ever meet.

As my friends say “ you love the man, you have to learn to love the cunt”.

The mr "

Ha! Your joking right?

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Yes I think I do. I am free with my words and hugs. I’m very affectionate.

I know others have different ways of expressing, and preferring to receive, affection and this can sometimes be mistaken for being less demonstrative.

You are very affectionate, it's a lovely way to be. I like the myriad of ways people express themselves; there's not a right way is there? It's more about what's compatible with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sadly not enough.

but on the recieving end i freak out.. so

balance of sorts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m quite rubbish, but I do try. You never know when your time is up, my mum passed away suddenly aged 36, I was 13 and we’d had a teenage argument the day before, so I do always try to let people know what they mean to me

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At this stage of my life, yes. Life is short and you never know when it will end for some people. I got my first hug from a favourite cousin 3 Christmases ago, he was dead 2 weeks later. I believe in letting the people I love know about it, now.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Yes all the time we are all soft sods in our house/family/friends we say love you all the time to each other even my 21 year olds sons friends all say love you darlin to each other even when coming of the phone which I find very heart warming."

That's really lovely! I get a fuzzy feeling when I hear my brothers say I love you openly to each other - since one was involved in a very serious accident it's changed how they communicate and it's almost poignant now.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"No people are far too needy for my liking. Don’t come to me with your problems I ain’t the samaritans. Doesn’t help that I’m the least sympathetic person you will ever meet.

As my friends say “ you love the man, you have to learn to love the cunt”.

The mr

Ha! You’re joking right? "

No mate I’m not.

The mr

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Nope. It's one of my worst traits. But that's a learned behaviour from historical abuse. If I "don't let them in they cannot hurt me" has been a mantra for many many years.

Luckily a few have made it past my armour and I am learning how to communicate feelings with them more frequently

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

Nope rubbish at expressing affection generally, most of the time I feel slightly apart from everything/everyone more like a casual observer but not actually becoming involved. Affection for me is focused entirely on one person (my lover) when I have one but not (I hope) in a smothering way. So at the moment that affection is more narcissistic in that I've taught myself (mostly) to love myself for being me.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Nope. It's one of my worst traits. But that's a learned behaviour from historical abuse. If I "don't let them in they cannot hurt me" has been a mantra for many many years.

Luckily a few have made it past my armour and I am learning how to communicate feelings with them more frequently

I can relate to something similar. If you tell / show people how you really feel, how special they are, they get attached and needy. Being tactically cold is a defence I often use. Never with friends/kids of course !

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By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

Thank you dear Meli for this post.

It made me think more than ever and made me realise that I am possibly the worst friend ever.

I do care for people but I’m afraid to express it. For many many years I’ve been conditioned to recognise kindness as weakness but just only suddenly realised it’s not true at all.

My self defence wall is strong and tall but I can see it slowly crumble, thanks to those, who know the reason behind it and are able to past by it somehow.

The most interesting thing is those are people I met on here.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

Yeah.

I tell them very occasionally.

I have quite a gruff flippant kind of way with friends, I don’t mean to be that way.

So every now and then I’ll make them very aware of how much I value them and their friendship.

Then I’ll give them a dry slap just to even things out again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes a lot actually

Tomorrow isn't guaranteed and I think it is important to tell people.

Me and Mr J say I love you to eachother probably "too much" in one day (we don't think so tho)

Miss S x

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