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decisions, or mistakes?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

people of the forum.

let's talk hypothetically.

you make a decision.

a decision you don't know why you've made it, although you tell yourself it's for the best, for the right reasons, and it needed to happen. but in reality you maybe weren't of sound mind and actually reverted to self destructive behaviour because you were met with something you couldn't deal with.

you fill your day with every distraction known to mankind, music as high as it will go, mindless conversation... anything so you don't have to hear your brain, and can't be left alone with your thoughts.

you know you can't go back on your decision.

it's done.

you need to stand firm, because it can't be undone.

and you know one day, you might be okay again.

but in the meantime.. what do you do? how do you come to terms with something you can't even process? or how do you begin to? or not even any of that.. but how do you fill the void that your decision has left you with? or deal with the pain you've caused yourself?

i can't even remember the point to this post anymore.. my bad.

but yeah. if anyone needs a hug.. right here Px

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you need a hug?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"people of the forum.

let's talk hypothetically.

you make a decision.

a decision you don't know why you've made it, although you tell yourself it's for the best, for the right reasons, and it needed to happen. but in reality you maybe weren't of sound mind and actually reverted to self destructive behaviour because you were met with something you couldn't deal with.

you fill your day with every distraction known to mankind, music as high as it will go, mindless conversation... anything so you don't have to hear your brain, and can't be left alone with your thoughts.

you know you can't go back on your decision.

it's done.

you need to stand firm, because it can't be undone.

and you know one day, you might be okay again.

but in the meantime.. what do you do? how do you come to terms with something you can't even process? or how do you begin to? or not even any of that.. but how do you fill the void that your decision has left you with? or deal with the pain you've caused yourself?

i can't even remember the point to this post anymore.. my bad.

but yeah. if anyone needs a hug.. right here Px "

So I've learnt, that distraction behaviors, only put off the envitable, they may quiten the thinking for a short while, or change the way we feel for a finite window of time. However, we take feelings with us, we can't truly escape them, if we suppress them then they come out in other ways.

So these days I talk talk and tal some more about what it is affecting, but through talking to the right people, I see a diffrent perspective...as of I'm always in the jar I never see the label

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Sending hugs and just know that time heals all wounds

K

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly hugs

Secondly, decisions usually are made because it was best for you at that time whether you believe you were in sound mind or not. We can sometimes reflect afterwards and question if we made the right choice but ultimately there's no point looking back on decisions. Mistakes however, are easier to rectify once they have been acknowledged. If you feel something needs to be said/done, change it. Pain is temporary but strength lasts a lifetime

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"people of the forum.

let's talk hypothetically.

you make a decision.

a decision you don't know why you've made it, although you tell yourself it's for the best, for the right reasons, and it needed to happen. but in reality you maybe weren't of sound mind and actually reverted to self destructive behaviour because you were met with something you couldn't deal with.

you fill your day with every distraction known to mankind, music as high as it will go, mindless conversation... anything so you don't have to hear your brain, and can't be left alone with your thoughts.

you know you can't go back on your decision.

it's done.

you need to stand firm, because it can't be undone.

and you know one day, you might be okay again.

but in the meantime.. what do you do? how do you come to terms with something you can't even process? or how do you begin to? or not even any of that.. but how do you fill the void that your decision has left you with? or deal with the pain you've caused yourself?

i can't even remember the point to this post anymore.. my bad.

but yeah. if anyone needs a hug.. right here Px "
I'm able to compartmentalise my brain put the thing into that part of my brain and forget about it, i guess you haven't got that ability

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find its much better to make a decision even if you later come to regret it. If you do nothing and dont make the decision then you will never know.

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

Talk about it and I do fine the forum can be prity non judgmental.

But a problem sherd is a problem halved. And you can get some positive feedback witch helps settle the mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you tried therapy? x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What you are describing is not a decision it’s a reaction. Decisions you can go back check your readings, reactions you just have to ride the runaway horse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That sounds like a snap decision made in haste because something hurt or was a shock to the sysyem.

I think when things go in a way we don't like, hurt or take away something we value we can easily make a decision which pushes it away further if not permanently. Done so that thing can't return to hurt us again.

You don't understand the decision because inside you know it goes against what you want or would make you happy. So it's a damage limition, a mechanism to protect ourselves from further pain, we kill it so it's not an issue again. And in doing so create the worst case scenario and face it knowing you may have had to anyway so you might as well get it done so you don't have that vulnerability anymore.

Is that what you mean?

If so, it would be similar to grieving wouldn't it? Taking time to accept the loss of whatever it was. The void may never be filled but we learn to accept it and live with it.

T

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By *piritualSFCMan
over a year ago

london

Hugs too.

Take strength from making a decision as this far better than indecision or no decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Breathe in and out. And in. And out. And wait. And let the sucker punch ease. And wait for the pain to recede. Let the wound scab over. Resist picking at it. Let it heal. Reprocess the thoughts that brought you to make your decision every time you doubt it. Remember all the reasons it was right for you. And accept that right doesn't always mean easy.

And breathe in. And out. And sleep. And keep putting one foot in front of the other until you no longer have to remind yourself to do any of the above

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No decision is final

No decision can’t be undone

We are human we make mistakes we make the wrong choices sometimes

If a decision is final

If a decision can’t be undone

If that mistake can’t be fixed

Then you meant nothing to that person in the first place

All you have to do is talk maybe you find

Both off yous are different people than you were back then

Maybe both have grown maybe both regert things and want to make amends

Maybe it can work this time around

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sending hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs OP

I’m here with you today.

I hope it gets better for you

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I still question myself over it what the heck was I thinking but as you say what's done is done and no going back

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"people of the forum.

let's talk hypothetically.

you make a decision.

a decision you don't know why you've made it, although you tell yourself it's for the best, for the right reasons, and it needed to happen. but in reality you maybe weren't of sound mind and actually reverted to self destructive behaviour because you were met with something you couldn't deal with.

you fill your day with every distraction known to mankind, music as high as it will go, mindless conversation... anything so you don't have to hear your brain, and can't be left alone with your thoughts.

you know you can't go back on your decision.

it's done.

you need to stand firm, because it can't be undone.

and you know one day, you might be okay again.

but in the meantime.. what do you do? how do you come to terms with something you can't even process? or how do you begin to? or not even any of that.. but how do you fill the void that your decision has left you with? or deal with the pain you've caused yourself?

i can't even remember the point to this post anymore.. my bad.

but yeah. if anyone needs a hug.. right here Px "
you can't, it was your decision right or wrong you have to live with it, I've made a few in my time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

According to the theory of aerodynamics, and as may well be demonstrated by means of a wind tunnel, the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly.

You see, because of its size, weight and shape in relation to its total wingspan, flight should be impossible.

However, the bumblebee, being unaware of these scientific facts, but possessing considerable determination, does fly.

And makes a little honey too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You stand by your convictions and learn to sit with the uncomfortable feelings until they lessen over time.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Laughter is the best medicine because you can't do anything else so why not and hopefully learn from it as not to repeat

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle

I have experienced this OP and it’s an awful unsettled feeling. My advice… keep busy, occupy your mind, spend time with loved ones. As cliche as it sounds, things do always work out in the end. Sometimes not straight away, and things can feel tough for a while, but before long you’ll be able to look back and it will just be a memory rather than a reality. I read a quote the other day which I loved:

“No Winter lasts forever, no Spring skips it turn”

Hugs to you OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you've made a decision which is truly irreversible then I think you need to calmy confront and come to terms to that decision, both so you can start to leave it behind and to avoid a similar mistake (if that's how you see it). Distraction is not the way to go imho - the regret and pain will find a way out somehow and in an uncontrollable fashion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"According to the theory of aerodynamics, and as may well be demonstrated by means of a wind tunnel, the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly.

You see, because of its size, weight and shape in relation to its total wingspan, flight should be impossible.

However, the bumblebee, being unaware of these scientific facts, but possessing considerable determination, does fly.

And makes a little honey too."

I like this!

OP: x

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By *.R.MMan
over a year ago

Norfolk

Eventually you run out of things to distract you then it becomes an issue. What you soon realise is that there are those that say they care when in actual fact they couldn’t give a toss but in their mind they’ve ticked that box.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Eventually you run out of things to distract you then it becomes an issue. What you soon realise is that there are those that say they care when in actual fact they couldn’t give a toss but in their mind they’ve ticked that box. "

Block them. X

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

You just allow yourself time. Cliche but time is a great healer, things that seem major seem less major over time.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

If it really is for the best and for the right reasons then you owe it to yourself to make your peace with it and move past it.

Don't use it as blame or an excuse for how things are now

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Hope you're feeling a bit better, OP. I know this will depend on the decision, and its impact on you and others, but I honestly think things are rarely as bad as we think they are in the initial aftermath.

I think it was Fandango above that said this, but try to remember why you made the decision you did. Rationalise and remember why it was the right thing to do. Trust yourself.

If you feel it's a genuine mistake that needs fixing, start to think about what you need to do that, but sounds like you've said you don't want to go back on your decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope you're OK lovely.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Me?

Self destruct.

I do not recommend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Me?

Self destruct.

I do not recommend."

Yup, very much one of the few coping mechanisms I have at the moment, as Princess said, I wouldn’t recommend it though

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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I used to spend a lot of time thinking about bad decisions I made, as well as anything I did or said wrong and I used to carry around a lot of regret, until I realised that worrying and overthinking about things that happened in the past is absolutely pointless. It doesn’t change what’s happened and it just makes the situation worse, I still make bad decisions and mistakes but as soon as I start worrying about them I remind myself that I can’t undo the past. It’s important to learn from mistakes but pointless dwelling on them.

If I can do anything to make things right then I will, if I need to apologise to someone then I will or if I need to change my ways to stop myself doing it again I will but since I’ve accepted that the past is best forgotten my life has been a lot happier.

Also, if you really can’t move on, then talking to someone about it is the best thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

shamelessly bumping in the hope of attracting more distraction tips. Px

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Some good distractions are focus on something you can control, or improve on in your life. A project you can give attention to - redecorate and restore the look of a room or home, items of furniture etc

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By *oubleswing2019Man
over a year ago

Colchester

Humans are imperfect beings.

We make irrational and faulty/illogical decisions.

Some more so than others, others less so than others, but it's something WE ALL DO.

Sometimes our "Programming" helps up avoid these situations, sometimes it doesn't.

The trick is to accept that we are all flawed and irrational and at the mercy of our own programming.

Identify why your own programming led you to make a decision you reflect wasn't in your best interests. Did new information come to light that was not available at the time, for example ?

I'd counsel that we all make decisions to the best of our ability at the time with the facts we have at hand. But facts change. Which is why we are allowed to change our minds too.

Like a car, you have controls which affect direction and speed. You can even go in reverse if you wish to. That's your choice.

I hope it works out, and Carpe Steering Wheel.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

When I have shit going on, I watch films or TV. Don't have to think about it while watching something and getting into the story.

Late at night when going to sleep in the quiet is when the thoughts come to the fore.

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