FabSwingers.com forum: Best short jokes… go!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft?

Chewing gum

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

What would you rather be or a wasp ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Tory Party

Bud-dum-TSS!!

Only beaten by the Labor concept of SIR Starmer being some sort of better alternative (guffaw)

Perhaps the joke is actually British democracy?

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

"What would you rather be or a wasp ?"

That reminds me, have you heard that new single by The Flying Insects? The A side is not very good but the Bee side is.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

2 fish in a tank…. One says to the other

Do you know how to drive this thing!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Bill and Ben sharing a bath…..

Bill says “flubalubalub”……

Ben says “if that smells I’m getting out!!!”

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

A lorry load of Viagra was st*len the other day. Police say they're looking for two hardened criminals....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

These are brilliant

Keep em coming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a fly with no wings???? A walk

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What do tofu and a dildo have in common?

They are both meat substitutes.

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By *arcosaMan
over a year ago

London

I took my dog to a flea circus. He totally stole the show.

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By *inell1Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

My favourite is....what's Orange and sounds like a parrot?? A carrot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what has Brazil and Johnstones Baby Shampoo got in common?

Neymar Tears

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"what has Brazil and Johnstones Baby Shampoo got in common?

Neymar Tears"

Very fresh.. love it

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By *oo..Woman
over a year ago

Boo's World

What does a Chav use for protection?

A Bus Shelter

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

I dreamt the ocean was filled with orange soda.

It was a 'Fanta sea'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Knock knock”

“Who’s there?”

“Alabama”

“Anyone else with you?”

“No, I’m Alabama self”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 cows in a field.

1st Cow....."mooooo"

2nd Cow....." I was going to say that"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm terrible at telling jokes.

I always punch up the fuck line.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Joe pasquale

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two birds on a perch,one asks Can you smell fish?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Two birds on a perch,one asks Can you smell fish?"

Lol

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By *utchyjackMan
over a year ago

Newquay

Bill and Ben in the bath, Bill says I'm going to duck you,Ben says don't be daft,you can't even say it right.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper….

Sold his soul to Santa…..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two snowmen in a field.

One says to the other..."can you smell carrots".

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Definition of a drawing pin.

Smartie with a hard on.

The mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two monkeys in a bath

1st monkey says ooh ah ha ha ooo ha ha ha ouch

2nd monkey says , we’ll put some cold water in then ????????

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By *i_Accy_CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Accrington

Santa has been arrested for sleeping with three ladies of the night.

Ho, Ho, Ho!

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

The OP has packed his bags and set off for a career in stand up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get short jokes, they always go over my head.

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden

"The Tory Party

Bud-dum-TSS!!

Only beaten by the Labor concept of SIR Starmer being some sort of better alternative (guffaw)

Perhaps the joke is actually British democracy?

The democracy is ok, it's the people we get to vote for that's the problem

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

Two elefants fall off a cliff.

BOOM BOOM

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

Two tampons walking down the road what do they say to each other.

Nothing there both stuck up cu ts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"2 fish in a tank…. One says to the other

Do you know how to drive this thing! "

Or a variation...

I'll drive, you do the gun

"Bill and Ben sharing a bath…..

Bill says “flubalubalub”……

Ben says “if that smells I’m getting out!!!”

Bill and Ben are in bed

Bill says 'flob alob a lob'

And Ben says 'If you loved me, you'd swallow'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Then there was the dyslexic agnostic who would lie awake each night wondering if there really was a dog

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

What's black and white but red all over..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"2 fish in a tank…. One says to the other

Do you know how to drive this thing! "

Boom boom, love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does a rabbi make his coffee?

Hebrews it

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

What do you call a septic cat?

Pus!

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden

A skeleton walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a mop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

"2 fish in a tank…. One says to the other

Do you know how to drive this thing!

Boom boom, love it"

Did wonder if anyone would get it.

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

"What's black and white but red all over.."

A news paper

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

"Two tampons walking down the road what do they say to each other.

Nothing there both stuck up cu ts"

If you tell this to work mats say the punch line with a posh voice.

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By *ex-a-frolicsCouple
over a year ago

Brizzle

What’s the difference between a fridge & a fanny?

A fridge doesn’t fart when you take your meat out.

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By *wales_hotwifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff ish / PDI early Nov

How do deaf gynaecologists do their jobs?

They read lips

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By *edstockings2Couple
over a year ago

Ilfracombe

Blunt pencils are really pointless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bought a paper shop

Wind blew it away

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

I'd had a few pints last night and was walking home through the park, and I saw an old man feeding the birds. Not sure how long he'd been dead for though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two fish swimming along come to a big concrete wall

First fish turns to the other fish and says

Dam ??????

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By *irkby coupleCouple
over a year ago

Kirkby

The Police have confirmed, the person who fell off the pub roof last night wasn’t a bouncer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coming out of tesco and a bloke threw cheese and milk all over me

How dairy I thought as I walked to my car

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Swedish guy walks into a chemist.

"Hellu I would like sum deodorant please"

Assistant

"Aerosol?"

Man

"No underarm"

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By *rs322Woman
over a year ago

sandy

My status

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By *ememberTheNameMan
over a year ago

barnsley

"A lorry load of Viagra was st*len the other day. Police say they're looking for two hardened criminals...."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bloke behind the counter in the chemists told me they'd run out of extra large condoms. "Have you tried Boots?"

"Christ, I want to slide in, not march in!"

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By *cott73Man
over a year ago

brighton

Two Spanish fireman...

Jose...

And...

Hose B.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did my cum cross the road...

I put on thr wrong pair socks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

6.30 is the best time on the clock. Hands down!

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I ate a tangled piece of rope the other day.

I shit you knot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Patient: Doctor I can’t stop singing Green Green Grass of Home.

Doctor: Don’t worry, it’s not unusual

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Swedish guy walks into a chemist.

"Hellu I would like sum deodorant please"

Assistant

"Aerosol?"

Man

"No underarm""

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By *eardedbloke300Man
over a year ago

cardiff

Went to the zoo

There was a baguette in a cage.

Keeper said it was bread in captivity

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

I had sex in a lift it was right on so many levels

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

What goes in dry and comes out wet

A tea bag

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By *imAndHerKentCouple
over a year ago

Folkestone

Man walks into a bar.

Ouch!

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Man walks into a bar.

Ouch!"
it was an iron bar

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By *obajxMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Who's the most unpopular man in German football?

It's the bloke who starts the chants at Borussia Mönchengladbach when he shouts "give us a B"

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By *heBlowinsCouple
over a year ago

West Cork

Why does the Swedish military have barcodes on their ships?

So they can Scandinavian

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.

boom Boom Tsss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our boss has banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/01/23 20:46:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman with a child got on a bus and as she paid her fare, the driver said "jesus Mrs, thats the ugliest baby I've ever seen".

Well the woman was furious and stormed up the back of the bus and sat down.

A gentleman near the back asked her if she was Ok and she replied "That bloody driver has just insulted me, I've never been so insulted in all my life, I so angry"

the man said "Don't let him get away with that, you go down there and give him a piece of your mind! I'll look after your Monkey"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ariel and Times New Roman walked into a bar and the barman says "we don't server your type in here"

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By *oanne ETV/TS
over a year ago

Near Warrington

Why does Edward Woodward have so many Ds in his name.

Would you like to be called Ewar Woowar (I'll get me coat)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Literally a "short joke"...

Q. What is E.T. short for?

A. Cos he's got little legs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.

boom Boom Tsss"

Surely the symbols would hit the ground first due to being denser and more aerodynamic?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock

Who's there?

Doors open...

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By *ovetolick78Man
over a year ago

The Shire

Old Mcdonald was dyslexic A E A E I

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

My friend was showing me his shed yesterday & he pointed to a ladder and said “that’s my stepladder, I never knew my real ladder”

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By *un-sized 6.5Man
over a year ago

melton

My wife recently went to the Caribbean

Jamaica??

No, she went on her own accord

Whereabouts is Poole??

In Dorset

Well, it’s a lovely town

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

Dwarf shortage

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By *ngelFire2020Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

What's pink and wrinkley and hangs out your Grandads trousers.

Your Grandma

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By *ightkitty4uWoman
over a year ago

Epsom

Why are chickens funny?

Beccause*

In the tone of a chicken clucking

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By *ex-a-frolicsCouple
over a year ago

Brizzle

A rather pretty young lady asked me the other day if I preferred legs or breasts?

I said actually I have a penchant for a shaven fanny, I’m sorry she said that’s not an option with a KFC bargain bucket.

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

Snow White's dwarves were in a sauna feeling happy.

So happy got up and left.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What goes nee naw nee naw backwards

A police car in reverse

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By *amsupCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

I was in a restaurant last night & I had a bowl of insect legs

They were the bees knees

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By *exycouplesswingCouple
over a year ago

Tunbridge Wells

A conman, a peadophile and a priest walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

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By *organ and rob zombieCouple
over a year ago

bradford

Once met a bloke who told jokes about mushrooms………he was a fungi

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By *am069Man
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 14/01/23 01:16:45]

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By *am069Man
over a year ago

London

Lol cocked it the first time...

What's better than eating a mandarin... eating Amanda out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a blackbird has black babies and a bluebird has blue babies what bird has no babies..............

.... a swallow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the broom go to bed?

It was Sweepy!

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By *oldAndBoundlessMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Why did the pie cross the road???

He was meat and potatoe

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
over a year ago

south coast IOW

These have made me chuckle. Thanks all of you

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Minnie is in divorce court and the Judge reads the petition.

"You want a divorce because Mickey has big teeth?"

"No, what I said was, he's fucking Goofy"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say mine, but it would go over your head

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"I would say mine, but it would go over your head

I guess dark humour is like food, some people don't get it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse?...

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By *olmaMan
over a year ago

Kettering

Did you hear about the woman with 3 vaginas??

She was fucked left, right and centre!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse?..."

If life gives you melons you might be dyslexic

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By *oungAtHeartCurvyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

What goes 99 klonk 99 klonk 99 klonk?

A centipede with a wooden leg

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By *unthum62Man
over a year ago

Benidorm

I've got amnesia and insomnia.

I can't remember if I slept or not.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

I was really tired last night and I accidently took the cats medicine !

Don't ask meow

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By *yorks4couplesMan
over a year ago

doncaster

Statistically 9/10 people enjoy gang fun

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By *xx90292Man
over a year ago

London

The Flat Earth Society has thousands of members around the globe . .

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

If the earth was flat, cats would have knocked everything off the edge by now!

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By *ambi4uMan
over a year ago

Saint Helens

"Why did the pie cross the road???

He was meat and potatoe

Eh?

Confused

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

I would tell you a joke about trickle-down economics. But hardly any of you would get it.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Why do dogs float in water? Because they are good buoys.

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By *ames250122Man
over a year ago

Worcester

While in bed the wife turns to me and said “If I turn the light off I can stick it in her ass!” Moment later in the pitch black she lets out a scream. Moral of the story, next time I’ll let the bulb cool down first

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

My mood swings are great; I hate them.

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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

What's red and pink, sits in the kitchen and gets smaller and smaller?

A baby combing it's hair with a vegetable peeler

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.

If it sinks: girl ant.

If it floats: boy ant.

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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

"You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.

If it sinks: girl ant.

If it floats: boy ant."

It took me a second to understand that. Very good

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By *mooovMan
over a year ago

Waterford

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

But him in the microwave until he's

Bill Withers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Velcro.......rip off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never believe atoms. They make up everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stevie Wonders wife bought him a cheese grater for Christmas….it’s the most violent book he’s read.

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By *niquehorn 69Man
over a year ago

stamford

I used to be a huge fan of farm vehicles but not anymore

So I'm an extractor fan!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you make a bear cross?

Nail two, together.

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

What's better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on your organ.

Winston

*taxi for Winston

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By *eigh guyMan
over a year ago

wigan

I bought some lovely camouflage undies ,,,, can I find em???

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By *ove2Lick!Man
over a year ago

Banbury

What do you call a man with no body and no nose ?

Nobody knows !

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

What do you call a woman under a cow?

Pat!!

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By *ooliganMan
over a year ago

Preston

What's got 99 balls and makes old women sweat?

Bingo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I started writing a book about cowboy builders the other year

,,I just never got round to finishing it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bought 3 t-shirts from IKEA , took them to the till assistant .

First she scanned the red one , then she scanned the green on

Then she Scandinavian

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse?...

If life gives you melons you might be dyslexic "

Same as the dyslexic devil worshiper ..sold his soul to santa

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By *amera man 25Man
over a year ago

Honley Huddersfield

Two gay cowboys, first one says “yup” second one says “yep!”

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By *eardedbloke300Man
over a year ago

cardiff

I didn't have a scraper to get the ice off the windscreen so I had to use my discount card I only got 20% off

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By *ooliganMan
over a year ago

Preston

Went to an orgy with Dick Van Dyke…

It was a pretty shitty gang bang.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did Princess Di cross the road?

She didn't wear a seat belt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why did Princess Di cross the road?

She didn't wear a seat belt"

What does Diana stand for

Died

Nasty

Accident

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees…..?

Because they’re really good at hiding.

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

Two seagulls standing on a perch... One says to the other... Do you smell fish?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wife told me to embrace my failings, so I gave her a hug

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dogs got no nose. How does it smell? ….. Awful

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

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By *eebl6666Man
over a year ago

castlebar

What do you call a cow with 2 legs

Lean beef

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By *eebl6666Man
over a year ago

castlebar

What do you call a cow with 2 legs

Lean beef

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Midlands police are actively searching for a full lorry load of German Christmas cakes....They believe it may be STOLLEN

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By *s2pervsCouple
over a year ago

Truro

90% of gay and bisexual men were genetically predisposed to it...the other 10% were just sucked in.

Mr.

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By *escourtesMan
over a year ago

hereford

A crocodile sandwich...and make it snappy

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By *ainbow_RoadWoman
over a year ago

Brighton

Rishi Sunak

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two nuns in a bath, one says "Where's the soap", the other replies "Yes it does"

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By *estie69Man
over a year ago

cork city

What is the definition of in love?

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By *estie69Man
over a year ago

cork city

Q:What is the definition of in love?....

A:When she taps you on the ass and say "your in Love" ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheese sandwich walks into a bar , barman says sorry we dont serve food!!!

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

Last night me and the missus watched 2 dvd’s back to back.

Luckily I was the one facing the telly.

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By *escourtesMan
over a year ago

hereford

Horse walks up to the bar..barman says why the long face?

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By *obajxMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Horse walks up to the bar..barman says why the long face?

A white horse walked into a pub and the barman says "they named a whisky after you"

The horse, looking surprised, replied "Simon!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse?...

If life gives you melons you might be dyslexic "

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Scientists have discovered that some people have a genetic predisposition to Diarrhoea.

Apparently it runs in their genes.

(I had to google how to spell diarrhoea)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's black and white but red all over.."

A sunburnt zebra

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Went to an orgy with Dick Van Dyke…

It was a pretty shitty gang bang. "

"What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association"

Pmsl

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Horse walks up to the bar..barman says why the long face?

A white horse walked into a pub and the barman says "they named a whisky after you"

The horse, looking surprised, replied "Simon!""

A War Horse walked into a bar and the barman says, "Why the long play?"

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By *eardedbloke300Man
over a year ago

cardiff

[Removed by poster at 19/01/23 01:43:19]

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By *eardedbloke300Man
over a year ago

cardiff

A polar bear walks into a bar and asks for a gin and......tonic

Barman asks why the big pause

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

Sad to say my fat parrot died yesterday

, but that's a weight off my shoulders

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

You've got to hand it to short people... because they probably can't reach it anyway.

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By *ED00Woman
over a year ago

South Devon... Torbaydos

What do you call a dear with no eyes ?

No eye-dear.

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By *ED00Woman
over a year ago

South Devon... Torbaydos

What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs ??

Still no idea !!!

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By *altyMouthsCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Ah who?

Werewolves of London

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By *obajxMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Bill and Ben are in the pub

Bill says "lob a lob a lob a lob"

Ben replied "shut up Bill you're pissed"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two cannibals eating a clown.

One says to the other “does this taste funny to you?”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bill and Ben are in the pub

Bill says "lob a lob a lob a lob"

Ben replied "shut up Bill you're pissed""

Bill n Ben in bath and bill goes " lob a lob a lob a lob".

Ben says " if you do that again I'm getting out "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You've got to hand it to short people... because they probably can't reach it anyway. "

I feel sorry for them ..they struggle to put food on the table

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By *nselfishpleaserMan
over a year ago

kent

Bought a dog from a blacksmith the other day, when I got him home he made a bolt for the door

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By *amprioryMan
over a year ago

turn left at the frist roundabout

Went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it……. It was a Shih Tzu

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *exydoctorsCouple
over a year ago

Galway/Clare

[Removed by poster at 10/02/23 06:28:43]

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By *exydoctorsCouple
over a year ago

Galway/Clare

Met a man in the supermarket today who reminded me of Michael Jackson.

He said "Don't forget Michael Jackson"

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