FabSwingers.com forum: Help.....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Anyone got any tips for crippling loneliness??

Hate this time of year anyway being familyless, but this year its beyond....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Form a folk band with the local homeless population

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lonelyness is awful and more so at this time of year

You just need to join some local classes near you,draa included even if it's just behind the scenes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Drama classes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone got any tips for crippling loneliness??

Hate this time of year anyway being familyless, but this year its beyond....

Hey

I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time.

Here are my ideas - my friend volunteered at a shelter around Christmas time for a few years in a row. He loved it, and the only reason he stopped is because he has a child now.

Another friend spoke to me about being on his own, and found himself invited to hang out with my family over Christmas - it’s amazing what can happen when you put yourself out there.

I’m not sure if that helps at all, but if you want to chat, send me a pm x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Form a folk band with the local homeless population "

Why would you be so glib when someone in pain is reaching out?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a genuine thing that affects mental health and wellbeing and if not shared, can spiral into overthinking and glum thoughts.

Must be tough...how about volunteering and meeting new folk whilst feeling a sense of achievement at a difficult time?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Form a folk band with the local homeless population

Why would you be so glib when someone in pain is reaching out?"

It was a serious suggestion, homeless people at Christmas are also extremely lonely and who doesn’t like folk music?

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington

"Anyone got any tips for crippling loneliness??

Hate this time of year anyway being familyless, but this year its beyond....

"
have you thought about helping out at a soup kitchen or a local charity they love volunteers helping out this time of year

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/12/22 16:40:17]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Anyone got any tips for crippling loneliness??

Hate this time of year anyway being familyless, but this year its beyond....

Hey

I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time.

Here are my ideas - my friend volunteered at a shelter around Christmas time for a few years in a row. He loved it, and the only reason he stopped is because he has a child now.

Another friend spoke to me about being on his own, and found himself invited to hang out with my family over Christmas - it’s amazing what can happen when you put yourself out there.

I’m not sure if that helps at all, but if you want to chat, send me a pm x"

Thank you. It's just an annual reminder that I'm still struggling, and I'm not sure how much more I can take xxx

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

"Nope "

•

Helpful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear this.

What about volunteering or trying out some classes/clubs?

And I know it's superficial, but no harm in distracting yourself on the forums here too. Lots of people will be in the same boat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a look around your local area for a homeless, Red Cross (oap) Centre as they're usually looking out for people to help out,entertain,collect older people from home and drive them back again after Christmas lunches or even the local hospital as a volunteer.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Its a genuine thing that affects mental health and wellbeing and if not shared, can spiral into overthinking and glum thoughts.

Must be tough...how about volunteering and meeting new folk whilst feeling a sense of achievement at a difficult time?"

Thank you, I'm invisibly disabled so have many unseen struggles. I'm also isolated and anxiety vetos being able to drive..... and all of that destroyed any self worth I had x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nope

•

Helpful.

No it wasn’t and not intended…. Wrong site so leave it ok

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"Nope

•

Helpful.

Yep it's no wonder people stop reaching out

Op I'm so sorry you're feeling that way ,I'd echo what others have suggested .Could you volunteer anywhere over the festive period ,you could check local FB groups as they often put things on.

Or some places offer a meal and a get together for anyone alone ,again people in your local area may know of somewhere.

Don't feel alone ,as you can always chat to us here too

Big hug x

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Sorry to hear you're struggling, OP. Volunteering is a really good shout: it won't solve everything, but a ready made community and you'd be really helping others too.

Not sure if this is just a Christmas thing, but there was a thread recently about making friends as an adult where there were lots of good suggestions too.

And, as others have said, just keep chinwagging on here for virtual company!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Ok is your loneliness due to lack of company or lack of people who you have things in common with?

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I wonder if there's anywhere doing things on zoom/online that you could look at ,if you felt able to of course .

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By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"Anyone got any tips for crippling loneliness??

Hate this time of year anyway being familyless, but this year its beyond....

You could see if we're your kind of people and say hi. Nothing beats loneliness, like not being alone

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By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"Anyone got any tips for crippling loneliness??

Hate this time of year anyway being familyless, but this year its beyond....

You could see if we're your kind of people and say hi. Nothing beats loneliness, like not being alone

That could also mean going to a local pub quiz or social

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that

I feel for people who are lonely.

Like a poster said above you could always try volunteering and getting involved with something locally?

Or it’s not always great but joining in with the threads on here or even the chat rooms and cams sometimes they are friendly and welcoming….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you cook?

Could you create your own little Christmas supper club?

Anxiety is a nightmare. I’m definitely guilty of letting mine take over at times, I really have to get a hold of myself. My gp has been an amazing help, could you go to your gp? If you could chip away at that anxiety, that could help.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear you're struggling, OP. Volunteering is a really good shout: it won't solve everything, but a ready made community and you'd be really helping others too.

Not sure if this is just a Christmas thing, but there was a thread recently about making friends as an adult where there were lots of good suggestions too.

And, as others have said, just keep chinwagging on here for virtual company!"

I'm a social butterfly by nature, but had to withdraw from life to get myself well in 2019. The timing on that

I am also very untrusting for valid reasons. Then there's existing in the current climate.... everything just 'feels' impossible. Its quite the fucker.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ok is your loneliness due to lack of company or lack of people who you have things in common with?"

Lack of confidence and trust I think. I'm all for volunteering if I was fit and well. I can be fit and well for a day with prep, but then I'm knackered for a few days feeling useless again... xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Can you cook?

Could you create your own little Christmas supper club?

I have anxiety & pain driven anorexia. Just going to the supermarket can make me nauseous. I'm fucking broken aren't I....

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

…

Sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely

It can be a really tough time of year for a lot of people with the long dark nights and Christmas approaching.

As others have suggested, maybes volunteering could be an option? Charity shops, food banks, soup kitchens. If you like animals, some cat & dog shelters neeed volunteers? Sometimes just to walk or pet the animals. They may even need foster carers if you may be able to take in a rescue animal and would find some company and comfort from that. I have a little dog and I would feel lost without her in the house.

What about joining a local gym or leisure centre? Doesn’t have to be anything intensive or hardcore, but it would get you at the house and can start to say hello to others. Even going for a walk on the treadmill, beginners yoga class or gentle swim.

If you have a one or two friends or family members to reach out to, I always prefer FaceTime rather than texts or phonecalls. It feels much closer to being with them in person.

Local colleges often need models for hair and beauty treatments - they’re also a bargain, so you get a pamper and will also get you out of the house. Short college courses in something your interested in could be an option - cooking, languages, art, IT etc. Sometimes they can be free or partially funded depending on your income and will introduce you to lots of new people you automatically will have common ground with.

And last but not least, you’ve always got us lot on Fab. I know it’s not the same as real company, but I often find myself passing an hour or two away on the forums and laughing out loud.

Sending hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you cook?

Could you create your own little Christmas supper club?

I have anxiety & pain driven anorexia. Just going to the supermarket can make me nauseous. I'm fucking broken aren't I....

Not at all, not at all. It all feels overwhelming today, I feel you. Hold on, breathe. I know it feels shit right now, but you won’t feel this way forever.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear that

I feel for people who are lonely.

Like a poster said above you could always try volunteering and getting involved with something locally?

Or it’s not always great but joining in with the threads on here or even the chat rooms and cams sometimes they are friendly and welcoming….

I do chat on the threads occasionally x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Ok is your loneliness due to lack of company or lack of people who you have things in common with?

Lack of confidence and trust I think. I'm all for volunteering if I was fit and well. I can be fit and well for a day with prep, but then I'm knackered for a few days feeling useless again... xxx"

I volunteer with the elderly. While I do do fetching and carrying, there is quite a lot of sitting, listening, and talking. Or talking to someone on the phone. It is instant community and usually a place filled with love and compassion.

Just a thought. I hope you find what you need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I volunteer with the elderly. While I do do fetching and carrying, there is quite a lot of sitting, listening, and talking. Or talking to someone on the phone. It is instant community and usually a place filled with love and compassion.

Just a thought. I hope you find what you need."

Absolutely love this. I think I’ll look into it, for me x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Just a thought. I hope you find what you need.

Absolutely love this. I think I’ll look into it, for me x"

Dementia is a bastard as is... death. Those are the downsides that always come with the territory. But a charity for the elderly is going to be *very* understanding of physical limitations, for obvious reasons.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Chat on here as much as you like...there's always someone looking at and joining threads

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"Sorry to hear you're struggling, OP. Volunteering is a really good shout: it won't solve everything, but a ready made community and you'd be really helping others too.

Not sure if this is just a Christmas thing, but there was a thread recently about making friends as an adult where there were lots of good suggestions too.

And, as others have said, just keep chinwagging on here for virtual company!

I'm a social butterfly by nature, but had to withdraw from life to get myself well in 2019. The timing on that

I am also very untrusting for valid reasons. Then there's existing in the current climate.... everything just 'feels' impossible. Its quite the fucker....."

Sounds tough, OP. I'm sorry. Trusting people takes time for sure, especially if you've been hurt. Life is definitely tough right now but, and I know this is a cliche, give yourself the credit you deserve. It might feel impossible, but you're doing it! Sometimes just getting through the day is enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Volunteer.. I'm about to go out and give out hot drinks, food +advice

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Plenty of online social clubs (fab being one). Some have meetings specially this time of the year. Good way to meet new friends. Good luck op and please pop in here now and again. Lots of us will be up for a natter.

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By *ena AmourTV/TS
over a year ago

Chard

It sounds like you are in a real difficult spot Bam, given physical and mental restrictions on your activity and ability to get out and meet new people.

If you don't find some satisfaction from online interaction and really feel the need for in person help, please consider contacting your local Samaritans, they are good at signposting people to the best resources to help with your individual situation. I know there is a bit of stigma about that but you have already recognised your need and taken a big step in reaching out here! Well done for doing that! If that seems too daunting ask someone who knows you enough to do it for you. X

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By *oulou0974Woman
over a year ago

Inverness

What about trying the friend section of the dating app Bumble? There could be other ladies in your area looking to expand their friend group

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Are there any local charities that can help, here we have Sparks, people meet up twice a week for coffee and cake, I've seen "chatty cafe" advertised online.

Any community churches? You don't need to be religious, they often have cafes in now and always someone to chat to.

Volunteering? Salvation army and homeless places always need help this time of year x

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

"Anyone got any tips for crippling loneliness??

Hate this time of year anyway being familyless, but this year its beyond....

That thread title is the best first step, OP

Hopefully you've found that there's a lot of warm and lovely people around here who can help when you ask.

Aside from that, I know people who have the same seasonal feeling and they try and go do things like walking/running clubs, book nights, that kinda thing around this time.

(Geographically I wouldn't know specifics, but check online or on coffee shop/library noticeboards for what happens around your way)

Hope this or anything else people have said helps. Holidays can suck when it doesn't feel like holidays.

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By *eybert77Man
over a year ago

Ramsey

"Anyone got any tips for crippling loneliness??

Hate this time of year anyway being familyless, but this year its beyond....

Hi OP, there has been so many good bits of advice here. And I hope they have been of some help.

I agree in trying to find either some volunteering to do or something similar. When I got divorced and moved out on my own to a new town, the Salvation Army invited me to Christmas dinner on Xmas day even though I’m not religious it was a great help and it was a start for me building friendships in a new town.

This post was a good start in not being silent and hopefully you’ll gain some great support. Feel free to message anytime and take care of yourself x

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

It's good that you feel able to talk about this, as it can be an awkward subject.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are there any local charities that can help, here we have Sparks, people meet up twice a week for coffee and cake, I've seen "chatty cafe" advertised online.

Any community churches? You don't need to be religious, they often have cafes in now and always someone to chat to.

Volunteering? Salvation army and homeless places always need help this time of year x"

Some very good suggestions here. Church groups arent all about religion. And they will stay in contact out of hours.

Ive helped (or tried to help) numerous lonely people through my job.

This time of year can be the worst for them...especially with the TV preaching about families at Christmas.

What do you enjoy? Any hobbies, interests, sports?

Anything you enjoy, there are clubs for them...cooking, walking, reading, baking, sewing/knitting, gaming..to name a few.

Dog walking/sitting can be good too.

If you like animals, volunteer at a local shelter/stables

Try and think where you'd feel most comfortable doing or what you feel would be a good first step.

But, as with most things...that first step is the hardest.

But i think its fair to say the forumites who've commented have got your back, especially if you need advice

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone for your loveliness!!

Prob should have mentioned I'm challenged with invisible disabilities and already have 2 dogs that I can't walk enough

and 2 cats who are wonderfully independent

In fact my only offering towards Xmas is a 2ft stuffed carrot for my Rottweiler, because it'll be piss funny.

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

…

I don’t think it has been mentioned yet above, but there is a text support service called ‘shout’ (we’re not allowed to post phone numbers, but if you google it, it’ll pop up straight away). It may be good if you want to chat but feel a bit anxious talking on the phone.

Are you getting any support from your GP? As tempting as it may seem, I’d recommend not shutting yourself away until January. Try and push yourself to get out when you have the energy and strength to do so.

I adore Rottweilers - they are gorgeous dogs

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By *inLondonMan
over a year ago

London

A lot of people have mentioned volunteering, did me a huge amount of good (started during covid - met some neighbours, but more importantly just felt a bit more useful and like I had some structure to days which is often lacking as I'm self employed). You mentioned physical barriers to volunteering - my local council does phone based volunteering (think a lot of it is checking in on older or vulnerable people, but can be done remotely) - something like that might be a better fit if you're working on your health. It's a really tough time of year for a lot of people though - far more than let on. You're very far from alone in feeling like that. Best of luck with everything.

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington

"Thanks everyone for your loveliness!!

Prob should have mentioned I'm challenged with invisible disabilities and already have 2 dogs that I can't walk enough

and 2 cats who are wonderfully independent

In fact my only offering towards Xmas is a 2ft stuffed carrot for my Rottweiler, because it'll be piss funny.

I just want to lock down until January but fear it'll be counterproductive. I wish I knew who or what I need, that doesn't involve money. And yeah, I know everyone is feeling it, but they haven't all been for 12yrs, yanno..... there's no end to it...."
try and stay positive op I don’t want to intrude but have you no body close you can turn to? I know people have offered good sound advice in previous posts remember you’re dogs and cats rely on you so much and the love they have towards you for me is special I know this as my dog is my best companion at the moment like you I’ve health problems and no matter what I’m going through I look at my dog and think I’m so glad he’s here with me as he needs me and I need him I tend to keep things from friends and family I don’t like to burden them but sometimes you do need to share things good luck with whatever you do

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By *phrodite_AdonisCouple
over a year ago

Not sure if this interests you but I know there are charities (some research required) that seek volunteers to chat to people on the phone. It could be mutually beneficial. No leaving the house required.

I hope you feel less lonely soon, it’s understandably tough.

Sasha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish I had any good advice, lots of helpful things mentioned above. Sending love to you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just thinking too, are there any people you've lost contact with that you regret having done so? It's never too late to reach out if there's no bad blood.

Asking as last year a friend of mine from school got in touch with me as she was having a hard time. She felt weird doing it but we'd never fallen put, just grown apart over the years. I was so glad she did though, I still want to be there for her but I would never have known she needed it if she hadn't reached out.

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By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford

Wonderful advice already. Tjere is a reason why 'exercise, new things, fresh air,nature, volunteering, classes, get a dog' come up again and again: they work,for a reasonable definition of 'work'.

My father was much older than my mother,and died when she was only 52. She's 74 now, never remarried or came close to it, and was very lonely and depressed at times. But she does every one of the above, barring the dog,and has a WAY better social life than me now!

Just remember that SO many people WANT to say yes, but don't know what to say yes TO. People are itching to be kind. If you can bring yourself to get involved, hard though that initial impetus is, you WILL get immediate rewards which will make the second and subsequent times infinitely easier.

I really am thinking of you, and hoping the world looks less weary,stale,flat, and unprofitable next time you wake up. It sounds as if you have huge amounts of wise and loving support here already, but if I can be of any help at all, I'm here.

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By *al69Man
over a year ago

Stanford, Thurrock, Essex

I feel for you. Ive been unable to drive for 4 years now, due to medical reasons. Might as well have cut off my legs. I lived abroad for 15 years until my ex wife and i split up. I was homeless, lost my job etc. Anxiety and depression was through the roof. Still is partly. I moved back to the UK to get the help i needed, leaving my friends and son over there. Covid made it worse and isolation became the norm. I joined some zoom or Skype type groups, as my social circle was and is very small. I didn't want to go out and mix with people, because of anxiety and then my anxiety increased because of little interaction. I'm beginning some training in January to help people suffering with mental health. The good thing is you're reaching out. There's so many nice and friendly commenters on this thread. If you can speak to one or a few of them it will most probably help. I'm miles away but available if you want to talk.

Chin up.

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By *oldAndBoundlessMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I have messaged you privately! Hopefully you feel comfort in my message and reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always enjoyed time alone and quickly become tired of too much company. I know it's not for everyone but being alone doesnt have to equal loneliness - losing myself in a book or film can be a whole world of company.

No advice OP as your situation sounds complicated and challenging but best wishes for better times in 2023.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sending virtual hugs.

You've got to really try and put yourself out there. But it's easier said than done sometimes.

I hope you'll be OK. X

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