FabSwingers.com forum: You know you're a Midlander when...

By *oeBeans OP Man
over a year ago

Derby

You don't know where you stand on the north/south divide

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

No one replies to your thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m defo on the west

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brian Clough is a religious figure and not a football manager.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People argue about barm cakes and baps

I am West Midlands and also on the Border so neither anywhere but everywhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm torn

Born in Coventry, lived in London, now living tut north.

I can't judge anyone

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By *eatrice BadinageWoman
over a year ago

In a Sparkly Dress

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

You see Dave Hill as a fashion icon.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

"Brian Clough is a religious figure and not a football manager."

YEEESSSS!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When the m6 is a way of life lol…

In fairness Stoke is only a midlands town by politics, but northern by location and lifestyle lol

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Can we have a translation of "chocolate concrete" for us non-midlanders in the room? And don't me started on that "scallop"!

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By *oeBeans OP Man
over a year ago

Derby

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Ooooh chocolate concrete and pink custard

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

We had batches, not baps!

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By *oeBeans OP Man
over a year ago

Derby

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Can we have a translation of "chocolate concrete" for us non-midlanders in the room? And don't me started on that "scallop"! "

To be fair, I don't get the scallop thing either. Scallops are seafood

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

You call a roundabout an "island".

You know what a pea mix is.

You're never quite sure whether dinner is lunch or tea.

You worship at the altar of Birds Bakery.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Tbh I'm a bit of a mixture.

Born in that there London,lived the majority of my life in the south.

But also lived in

Lincolnshire close to the wash.

Solihull, well knowle actually old chap.

Newcastle for a short stint and a spell in the Shetland Islands proper northerner's.

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By *oeBeans OP Man
over a year ago

Derby

"You call a roundabout an "island".

You know what a pea mix is.

You're never quite sure whether dinner is lunch or tea.

You worship at the altar of Birds Bakery."

Absolutely agree with Birds! Only recently realised it was a Midlands thing and that others are missing out on the luxury that is a caramel doughnut

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You heard 'All around the Wrekin' if you took to long to do anything/go anywhere/took to long explaining something.

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Can we have a translation of "chocolate concrete" for us non-midlanders in the room? And don't me started on that "scallop"!

To be fair, I don't get the scallop thing either. Scallops are seafood

I get the scallops, although I remember them being more like a piece of potato in batter rather than mash

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Can we have a translation of "chocolate concrete" for us non-midlanders in the room? And don't me started on that "scallop"!

To be fair, I don't get the scallop thing either. Scallops are seafood

It’s basically mashed potato in a shape of a very flat round/oval/frilly thing, fried in batter. Fricking delicious

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Ooooh chocolate concrete and pink custard

We had mint custard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Can we have a translation of "chocolate concrete" for us non-midlanders in the room? And don't me started on that "scallop"!

To be fair, I don't get the scallop thing either. Scallops are seafood

I get the scallops, although I remember them being more like a piece of potato in batter rather than mash"

Ooh maybe, I’m going back quite a way

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

"You call a roundabout an "island".

You know what a pea mix is.

You're never quite sure whether dinner is lunch or tea.

You worship at the altar of Birds Bakery.

Absolutely agree with Birds! Only recently realised it was a Midlands thing and that others are missing out on the luxury that is a caramel doughnut"

Are you even a proper Midlander if you haven't done the Birds Christmas Eve Queue?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Noooo, a potato scallop is a slice of potato fried in batter. From the French escalloper meaning slice thinly

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By *oeBeans OP Man
over a year ago

Derby

"You call a roundabout an "island".

You know what a pea mix is.

You're never quite sure whether dinner is lunch or tea.

You worship at the altar of Birds Bakery.

Absolutely agree with Birds! Only recently realised it was a Midlands thing and that others are missing out on the luxury that is a caramel doughnut

Are you even a proper Midlander if you haven't done the Birds Christmas Eve Queue?"

Never, because they would all be sold out of the good stuff by like 11am

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By *r Black 85Man
over a year ago

nottingham

Your chip shop serves potato fritters

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Noooo, a potato scallop is a slice of potato fried in batter. From the French escalloper meaning slice thinly

Yes, I am remembering it a bit wrong (was probably eating them pissed off the late bus on a Friday night

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Noooo, a potato scallop is a slice of potato fried in batter. From the French escalloper meaning slice thinly

Yes, I am remembering it a bit wrong (was probably eating them pissed off the late bus on a Friday night

I've got scallop envy now !

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By *heGigglersCouple
over a year ago

Stourbridge

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Can we have a translation of "chocolate concrete" for us non-midlanders in the room? And don't me started on that "scallop"!

To be fair, I don't get the scallop thing either. Scallops are seafood

I get the scallops, although I remember them being more like a piece of potato in batter rather than mash

Ooh maybe, I’m going back quite a way "

I didn't even realise scallops were a Midlands thing

You forgot the orange/battered chips!

I've always said cob rather than bap though...

K x

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

You always sniggered every time you passed the King Dick tool factory on the train.

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By *oeBeans OP Man
over a year ago

Derby

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Can we have a translation of "chocolate concrete" for us non-midlanders in the room? And don't me started on that "scallop"!

To be fair, I don't get the scallop thing either. Scallops are seafood

I get the scallops, although I remember them being more like a piece of potato in batter rather than mash

Ooh maybe, I’m going back quite a way

I didn't even realise scallops were a Midlands thing

You forgot the orange/battered chips!

I've always said cob rather than bap though...

K x"

The correct way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Can we have a translation of "chocolate concrete" for us non-midlanders in the room? And don't me started on that "scallop"! "

Chocolate concrete was a particular school dinner pudding, as I remember (and my memory is not proving great so far

) it was a chocolate cake, with sugar on top, usually accompanied by pink custard.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

Cobs are crusty

Baps are floury

Rolls are squidgy

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"Cobs are crusty

Baps are floury

Rolls are squidgy "

Strange way to describe the different types of Batch.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

"Cobs are crusty

Baps are floury

Rolls are squidgy

Strange way to describe the different types of Batch."

Pfffttt

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Laceby

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Ooooh chocolate concrete and pink custard

I still dream of having chocolate concrete and pink custard again

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By *ervice2000Man
over a year ago

derby

You say ay up! Or duck!

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Can we have a translation of "chocolate concrete" for us non-midlanders in the room? And don't me started on that "scallop"!

To be fair, I don't get the scallop thing either. Scallops are seafood

I get the scallops, although I remember them being more like a piece of potato in batter rather than mash"

A scallop is a solid potato filling and is the only legitimate form of battered potato from the chipshop bar orange chips.

However I've lived in other parts of the country where it all gets weird and out of hand with illegal deviation. The battered mash potato abomination described by OP sounds like a potato patty like what you might find in Hull and some other places where decency has mutated into madness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Can we have a translation of "chocolate concrete" for us non-midlanders in the room? And don't me started on that "scallop"!

To be fair, I don't get the scallop thing either. Scallops are seafood

I get the scallops, although I remember them being more like a piece of potato in batter rather than mash

A scallop is a solid potato filling and is the only legitimate form of battered potato from the chipshop bar orange chips.

It’s just my terrible memory

I’m going to go and try one next time I’m there, and see

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"Cobs are crusty

Baps are floury

Rolls are squidgy

Strange way to describe the different types of Batch.

Pfffttt

Never heard a batch called a Pfffttt before. What a weird and diverse world we live

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Laceby

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Can we have a translation of "chocolate concrete" for us non-midlanders in the room? And don't me started on that "scallop"!

Chocolate concrete was a particular school dinner pudding, as I remember (and my memory is not proving great so far

) it was a chocolate cake, with sugar on top, usually accompanied by pink custard. "

It was rock hard, and a rookie error if you deemed to attempt it with your spoon, having not presoaked it with your blancmange custard because you would send it flying across the table.

The knack was to soften it enough to get your spoon in while still keeping the crunch

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Ooooh chocolate concrete and pink custard

We had mint custard"

Oh my. I'm sorry you had to ensure that.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Ooooh chocolate concrete and pink custard

We had mint custard

Oh my. I'm sorry you had to ensure that.

*Endure!!

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

"You had chocolate concrete at school, a scallop is mash in batter and you eat a bap instead of a roll. Oh, and you did school trips to the BCLM

Ooooh chocolate concrete and pink custard

We had mint custard

Oh my. I'm sorry you had to ensure that.

*Endure!!"

We had far far worse to endure

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

Faggots and peas anyone?!

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By *heGigglersCouple
over a year ago

Stourbridge

"Faggots and peas anyone?!"

At the last stop on the beer bus!!

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"Faggots and peas anyone?!"

Always. On a batch or with chip shop chips, both is good.

When you inviting people round for tea

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

You can spend a large amount of time arguing over exactly which areas are in the Black Country.

Wolverhampton is incidentally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yam yam

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

Gray pays & baycun.

Translates as grey peas & bacon. An abhorrent pot of something unholy stewing on the baa as t of a local pub.

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

"Gray pays & baycun.

Translates as grey peas & bacon. An abhorrent pot of something unholy stewing on the baa as t of a local pub."

On the bar of the local pub.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

Tara a bit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tara a bit

Bab

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By *oeBeans OP Man
over a year ago

Derby

"You say ay up! Or duck!"

I'll admit, I say ay up a lot, not duck so much

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By *oeBeans OP Man
over a year ago

Derby

"You can spend a large amount of time arguing over exactly which areas are in the Black Country.

Wolverhampton is incidentally

To be fair, it's all just Birmingham to me

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By *dinman03Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

32 years in Scotland now but the Midlands is still home. I still have tea rather than dinner, say ta ra a bit and bab.

This thread has reminded me about chocolate concrete and scallops though. Happy times.

Can't believe no one has mentioned curry sauce or pork scrathings though

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

Ooohhhh mr porky - pork scratchings… drooool

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By *idnight RamblerMan
over a year ago

Pershore

You think Brum is the Venice of the North

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The pretty edges are all just so far away.

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

You're potentially within an hour of eight swinging clubs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You remember King Kong outside the Bull Ring.

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By *ickeyblueeyes7Man
over a year ago

newport

When you drink council pop

Alright bab

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By *ickeyblueeyes7Man
over a year ago

newport

Bostin aye it

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By *ull2getherMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Noooo, a potato scallop is a slice of potato fried in batter. From the French escalloper meaning slice thinly

Having been bought up 14 miles north of Birmingham, this is what I used to buy at the chippie as a "scallop"! Not mashed, just sliced...

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

You go to McDonald’s on the ramp

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Bacon and cheese oatcakes. If you know you know.

The mr

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

Yamalrightamya? Is a perfectly understood word/sentence, same with Yampy.

you know exactly where each ramp and flyover goes to on spaggi junction

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