FabSwingers.com forum: Should I Explain Myself

By *os19 OP Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

A few months ago some so called Facebook friends made some comments that I considered to be racist regarding Rishi Sunak becoming PM I decided to unfriend them.However one still sends me messages via messenger asking how I am.Should I send a message back or continue deleting her messages.She is a lady in her 70’s and I can’t make up my mind if she is ignorant or racist.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd explain my reasoning. She will either accept it and let you be, realise the offense her comments caused or just a dick.

But at least it will have a conclusion

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Up to you really. Were her remarks bad enough that you feel the need to challenge her or can you accept that her views are at odds with yours? Not knowing what was said it's difficult to comment...not that that's ever stopped me

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By *hromosexualsCouple
over a year ago

Near Abercynon

What do you hope would come from it though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say yourself you consider the comments to be racist but we're they? Overlaying your views on someone else's with different life experience sometimes does not work.

Take the recent Buckingham palace upset. Does anyone really think that little old lady with decades of meeting people would be deliberately racist to an invited guest?

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Removing her from facebook just means you won’t get updates on her activity or feed, it doesn’t always mean you don’t like her.

If you still enjoy talking to her outside her “racist” beliefs, then do.

If her beliefs are anathema to you, then just ignore or cut contact.

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

"You say yourself you consider the comments to be racist but we're they? Overlaying your views on someone else's with different life experience sometimes does not work.

Take the recent Buckingham palace upset. Does anyone really think that little old lady with decades of meeting people would be deliberately racist to an invited guest?"

Surely that’s his whole aim to rehash this debate.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Also you can't change opinions by ignoring people

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

Folk of that age don’t think they are but it sounds racist just look at old programs

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Ask her rather than some complete strangers from an internet forum dude

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By *hromosexualsCouple
over a year ago

Near Abercynon

"Also you can't change opinions by ignoring people "

It's quite hard to change people's opinions generally. Sometimes it's easier to just leave them to it and limit your exposure to it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Also you can't change opinions by ignoring people

It's quite hard to change people's opinions generally. Sometimes it's easier to just leave them to it and limit your exposure to it."

This is very true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone is entitled to their opinion

Just don't take it to ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Folk of that age don’t think they are but it sounds racist just look at old programs"

I know that but in that case I don't think so.The accuser didn't cut the conversation short,she recorded it.She has shown no understanding just drives home her agenda.The woman has lost her job,been publicly humiliated and is no doubt confused about what it all and very unhappy. A decent person would think that is enough but no,she keeps making public appearances.

Btw,that is not her real name,she never used to dress like that and she has always been coy about where she was born.Why?

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Is she a real friend? Does she matter to you?

If she's someone you like, and would want to have an ongoing friendship with, I'd tell her you found what she said offensive. If she's just some random online Facebooker I'm not sure I'd be that bothered.

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By *os19 OP Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

Thanks to everyone that has replied a picture of number 10 with the Costcutter shop sign I did not find funny although I admit I don’t have a great sense of humour.Comments like we are a white country we should have a white person running it not a foreigner I find upsetting as like our PM I am born and raised in UK and wonder what my place is in society and work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tricky. Some1 I knew said something I considered awful. I unfriended them. When they pushed, asking why over & over. I explained my reasoning v politely. And they got v nasty in return.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

I’m probably going to get shot down in flames :

“Evil wins by good people doing nothing”

Racism isn’t going to end by good people just not talking or cutting people out of their lives with no explanation. I think you owe it to both the lady & everybody that is affected by racism to give your explanation. Best case scenario she learns a little something & thinks on her actions. Worst case she stops talking to you (which you had stopped talking to her anyway).

We have white privilege - we should at least try to use it for good.

My twopence worth at least.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks to everyone that has replied a picture of number 10 with the Costcutter shop sign "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks to everyone that has replied a picture of number 10 with the Costcutter shop sign I did not find funny although I admit I don’t have a great sense of humour.Comments like we are a white country we should have a white person running it not a foreigner I find upsetting as like our PM I am born and raised in UK and wonder what my place is in society and work."

If that was the level of offence you really need to get over it.

I am first generation English and once got a few comments at work, just ignored it and moved on.Not long after I got a promotion and became his boss but his comments made no difference to our working relationship

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Apart from being factually incorrect that's incredibly tone deaf considering I assume these people know your background.

I don't know how you deal with this level of prejudice but I don't think you're the one who needs to explain themselves.

Perhaps reply to her next message saying you're fine but found her comments insensitive and racist therefore won't be contacting her again.

By the way being in one's 70s or even old does not excuse hurtful behaviour. Only very young children can be excused that

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