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I have tried

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By *rettyflamingo OP   Woman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live

I have tried absolutely everything to give my mother a great time and do what she wants etc. it is 10 days in out of 21 and I seriously give up!!

She doesn’t want to go out anywhere, doesn’t want to out for food, everything I mention to cook she doesn’t want. I gave her some recipe books, pick something mum . She flicked through and said Nah nothing in them for me?

I’m at the end of my tether , sorry I’m very emotional as I’ve gone out of my way for my mum and it’s obviously not good enough x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry you're feeling this way with her. It sounds like you are bending over backwards for her with not much give from her.

Can you go out and have some space away from her, have a breather, for your own sanity?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would just do things you enjoy in honesty.. At least one of you will have a better time?!

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By *rettyflamingo OP   Woman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live


"So sorry you're feeling this way with her. It sounds like you are bending over backwards for her with not much give from her.

Can you go out and have some space away from her, have a breather, for your own sanity?"

I managed a couple of hours out yesterday which was great but I dread waking up and it starting all over again , the joys love her but blimey x

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By *adtaffladMan
over a year ago

Rhyl


"I have tried absolutely everything to give my mother a great time and do what she wants etc. it is 10 days in out of 21 and I seriously give up!!

She doesn’t want to go out anywhere, doesn’t want to out for food, everything I mention to cook she doesn’t want. I gave her some recipe books, pick something mum . She flicked through and said Nah nothing in them for me?

I’m at the end of my tether , sorry I’m very emotional as I’ve gone out of my way for my mum and it’s obviously not good enough x"

Sometimes you can't win . My mother-in-law was the same but it was all for attention. She liked people trying to run around after her then critical of everything they did

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By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford

What Ruby said. You ARE good enough, and more than good enough, Flamingo. I love my mother, but 3 days in her company is more than enough before I go mad. Sometimes you have to break the cycle. Take a walk. Cook something YOU want and if she doesn't like it, she gets toast/a sandwich. You can't care effectively if YOU are burnt out.

As with children, old people often behave badly from frustration and inarticulacy. In this case, YOU are the adult - and that's an endlessly painful recalibration of a relationship where she was once your whole world. Christmas adds a whole new level of stress.

Please try to be kind to yourself, and ask for help from family, neighbours, Age Concern, etc. You are not alone, however much you may feel it.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Maybe you could stop making food the big issue ? Just give her soup or a sandwich and watch a film together ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What Ruby said. You ARE good enough, and more than good enough, Flamingo. I love my mother, but 3 days in her company is more than enough before I go mad. Sometimes you have to break the cycle. Take a walk. Cook something YOU want and if she doesn't like it, she gets toast/a sandwich. You can't care effectively if YOU are burnt out.

As with children, old people often behave badly from frustration and inarticulacy. In this case, YOU are the adult - and that's an endlessly painful recalibration of a relationship where she was once your whole world. Christmas adds a whole new level of stress.

Please try to be kind to yourself, and ask for help from family, neighbours, Age Concern, etc. You are not alone, however much you may feel it."

I love this

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By *rettyflamingo OP   Woman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live


"What Ruby said. You ARE good enough, and more than good enough, Flamingo. I love my mother, but 3 days in her company is more than enough before I go mad. Sometimes you have to break the cycle. Take a walk. Cook something YOU want and if she doesn't like it, she gets toast/a sandwich. You can't care effectively if YOU are burnt out.

As with children, old people often behave badly from frustration and inarticulacy. In this case, YOU are the adult - and that's an endlessly painful recalibration of a relationship where she was once your whole world. Christmas adds a whole new level of stress.

Please try to be kind to yourself, and ask for help from family, neighbours, Age Concern, etc. You are not alone, however much you may feel it."

Thank you so much I’m in tears it’s very tough, taking her to the cinema today as she wants to see the new Whitney movie

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By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford


"

Thank you so much I’m in tears it’s very tough, taking her to the cinema today as she wants to see the new Whitney movie "

That's a lovely idea. Hope it's 2 hours of shared peace.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

It can be very hard being with someone 24/7 no matter how much you love them.Paticularly if they are being like your mum is being and no matter what you do you doesn't seem to be good enough.

All I can suggest is to try and get out even for an hour and get some time to yourself you need a break. And cook meals you like and you know she liked before and just serve that up. She can either eat it or make something else herself.

In situations like that when someone seems to pick on everything no matter what you do you can't win.And it can be very demoralising. But you need to look after yourself as well.I hope you have a good day at the cinema today and it's another day closer to her going home and you being able to relax again.

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By *ong-leggedblondWoman
over a year ago

Next Door

Sorry to hear this.

I have the same issues with my mum, and if I go out by myself I get moaned at.

Hope you trip to the cinema is relaxing for you both.

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By *.R.MMan
over a year ago

Norfolk

Make the most of it, some never get that chance anymore.

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By *adtaffladMan
over a year ago

Rhyl


"Make the most of it, some never get that chance anymore. "

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West

You're doing your best Flamingo and you are enough.

Easy for me to say, but can you ease off trying to please her? Organise food choices you want and give her 1 or 2 options, not loads.

If you can't please her, then can you try and limit the energy you put into what sounds like a fruitless task.

Hang in there and look after yourself.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Sorry to hear this, OP. Lots of really good advice above and, as others have said, be kind to yourself as you're doing your best.

I don't really have this problem, so this may be duff advice, but perhaps you need to be a bit more 'assertive'? Not in a nasty way, but perhaps she's overwhelmed by the choice you're offering or by having to make a decision. Just decide what you want to do and tell her - "we're off shopping today/thought we'd pop out for lunch today" or whatever. I bet she'll enjoy everything once you're out!

Enjoy Whitney - I want to see that too!

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By *rettyflamingo OP   Woman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live

Really lovely messages and advice thank you all , so lovely and kind . Let’s hope today is a good day I’m determined it will be x

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings


"What Ruby said. You ARE good enough, and more than good enough, Flamingo. I love my mother, but 3 days in her company is more than enough before I go mad. Sometimes you have to break the cycle. Take a walk. Cook something YOU want and if she doesn't like it, she gets toast/a sandwich. You can't care effectively if YOU are burnt out.

As with children, old people often behave badly from frustration and inarticulacy. In this case, YOU are the adult - and that's an endlessly painful recalibration of a relationship where she was once your whole world. Christmas adds a whole new level of stress.

Please try to be kind to yourself, and ask for help from family, neighbours, Age Concern, etc. You are not alone, however much you may feel it.

Thank you so much I’m in tears it’s very tough, taking her to the cinema today as she wants to see the new Whitney movie "

Just do what you can and in a way try and get something positive out of it.

I had my mum for a week in Feb this year OMG what a week.

I done a roast she did not want but cleared her plate, got fish and chips she did not want but loved it...

I then lost her 8 Weeks later and know I did my best and I rest easy knowing that. It was a hard week but worth it.

You know she will hate the film and be chating to you right through it RIGHT. Love to you ??

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By *adtaffladMan
over a year ago

Rhyl


"Really lovely messages and advice thank you all , so lovely and kind . Let’s hope today is a good day I’m determined it will be x"

I hope today is good for you I know how hard it can be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe there's more going on with her than meets the eye. Don't get angry, just be patient.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know how you feel OP. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Nothing I do is ever good enough for my mother, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Which is one of the reasons I didn't go through to spend Xmas with them. You can only do your best for your mum and if she doesn't like it, then just quietly accept it x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I know you were concerned about your mum staying. I think that you're doing pretty well under the circumstances. The suggestion of stop worrying about food was a good one I thought, eventually that's what I did with my mum. She literally turned her nose up at every suggestion so I narrowed the choice to two things after the famous 'i can't eat cheese, I'll have the Philadelphia on toast ' incident . You're doing your best, that's enough, more than enough

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I know how you feel OP. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Nothing I do is ever good enough for my mother, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Which is one of the reasons I didn't go through to spend Xmas with them. You can only do your best for your mum and if she doesn't like it, then just quietly accept it x"

Often you'll find that she's telling other people you're marvellous

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By *rettyflamingo OP   Woman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live


"Maybe there's more going on with her than meets the eye. Don't get angry, just be patient."

Yes my daughter and I have discussed this too as my mums behaviour has got worse it’s like she’s purposely being miserable and uncooperative x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know how you feel OP. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Nothing I do is ever good enough for my mother, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Which is one of the reasons I didn't go through to spend Xmas with them. You can only do your best for your mum and if she doesn't like it, then just quietly accept it x

Often you'll find that she's telling other people you're marvellous "

I know my mother definitely doesn't do that but she loves telling me how wonderful my sister is

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By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford


"Maybe there's more going on with her than meets the eye. Don't get angry, just be patient.

Yes my daughter and I have discussed this too as my mums behaviour has got worse it’s like she’s purposely being miserable and uncooperative x"

Online amateur diagnoses are famously terrible! But if she used to be warmer, kinder, more polite, etc until fairly recently, it wouldn't be a bad idea to ask her GP about possible frontal lobe decay. That is very slow and very subtle. I speak from two generations' experience.

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By *rettyflamingo OP   Woman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live


"Maybe there's more going on with her than meets the eye. Don't get angry, just be patient.

Yes my daughter and I have discussed this too as my mums behaviour has got worse it’s like she’s purposely being miserable and uncooperative x

I have also spoken to my sister too her memory is also going , so worryingly maybe more going on.

Online amateur diagnoses are famously terrible! But if she used to be warmer, kinder, more polite, etc until fairly recently, it wouldn't be a bad idea to ask her GP about possible frontal lobe decay. That is very slow and very subtle. I speak from two generations' experience."

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I know how you feel OP. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Nothing I do is ever good enough for my mother, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Which is one of the reasons I didn't go through to spend Xmas with them. You can only do your best for your mum and if she doesn't like it, then just quietly accept it x

Often you'll find that she's telling other people you're marvellous

I know my mother definitely doesn't do that but she loves telling me how wonderful my sister is "

Oh dear. My mum appreciated me/us and would tell us and other people so we knew at least.

It's hard when you feel she doesn't appreciate you.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Maybe there's more going on with her than meets the eye. Don't get angry, just be patient.

Yes my daughter and I have discussed this too as my mums behaviour has got worse it’s like she’s purposely being miserable and uncooperative x"

Could she be depressed?

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By *adtaffladMan
over a year ago

Rhyl


"Maybe there's more going on with her than meets the eye. Don't get angry, just be patient.

Yes my daughter and I have discussed this too as my mums behaviour has got worse it’s like she’s purposely being miserable and uncooperative x"

It can be a sign that she is trying to control people around her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have tried absolutely everything to give my mother a great time and do what she wants etc. it is 10 days in out of 21 and I seriously give up!!

She doesn’t want to go out anywhere, doesn’t want to out for food, everything I mention to cook she doesn’t want. I gave her some recipe books, pick something mum . She flicked through and said Nah nothing in them for me?

I’m at the end of my tether , sorry I’m very emotional as I’ve gone out of my way for my mum and it’s obviously not good enough x"

Don’t lose heart

Lost my mother when I was twenty eight better to still have than have not

It is good enough for her she probably just won’t tell you that bear with it she will let her hair down eventually

Have wonderful day beautiful x x x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know how you feel OP. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Nothing I do is ever good enough for my mother, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Which is one of the reasons I didn't go through to spend Xmas with them. You can only do your best for your mum and if she doesn't like it, then just quietly accept it x

Often you'll find that she's telling other people you're marvellous

I know my mother definitely doesn't do that but she loves telling me how wonderful my sister is

Oh dear. My mum appreciated me/us and would tell us and other people so we knew at least.

It's hard when you feel she doesn't appreciate you. "

It's only got worse over the years too. I've taken a step back from her and my sister, for the sake of my mental health x

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings


"Maybe there's more going on with her than meets the eye. Don't get angry, just be patient.

Yes my daughter and I have discussed this too as my mums behaviour has got worse it’s like she’s purposely being miserable and uncooperative x

Online amateur diagnoses are famously terrible! But if she used to be warmer, kinder, more polite, etc until fairly recently, it wouldn't be a bad idea to ask her GP about possible frontal lobe decay. That is very slow and very subtle. I speak from two generations' experience."

Chat to a GP i will have more luck chating to a lady on hear that wants to meet for fun..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I know how you feel OP. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Nothing I do is ever good enough for my mother, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Which is one of the reasons I didn't go through to spend Xmas with them. You can only do your best for your mum and if she doesn't like it, then just quietly accept it x

Often you'll find that she's telling other people you're marvellous

I know my mother definitely doesn't do that but she loves telling me how wonderful my sister is

Oh dear. My mum appreciated me/us and would tell us and other people so we knew at least.

It's hard when you feel she doesn't appreciate you.

It's only got worse over the years too. I've taken a step back from her and my sister, for the sake of my mental health x"

Completely understand. My mum did appreciate me and I had to emotionally separate myself if not physically. It's not what I'd imagined would happen and anyone who thinks looking after an elderly parent in any capacity is all sweet little old people with Werther's in their pockets, amusing anecdotes and kindly advice hasn't live it.

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester

My mum has always been hard to please! Her expectations are ridiculously high but she’s mellowed somewhat in the last 5-10 years

It’s difficult when the roles are reversed too, when you become the adult. There’s some really great advice in the thread too. We love them dearly and want our time with them to be treasured.

I think offer less and maybe she’ll feel less overwhelmed with food or plans. Then you’ll feel Less stressed with her - good luck x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Meanwhile op you're faced with another ten days of this. If you can try and put a little distance between the two of you, stop trying in other words. I know that's easy to say but realistically trying is achieving nothing.

Good luck, enjoy the film

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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

Sorry to hear this Annie, hope today at the cinema helps to break that routine up a bit.

I know it’s not wanted but my ear is always here 24/7

Take care of you as you can’t pour from an empty cup x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know how you feel OP. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Nothing I do is ever good enough for my mother, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Which is one of the reasons I didn't go through to spend Xmas with them. You can only do your best for your mum and if she doesn't like it, then just quietly accept it x

Often you'll find that she's telling other people you're marvellous

I know my mother definitely doesn't do that but she loves telling me how wonderful my sister is

Oh dear. My mum appreciated me/us and would tell us and other people so we knew at least.

It's hard when you feel she doesn't appreciate you.

It's only got worse over the years too. I've taken a step back from her and my sister, for the sake of my mental health x"

If people are dicks to you, get rid. All this shite about having to be nice to family because they're 'blood' makes me puke.

Don't feel guilty about looking after yourself. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe there's more going on with her than meets the eye. Don't get angry, just be patient.

Yes my daughter and I have discussed this too as my mums behaviour has got worse it’s like she’s purposely being miserable and uncooperative x"

Has she always been this way? I understand now why you were looking for meets the other week. I massively apologise. xx

Try and escape as much as you can to keep your sanity. Indeed one day she will be gone but if the memories are all bad it's a shitty guilty relief.

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By *inda May SimmonsTV/TS
over a year ago

hexham


"I would just do things you enjoy in honesty.. At least one of you will have a better time?! "

This absolutely

She can’t complain if you have asked her what she wants to do and she has offered no ideas… then you do what you want to do. Ghat is a no brainier for me

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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

One other thing smuggle in goodies for the film there prices are absurd

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spend Xmas with my mum and dad because I can, they both drive me bonkers but but because i can I do, sometimes the conversation is through gritted teeth and sometimes it’s just the best experience ever, mums and dads are simple creatures and deep down they want the best for you it’s just there’s still no handbook or instructions so they still have no clue either, much love to all on here and the OP, you can do it x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I would just do things you enjoy in honesty.. At least one of you will have a better time?!

This absolutely

She can’t complain if you have asked her what she wants to do and she has offered no ideas… then you do what you want to do. Ghat is a no brainier for me "

But she will complain .

My mum was an expert at saying she didn't want to do anything then complaining that she hadn't done anything .

Eventually we stopped visiting in Christmas day because we were given instructions to be gone before her favourite television show started

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I spend Xmas with my mum and dad because I can, they both drive me bonkers but but because i can I do, sometimes the conversation is through gritted teeth and sometimes it’s just the best experience ever, mums and dads are simple creatures and deep down they want the best for you it’s just there’s still no handbook or instructions so they still have no clue either, much love to all on here and the OP, you can do it x"

What makes you think parents are simple creatures?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Really lovely messages and advice thank you all , so lovely and kind . Let’s hope today is a good day I’m determined it will be x"

Aww hope things get better, been there and it was quite awful. Like an earlier poster mentioned, it's a relationship undergoing recalibration, once a 'man' twice a child. Your mum probably feels your resentment (which you're quite entitled to feel) this in turn makes her say no to many of what you suggest/offer. But don't forget, you're entitled to live a good fulfilling life for yourself regardless of any guilt trips. Who'll take care of you if you're run ragged??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aw I’m so sorry to read you are feeling like this. Please, be kind to yourself and if you need to vent, we will be here x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know how you feel OP. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Nothing I do is ever good enough for my mother, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Which is one of the reasons I didn't go through to spend Xmas with them. You can only do your best for your mum and if she doesn't like it, then just quietly accept it x

Often you'll find that she's telling other people you're marvellous

I know my mother definitely doesn't do that but she loves telling me how wonderful my sister is

Oh dear. My mum appreciated me/us and would tell us and other people so we knew at least.

It's hard when you feel she doesn't appreciate you.

It's only got worse over the years too. I've taken a step back from her and my sister, for the sake of my mental health x

If people are dicks to you, get rid. All this shite about having to be nice to family because they're 'blood' makes me puke.

Don't feel guilty about looking after yourself. Xx "

Oh believe me, I feel exactly the same as you. I don't care what anyone else says, blood is not thicker than water. I stopped feeling guilty about anything a long time ago. If my father wasn't still here, I would walk away from my mum and sister completely because of the way I get treated x

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Maybe she doesn't want to impose by choosing what you're going to cook, or thinks she doesn't want you to trouble yourself taking her out to eat.

I think when parents get old, you just have to treat them a bit like kids. Tell her where she's going, make her dinner with no choice, like it or lump it!

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By *ommodoCouple
over a year ago

OX16

2 sleeping pills will keep her quiet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"2 sleeping pills will keep her quiet"

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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

And Annie it could have been a month

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Make the most of it, some never get that chance anymore. "

Exactly.

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire


"I have tried absolutely everything to give my mother a great time and do what she wants etc. it is 10 days in out of 21 and I seriously give up!!

She doesn’t want to go out anywhere, doesn’t want to out for food, everything I mention to cook she doesn’t want. I gave her some recipe books, pick something mum . She flicked through and said Nah nothing in them for me?

I’m at the end of my tether , sorry I’m very emotional as I’ve gone out of my way for my mum and it’s obviously not good enough x"

Stop asking.

Unless she's not able to fend for herself leave her to it...

She knows where your kitchen is

It may sound harsh but you can't keep doing what you are doing each day and expect a different result

So step back

If you make a brew , ask, do you want one..

But don't put so much pressure on yourself where anything else is concerned

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Make the most of it, some never get that chance anymore. "

Chance at what, martyrdom? She can only do so much

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By *ottom charlieMan
over a year ago

washington


"I have tried absolutely everything to give my mother a great time and do what she wants etc. it is 10 days in out of 21 and I seriously give up!!

She doesn’t want to go out anywhere, doesn’t want to out for food, everything I mention to cook she doesn’t want. I gave her some recipe books, pick something mum . She flicked through and said Nah nothing in them for me?

I’m at the end of my tether , sorry I’m very emotional as I’ve gone out of my way for my mum and it’s obviously not good enough x"
does your mother suffer from depression or s.a.d. (seasonal affected disorder) i suffer from it and i know nothing makes sense food is the last thing on my mind it all seems drab for me it takes a few days/weeks to pass then things get better and all make sense again,, do you know anyone with a sunlamp? and the vitamin b12 does help,, play her fav type of music on quietly in the background?? things to trigger happier thoughts and memories,, good luck xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Make the most of it, some never get that chance anymore.

Chance at what, martyrdom? She can only do so much"

People who care for or spend a lot of time with parents as adults often need somewhere to off load. They are very well aware that the time they have is limited but I agree, being told to make the most of it is not helpful.

In her last years I spent an awful lot of time with my mum, socially and in a caring capacity. It's bloody hard. I learned who would be understanding and offer an ear,laugh at some of the frankly awful things that happened and not judge me when I said I was absolutely sick and tired of it all. I avoided people who dismissed my very real distress and those who told me I was lucky. I know I was lucky and privileged in many ways but it was at a cost emotionally and mentally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Make the most of it, some never get that chance anymore.

Chance at what, martyrdom? She can only do so much"

Maybe every story has two sides ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have tried absolutely everything to give my mother a great time and do what she wants etc. it is 10 days in out of 21 and I seriously give up!!

She doesn’t want to go out anywhere, doesn’t want to out for food, everything I mention to cook she doesn’t want. I gave her some recipe books, pick something mum . She flicked through and said Nah nothing in them for me?

I’m at the end of my tether , sorry I’m very emotional as I’ve gone out of my way for my mum and it’s obviously not good enough x"

Your lovely parents eh who’d have em, we were the same we have both dads absolute pains in the backside and mother in law who’s had a new hip just before Xmas cancelled Xmas lunch three times ended up with one moaning parent saying the food was awful at the restaurant we went too it was delicious yet tried his best to ruin the day, try take no notice don’t let it ruin your fun, love your profile and sexy pictures have a fantastic 2023 xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Make the most of it, some never get that chance anymore.

Chance at what, martyrdom? She can only do so much

Maybe every story has two sides ?"

Every story has more than two sides. There are corners/edges/roundabouts. Makes no difference - The OP obviously feels she is going above and beyond.

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester


"I have tried absolutely everything to give my mother a great time and do what she wants etc. it is 10 days in out of 21 and I seriously give up!!

She doesn’t want to go out anywhere, doesn’t want to out for food, everything I mention to cook she doesn’t want. I gave her some recipe books, pick something mum . She flicked through and said Nah nothing in them for me?

I’m at the end of my tether , sorry I’m very emotional as I’ve gone out of my way for my mum and it’s obviously not good enough x"
awwww some muvvers do have em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know how you feel OP. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Nothing I do is ever good enough for my mother, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Which is one of the reasons I didn't go through to spend Xmas with them. You can only do your best for your mum and if she doesn't like it, then just quietly accept it x

Often you'll find that she's telling other people you're marvellous

I know my mother definitely doesn't do that but she loves telling me how wonderful my sister is

Oh dear. My mum appreciated me/us and would tell us and other people so we knew at least.

It's hard when you feel she doesn't appreciate you.

It's only got worse over the years too. I've taken a step back from her and my sister, for the sake of my mental health x

If people are dicks to you, get rid. All this shite about having to be nice to family because they're 'blood' makes me puke.

Don't feel guilty about looking after yourself. Xx

Oh believe me, I feel exactly the same as you. I don't care what anyone else says, blood is not thicker than water. I stopped feeling guilty about anything a long time ago. If my father wasn't still here, I would walk away from my mum and sister completely because of the way I get treated x"

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By *arker secrets 321Man
over a year ago

West Bromwich


"I have tried absolutely everything to give my mother a great time and do what she wants etc. it is 10 days in out of 21 and I seriously give up!!

She doesn’t want to go out anywhere, doesn’t want to out for food, everything I mention to cook she doesn’t want. I gave her some recipe books, pick something mum . She flicked through and said Nah nothing in them for me?

I’m at the end of my tether , sorry I’m very emotional as I’ve gone out of my way for my mum and it’s obviously not good enough x"

Been there don that got the t shirt.but would still do it all over again if I could x

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By *ozapperMan
over a year ago

Lancashire

Keep at it and don't give in. Having lost both parents this year in their 90's they were at times both difficult and frustrating in equal measures but they are gone far too soon and you will miss them when they do depart. Learn to bite your tongue, take a chill pill and then go back into the firing line and do what you know is the best for them. Look at situations with empathy and understanding and try to see things from their point of view.

Remember they still see you as the child they are reaponsible for and not the relative who is responsible for them. It is a total role reversal for them that must be difficult to accept.

This is difficult for them to get their head around ay times and sometimes they never will so you just have to suck that up. I spent 8 years caring for them both and although it riled and frustrated me me at the time I would gladly do it all again in a heartbeat. I miss them both dearly but I have the satisfaction of knowing I did my best for them both when they couldn't cope on their own.

Value them while they are here as they are gone all to soon.

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By *arker secrets 321Man
over a year ago

West Bromwich


"Keep at it and don't give in. Having lost both parents this year in their 90's they were at times both difficult and frustrating in equal measures but they are gone far too soon and you will miss them when they do depart. Learn to bite your tongue, take a chill pill and then go back into the firing line and do what you know is the best for them. Look at situations with empathy and understanding and try to see things from their point of view.

Remember they still see you as the child they are reaponsible for and not the relative who is responsible for them. It is a total role reversal for them that must be difficult to accept.

This is difficult for them to get their head around ay times and sometimes they never will so you just have to suck that up. I spent 8 years caring for them both and although it riled and frustrated me me at the time I would gladly do it all again in a heartbeat. I miss them both dearly but I have the satisfaction of knowing I did my best for them both when they couldn't cope on their own.

Value them while they are here as they are gone all to soon. "
well said x

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

How was your afternoon did it go well

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By *rettyflamingo OP   Woman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live


"How was your afternoon did it go well "

Mum and I enjoyed the film , she actually thanked me for a lovely day x

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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons


"How was your afternoon did it go well

Mum and I enjoyed the film , she actually thanked me for a lovely day x"

that has made me smile Annie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Three years ago wife’s mum was really sick we sold our house and moved in with her to help her out massive mistake. Nothing we did was good enough if we so much as put a teaspoon in the wrong place she kicked off. We all had huge arguments some very heated. After about six months I said to my wife if we don’t move I will end up in prison for murder.

We are now living in our own house with great neighbours and I don’t miss the old dragon one bit.

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By *evonrobMan
over a year ago

Kingsbridge

Think you’ve gone above and beyond. Time to call it quits and take her home early. And if she complains just tell her exactly why, as you’ve done so succinctly in here.

The kids will get over it too, she’s basically ruin8ng it for everyone.

Tough love!

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings


"How was your afternoon did it go well

Mum and I enjoyed the film , she actually thanked me for a lovely day x"

Go you so are you thinking of getting hea a cinema pass so you can go once a month did you get in as her cara for free..

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

Hey my dad was used to ruling the roost and talked to everyone in the family like he knew best unfortunately theirs no answer to the fact that nothing pleases them, they'll always be your mum or your dad, just give her a bit of cold hard honesty, I found this worked with my dad, it may also drive her away but what you got to lose.

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

Sorry you're going through that. There must be a reason for her to be like that though. It could be pride, perhaps she's so used to being everyone's rock that when the foot is on the other side, she finds it difficult to let that part go or it could be a number of reasons really. Just be open with her to find out what's wrong or perhaps she just needs her own space and for you to take a step back, plus it gives you a chance to take a breather. Some people may just want to be left alone. Hope it all works out in the end OP though

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