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Seeing things through your own lens

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We are all capable/guilty/used to doing this.

Commenting on a situation whilst looking at it through our own lens. The lens coloured by our life experiences, upbringing, triggers.

Do you allow this, question it, actively try not to…..?

Are you aware you do it, maybe you don’t do it, how do you see things from a different perspective?

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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

I guess we all do to a certain extent, I have often caught myself doing it and tried to view from a different perspective.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We are all capable/guilty/used to doing this.

Commenting on a situation whilst looking at it through our own lens. The lens coloured by our life experiences, upbringing, triggers.

Do you allow this, question it, actively try not to…..?

Are you aware you do it, maybe you don’t do it, how do you see things from a different perspective? "

There is nothing worse than being told by someone that has not lived or gone through what you've been through or experienced what to do , they can go fuck themselves, people that have can talk but not the people who haven't, when those have experienced the same they can talk but not before.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

Nobody has the same experiences as each other. We’re all bundles of the things we’ve done and people we’ve met. Best we can do is try to have empathy and try to understand.

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By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford

Of course I do. But, working with young people for 20 years, I find it helps to keep me constantly alert to my own biases and assumptions, and more able to change my mind.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Nobody has the same experiences as each other. We’re all bundles of the things we’ve done and people we’ve met. Best we can do is try to have empathy and try to understand. "

Best name for this thread

I agree, I’m just curious about others experiences

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to think I am able to see thinga from others perspective, but in reality my own experiences have a major impact on how I see things.

All I can say is that I am making a conscious to try to see it another way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nobody has the same experiences as each other. We’re all bundles of the things we’ve done and people we’ve met. Best we can do is try to have empathy and try to understand. "

Exactly this. We can't see someone's life through their eyes or live their experiences, it's impossible. All we can do is listen, learn and emphasise, as long of course as this is reciprocated - plenty of people who want others to emphasise with their problems have zero interest in helping others.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Any opinion I give is based on personal experience but I would never think of telling others that their opinion is wrong because they will have a different perspective on it.

Just within the forums I've been challenged numerous times by people telling me how I shouldn't think a certain way or that this is how it really is.

Usually in relation to something that happened before they were born or in a country they've never set foot in.

It's always laughable.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

I think the best way to try and understand other perspectives is just to talk to people. As many as possible, as often as possible. And, y’know, actually listen. Don’t just wait for points in the conversation where you can join in with ‘yeah, when that happened to me …’

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

I’ve been guilty of it on forums before. Ambiguous phrasing set me off on a feminist rant. That’s quite unusual for me I’m usually more calm and thoughtful.

But once it was pointed out to me - I did consider & apologise.

If nothing else it served to remind me to take a step back and see all possible sides of the coin.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think the best way to try and understand other perspectives is just to talk to people. As many as possible, as often as possible. And, y’know, actually listen. Don’t just wait for points in the conversation where you can join in with ‘yeah, when that happened to me …’"

Listen to hear, not to reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont wear specs i binned em off but i only look at things thru my own eyes from my own experience of life

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London


"Listen to hear, not to reply "

That is a MUCH better way of putting it. I always use too many words.

Thanks Hippy.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"We are all capable/guilty/used to doing this.

Commenting on a situation whilst looking at it through our own lens. The lens coloured by our life experiences, upbringing, triggers.

Do you allow this, question it, actively try not to…..?

Are you aware you do it, maybe you don’t do it, how do you see things from a different perspective? "

I think it is natural that we allow our personal experiences to affect our opinions and perceptions on a given situation.

Sometimes it may not easy to recognise how much a situation has affected us, so self reflection may not be something people consider, no matter how helpful it may be.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Everyone sees life through their own lens - it's impossible not to.

Here's a little camera analogy for you though.

Some lenses see far more and have a wide focal range, able to both zoom in to specific issues whilst also being able to see the wider picture.

Other lenses focus on just one thing, unable to change perspective, take in whats around them, see the bigger picture or adjust their view. But these do often see important details better and really help concentrate on the task at hand.

At times you need both, not just one or another. Seeing the bigger picture will give you a better sense of what's going on around you but at times you may miss vitally important details, essential to understand the subject at hand fully.

An old, well used lens can be of greater benefit and reliability than a shiny new one, reliant on appearance and technology to achieve its goals over past experience and tried and tested use.

A

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Everyone sees life through their own lens - it's impossible not to.

Here's a little camera analogy for you though.

Some lenses see far more and have a wide focal range, able to both zoom in to specific issues whilst also being able to see the wider picture.

Other lenses focus on just one thing, unable to change perspective, take in whats around them, see the bigger picture or adjust their view. But these do often see important details better and really help concentrate on the task at hand.

At times you need both, not just one or another. Seeing the bigger picture will give you a better sense of what's going on around you but at times you may miss vitally important details, essential to understand the subject at hand fully.

An old, well used lens can be of greater benefit and reliability than a shiny new one, reliant on appearance and technology to achieve its goals over past experience and tried and tested use.

A"

I like this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unc*nscious bias is is difficult to overcome, but we are capable of learning about other experiences and educating ourselves, especially in today's age.

It is always good to challenge your thoughts and consider different paths.. Education is key along with slow thinking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to see everything in everyone’s else perspective I used to judge by my own upbringing which wasn’t good

As I’ve got older tend to look at life through everybody lens

Think age brings a certain level of perspective to the lens

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"

There is nothing worse than being told by someone that has not lived or gone through what you've been through or experienced what to do , they can go fuck themselves, people that have can talk but not the people who haven't, when those have experienced the same they can talk but not before."

I think sometimes the BEST thing is to be told by someone who hasn’t gone through your life experiences. Your experiences colour your view of the world as much as theirs and if you ignore the other person then you might well be doing an internal version to yourself of what you think they are doing to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do like to sit back & try to listen or read other view points before making comment.

There has been odd occasions I’ve jumped in & been wrong so a more measured approach now

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

A 'catastrophic' life-changing event over ten years ago, closely related to a personal 'taboo / socially unacceptable' decision that I had made, taught me how to perceive, interpret and empathise with other people's experiences in real life (and Fab), affording a viewpoint with a fresh pair of eyes without the impetuous bias.

On this platform I don't always get it right and will occasionally dive head first, much to my regret. I need to fix that behavioural anomaly.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"We are all capable/guilty/used to doing this.

Commenting on a situation whilst looking at it through our own lens. The lens coloured by our life experiences, upbringing, triggers.

Do you allow this, question it, actively try not to…..?

Are you aware you do it, maybe you don’t do it, how do you see things from a different perspective? "
easy I just do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all do it. It’s human.

The trick is to analyse your own behaviours and be responsible for the way you react. Trauma, bad experiences and upbringing is a reason for certain behaviours, but they are NEVER an excuse. That’s the difference.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

We're all guilty of thinking our past experiences makes us more knowledgeable than others occasionally.

I think we see it a lot on the forum, especially in heated debates. I tend to see things in shades of grey, though that often doesn't come across here. I'm open to being incorrect even if I'm quite passionate about something, if I can see the logic in the counter arguement, which happens quite regularly on here. I find questioning and debating makes you a more open person and in my opinion more interesting, rather than be blinkered with your opinions.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"We're all guilty of thinking our past experiences makes us more knowledgeable than others occasionally.

I think we see it a lot on the forum, especially in heated debates. I tend to see things in shades of grey, though that often doesn't come across here. I'm open to being incorrect even if I'm quite passionate about something, if I can see the logic in the counter arguement, which happens quite regularly on here. I find questioning and debating makes you a more open person and in my opinion more interesting, rather than be blinkered with your opinions. "

I agree

I'm often accused of asking too many questions but I don't see any other way to find out things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think commenting on something based on your own experience is a positive thing. Not listening to others experiences and giving them equal weight is a negative thing.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"We're all guilty of thinking our past experiences makes us more knowledgeable than others occasionally.

I think we see it a lot on the forum, especially in heated debates. I tend to see things in shades of grey, though that often doesn't come across here. I'm open to being incorrect even if I'm quite passionate about something, if I can see the logic in the counter arguement, which happens quite regularly on here. I find questioning and debating makes you a more open person and in my opinion more interesting, rather than be blinkered with your opinions.

I agree

I'm often accused of asking too many questions but I don't see any other way to find out things"

I get this also, I'm asking because I'm trying to understand others viewpoints. But I suppose some find it confrontational. You happen you be one of the people I ask questions back to, as I know you'll answer me without being offended

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"We're all guilty of thinking our past experiences makes us more knowledgeable than others occasionally.

I think we see it a lot on the forum, especially in heated debates. I tend to see things in shades of grey, though that often doesn't come across here. I'm open to being incorrect even if I'm quite passionate about something, if I can see the logic in the counter arguement, which happens quite regularly on here. I find questioning and debating makes you a more open person and in my opinion more interesting, rather than be blinkered with your opinions.

I agree

I'm often accused of asking too many questions but I don't see any other way to find out things

I get this also, I'm asking because I'm trying to understand others viewpoints. But I suppose some find it confrontational. You happen you be one of the people I ask questions back to, as I know you'll answer me without being offended "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We all do it. It’s human.

The trick is to analyse your own behaviours and be responsible for the way you react. Trauma, bad experiences and upbringing is a reason for certain behaviours, but they are NEVER an excuse. That’s the difference.

"

Beautifully put

As a child we’re not responsible for what happens to us, and our traumas, as an adult we most definitely are

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

I actually don't. Well I do, as it is kind of impossible not to, but my brain forces me to view things from outside the box and consider as many possibilities and points of view as I can. It is a form of involuntarily extreme critical thinking mixed with OCD and overthinking.

That is not to say doing so changes my own opinion or initial view.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I do it. Particularly with matters of the heart. Well intended but I sometimes come on strong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We all do it. It’s human.

The trick is to analyse your own behaviours and be responsible for the way you react. Trauma, bad experiences and upbringing is a reason for certain behaviours, but they are NEVER an excuse. That’s the difference.

Beautifully put

As a child we’re not responsible for what happens to us, and our traumas, as an adult we most definitely are"

Exactly right sweetie x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We are all capable/guilty/used to doing this.

Commenting on a situation whilst looking at it through our own lens. The lens coloured by our life experiences, upbringing, triggers.

Do you allow this, question it, actively try not to…..?

Are you aware you do it, maybe you don’t do it, how do you see things from a different perspective? "
I have military PTSD so does my husband. It's hard to find empathy sometimes. Both combat vets. Our lenses are obscured because of our life experiences. Our minds go to the unfathomable when some whines about something so trivial. It's always you can have it way more worse than you perceived.

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By *ovingSussexLifeMan
over a year ago

West Sussex

I try to be objective. At the same time I'll use my experiences to give advice, so it may help someone making the same fuck ups as me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We are all capable/guilty/used to doing this.

Commenting on a situation whilst looking at it through our own lens. The lens coloured by our life experiences, upbringing, triggers.

Do you allow this, question it, actively try not to…..?

Are you aware you do it, maybe you don’t do it, how do you see things from a different perspective? I have military PTSD so does my husband. It's hard to find empathy sometimes. Both combat vets. Our lenses are obscured because of our life experiences. Our minds go to the unfathomable when some whines about something so trivial. It's always you can have it way more worse than you perceived."

Have you read ‘The body keeps the score’ by Bessel Van der Kolk

Or

‘What happened to you’ by Oprah and Bruce Perry? They both talk about the effects of military PTSD.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I do it and my feelings control it. My sense of Injustice/Anger is high and I have a only black and white take on it.

If I'm not emotionally involved then I can see it from a vast variety of shades of grey lenses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We are all capable/guilty/used to doing this.

Commenting on a situation whilst looking at it through our own lens. The lens coloured by our life experiences, upbringing, triggers.

Do you allow this, question it, actively try not to…..?

Are you aware you do it, maybe you don’t do it, how do you see things from a different perspective? I have military PTSD so does my husband. It's hard to find empathy sometimes. Both combat vets. Our lenses are obscured because of our life experiences. Our minds go to the unfathomable when some whines about something so trivial. It's always you can have it way more worse than you perceived.

Have you read ‘The body keeps the score’ by Bessel Van der Kolk

Or

‘What happened to you’ by Oprah and Bruce Perry? They both talk about the effects of military PTSD. "
I have to check them out. Mostly we get support through the local VFW and friends. I try to have more empathy. But my instincts consider minor things not that major of a problem. My dark humor kicks in and people get offended. It's a constant circle.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

I think we can only ever see things through our own lens.

Even when we try to see things from another perspective, we are seeing that perspective through our own lens.

I think of it like wearing contacts, not glasses. If I remove them I can't see anything from *any* perspective.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I'm Liberian and can see another point of view but some of the ridiculas cancell culture that's over rideing freedom of speech and humore I don't understand

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By *allDarkAndTattedMan
over a year ago

High Wycombe

My personal way of overcoming this, is to actively look at things from multiple perspectives. If you can try to understand the reasoning behind someone’s actions, it’s easier to be more empathetic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We are all capable/guilty/used to doing this.

Commenting on a situation whilst looking at it through our own lens. The lens coloured by our life experiences, upbringing, triggers.

Do you allow this, question it, actively try not to…..?

Are you aware you do it, maybe you don’t do it, how do you see things from a different perspective? I have military PTSD so does my husband. It's hard to find empathy sometimes. Both combat vets. Our lenses are obscured because of our life experiences. Our minds go to the unfathomable when some whines about something so trivial. It's always you can have it way more worse than you perceived.

Have you read ‘The body keeps the score’ by Bessel Van der Kolk

Or

‘What happened to you’ by Oprah and Bruce Perry? They both talk about the effects of military PTSD. I have to check them out. Mostly we get support through the local VFW and friends. I try to have more empathy. But my instincts consider minor things not that major of a problem. My dark humor kicks in and people get offended. It's a constant circle. "
It does not mean I do not care . I just have a different coping mechanism.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm pretty good most of the time of taking a step back, looking at things from a different angle and trying to see it from another point of view. But if it's something that's triggering me due to past experiences, or something I feel strongly about, then I can be immensely rigid.

I wouldn't change that though, because I'm confident in how I feel and over the years I've opened up my mind but always come back to the same conclusion. I'm kind of at a point where I won't ever change my mind on some things because I've thought about it with every part of me and nothing has changed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you experience what " Humanity" can do to one another even though you think it's righteous. Than you get people whining over trivial no offense "Bullshit". Your lens is laser focused on you. No one can take care of except yourself. It's just my opinion. I do not rely on anyone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to think I'm older and wiser having gone through lots and wish to pass on said wisdom but sometimes I'm triggered and get right pi@@#d off, then I just keep quiet and retreat.

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