FabSwingers.com forum: Is swinging good for Confidence

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What advice would you give someone?

Would you tell someone they would already need confidence to get into swinging or join Fab.

Would you tell someone it’s good for building your confidence when you swing or join Fab?

Question works for couples/singles but very curious to know if you feel the same as it was before you got into all this.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think it depends on what builds your confidence. If its being sexually desired it's likely to dent your confidence if you're a man and build it if you're a woman

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wouldn’t say it’s a good confidence builder

More a false confidence builder

As people blow so much smoke just to get in to knickers

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I think it can build some women's confidence ,but knock some mens confidence.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a false confidence. Let's face it to be liked on here you just need to be female.

But then you see genuinely gorgeous sexy women and then it definitely knocks your confidence. Why would anyone want you when they could have them? Coupled with the fact anyone you meet tends to come to the same conclusion, I'm going with no, it does not help my confidence.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be good for building your confidence.

But firstly you need to manage your expectations.

If you don’t then it will knock your confidence…

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be totally honest yes it can knock my confidence it did the other day

But learning fab is what it is very fast

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's a mistake to base one's confidence on the willingness of others to have no strings sex. It's probably better to be in a good place before engaging with others for that purpose.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think it's a mistake to base one's confidence on the willingness of others to have no strings sex. It's probably better to be in a good place before engaging with others for that purpose. "

I agree. I think it's also unwise to base it on strangers opinion on how you look.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Yes and no.

I think if you meet the right people, find friends and are doing the work on yourself/already in a good place then yes, it can boost your confidence indirectly.

I don't think it's healthy to use it as a place to boost your confidence, to seek validation from random horny fuckers. I also think that there's a lot of erm... competition on here at times and that's not good for anyone's confidence. Let alone the comparative instinct that can kick in when someone is already feeling low.

I think you can have a few wobbles/issues and also be quite confident. But I don't think it's a good place if you're not in a good place. The very disposable, objectifying way people can treat others - that's not going to help anyone's mood.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Its all smoke and mirrors.

Certainly not a confidence builder, I'd say its an ego boost at best for some.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its all smoke and mirrors.

Certainly not a confidence builder, I'd say its an ego boost at best for some."

Couldn't agree more

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's made me delude myself that I'm any more attractive than I am. Fabs and generic compliments don't mean anything.

But confidence in putting myself out there more sexually and worrying less about my insecurities IRL? Yeah I think it's definitely improved that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It gave me more realistic comparisons. Which in turn has led to confidence.

And whether its all surface and no feelings, or not, a bit of attention is nice.

And socials have helped loads with being okay with ENM.

ya all

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Fab swingers hasn't really built my confidence as I was already sexually confident. But going to clubs really boosted my confidence being overweight I went to normal club nights as well as bbw nights and always got attention. OK they just wanted a one night one of shag but they could of chosen anyone as I always ended up with nice looking respectful guys

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iana 1000Woman
over a year ago

South East

Definitely not a place to boost confidence if you are looking for validation. However, you can make friends, find and give support, as well as making long term connections. When you get to know people over a period of time, then you connect on a deeper level. That is where your feelings of wellbeing improve.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

My advise would be.

To be honest it's a double edged sword.

You get the highs and the lows.

If you are average or below in the looks department it is very rare you will get passed the initial first message (first hand experience), a factor is also age, the older you get the number of people's age range you fit into gets smaller.

On the plus side, if you are prepared to put yourself out there at clubs and socials, you can make friends, you might even get lucky.

If you are fit, with the body of a god, movie star looks and an endowment in the boxer shorts department to match then you will definitely get lucky

Please be advised, this statement is very much tongue in cheek and does not reflect my true views on swinging.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"I think it can build some women's confidence ,but knock some mens confidence."

Exactly this. Swinging - more specifically, hotwifing - has been a massive confidence boost for me. I don't think Jack would say the same.

A x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope fab definitely hadn't made me more confident in fact it can knock your confidence, I've had that many copy and paste messages that you know has been sent to numerous women

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

On Holibobs

"Wouldn’t say it’s a good confidence builder

More a false confidence builder

As people blow so much smoke just to get in to knickers "

This

Swinging is the easiest way to feel used sexually

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can both help and hinder it. My best advice would be not to look for others for validation or let other people's preferences dictate your self esteem. Otherwise, as long as your secure in yourself and in the right place to receive it, your confidence won't be affected that much.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

Mostly no but on the odd occasion yes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No confidence that's me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/12/22 21:08:31]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going to clubs has boosted my confidence. Putting myself out there and chatting with people is something that I used to actively avoid.

Being on here hasn’t boosted or hindered my confidence because I know to take everything people say with a pinch of salt.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Going to clubs has boosted my confidence. Putting myself out there and chatting with people is something that I used to actively avoid.

Being on here hasn’t boosted or hindered my confidence because I know to take everything people say with a pinch of salt. "

Me and thumper want to fuck you. Boosted yet?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I had zero confidence for most of my life but discovered some just before turning 50. Joining here 2 years later was just an outlet to express that but has never influenced my confidence one way or the other.

I've seen too many willing to do literally anything for validation on here, often at the expense of others and always wonder if they are like that off site too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

builds as much as it destroys....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ixieAndHerKingCouple
over a year ago

Debauchery

I've found, for myself and many of the friends I've made over the years, that naturism was the real confidence booster. Being around so many naked people of all shapes, sizes, ages, helps to accept yourself as you are. Swinging, in clubs or one on one just becomes easier once you have accepted yourself and your confidence grows.

Cherry x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldn’t say it’s a good confidence builder

More a false confidence builder

As people blow so much smoke just to get in to knickers

This

Swinging is the easiest way to feel used sexually"

Yes it is it’s why I ask most to be upfront in what they looking for and let me choose if I want to be used

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

... So much pressure and the constant 'omg you are the sexiest person on fab.. Your body can't be real, you are so gorgeous ... Etc etc'.. I'm sure every woman on fab has had a variation at some point "
I don't think I have ever messaged any of those statements, shit, now I know why I don't get any replies, let me go change my cut and paste instant shag message

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Bo its all fake platitudes and lies to try and get somewhere.

Either in someones pants or to use their popularity to boost your own.

Its not even great for ego boosting, having seen the harm it does to some people bitter that their photos are getting fewer fabs than someone else's.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

I think the only way swinging or hookups can help your confidence is maybe if you have some kinks, reading, chatting and potentially meeting people on places like here can help you realise maybe you're not as messed up as you worried!

That said, 90% of people we've met in swingers clubs have been exceptionally vanilla beyond the swinging element.

The only other way I'd say it builds confidence is if you're a couple and you watch your partner with others, knowing that no matter how good that other person is and more significantly how much that other person enjoyed your partner, your partner will always be yours.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From personally experience as a single woman it has hugely built my confidence. Before swinging and joining fab I had quite a low opinion of myself, didn't think I was attractive and had quite alot of hang-ups.

Since joining my self-esteem is so much better, I feel able to be myself and have also started socialising alot more.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its likely to exaggerate existing feelings rather than alter them. If you lack confidence and self esteem I think it can be pretty rough.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"It's a false confidence. Let's face it to be liked on here you just need to be female.

They've prob tried the sexy gorgeous woman already and been refused, so working their way down the hierarchy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Surely - well, me anyway - it's just like anything else in life. Sometimes it will offer a confidence boost, other times it will dent it a little. Just got to remember it's just a small part of life and not invest too much in the good or bad.

But the main thing is it ideally would not be your main (or only) source of confidence, which should hopefully stem from a lot more than swinging.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Some days it can build it and others set it back but it's definitely helped me be more confident in my appearance

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kinda depends....

If they were female and being given hollow compliments and attention was going to boost their confidence then sure short term why not.

If they were male then as a short term confidence boost no.

Getting into something that involes something as intimate as sex even casual properly I think having good self esteem before starting is hugely important

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes and no.

If you had said to me about taking pics of myself in lingerie before joining here I'd have laughed at you. I've noticed at socials I'm.now happy to get up and mingle chat to people and have a laugh.

Sexually or attractive confidence take it all with a pinch of salt as men will say anything to get the ride.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester

I have no idea! It must be different for singles and couples though. It really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of either of us, we always have each other.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

I wouldn't say swinging has per se, i have a pretty limited profile and not much to go on...but thats my choice. If/when i do engage with someone i like, i get lovely compliments and then its a boost definitely. But thats no different away from Fab.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it can boost your confidence however if you are here for a confidence boost then it can definitely have the opposite effect if that makes sense.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hisStagsVixenCouple
over a year ago

peterborough

Hmmm this is a very good question!

So for me, (Mrs) when we first joined, I had zero confidence. I only owned granny pants, no lingerie and couldn’t accept anyone would ever want to meet me.

My husband uploaded our original pic (my bum in my granny pants

) and it quickly started gaining fabs. That then gave me the confidence to reply to some of the messages we’d had.

I was very honest with the first person we started chatting with and eventually met. They knew I was a nervous wreck and had next to no body confidence.

We’ve since met and chatted with more people and started attending clubs! I would Never have done that a year ago!

I don’t have as many body hang ups as I used to and it has given me so much more confidence in myself in my normal life.

I do still question my ‘worth’ (if you like) when I get some messages. I am one of those that looks at veri’s and if I see a long line of gorgeous slim women with beautiful bums and boobs then I do question why that person is messaging me - have they not read the profile? Have they not looked at all my pics? Etc….. but that’s my issue, not the issue of the person that’s messaged. I do compare myself to others and that’s the next thing I need to work on!

But genuinely, it has changed my view of myself. Im not as repulsive as I used to think I was!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If anything I think it's knocked my confidence down.

I've been back on here for awhile now and I only recieved my first message from a woman last night and that was because of a forum post.

I know my profile isn't doing me any favours, but it wasn't much better when I put the effort in.

I don't visit clubs, so I relied on meeting women through the site and I eventually met two women.

The first woman I met, I didn't fancy and the second who I did fancy, but she only wanted money.

Now I just use this for passing time online. I don't expect to meet anyone else from here.

On the other hand women could post a picture of their knee cap and they would get plenty of offers for meets.. heck they don't even need a pic and they will still get messaged by handsome men. So I think it must be a confidence booster for them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I think this is true for men too. Not the being bombarded with "you're the sexiest bloke on Fab messages" (speaking for myself!), but in the sense that you can worry you are almost certainly better on paper than in person!

I guess that's the same for anything where you get to know someone online first where in the "real" world you get to know the person in 3D (as it were) from the off...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I guess that's the same for anything where you get to know someone online first where in the "real" world you get to know the person in 3D (as it were) from the off..."

I think getting to socials is the quickest way to realise we are all just people. You become grounded very quickly, or at least I did.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

No it has made no difference to my confidence. Compliments I get on here I take with a big pinch of salt especially from people I don't know. Most are just people blowing smoke up my ass and not genuine.

I'm almost 50 and have wobbly bits I'm under no illusion about how I look so fake compliments won't ever build my confidence into believing I'm suddenly the sexiest thing on legs

I have seen however where it has helped others confidence on here but I've also seen where it's caused a lot of agro and drama when someone's self perceived popularity lessens.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I hate guys saying things like that.

Also when they're saying this to you and you see others they've met and you know it's just gonna end in disappointment!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It has certainly helped with mine

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fab swingers hasn't really built my confidence as I was already sexually confident. But going to clubs really boosted my confidence being overweight I went to normal club nights as well as bbw nights and always got attention. OK they just wanted a one night one of shag but they could of chosen anyone as I always ended up with nice looking respectful guys"

That's because you're gorgeous.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"What advice would you give someone?

Would you tell someone they would already need confidence to get into swinging or join Fab.

Would you tell someone it’s good for building your confidence when you swing or join Fab?

Question works for couples/singles but very curious to know if you feel the same as it was before you got into all this. "
knock backs aren't good and everyone gets a fair share of them so I'd say you have to have confidence to start with otherwise how do you start, how do you walk through a club door and then walk around naked, you have to be confident

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What advice would you give someone?

Would you tell someone they would already need confidence to get into swinging or join Fab.

Would you tell someone it’s good for building your confidence when you swing or join Fab?

Question works for couples/singles but very curious to know if you feel the same as it was before you got into all this. knock backs aren't good and everyone gets a fair share of them so I'd say you have to have confidence to start with otherwise how do you start, how do you walk through a club door and then walk around naked, you have to be confident

I’d agree. (To a degree). There’s some natural confidence in us all to put ourselves out there like that (or this).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"What advice would you give someone?

Would you tell someone they would already need confidence to get into swinging or join Fab.

Would you tell someone it’s good for building your confidence when you swing or join Fab?

I’d agree. (To a degree). There’s some natural confidence in us all to put ourselves out there like that (or this).

"
a shy person especially a guy would struggle to achieve anything in this life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *humper.Man
over a year ago

northumberland/scotland

For me, it depends on how I look at things. I could compare myself to other (bigger, taller, more muscular guys). or, I can enjoy the little compliments.

I've only been to 3 clubs. 2 of which I didn't play. But the one I did... being stripped bare (literally) and still being "wanted" was great for my self image/confidence... vulnerability etc

I have some amazing conversations with beautiful people in chat... I also get straight up ignored.

I think it's all about how you (I) look at it. But... that's the sane as life though, right? It's about how we approach it, view it and accept it.

Shit, I've not answered the question. On my good days... fab us great for my confidence. On the bad days, I try not to interact too much. But fab/swinging has definitely helped me with my "self worth", confidence and what I see when I look in the mirror

I don't feel like I'll need this weeks therapy session. Thanks for that woody haha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I hate guys saying things like that.

Also when they're saying this to you and you see others they've met and you know it's just gonna end in disappointment!"
that's why you're better not knowing where they've been before (veris) that person then becomes like everyone else a person you meet and you either like them or not

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I hate guys saying things like that.

Also when they're saying this to you and you see others they've met and you know it's just gonna end in disappointment!that's why you're better not knowing where they've been before (veris) that person then becomes like everyone else a person you meet and you either like them or not

Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

I figure if they are wanting me, it's because the hot ones have rejected them. Knowing you are second/third/fourth choice is not a confidence builder.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I hate guys saying things like that.

Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

I figure if they are wanting me, it's because the hot ones have rejected them. Knowing you are second/third/fourth choice is not a confidence builder. "

Yeah that's bollocks and a half.

I mean sure it might happen occasionally. Undoubtedly it does.

The majority of the time, when someone wants to meet you, it's because they want to meet you. Not another person. If they weren't that fussed they just wouldn't give a fuck about making any plans.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I hate guys saying things like that.

Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

I figure if they are wanting me, it's because the hot ones have rejected them. Knowing you are second/third/fourth choice is not a confidence builder.

Yeah that's bollocks and a half.

I mean sure it might happen occasionally. Undoubtedly it does.

The majority of the time, when someone wants to meet you, it's because they want to meet you. Not another person. If they weren't that fussed they just wouldn't give a fuck about making any plans."

On here? If they want to meet it's because they want sex, and you happened to reply to them so suddenly you're the most beautiful/sexy etc etc.

Yes I am a tad cynical today!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I hate guys saying things like that.

Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

I figure if they are wanting me, it's because the hot ones have rejected them. Knowing you are second/third/fourth choice is not a confidence builder. "
lol hey that's life and life here is dictated by women and women don't look for the best they can get I suppose, we all look for the best but I go for personality as well as looks

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I hate guys saying things like that.

Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

I figure if they are wanting me, it's because the hot ones have rejected them. Knowing you are second/third/fourth choice is not a confidence builder. lol hey that's life and life here is dictated by women and women don't look for the best they can get I suppose, we all look for the best but I go for personality as well as looks

Ah yes personality.

I love these guys that prefer personality over boobs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I hate guys saying things like that.

Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

I figure if they are wanting me, it's because the hot ones have rejected them. Knowing you are second/third/fourth choice is not a confidence builder.

Yeah that's bollocks and a half.

I mean sure it might happen occasionally. Undoubtedly it does.

The majority of the time, when someone wants to meet you, it's because they want to meet you. Not another person. If they weren't that fussed they just wouldn't give a fuck about making any plans.

On here? If they want to meet it's because they want sex, and you happened to reply to them so suddenly you're the most beautiful/sexy etc etc.

Yes I am a tad cynical today! "

You’re sexy everyday. Even when I don’t want sex

….and also cynical EVERYDAY!!! it’s a yin and Yang thing with you.

I get your point. There are much more physical attractive person than you/me/them. It’s a thing that’s nature and in the eyes of the beholder etc. and it can knock or boost your ego. But isn’t that just your ego, and is it the same thing as your confidence?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I hate guys saying things like that.

Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

Ah yes personality.

I love these guys that prefer personality over boobs

"
lol hey you've all got boobs, literally that's a pointless argument, well two points actually

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

I figure if they are wanting me, it's because the hot ones have rejected them. Knowing you are second/third/fourth choice is not a confidence builder.

Yeah that's bollocks and a half.

I mean sure it might happen occasionally. Undoubtedly it does.

The majority of the time, when someone wants to meet you, it's because they want to meet you. Not another person. If they weren't that fussed they just wouldn't give a fuck about making any plans.

On here? If they want to meet it's because they want sex, and you happened to reply to them so suddenly you're the most beautiful/sexy etc etc.

Yes I am a tad cynical today! "

You're really packing in the cynicism today, huh?

I think a lot of things in life are about timing. But I also think - most people don't see the world in terms of oh this person is the hottest but I'll work down that list until I find someone who replies to me. I think people find different things attractive, different people attractive. It's not a competition or a ranking system.

Yeah, sure, you'll get the men who suddenly declare you Aphrodite because they're busy tugging away and you happen to say "hey, I'm good, how are you?". But generally if people want to meet you, it's because they want to meet you. Doesn't stop them wanting to meet others. Doesn't make you a fourth option.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

I figure if they are wanting me, it's because the hot ones have rejected them. Knowing you are second/third/fourth choice is not a confidence builder.

Yeah that's bollocks and a half.

I mean sure it might happen occasionally. Undoubtedly it does.

The majority of the time, when someone wants to meet you, it's because they want to meet you. Not another person. If they weren't that fussed they just wouldn't give a fuck about making any plans.

On here? If they want to meet it's because they want sex, and you happened to reply to them so suddenly you're the most beautiful/sexy etc etc.

Yes I am a tad cynical today!

You're really packing in the cynicism today, huh?

It's been a while, I'm making up for it!

In my head, if they want to meet me, they want sex. The "me" part is irrelevant.

I really need to start putting Bailey's in my morning coffee.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Build confidence - works both ways really.

For women, it does build confidence because you find lots of interest from men but to be honest, alot of men don't care who they have sex with and wouldn't take a 2nd look at some of the women, if you saw them out and about.

For men, it initially would dent confidence because you can send endless messages on here and all get deleted or not read. So then, that dents your confidence. But again, if you do get any interest you think you're god's gift to women.

So basically it all depends on if you find a decent, honest and respectful person who would make you feel good, instead of a piece of meat.

PS this is the short version haha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"…… But generally if people want to meet you, it's because they want to meet you. Doesn't stop them wanting to meet others. Doesn't make you a fourth option.

It's been a while, I'm making up for it!

In my head, if they want to meet me, they want sex. The "me" part is irrelevant.

I really need to start putting Bailey's in my morning coffee.

I need to put ‘you’ in my morning coffee…

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *humper.Man
over a year ago

northumberland/scotland

Always listen to _eli. Meli knows

Also, elf... and I know you don't like to believe such wild accusations, but... at some point, you may have to entertain the idea.. possibly, maybe... it's because you're fucking beautiful. You gimp. Have another coffee, maybe a biscuit and a wank and hit reset on today.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xstevenxxMan
over a year ago

Ashbourne

Simply put

I would think so - it certainly gave me more confidence

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

I figure if they are wanting me, it's because the hot ones have rejected them. Knowing you are second/third/fourth choice is not a confidence builder.

Yeah that's bollocks and a half.

I mean sure it might happen occasionally. Undoubtedly it does.

The majority of the time, when someone wants to meet you, it's because they want to meet you. Not another person. If they weren't that fussed they just wouldn't give a fuck about making any plans.

On here? If they want to meet it's because they want sex, and you happened to reply to them so suddenly you're the most beautiful/sexy etc etc.

Yes I am a tad cynical today!

You're really packing in the cynicism today, huh?

It's been a while, I'm making up for it!

In my head, if they want to meet me, they want sex. The "me" part is irrelevant.

I really need to start putting Bailey's in my morning coffee.

"
lol I've got Bailey's in my van ice cold Bailey's lol its baking here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Always listen to _eli. Meli knows

Great advice from thumper (not at all biased from the first part).

He's right.

Biscuits and wanking always help as well.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I hate guys saying things like that.

Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

Ah yes personality.

I love these guys that prefer personality over boobs

Your forum personality and just you attracted me before I even seen your profile

You are beautiful inside and out

As Meli and Thumper have said hit the reset on today and keep being you gorgeous lady

PS I don’t compare to others or my headspace would be even worse than it is

Take care Elf

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Simply put

I would think so - it certainly gave me more confidence "

I like reading from men that do get something out of fab. There’s lots of negative remarks that couple out guys off. But you sound like it’s working for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rettyflamingoWoman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live

We can all suffer a crisis of confidence from time to time and sometimes Fab can help build that back up or shatter it.

This site can be very shallow at times, but knowing your self worth is important. We are all beautiful human beings

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"We can all suffer a crisis of confidence from time to time and sometimes Fab can help build that back up or shatter it.

This site can be very shallow at times, but knowing your self worth is important. We are all beautiful human beings

Self love self care self worth

And remembering I AM ENOUGH

Even when you’ve been knocked down

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rettyflamingoWoman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live

"We can all suffer a crisis of confidence from time to time and sometimes Fab can help build that back up or shatter it.

This site can be very shallow at times, but knowing your self worth is important. We are all beautiful human beings

Self love self care self worth

And remembering I AM ENOUGH

Even when you’ve been knocked down "

It’s about not taking this space too seriously and off course loving yourself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always listen to _eli. Meli knows

You can't call someone beautiful until you've seen them in person.

But I will leave now before I say anything else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"We can all suffer a crisis of confidence from time to time and sometimes Fab can help build that back up or shatter it.

This site can be very shallow at times, but knowing your self worth is important. We are all beautiful human beings

Self love self care self worth

And remembering I AM ENOUGH

Even when you’ve been knocked down

It’s about not taking this space too seriously and off course loving yourself

I love me no fucker else does lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it can actually fuck with your head, in the sense that your reality can't match up to your online image, so it can make you fearful of meeting

I hate guys saying things like that.

Ever guy on here would choose the most sexy/beautiful woman if they could get them.

I figure if they are wanting me, it's because the hot ones have rejected them. Knowing you are second/third/fourth choice is not a confidence builder. "

Even I get messages!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rettyflamingoWoman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live

"We can all suffer a crisis of confidence from time to time and sometimes Fab can help build that back up or shatter it.

This site can be very shallow at times, but knowing your self worth is important. We are all beautiful human beings

Self love self care self worth

And remembering I AM ENOUGH

Even when you’ve been knocked down

It’s about not taking this space too seriously and off course loving yourself

I love me no fucker else does lol"

I’m sure your family do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Like anything else in life, if you're successful in swinging, it'll build your confidence.

If you're unsuccessful, it can completely destroy it.

Speaking as a single male... you definitely need a degree of resilience. You also need to know when to give it a rest, take a break, and not come back until you're ready for another battering.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rettyflamingoWoman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live

"Like anything else in life, if you're successful in swinging, it'll build your confidence.

If you're unsuccessful, it can completely destroy it.

Speaking as a single male... you definitely need a degree of resilience. You also need to know when to give it a rest, take a break, and not come back until you're ready for another battering. "

Very true

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"We can all suffer a crisis of confidence from time to time and sometimes Fab can help build that back up or shatter it.

This site can be very shallow at times, but knowing your self worth is important. We are all beautiful human beings

Self love self care self worth

And remembering I AM ENOUGH

Even when you’ve been knocked down

It’s about not taking this space too seriously and off course loving yourself

I love me no fucker else does lol

I’m sure your family do "

There is that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Always listen to _eli. Meli knows

You can't call someone beautiful until you've seen them in person.

But I will leave now before I say anything else. "

I’ll answer this.

I’ve called women hot/good looking/sexy/gorgeous/stunning and all variants of describing how visually attractive someone is. But, If I ever say someone is beautiful, it’s because I’m not looking AT you. I found a way to see your soul. *lies back down into the flowers

*Going off thread topic I know, but I understood what she said.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Can it boost confidence? Yep.

But joining a site like Fab or getting into swinging with the desired outcome being a confidence boost is a very risky strategy and one likely to fail more often than it succeeds.

The need to feel desired and wanted in a virtual environment makes people behave and act differently to how they might in real life. Smoke will be blown up arsed that frankly sometimes don't warrant it. False compliments will be tossed around in the hope of carrying favour. People will fab each and every photo some post even if one is of a kneecap in a dark room with the lights off. Every time fake adoration is used as a tool to try and catch someone's eye it might feel great on the recipients end but if rejection follows it may dent the givers confidence and result in less complimentary feedback that affects the recipient negatively too.

The smallest comment about someone's looks, attitude or behaviour can be crushing. The constant failure to garner attention can cause massive frustration, negative self reflection and knock self esteem in an ever growing downward spiral.

I've always advised one thing. If you struggle to get attention, attraction and interest from other people (whether sexual or platonic) in the real world then you'll find it 100 times harder online on a sex/swingers site. These sites aren't here specifically to help boost confidence, self esteem, body positivity or to make people more confident or feel better about themselves. They're literally just a facility to enable contact between people, with a fee extra features tacked on such as the forums and chat rooms.

Can they help people in a positive manner? Of course. But equally they can have the complete opposite effect, through nobody's fault or deliberate action. They can be a welcoming environment to some and a bear pit for others. Sometimes people aren't made as welcome as they could be and others they dig their own holes and keep digging when helpfully advised jow to stop. People can be their own worst enemies at times and nobody is owed anything on here bar courtesy and respect - and even that can be rapidly lost based on behaviour and interactions.

Fab/swinging is definitely not the place to seek a confidence boost if that is what you feel is necessary in your life. There are far safer ways to go about that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *humper.Man
over a year ago

northumberland/scotland

"Always listen to _eli. Meli knows

You can't call someone beautiful until you've seen them in person.

But I will leave now before I say anything else. "

You can, absolutely you can when you've seen multiple photos. Can't say if they're a twat or not until you've met them in person though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rettyflamingoWoman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live

"Can it boost confidence? Yep.

But joining a site like Fab or getting into swinging with the desired outcome being a confidence boost is a very risky strategy and one likely to fail more often than it succeeds.

Fab/swinging is definitely not the place to seek a confidence boost if that is what you feel is necessary in your life. There are far safer ways to go about that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread