FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

The Vanishing Act

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I was wondering if anyone else experiences this phenomenon? Whenever I meet someone I actually want to see again, and i put effort in/match their energy, they disappear after a few days/weeks. But whenever it's someone I'm not overly into seeing again I can't seem to shake them! (Sounds unkind, but hopefully you know what I mean)

Obviously people are entitled to disappear for whatever reason, that's not the point of this post. I'm just starting to get a little paranoid its me and it makes me not want to put effort in going forward, which is a shame and a little sad.

I don't think there really is an answer to this, I'm just seeking some reassurance I'm not alone

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara


"I was wondering if anyone else experiences this phenomenon? Whenever I meet someone I actually want to see again, and i put effort in/match their energy, they disappear after a few days/weeks. But whenever it's someone I'm not overly into seeing again I can't seem to shake them! (Sounds unkind, but hopefully you know what I mean)

Obviously people are entitled to disappear for whatever reason, that's not the point of this post. I'm just starting to get a little paranoid its me and it makes me not want to put effort in going forward, which is a shame and a little sad.

I don't think there really is an answer to this, I'm just seeking some reassurance I'm not alone "
dont think you are alone on this one OP

We have all been there,

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *az080378Woman
over a year ago

Cromer

Unfortunately I feel this too.

So you definitely aren't alone.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *esi_in_brusselsMan
over a year ago

Brussels, Belgium

There's a study somewhere that all females tend to select the best of the male. So the "best man" has multiple choices to select from whereas the rest "average" guys stay behind and keep chasing the ladies without any luck. Apart from the above, life also happens , so stay strong and keep trying.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Of course women select the best man, why on earth wouldn't they? Who they believe to be the best man *for them* . This is not the same as what many men believe it to be

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I get where you are coming from.

Maybe they are just only looking for a something really casual and pick up the vibe that you are not.

Have they said they are looking for more than just a hook up?

I'm very sure you won't be alone in this happening to x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

By more ....I don't mean a relationship, just more meets.

Stands to reason if meets are good then you'd want to meet them again.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Of course women select the best man, why on earth wouldn't they? Who they believe to be the best man *for them* . This is not the same as what many men believe it to be"

Yes! This! I couldn't put it into words but you did it, thanks. A very misogynistic way of thinking. Not the poster, but the study.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They just take a bit longer to show the real them. It's not them that we miss, it's the person we thought they was.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get where you are coming from.

Maybe they are just only looking for a something really casual and pick up the vibe that you are not.

Have they said they are looking for more than just a hook up?

I'm very sure you won't be alone in this happening to x"

No, actually i prefer to meet only once for this very reason. But occasionally someone asks to meet again and I agree, then I put effort in (by this I mean I just text them back ahaha) and then poof, gone after awhile. I'm definitely not looking for anything more, but im a friendly person so maybe there is a vibe I put out that makes it seem I want more, who knows.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I get where you are coming from.

Maybe they are just only looking for a something really casual and pick up the vibe that you are not.

Have they said they are looking for more than just a hook up?

I'm very sure you won't be alone in this happening to x

No, actually i prefer to meet only once for this very reason. But occasionally someone asks to meet again and I agree, then I put effort in (by this I mean I just text them back ahaha) and then poof, gone after awhile. I'm definitely not looking for anything more, but im a friendly person so maybe there is a vibe I put out that makes it seem I want more, who knows. "

Ah...I see what you mean. I bet that can be frustrating, especially when they are saying they want to meet again. If you've been chatting and previously met I think it's just polite to say they have changed their minds. No one has to explain themselves but manners cost nothing.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"I get where you are coming from.

Maybe they are just only looking for a something really casual and pick up the vibe that you are not.

Have they said they are looking for more than just a hook up?

I'm very sure you won't be alone in this happening to x

No, actually i prefer to meet only once for this very reason. But occasionally someone asks to meet again and I agree, then I put effort in (by this I mean I just text them back ahaha) and then poof, gone after awhile. I'm definitely not looking for anything more, but im a friendly person so maybe there is a vibe I put out that makes it seem I want more, who knows.

Ah...I see what you mean. I bet that can be frustrating, especially when they are saying they want to meet again. If you've been chatting and previously met I think it's just polite to say they have changed their minds. No one has to explain themselves but manners cost nothing.

"
true but its in the rules no reply means no

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All about energy - the one's you were keen on/matched with, found it all overwhelming, too much energy flying around so probably needed a breather as they weren't 'ready'

The others - they just like the chase, trying to get your energy to match theirs. They'll most likely be off soon as it did

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ngel-ishWoman
over a year ago

Colchester

That is an excellent point and I have come to the same conclusion.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are not alone op.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *an4funMan
over a year ago

london

It's not you, it's me...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s plenty of studies regarding dopamine and the chase and those same studies say there’s a significant portion of those who are just in for dopamine and that’s it, many I’m those studies state they felt guilt afterwards as it was definitely not the life partner or continued liaison they envisaged during the chase, so basically if all this is the case then you are encountering thrill seekers, which is a shame because that looks to be quite one sided and unfair

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's usually me that does the vanishing act, I think out of fear that I'll get attached.

Really need to stop that

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *endydick.CumbersnatchMan
over a year ago

.

Sometimes, it's just life. Fab is only a part of my life, but there's lots of other commitments, work, family, interests, sports, activities......etc that sometimes just screws down on time availability and motivations. I feel really guilty both personally and professionally for the number of people I've ghosted not maliciously but more just because I've lost every opportunity to follow up.

Over the years I've met some amazing people and had brilliant connections, but trying to maintain them, I'm pretty shit. Friends I've missed for years I'm still trying to catch up with and they now have growing kids I've never met. Now add a layer of Fab, work pushing to get year end activities and family wanting to meet up over Christmas.....yeah, someone or something will get dropped.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience, some people I’ve met are nice but there was something missing. Maybe personality, maybe a conversation that took place during the meet. I know if someone is a bad kisser , I’d seldom would want to meet them again.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"There's a study somewhere that all females tend to select the best of the male. So the "best man" has multiple choices to select from whereas the rest "average" guys stay behind and keep chasing the ladies without any luck. Apart from the above, life also happens , so stay strong and keep trying. "

I read this too, how women select is across and up whereas men select across and down.

But I think also matching someone’s energy is bad. A lot of people I meet hit that honeymoon period immediately and get all excited , so I tend restrain the energy , knowing it’s not real. I tend to bond longer with people who aren’t all bouncy and making plans to move in on the first date

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *onnie 90Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Of course women select the best man, why on earth wouldn't they? Who they believe to be the best man *for them* . This is not the same as what many men believe it to be"

Do you mean the self professed sex gods of fab?

The site is crammed with this type. They vanish quicker than a fart in a wind tunnel.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get where you are coming from.

Maybe they are just only looking for a something really casual and pick up the vibe that you are not.

Have they said they are looking for more than just a hook up?

I'm very sure you won't be alone in this happening to x

No, actually i prefer to meet only once for this very reason. But occasionally someone asks to meet again and I agree, then I put effort in (by this I mean I just text them back ahaha) and then poof, gone after awhile. I'm definitely not looking for anything more, but im a friendly person so maybe there is a vibe I put out that makes it seem I want more, who knows.

Ah...I see what you mean. I bet that can be frustrating, especially when they are saying they want to meet again. If you've been chatting and previously met I think it's just polite to say they have changed their minds. No one has to explain themselves but manners cost nothing.

true but its in the rules no reply means no "

Oh absolutely, and as I said, everyone has the right to disappear. I certainly don't ask people why they did, or pester them!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There's a study somewhere that all females tend to select the best of the male. So the "best man" has multiple choices to select from whereas the rest "average" guys stay behind and keep chasing the ladies without any luck. Apart from the above, life also happens , so stay strong and keep trying.

I read this too, how women select is across and up whereas men select across and down.

But I think also matching someone’s energy is bad. A lot of people I meet hit that honeymoon period immediately and get all excited , so I tend restrain the energy , knowing it’s not real. I tend to bond longer with people who aren’t all bouncy and making plans to move in on the first date"

I'm just talking about me texting someone back here or me being the one to plan a meet, not asking to start a family haha

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In my experience, some people I’ve met are nice but there was something missing. Maybe personality, maybe a conversation that took place during the meet. I know if someone is a bad kisser , I’d seldom would want to meet them again. "

What you trying to say! I'm a fabulous kisser ill have you know

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

Happened to me loads of times, so it's definitely not just you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks everyone for your comments. I've had a good sleep and I'm feeling better now Such is life, onwards and upwards.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden

'Longevity' is something I try to attain and prescribe to, and clearly some others on here seek it as well. If you're looking for 'one off' or transient encounters - which is perfectly fine - then perhaps those that you meet are having a change of heart. In other words they would like to take things further but you have made it clear that sustained 'repeat meets' will be unlikely. As a consequence they are possibly looking for their next potential match and affording less emphasis on you.

I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. We've all been there.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Probably people who have been here for a very long time are less likely to disappear, unless something awful and life-changing happens to them.

But there are no guarantees for anything, nor anyone here.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top