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"Standing in cow poo" In bare feet..  | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet.. "And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet.. "a fresh one all hot and squeshy | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there"And a slug..  | |||
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"Yes bursting as you put in the outside bin " At least this doesn't mean mopping the floor though | |||
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"Yes your arse ripping before getting to a toilet." Ha! Yes... fair point | |||
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"Standing in cow poo" Ah... the aroma that lingers | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug.. "In the dark. | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet.. "Begs the question why you'd be barefoot anywhere near cows  | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
Begs the question why you'd be barefoot anywhere near cows "How else are you going to take off your skinny jeans? | |||
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"Standing in cow poo Ah... the aroma that lingers" or falling in it and been there done that | |||
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"Treading on a squishy dog poop your dog left at the bottom of the stairs. This never happened to me but was a regular occurrence for my eldest sister, who always got up first. Why she didn't put the light on I don't know. " Eeeww!! 
Sounds like the dog was popping out a protest poo if that was a regular occurrence | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
Begs the question why you'd be barefoot anywhere near cows
How else are you going to take off your skinny jeans? "Oh god this opens even more questions in my head!! | |||
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"Slipping on the ice and landing in dog poo whilst it's still wet must be worse " That is a very strong contender! | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
Begs the question why you'd be barefoot anywhere near cows
How else are you going to take off your skinny jeans? "Good way to get the farmer to use his other gun on you. | |||
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"A toddler throwing up in your lap in a doctors surgery and having to waddle to a toilet holding clothes full of puke trying not to drop it all everywhere whilst gagging yourself! "Ladies and gentleman I think we might have our winner! It's going to be tough to beat this one. | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
Begs the question why you'd be barefoot anywhere near cows
How else are you going to take off your skinny jeans?
Oh god this opens even more questions in my head!!"I know. You want to know where I buy my jeans from don’t you???  | |||
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"A toddler throwing up in your lap in a doctors surgery and having to waddle to a toilet holding clothes full of puke trying not to drop it all everywhere whilst gagging yourself! "you win | |||
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"A toddler throwing up in your lap in a doctors surgery and having to waddle to a toilet holding clothes full of puke trying not to drop it all everywhere whilst gagging yourself! "Having kids totally changes your response to this. When one throws up on you and you catch most of it in your hand, you’re pleased because at least it hasn’t gone over your clothes. You’re actually relieved that you’ve got vomit all over your hands. No wonder parents are a bit crazy  | |||
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"A toddler throwing up in your lap in a doctors surgery and having to waddle to a toilet holding clothes full of puke trying not to drop it all everywhere whilst gagging yourself!
Having kids totally changes your response to this. When one throws up on you and you catch most of it in your hand, you’re pleased because at least it hasn’t gone over your clothes.
You’re actually relieved that you’ve got vomit all over your hands.
No wonder parents are a bit crazy "I've also done this too over the years | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark. "As it's raining.. | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark.
As it's raining.."Sounds like a grim day! | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark.
As it's raining..
Sounds like a grim day!"Or.. A good day to be alive.. | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug.. "Vomit! Slugs are literally my nemesis. I hate them so much! | |||
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"Standing barefoot in a puddle of clear cat vomit that you haven't spotted" I actually have done this, and I still think the bin bag vomit is worse! | |||
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"I once stepped out barefoot onto my ex's patio and grimaced as I slipped my big toe into something horribly mushy. I initially assumed it was a furball the cat had coughed up. Then I noticed it had a ribcage. Turned out I was wearing the badly decomposed corpse of a half-eaten mouse like some sort of macabre pencil-topper "Oh gawd... that really is vomit inducing! | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark.
As it's raining.."And it was on top of a landmine... (Too far?) | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark. "Oh don't I stood on a slug in my own kitchen! I was wearing socks but still traumatised  | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark.
As it's raining..
And it was on top of a landmine... (Too far?)"Well yeah.. Let's try and keep it real..  | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark.
Oh don't I stood on a slug in my own kitchen! I was wearing socks but still traumatised "How the hell do those slimy Houdinis find their way into the house?? | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark.
Oh don't I stood on a slug in my own kitchen! I was wearing socks but still traumatised
How the hell do those slimy Houdinis find their way into the house??"They hitch a ride under cats tummies..  | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark.
Oh don't I stood on a slug in my own kitchen! I was wearing socks but still traumatised
How the hell do those slimy Houdinis find their way into the house??"Evil space magic. I hate them so much and they all need to die. They serve no purpose! I need more hedgehogs round here! Hedgehogs eat them slimy little bastards! | |||
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"Having one’s fingers crushed in a vice whilst one’s private area is attacked with a cheese grater. ….whilst one is stood in cow shit." Praying that's not something you've actually been subjected too... or do we need to refer to the earlier 'keep it real' comment?  | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark.
Oh don't I stood on a slug in my own kitchen! I was wearing socks but still traumatised
How the hell do those slimy Houdinis find their way into the house??
Evil space magic. I hate them so much and they all need to die. They serve no purpose! I need more hedgehogs round here! Hedgehogs eat them slimy little bastards!"Hedgehogs need to be hibernating right now!! | |||
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"Having one’s fingers crushed in a vice whilst one’s private area is attacked with a cheese grater. ….whilst one is stood in cow shit. Praying that's not something you've actually been subjected too... or do we need to refer to the earlier 'keep it real' comment? " It’s an all too common misfortune in my neck of the woods.
Alien abduction and subsequent intrusive medical procedures into one’s privy areas occupying the number one spot though of course… | |||
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"Yes your arse ripping before getting to a toilet." Your arse ripping as your in bed with a sexy lady | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark.
Oh don't I stood on a slug in my own kitchen! I was wearing socks but still traumatised
How the hell do those slimy Houdinis find their way into the house??"Via drainage any plumbing pipes or even the door if the seal is warn so a pet hedgehog would be ideal then get another to catch the fleas from the hedgehog | |||
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"Standing in cow poo In bare feet..
And finding there’s a bit of Lego in there
And a slug..
In the dark.
Oh don't I stood on a slug in my own kitchen! I was wearing socks but still traumatised
How the hell do those slimy Houdinis find their way into the house??
Evil space magic. I hate them so much and they all need to die. They serve no purpose! I need more hedgehogs round here! Hedgehogs eat them slimy little bastards!
Hedgehogs need to be hibernating right now!!"I know. And so do the little bastard slugs too! I’m sure they’re part of some hive mind too! | |||
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"than the bag ripping as you're emptying the kitchen bin and it spewing its fetid contents all over the kitchen floor? "I had this exact thing happen to me one uneventful evening, had to clean immediately. Came back on fabs to find some very aggressive messages from a man I was casually chatting to, he thought my delay in reply meant rejection #notslutenough A well-verified gentleman he was too. | |||
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