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"I could be wrong but I think you'll probably do better in the morning for advice. It's not great when work is well ...hard work! Why did they need your manager to be there in order to apologise?" No idea. I wasn't going to make a meal of it or even mention it. My manager just randomly came up to me said my colleague wanted to talk and wouldn't leave so no idea really lol. The apology was more awkward than the argument | |||
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"I could be wrong but I think you'll probably do better in the morning for advice. It's not great when work is well ...hard work! Why did they need your manager to be there in order to apologise? No idea. I wasn't going to make a meal of it or even mention it. My manager just randomly came up to me said my colleague wanted to talk and wouldn't leave so no idea really lol. The apology was more awkward than the argument " I can imagine! | |||
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"Well basically I work for a lorry company and lots of pallets of deliveries came in that needed to be sorted. Lots were coming in and he was getting angry and was saying he was gonna complain/say something to the manger then the manager was in the warehouse and I said oh he is down there if you want him and then he flipped starting with "I advise you to keep your mouth shut" and it went on from there. I said sorry if I said something that caused offence as a reflex because I have no intention of trying to wind someone up. Though he got angrier said dont bother saying your sorry and let it rip. He did get quite aggressive even stormed out the building so in hindsight maybe your right maybe he did want a manger there as a witness and for fear that I would of reported him" So he thought you were being sarcastic maybe. Sounds like it's not in their natur to be hostile but was obviously having a bad day. Maybe they don't like confirmation and that's why felt they needed a manger. Maybe they thought that you were going to speak out if turn against them. Shame they felt they couldn't have come directly to you. | |||
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"Have they been confrontational before, with anyone else?" They have once that I have seen with someone else yes. Has also said that if they were younger (this guy is 60) he would of been fired because he would of said things to managers | |||
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"Have they been confrontational before, with anyone else? They have once that I have seen with someone else yes. Has also said that if they were younger (this guy is 60) he would of been fired because he would of said things to managers" She doesn't excuse unacceptable behaviour | |||
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"Thanking you all for the advice here. I agree with earlier comment that this is just my side and he might sat something different lol. It's kind of my job to help him which I've been doing for the last 6 months where we used to have quite a laugh. I will obviously still help but dont think I will be as chatty anymore. Suppose see what he is like with me tomorrow " So he's got you wary of him. I used to work with a woman who was miserable and aggressive for about two hours every morning. People used to excuse her saying "on that's just how she is" and leave her alone. This meant that even though she was a manager she got two hours every day to just quietly get on with stuff while other managers did what they were supposed to do and fielded queries while doing other things. Anger and aggression often has manipulation at its root | |||
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"Thanking you all for the advice here. I agree with earlier comment that this is just my side and he might sat something different lol. It's kind of my job to help him which I've been doing for the last 6 months where we used to have quite a laugh. I will obviously still help but dont think I will be as chatty anymore. Suppose see what he is like with me tomorrow " Good luck, I always preferred to work with guys to be honest as you could be open and honest, any disagreements that happened were sorted there and then and it was forgotten no grudge held, normal service resumes like nothing happened. | |||
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"Thanking you all for the advice here. I agree with earlier comment that this is just my side and he might sat something different lol. It's kind of my job to help him which I've been doing for the last 6 months where we used to have quite a laugh. I will obviously still help but dont think I will be as chatty anymore. Suppose see what he is like with me tomorrow So he's got you wary of him. I used to work with a woman who was miserable and aggressive for about two hours every morning. People used to excuse her saying "on that's just how she is" and leave her alone. This meant that even though she was a manager she got two hours every day to just quietly get on with stuff while other managers did what they were supposed to do and fielded queries while doing other things. Anger and aggression often has manipulation at its root" Well in the fact of I will no longer be pally and jokey anymore with fear of him kicking off again lol. (Dont get me wrong I dont fear violence as well he is 60 lol but im one of those nieve people who would just hope and rather everyone gets alone) | |||
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"My favourite line at work is “you wouldn’t talk to me like that outside of work so don’t do it inside of work”. It’s not aggressive or threatening but at the same time it is. I’ve said it to colleagues, team leaders and supervisors and it always has the desired effect." I like that one lol | |||
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"Yea I've noticed that. In my case he is struggling to do my old job because of the quantity of it but because he has flat out said he doesn't want to do another job (in the department) my boss won't move him onto something easier" Who's in charge, this guy or the boss? | |||
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"This might not be best place for ideas but here goes lol. A guy I worked with flipped with me Friday over nothing. He admitted he saw "red mist" and flipped out (think basically got alot of work atm and he can't cope) soon as he got angry I said sorry right away if anything I said has caused offence. Half our later my manager comes to get me saying my colleague wants to talk to me. In a weird way he said sorry but at the same time blaming me for getting angry even though I was actually helping him with the work. Im meant to keep helping him next week but now I feel I dont want too and sod him" . Does your work place offer work mediation or do you and your colleague not feel it necessary at this stage. | |||
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"Nobody flips over nothing. He seems stressed. You say lots of pallets were coming in and he was frustrated/angry although that's not your fault you could have just clocked he was struggling and just helped without any wisecracks. It was then attempted to sort things with you by a man to man adult talk. Let's hope it works for both of you and something is learned from what happened. " I dont know if what I said would be a wise crack. Specially as he said he wanted to speak to the manger and all I said was he is down by there but you are right I shouldn't have said even that | |||
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"Follow up us. He said sorry to me again first thing this morning and been ok so far but still a tad weary" Good for you two .... xxx and especially you You are right to be wary. We can't always help how others feel but we should be able to read signs as adults and not fuck about.... cos the stressed can't take it | |||
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"Actually it’s about damn time people stopped trying not to hurt other peoples feelings! I don’t mean that you should deliberately try to upset people, but if you inadvertently upset someone that’s their issue not yours! We are not responsible for other peoples emotions!!!!" I kind of agree with this. It's good to recognise that someone is having a tough time and make allowances for that but we simply can't be worried about every innocent remark we make. I witnessed a spectacular display of anger once precipitated by someone's innocent remark about vets. It turned out the angry persons partner was a vet and there were issues. Nobody could have known that. | |||
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"Actually it’s about damn time people stopped trying not to hurt other peoples feelings! I don’t mean that you should deliberately try to upset people, but if you inadvertently upset someone that’s their issue not yours! We are not responsible for other peoples emotions!!!!" I always used to say this and still hold with it to a degree BUT there are times when we should be able to see that someone is already anxious and have the empathy to only say something if it HAS to be said ..... not simply because we want to exercise a self given right | |||
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"Actually it’s about damn time people stopped trying not to hurt other peoples feelings! I don’t mean that you should deliberately try to upset people, but if you inadvertently upset someone that’s their issue not yours! We are not responsible for other peoples emotions!!!! I kind of agree with this. It's good to recognise that someone is having a tough time and make allowances for that but we simply can't be worried about every innocent remark we make. I witnessed a spectacular display of anger once precipitated by someone's innocent remark about vets. It turned out the angry persons partner was a vet and there were issues. Nobody could have known that." Oh please...... all the objector achieves is me thinking they are an angry sod with no ability to put forward their argument in a non aggressive manner. The eternally ' offended' fooking offend me. | |||
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"Follow up us. He said sorry to me again first thing this morning and been ok so far but still a tad weary" That’s great news OP. I genuinely did wonder how you’d got on today | |||
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"Follow up us. He said sorry to me again first thing this morning and been ok so far but still a tad weary That’s great news OP. I genuinely did wonder how you’d got on today " Thank you much! | |||
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