FabSwingers.com forum: Block and cut them off or leave them to see you move on?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on the above. Have been left feeling like an option to a girl I'd gotten pretty emotionally close to and have done a lot for support (again emotional) wise over the last couple of years. Always wanted her to find someone. Now she has it seems like I just get called upon for the down days and get ignored completely when she's with him. Also she seems to make ample time for seeing other friends yet not me which may be to avoid conflict with new parnter but does sting.

That hasn't been great for my self esteem. It'd be a shame to lose her completely but also feel it's time to withdraw either partially or completely. Any experiences of similar situations?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always reckon that once you start questioning if enough's enough then it generally is.

Friendship is like any other relationship in life and should be balanced. If you're not getting what you want and need then why stick at it?

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By *inda May SimmonsTV/TS
over a year ago

hexham

It happened to me, many years ago.

I withdrew and made no attempts at contact but did not burn any bridges.

Over the years she made contact with me and has continued to get in touch.

I stayed friendly but have not allowed myself to (nor actually had any desire to) become emotionally involved.

Recently she cornered me ar a social event and became quite emotional and apologetic about how she had treated me.

I assured her that it was all water under the bridge and it was all in the past.

Now she is super friendly and asking after me a lot!

I have no interest in going back there but I keep it all friendly.

Time IS a greater healer

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Block if you need to.

I haven't experienced it in a romantic relationship but I have had friends who have leaned on me during tough times then dropped me as soon as things get better. It stings but often people want to avoid someone who knows all about their bad stuff because it's a reminder.

If it were me I'd just move on not to let her see but for myself. That's when you'll know you're truly over it.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I think that you have to make your own boundaries and to decide who you want in your life, based on what you want and why will respect your boundaries.

I'd probably move on, based on the OP situation. It sounds potentially an unhealthy relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would just cut your losses op,sounds like your unhappy the way your friendship has turned out

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I'd withdraw my emotions and keep being just friends

Good luck in whatever you do OP

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Do not block her. Do not move on. This is a friend you are talking about. A friend who has done you no harm from what I can see.

You say you got emotionally close to her and gave her emotional support and always wanted her to find someone, which she has, so you have been successful and a good friend.

You say she 'makes time for others but not for you' .... You say you feel ' you are only there for the down days and you feel ingnored' I'm asking you , do you contact her and make arrangements to talk or meet ?

Do either of you have any idea how the other views your 'friendship'? Does she have any idea how you feel ?

Was it platonic or beneficial in sexual ways ?

My advice is ..... Don't shut anyone out of your life unless you enjoy being lonely or too screwed to face it head on.

Prepare what you will say on the phone cos it shouldn't be a list of accusations and that is what will come out if it doesn't get thought about first.

Just call and say ...... Hiya , fancy catching up next week ? Going for a walk / coffee and a chat ? Then see where it goes.

You don't really give enough information for me to understand cos I have a sneaky feeling this was less of a friendship and more of a man / women thing.... even if just casual.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'm pretty surprised at all of the above who say 'block and move on' .....

What has she done ? Killed his cat ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

True

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"Interested to hear peoples thoughts on the above. Have been left feeling like an option to a girl I'd gotten pretty emotionally close to and have done a lot for support (again emotional) wise over the last couple of years. Always wanted her to find someone. Now she has it seems like I just get called upon for the down days and get ignored completely when she's with him. Also she seems to make ample time for seeing other friends yet not me which may be to avoid conflict with new parnter but does sting.

That hasn't been great for my self esteem. It'd be a shame to lose her completely but also feel it's time to withdraw either partially or completely. Any experiences of similar situations?"

I’m not long out of a very similar situation mate, and with a woman from Carlisle incidentally!

She broke my heart last year, and has been dropping in and out of my life for months, clearly between boyfriends, and probably feeling like I’m her ‘safety net’ to catch her whenever she’s fallen….

It’s not great mate, and the best advice I can offer you is to cut and run. Whatever connection you once had, is gone. Forget her, and move on with your life. Delete all her pics, and block her number and all social media. All the best fella

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's on fab?

I would typically block.

Emotionally, I'm either all in or I'm out.

I take my time, as much as I need to to be sure, deciding if a person values me & respects me or if I have anything left to give to that person myself.

But once I decide? No do-overs. Once I've decided I'm done, I'm gone. It's never out of the blue, it's always clearly signposted. There are always choices made on both sides for what is valued and what level of effort is invested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would you want to be treated the same way you treat them?

I find if I think ‘I wouldn’t do that’ and yet they treat me like a second thought, I realise the connection was only one way.

It’s a shame to move away from people I really like, but sonetimes, you should do it.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Would you want to be treated the same way you treat them?

I find if I think ‘I wouldn’t do that’ and yet they treat me like a second thought, I realise the connection was only one way.

It’s a shame to move away from people I really like, but sonetimes, you should do it. "

Woody... That means you can only be friends with you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey thank you all so much for your perspectives and shared experiences. Think all of this used to be alot simpler before social media.

Really value all your opinions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That hasn't been great for my self esteem. It'd be a shame to lose her completely but also feel it's time to withdraw either partially or completely. Any experiences of similar situations?"

I think the simple question here is how do you feel about it if you block her? Isn't that the deciding factor? which means anybody else's opinion is irrelevant.

Will it sting more and be painful, will it take a lot of getting over? If not then maybe you weren't emotionally involved as you may think. If so then why break your own heart by acting in a way that will cause you pain.

Does the pain of what you feel she is doing outweigh the benefit? The benefit being keeping a friend.

What is it YOU want to do?

Is it that you're upset because it isn't how you want it to be and maybe you should just accept that now things have changed and this is how it will be?

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

That hasn't been great for my self esteem. It'd be a shame to lose her completely but also feel it's time to withdraw either partially or completely. Any experiences of similar situations?"
sounds like you have feelings for her

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Cut her off op

You're feeling taken for granted and if you let her keep using you,you'll feel even worse .

Put some distance between you and her and see if she contacts you,if she doesn't you have your answer.

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

I'm in a similar situation.

I know what the right answer is, but making yourself do it is a whole other thing

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Friendships and people change over time, sometimes the oscillate towards the other following the same path, sometimes they do not.

I am with Granny on this one (without knowing all the details, of course) that unless it is causing you such pain that you feel you need to cut her off (arguably you will still be left wondering what has become of her).

Live and let live, she may find a way back to you as a friend simply because you were somebody who did not cut her off.

Personally I would feel happier with leaving things, and who knows they may move back.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Block and move on. That's no kind of friendship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just block and move on, simples.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

That hasn't been great for my self esteem. It'd be a shame to lose her completely but also feel it's time to withdraw either partially or completely. Any experiences of similar situations?"

Talk to her she might not realise she's being a bitch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you want to be treated the same way you treat them?

I find if I think ‘I wouldn’t do that’ and yet they treat me like a second thought, I realise the connection was only one way.

It’s a shame to move away from people I really like, but sonetimes, you should do it.

Woody... That means you can only be friends with you. "

I am only friends with me

*cries in a corner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some relationships are worth a conversation, some aren't. I've found that most of the time toxic people aren't worth explaining yourself too as it doesn't go in anyway. It's exhausting attempting to get empathy from the person making you feel bad in the first place, I'd rather just move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do not block her. Do not move on. This is a friend you are talking about. A friend who has done you no harm from what I can see.

You say you got emotionally close to her and gave her emotional support and always wanted her to find someone, which she has, so you have been successful and a good friend.

Do either of you have any idea how the other views your 'friendship'? Does she have any idea how you feel ?

Was it platonic or beneficial in sexual ways ?

My advice is ..... Don't shut anyone out of your life unless you enjoy being lonely or too screwed to face it head on.

Prepare what you will say on the phone cos it shouldn't be a list of accusations and that is what will come out if it doesn't get thought about first.

Just call and say ...... Hiya , fancy catching up next week ? Going for a walk / coffee and a chat ? Then see where it goes.

You don't really give enough information for me to understand cos I have a sneaky feeling this was less of a friendship and more of a man / women thing.... even if just casual.

Exactly.

If she is a friend or even was a friend, you owe each other at least a conversation. The least you can do.

I have recently been on the other end of the stick (being blocked by a friend) It was like that person shat on my face (literally) and shat on the years of friendship and communication we had.

So, i guess if your point is to make a statement and shit on what you had with her, go ahead.

But I’ll suggest to have a chat with her. Ask her for a chat, tell her you have stuffs to tell her and see where it leads.

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By *eedsmale36Man
over a year ago

Leeds

That hasn't been great for my self esteem. It'd be a shame to lose her completely but also feel it's time to withdraw either partially or completely. Any experiences of similar situations?"

Fuck her off, selfish bitch, sounds like she’s using you………I should be on Loose Women

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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire/Northwest

Block and move on - you will be much happier for it, out of sight- out of mind.

It's worked for me with people I thought were friends after a substantial time of friendship.

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