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What the most irritating office workplace phrase

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By *usman 199 OP   Man
over a year ago

Stockport

A boss used to say Touch Base . Oh No . Morning all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your fired, i find that so irritating

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By *adtaffladMan
over a year ago

Rhyl

Blue sky thinking.

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

Manchester(ish).

"Reaching out", is irritating.

"Teamwork makes the dream work" is vomit inducing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As per previous email…

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester

Let’s work smarter not harder

‘Can I borrow you for 5 minutes’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We used to have a guy that had literally swallowed a manual on stupid business platitudes. In the end we made a load of ‘bullshit bingo’ cards and when you’d got all the phrases like ‘low hanging fruit’ and ‘end of play’ you won the sweepstake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kind regards (on emails).

Just piss off, you don't mean it, and I don't like you anyway (grumpy old man).

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By *poolfunswingcplCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

That’s your starter for 10

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We used to have a guy that had literally swallowed a manual on stupid business platitudes. In the end we made a load of ‘bullshit bingo’ cards and when you’d got all the phrases like ‘low hanging fruit’ and ‘end of play’ you won the sweepstake "

Just makes you want to give them a motivational hi-5….in the face!

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By *usman 199 OP   Man
over a year ago

Stockport


"We used to have a guy that had literally swallowed a manual on stupid business platitudes. In the end we made a load of ‘bullshit bingo’ cards and when you’d got all the phrases like ‘low hanging fruit’ and ‘end of play’ you won the sweepstake "
is he still with you or has he moved on ? .Good morning by the way xx

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By *adtaffladMan
over a year ago

Rhyl


"We used to have a guy that had literally swallowed a manual on stupid business platitudes. In the end we made a load of ‘bullshit bingo’ cards and when you’d got all the phrases like ‘low hanging fruit’ and ‘end of play’ you won the sweepstake "

I just pretend not to understand all the platitudes and ask them to explain them . They get bored quickly

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By *an4funMan
over a year ago

london

Who shat in my draw again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going forward.......

Oh jaysus

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

There is no I in team.I personally found it very annoying when my former manager said it to me despite the fact she had me doing a job role that was totally different to the rest of her team

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We used to have a guy that had literally swallowed a manual on stupid business platitudes. In the end we made a load of ‘bullshit bingo’ cards and when you’d got all the phrases like ‘low hanging fruit’ and ‘end of play’ you won the sweepstake is he still with you or has he moved on ? .Good morning by the way xx"

I moved on. He’s still there so it must work

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

Onwards and upwards.

Up yer arse.

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat

At the moment everyone at my work is circling back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Duly noted.. fucks me right off.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"At the moment everyone at my work is circling back

"

Tom does not like that phrase. It reminds him of a pending shark attack..

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Run an idea up the flagpole

Makes me shudder

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat


"At the moment everyone at my work is circling back

Tom does not like that phrase. It reminds him of a pending shark attack.. "

HornyCouga does not like that phrase. It makes her pray to the Lord that the person who said it meets their untimely end in a shark attack

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"At the moment everyone at my work is circling back

Tom does not like that phrase. It reminds him of a pending shark attack..

HornyCouga does not like that phrase. It makes her pray to the Lord that the person who said it meets their untimely end in a shark attack"

Tom's thoughts exactly..

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

Manchester(ish).


"There is no I in team.I personally found it very annoying when my former manager said it to me despite the fact she had me doing a job role that was totally different to the rest of her team "

Best response to that is "there's 4 in Platitude Quoting Idiot".

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"You're late!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Kind regards (on emails).

Just piss off, you don't mean it, and I don't like you anyway (grumpy old man)."
but then how do i let you know I'm pissed at you.

Regards

Hovis.

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Anyone who claims "I feel humbled and privileged to serve in my new role"

Usually a cushy job working in a glass fronted office with an executive assistant, not volunteering in a homeless shelter!

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By *eliusMan
over a year ago

Henlow

Singing from the same hymn sheet

This is the way we’ve always done it

Who stuffed up the copier again!

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By *nterblueMan
over a year ago

manchester

"I'm super excited to announce..."

It usually precedes something rather dull.

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow


""I'm super excited to announce..."

It usually precedes something rather dull. "

...... I've had my genital warts lanced

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you have the capacity?"

Eh, no I'm not a cardboard box!

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By *ornyguyMan
over a year ago

Hillsborough, NI

someone at mine started using the phrase "open kimono", as in "let's go open kimono on this".

It's the equivalent of placing your cards on the table, the idea being that everything is open to be seen; terrible imagery.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I can't name one there are far too many that used to make my teeth itch.

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat


"Kind regards (on emails).

Just piss off, you don't mean it, and I don't like you anyway (grumpy old man).but then how do i let you know I'm pissed at you.

Regards

Hovis.

"

I throw stress balls at people

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

I’ve got into a habit now that if a potential boss says any of those words in an interview, I cut the interview short.

The best part of working from home though is that I don’t hear my current boss saying any of these things, simply because I decline most meetings

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By *licia_2021TV/TS
over a year ago

Ashby De La Zouch

"lets circle back" and anything with Super Infront of it

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

Think outside of the box...just fuck right off or I'm going to put you in the fucking box, and then throw the it into the nearest canal so I never have to hear you say that again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Its cocks on the blocks time, Ladies and Gents'.

And in the last few years, ive noticed things being labelled as 'hubs'.

What happened to offices or units??

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

So we are all happy bunnies? Are we comparing apples to oranges? How long will it take?

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By *appy nakedMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

Blue sky thinking and doing more for less are two that the managers used a lot in my old job, also thinking outside the box when the answer is obviously inside the box but they just don’t want to pay.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

Let’s grab all the low hanging fruit

It boiled my piss

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By *akeanyoneMan
over a year ago

LH

"Can you do this, can you do that"

I don't come here to work you know

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

“Are you busy?”

Get lost. You know I’m always fucking busy.

“Have you got five minutes?”

No. See above.

“Can I grab you for a minute?”

I’m pretty sure I’d have to get HR involved if you did that.

“Are we fully across that?”

*red mist descends …*

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

Christ lol I use all these phrases lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When working as an advisor taking calls and at the end when you politely ask “is there anything further I can help with” and the customer replies laughing this weeks lottery number……. Honestly offering further help not a crystal ball….

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field


"At the moment everyone at my work is circling back

Tom does not like that phrase. It reminds him of a pending shark attack.. "

And Tom isn’t a fan of sharks- not even the vacuum cleaner variety

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

Boss is just swinging by to see how the department’s running!

We’re not running anywhere and the boss is definitely not a swinger! Not a successful one anyway!

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham


"Let’s work smarter not harder

‘Can I borrow you for 5 minutes’ "

I used to use that a lot when I worked on the ramp at Gatwick, usually at someone who is in the cramped hold of an aircraft trying to stack heavy bags on top of each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is that all you have done

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By *cott73Man
over a year ago

brighton

I have to work with many American who literally speak in riddles. I come off calls thinking, "What have we agreed?!"

Their ability to use 10 words when 3 will usually do, is remarkable.

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By *oncupiscentTonyMan
over a year ago

Kent

"Moving forward"

"We shall endeavour"

"Mindful of the lead time"

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By *antricSeeker60Man
over a year ago

Durham

I don’t have the bandwidth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wake up!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No more stealing feom the stationary cupboard

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"There is no I in team."

My answer to that is "But there is an M and an E"

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By *hromosexualsCouple
over a year ago

Near Abercynon

I like it when people get them wrong; someone in my office said "we need to be thinking about the box". He wasn't the sharpest sandwich at the picnic though (I also dig mixed metaphors)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sector........ Fuck right off!!

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow


"I like it when people get them wrong; someone in my office said "we need to be thinking about the box". He wasn't the sharpest sandwich at the picnic though (I also dig mixed metaphors)"

................................

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is no I in team.

My answer to that is "But there is an M and an E""

My answer: No there isn’t but there’s a U in C#NT!

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton


"There is no I in team.

My answer to that is "But there is an M and an E""
. Thank you from now on I will say but there is a M and a E and that spells ME

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By *lueFireCouple
over a year ago

just somewhere around here


"Kind regards (on emails).

Just piss off, you don't mean it, and I don't like you anyway (grumpy old man).but then how do i let you know I'm pissed at you.

Regards

Hovis.

I throw stress balls at people "

I used to throw hammers...and Henry Hoovers or jigsaws, what ever was to hand really ( how I never got fired I'll never know!!)

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By *ickeyblueeyes7Man
over a year ago

newport

Just glad I’ve never worked in on office couldn’t stand all that bullshit

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By *obajxMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Two that haven't been posted

1/ Belts and braces

2/ I'll have that conversation

3/Anyone who uses either of these terms is a twat

Number three is my own unique work phrase

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate ones where there is a much simpler phrase, but the speaker thinks it adds importance.

“What’s the granularity on that?” (How much detail is there? - I think )

“What’s the delta?” (What change has there been?)

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By *idlandiaMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Effective tomorrow, " followed by the next idiotic idea the operations manager has pulled out of his arse...

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Stop chatting and get back to work!

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By *ubytuesdaysTV/TS
over a year ago

birmingham

No sex in the storeroom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The phrase "who's going to take ownership" pisses me right off

Mr C

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By *cott73Man
over a year ago

brighton


"The phrase "who's going to take ownership" pisses me right off

Mr C "

This. It's just a boss reneging on his / her responsibilities.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t know why but when someone says “ drop me a message / email” it makes my blood boil

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some great phrases in here. I’ll add

“Deep dive” ok I’ll get my scuba gear

“Forensic in the detail” I’ll bring my white paper body suit

“Double down” or “re-double our efforts” will we double or re-double my pay?

“Let’s re-contract on that” we’ve not contracted in the first place

“Let’s take it offline” please do and by all means stay there

“We need to find the marginal gains”

All of those make me think I’d rather nail my testacles to the table than remain in the meeting

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

We are where we are - taking the helicopter view of things we can see the car park

Of good ideas getting full here!!! Good chat team. Enough?? Or should I crush some more wills to live??

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