FabSwingers.com forum: Valid reasons

By *parkle1974 OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Relationship gone sour I'd say was in the top 3

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Low moral integrity

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

"Relationship gone sour I'd say was in the top 3"

That is not a valid reason

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Valid to who?

I'm pretty sure a high percentage of people who cheat consider their reasons valid.

I know of one woman whose circumstances in my opinion made it ok.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This will go well…

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/11/22 13:46:33]

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

Their is no valid reason .If my husband was on a site like this and asked a bunch of strangers advice on our marriage before talking to me I would leave him just for that the cheating would be secondary.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *parkle1974 OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"I think no matter what somebody says, somebody else will disagree.

For me it’s the judgmental side of it, men seemed to be judged much more harshly than women do."

This is very true...makes no difference to me what sex they are x

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't think of any reason that could be considered valid

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think no matter what somebody says, somebody else will disagree.

For me it’s the judgmental side of it, men seem to be judged much more harshly than women do.

Fucking typos!

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Valid to who?

I'm pretty sure a high percentage of people who cheat consider their reasons valid.

I know of one woman whose circumstances in my opinion made it ok. "

I also know of two people where in my world of values, their actions are not immoral or of low integrity.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

There will be many reasons but none of them valid in my opinion.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Their is no valid reason .If my husband was on a site like this and asked a bunch of strangers advice on our marriage before talking to me I would leave him just for that the cheating would be secondary."

I think this is an excellent point you made. It is the fact somebody puts more faith, trust, energy into a person outside the relationship that would make it probably unforgivable for me.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ed MartinMan
over a year ago

Shefford

"So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??"

No valid reason for cheating exists that isn’t a better reason to end the relationship- either to do the right thing for the person you are considering cheating on, the person you are cheating on them with, or yourself.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex addiction.

Is that a valid reason?

It’s a real addiction, there’s therapy and treatment just as there is with alcoholism and drug addiction.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *histlerMan
over a year ago

Guildford

It’s too personal a thing to reach any sort of consensus on this. People have their reasons for doing it and justify it in their own terms.

People still believe the earth is flat and will argue the point truly believing that.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just can't see there being a valid reason for cheating, surely if you are on here in the first place without your partner knowing that in itself is cheating and shows that you are not happy with your life, you should do yourself a favour and your poor partner and split up and allow each other to try and find happiness. I know people will say it isn't that simple with kids etc but take it from me after years of seeing at my parents unhappy and arguing all the time, it was such a relief when they did finally split up

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think most people probably have experience of being on the wrong side of cheating, whether themselves or seeing the effect on someone they love. The reasons not to go down that road far outweigh any that I hear put forward justifying it. Of course I feel sorry for people in unhappy marriages but if you're 'brave' enough to cheat, you're brave enough to leave.

It was my mum who had an affair and a decade later, with both parents remarried, our family as a whole has never recovered. Far more relationships were severed because of the way things happened than my mum and dad's. As an adult woman I can totally see why my mum was unhappy with my dad, but I've no respect for her behaviour, she should have just ended things.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ikesEmBigMan
over a year ago

Herts

"So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??"

Because monopoly can be a long arse game

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??"

There aren’t any valid reasons. Lots of selfish reasons, that aren’t really what you might call valid. Doesn’t stop us though, does it?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are no valid reasons even if the individual convinces themselves there is.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I knew someone once who was in a relationship with a substance abuser who became violent and abusive when under the influence but was a completely different person when sober. They'd tried to leave the relationship but personal circumstances meant this was nigh on impossible at the time for financial and personal reasons. Many times the other party had threatened self harm should they ever leave and had been hospitalised several times due to overdoses. That person felt trapped and in a catch 22 where they couldn't afford to go it alone, with the additional issue of the constant threat of the other party acting out their threats to harm themselves should they do so.

They cheated with someone they met in a bar. It was nothing serious to start with and a means of them getting space from an abusive relationship. When things began to get more serious the person they'd cheated with offered them a way out, support, a roof over their head and a future.

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The other party tried to track them down and put all the blame on them for everything that was wrong, made out they were the cause of their substance abuse and tried to appear as the innocent party. They never carried out their threats to harm themselves.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I knew someone once who was in a relationship with a substance abuser who became violent and abusive when under the influence but was a completely different person when sober. They'd tried to leave the relationship but personal circumstances meant this was nigh on impossible at the time for financial and personal reasons. Many times the other party had threatened self harm should they ever leave and had been hospitalised several times due to overdoses. That person felt trapped and in a catch 22 where they couldn't afford to go it alone, with the additional issue of the constant threat of the other party acting out their threats to harm themselves should they do so.

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

Fuck me.

Nuance.

Insight.

Subjective assessment of the individual case...

No no no no no.

Na uh.

Blanket statements please.

Broad ones, so you can feel the smugs.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if, hypothetically, somebody said “cheat with me or get bummed to death”

There really aren't many more valid reasons than that.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

People can have reasons it still doesn't mean they are valid.

As I said above we may be able to justify them to ourselves and others however there is no reason ever for anybody to cheat on somebody. There are always ways out of a relationship that don't involve cheating and I stand by that.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What if, hypothetically, somebody said “cheat with me or get bummed to death”

There really aren't many more valid reasons than that. "

I would say that would come under assault rather than cheating.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

People can have reasons it still doesn't mean they are valid.

Err bummed to death, hello..

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever the reason, it's only valid to the person doing it.

What gives anyone else the right to say if it's right or wrong for that person in their circumstances?

This place is so judgemental or maybe it's just the forum users that applies to.

I don't give a shit about anyone's reasons as I'm not living their life.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Getting fucked less than 7 times a week.

Being a shit shag and won't do anything filthy.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

People can have reasons it still doesn't mean they are valid.

I'm sure there's a saying about this.

Something to do with walking....shoes.....a mile......

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whatever the reason, it's only valid to the person doing it.

What gives anyone else the right to say if it's right or wrong for that person in their circumstances?

This place is so judgemental or maybe it's just the forum users that applies to.

I don't give a shit about anyone's reasons as I'm not living their life.

I would not say it is confined to forum users as you only need to look at enough profiles to see a very good portion of this site don't want to meet people that are married and on here without consent.

For me I wouldn't judge somebody for cheating I just don't think that you can say there are valid reasons. Somebody may be able to justify it to themselves and that's on then but it doesn't mean its valid.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

Upto each and every indivual really ?? and for them to decide the only thing we object to is the liars as in they are single but then turn out to be far from it ?? we make no judgements and aslong as everyone is fully aware ....

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

People can have reasons it still doesn't mean they are valid.

I'm sure there's a saying about this.

Something to do with walking....shoes.....a mile......

How do you know I'm not talking from experience? How do you know I haven't walked in those shoes?

You seem to want others not to judge whilst doing it yourself

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *inkycarolineTV/TS
over a year ago

Kilwinning

Who is qualified to validate??

Its subjective just like being offended, what offends one person wont offend another and does it matter to anyone what someone else does?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d suggest a poll of who has cheated/been cheated on.

No explanations to the circumstances, just a simple “cheated” or “been cheated on”.

It would be interesting to see how many people who claim there’s no valid reasons have in fact chested, anything from a kiss to full sex.

I won’t conduct such a poll since I have my doubts of how honest and truthful people are.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

People can have reasons it still doesn't mean they are valid.

I'm sure there's a saying about this.

Something to do with walking....shoes.....a mile......

How do you know I'm not talking from experience? How do you know I haven't walked in those shoes?

You seem to want others not to judge whilst doing it yourself "

I don't.

But you're saying there are never valid reasons.

I'm 99.9% sure the person I was talking about found their actions extremely valid.

And I'd agree with that.

Validity isn't down to any one person to determine. We all make our own assessments as to what makes a decision or action valid.

Just because someone doesn't think something valid that doesn't make it the case.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

People can have reasons it still doesn't mean they are valid.

I'm sure there's a saying about this.

Something to do with walking....shoes.....a mile......

How do you know I'm not talking from experience? How do you know I haven't walked in those shoes?

You seem to want others not to judge whilst doing it yourself

I don't.

But you're saying there are never valid reasons.

I'm 99.9% sure the person I was talking about found their actions extremely valid.

And I'd agree with that.

Validity isn't down to any one person to determine. We all make our own assessments as to what makes a decision or action valid.

Just because someone doesn't think something valid that doesn't make it the case.

You've just proved exactly what I'm trying to say. They are valid to them it doesn't mean they are valid to the person they are cheating on. It doesn't mean they are valid to everybody else but it's exactly what I'm trying to say.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *parkle1974 OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Whatever the reason, it's only valid to the person doing it.

What gives anyone else the right to say if it's right or wrong for that person in their circumstances?

This place is so judgemental or maybe it's just the forum users that applies to.

I don't give a shit about anyone's reasons as I'm not living their life.

Who is saying if its right or wrong??

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

I think this is an excellent point you made. It is the fact somebody puts more faith, trust, energy into a person outside the relationship that would make it probably unforgivable for me.

"
and people of low integrity just like us

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"This will go well…

You think so? lol

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I’d suggest a poll of who has cheated/been cheated on.

No explanations to the circumstances, just a simple “cheated” or “been cheated on”.

It would be interesting to see how many people who claim there’s no valid reasons have in fact chested, anything from a kiss to full sex.

I won’t conduct such a poll since I have my doubts of how honest and truthful people are. "

I'll climb on the parapet and say I've done and experienced both.

I've lived and learnt. My actions experiences made me who I am today. I've made mistakes and I've been on the receiving end of other people's infidelity.

And I'm happier with who I am now than I've probably ever been.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

Maybe I am biased as I have been cheated on. There is no excuse for cheating. If the relationship is not working end it, don't cheat.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheaters will cheat regardless of circumstance. It's who they are not just what they do.

It's how they're wired. It's their moral compass. It's a need that burns in them for the variety, or the thrill or the subterfuge or the selfishness, or the narcissism, or the 'besting' of a partner who they see as a rival maybe. Who knows the 'why' that a cheater will cling to in justification.

Really the 'why' is irrelevant.

It's a bit like "will I take the train to work today or will I drive?" You're going to the same place, the how is bytheby.

No matter the provocation or incentive or temptation, a loyal partner will never cheat. They will behave with honour. They will put anyone who tries to tease a sexual behaviour or favour from them in their place. They will respect and honour their partner. They will communicate with their partner. They will end relationship A before contemplating another.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??"

No valid reason imi

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??

No valid reason imi"

*imo

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

People can have reasons it still doesn't mean they are valid.

I'm sure there's a saying about this.

Something to do with walking....shoes.....a mile......

How do you know I'm not talking from experience? How do you know I haven't walked in those shoes?

You seem to want others not to judge whilst doing it yourself "

Oh you're not allowed to have an alternate opinion to them it seems

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually it is non of anyone’s business if people are cheating on their partners. The deceit become manifest when a protagonist claims to be single but is married or partnered with another.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

That's exactly what he said on here last week.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *esthetic21Man
over a year ago

Birmingham/Bristol

You're a piece of shit

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve seen no logical arguments against sex addiction and/or the threat of being bummed to death.

There we go, two valid reasons.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

That's exactly what he said on here last week.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I raised this before but I will say it again:

Why is it important how others see my reasons for cheating? If I were cheating, it really would not be the forum's or anybody else's approval I would seek.

Just a thought as to why the question (and anybody's tuppence) should even be relevant.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I raised this before but I will say it again:

Why is it important how others see my reasons for cheating? If I were cheating, it really would not be the forum's or anybody else's approval I would seek.

Just a thought as to why the question (and anybody's tuppence) should even be relevant.

Because without questions the forum would be shit.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

"I raised this before but I will say it again:

Why is it important how others see my reasons for cheating? If I were cheating, it really would not be the forum's or anybody else's approval I would seek.

Just a thought as to why the question (and anybody's tuppence) should even be relevant.

"
I don’t quite understand it myself women are just as bad as men but majority of posts I’m in a sexless marriage my wife don’t understand me are made by men.

Maybe they know deep down it’s a shitty thing to do and are seeking validation or maybe their hoping they will get a pity fuck.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I raised this before but I will say it again:

Why is it important how others see my reasons for cheating? If I were cheating, it really would not be the forum's or anybody else's approval I would seek.

Just a thought as to why the question (and anybody's tuppence) should even be relevant.

Because without questions the forum would be shit."

Good point

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"I raised this before but I will say it again:

Why is it important how others see my reasons for cheating? If I were cheating, it really would not be the forum's or anybody else's approval I would seek.

Just a thought as to why the question (and anybody's tuppence) should even be relevant.

"
exactly our opinions count for nothing and he or she will do what they want to do irrespective, they just want validation from the masses

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I did, used it as a way of escaping a phycally and emotionally abusive relationship. In hindsight was it the best option, no. Did it help combat the years of nobody wants you, you're too broken, you're too ugly etc yes.

Do I feel I have to justify myself to anyone? No. I'm comfortable and made peace with my decisions and actions. Something I doubt my abuser will ever have, because he'd have to face up to his own actions.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

People can have reasons it still doesn't mean they are valid.

I'm sure there's a saying about this.

Something to do with walking....shoes.....a mile......

How do you know I'm not talking from experience? How do you know I haven't walked in those shoes?

You seem to want others not to judge whilst doing it yourself

Oh you're not allowed to have an alternate opinion to them it seems

So because someone tells me something isn't valid and I disagree I'm not allowed to argue my opinion?

Ah. Thanks for letting me know where I'm going wrong. I'll endeavor to agree with everyone else in future.

Or not......

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I did, used it as a way of escaping a phycally and emotionally abusive relationship. In hindsight was it the best option, no. Did it help combat the years of nobody wants you, you're too broken, you're too ugly etc yes.

This. 10000%

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Imminent death? Where they wouldn't be with their partner again?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I raised this before but I will say it again:

Why is it important how others see my reasons for cheating? If I were cheating, it really would not be the forum's or anybody else's approval I would seek.

Just a thought as to why the question (and anybody's tuppence) should even be relevant.

I don’t quite understand it myself women are just as bad as men but majority of posts I’m in a sexless marriage my wife don’t understand me are made by men.

Maybe they know deep down it’s a shitty thing to do and are seeking validation or maybe their hoping they will get a pity fuck."

Now I don't think I would cheat and I would not like to be part of anything that involves deception of a third party but I can imagine, and know of, circumstances are as such that any judgment of the person committing adultery, could be ill-judged.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

There aren't any, end the relationship if it's not working and you feel the need to sleep with someone else. Will still hurt them but will hurt them a lot less than if they find out been cheated on

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"There aren't any, end the relationship if it's not working and you feel the need to sleep with someone else. Will still hurt them but will hurt them a lot less than if they find out been cheated on"

I will mention only one that in my moral landscape is valid: Living with a terminally ill partner.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

I am not sure if this is a valid one, but what about a sexless marriage, especially if the other one wants sex?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not sure there are any 'valid' reasons as such, however I am in a situation where it is awful at home, I can't leave at the moment due to kids, money etc. I don't think I would actually meet and physically cheat but it is nice to get attention and some male energy from here. It is either that or spend the majority of time plainly miserable.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately, this is the classic fab case of a very broad topic being reduced to the individual soundbites or views, irrespective, willingly or not of the whole picture or other peoples perspective.

Generalisations and broad sweeping statements are easy and fun.

Nuance, insight, objective assessment and critical thinking is not as easy, nor as fun.

Some can, some can't.

There will always be outliers, extreme cases that perhaps warrant a more measured approach sliced with a nice chunk of empathy. That's also not as easy, nor fun.

So ya know, take what you will from it all. Active filtration and intellectual Seppuku abound.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There aren't any, end the relationship if it's not working and you feel the need to sleep with someone else. Will still hurt them but will hurt them a lot less than if they find out been cheated on"

It isn't always that easy especially in the current climate. They seems to be a lot of people living in shitty situations because there isn't much choice of anything else. Each to they own opinions though

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In those circumstances mentioned above, conversation would keep communication open and involve both in the decision, and ultimately show the partner due respect.

There's always a choice. It's not an irresistible action or where your body takes over. The brain engages and choices are made.

I chose 3+years of celibacy waiting to divorce my ex. It was hell on earth at times due to his behaviour, not some pretty modern domestic scenario. I toughed it out. That was my preference over breaking a vow or crossing that moral line. For my own sense of integrity.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

Hmm bit tricky this 1:

I would say the only valid reason would be if your partner was in a Medical Coma for years or had condition like Dementia.

Anything else is just an excuse really! But I’m not judging after all ‘people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones’

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"There aren't any, end the relationship if it's not working and you feel the need to sleep with someone else. Will still hurt them but will hurt them a lot less than if they find out been cheated on

I will mention only one that in my moral landscape is valid: Living with a terminally ill partner. "

I still couldn't without them saying I could I don't think. I'd probably feel even worse if that was the reason because them being ill isn't their fault

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ilverfox for youMan
over a year ago

Hull

living in a sexless marriage

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ilverfox for youMan
over a year ago

Hull

living in a sexless marriage , a fuck is just a fuck to a guy !!

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"There aren't any, end the relationship if it's not working and you feel the need to sleep with someone else. Will still hurt them but will hurt them a lot less than if they find out been cheated on

I will mention only one that in my moral landscape is valid: Living with a terminally ill partner.

I still couldn't without them saying I could I don't think. I'd probably feel even worse if that was the reason because them being ill isn't their fault "

I hear you there, and I do not think I could either.

I was just musing that for me this would be a reason over which I certainly would not think any less of them. But then, my view of another person is only important if that person is important to me.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"living in a sexless marriage , a fuck is just a fuck to a guy !!"

Same for a woman.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think there is any valid reason for cheating.

If your unhappy leave. Don't lie to someone else and destroy they're self esteem because you want the best of both worlds

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"There aren't any, end the relationship if it's not working and you feel the need to sleep with someone else. Will still hurt them but will hurt them a lot less than if they find out been cheated on

I was unhappy in a long term relationship with 3 kids and a joint mortgage, I left before I even messaged anyone other than as a friend and lost everything and got in debt.

I'd still choose that option again given the choice because I was still happier than I was with her.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"There aren't any, end the relationship if it's not working and you feel the need to sleep with someone else. Will still hurt them but will hurt them a lot less than if they find out been cheated on

I will mention only one that in my moral landscape is valid: Living with a terminally ill partner.

I still couldn't without them saying I could I don't think. I'd probably feel even worse if that was the reason because them being ill isn't their fault

I hear you there, and I do not think I could either.

I was just musing that for me this would be a reason over which I certainly would not think any less of them. But then, my view of another person is only important if that person is important to me."

Yes we value some opinions and others have no value at all

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I don't think there is any valid reason for cheating.

If your unhappy leave. Don't lie to someone else and destroy they're self esteem because you want the best of both worlds "
So, would you say it is preferable to leave a dying partner (with whom sex has not been possible for a decade)? I am curious, simply asking.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *otBrunetteHimCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

I wouldn’t consider cheating on the wife and i certainly wouldn’t try to validate it. Everyone has they’re opinions and circumstances but it’s certainly not for me.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

The inability to speak or take the truth

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ungry CatCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

"I don't think there is any valid reason for cheating.

If your unhappy leave. Don't lie to someone else and destroy they're self esteem because you want the best of both worlds So, would you say it is preferable to leave a dying partner (with whom sex has not been possible for a decade)? I am curious, simply asking."

How would that dying partner feel knowing that their partner is cheating on them?

Personally I'd just go kill myself there and then if I knew I was dying anyway and my partner couldn't even respect me enough not to sleep around behind my back without my consent when I needed them the most.

Missus

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

"living in a sexless marriage "

Is not a valid reason. Get out. Tell them. Leave.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Many who cheat will think their reason for doing so is valid,

Those on the receiving end probably won't agree that any reason is valid.

It's very subjective and those who are cheating seem to want justification that what they're doing is acceptable,ie don't judge me comes up regularly.

I guess it depends who you ask.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If only the human condition and the relationships within it were straightforward. Life is messy, people don't talk to each other nor do they listen. Often it isn't until one partner makes a huge gesture to force a confrontation that the other starts to take notice.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

The dog ate my morals ?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Maybe dealing with a partner suffering mental health , addiction or sine other huge issue etc and you need to support them but also stay sane yourself …. Short term solution ?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

"The inability to speak or take the truth"

Not a valid reason though btw

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Obvs for the people doing the cheating they have in their minds valid reasons! Nothing to do with morality or integrity! And is no one else's business but the person being cheated on! And if they bring someone else into the cheating! Then becomes their business !Which is what I'm opposed to and won't meet attatched x

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I don't think there are any "valid" reasons, if things aren't good end it, if I hear but I stay for the kids one more time, it's not a reason!

Lies, deceit and dishonesty towards someone you apparently love have no valid reasons.

Mrs

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Aren’t couples having sex with other people / couples technically cheating on their wedding vows / faith? Or do we just turn a blind eye to this?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think there are any "valid" reasons, if things aren't good end it, if I hear but I stay for the kids one more time, it's not a reason!

Lies, deceit and dishonesty towards someone you apparently love have no valid reasons.

Mrs "

Who are you to say staying for the kids isn't a reason? It is very much a reason, thank you

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whatever the reason, it's only valid to the person doing it.

What gives anyone else the right to say if it's right or wrong for that person in their circumstances?

This place is so judgemental or maybe it's just the forum users that applies to.

I don't give a shit about anyone's reasons as I'm not living their life.

Who is saying if its right or wrong?? "

Just about everyone replying to this thread is giving their opinion, majority think it's wrong.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ungry CatCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

"I don't think there are any "valid" reasons, if things aren't good end it, if I hear but I stay for the kids one more time, it's not a reason!

Lies, deceit and dishonesty towards someone you apparently love have no valid reasons.

Mrs

Who are you to say staying for the kids isn't a reason? It is very much a reason, thank you "

When the kids find out that mommy has been lying to daddy and was cheating for years and years - will they still love you the same or cut contact?

Will you teach your kids that it is better to stay in unhappy relationship and cheat on their future partners than walk away and give everyone involved a chance at actually happy life with no deceit and lies?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think there are any "valid" reasons, if things aren't good end it, if I hear but I stay for the kids one more time, it's not a reason!

Lies, deceit and dishonesty towards someone you apparently love have no valid reasons.

Mrs

Who are you to say staying for the kids isn't a reason? It is very much a reason, thank you

When the kids find out that mommy has been lying to daddy and was cheating for years and years - will they still love you the same or cut contact?

I haven't decided yet.

But it is still my reason to stay

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"I don't think there are any "valid" reasons, if things aren't good end it, if I hear but I stay for the kids one more time, it's not a reason!

Lies, deceit and dishonesty towards someone you apparently love have no valid reasons.

Mrs

Who are you to say staying for the kids isn't a reason? It is very much a reason, thank you

When the kids find out that mommy has been lying to daddy and was cheating for years and years - will they still love you the same or cut contact?

This!

After being the child of constantly cheating arguing parents, it's not a "valid" reason. I could have had an actual happy childhood, but no.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think there are any "valid" reasons, if things aren't good end it, if I hear but I stay for the kids one more time, it's not a reason!

Lies, deceit and dishonesty towards someone you apparently love have no valid reasons.

Mrs

Who are you to say staying for the kids isn't a reason? It is very much a reason, thank you

When the kids find out that mommy has been lying to daddy and was cheating for years and years - will they still love you the same or cut contact?

This!

After being the child of constantly cheating arguing parents, it's not a "valid" reason. I could have had an actual happy childhood, but no."

Much of the advice online is to stay to keep the family together, but everyone has their own experience.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"Maybe dealing with a partner suffering mental health , addiction or sine other huge issue etc and you need to support them but also stay sane yourself …. Short term solution ? "

Yeah I don't think adding cheating on them is really being supportive or helping their situation

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ungry CatCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

"I don't think there are any "valid" reasons, if things aren't good end it, if I hear but I stay for the kids one more time, it's not a reason!

Lies, deceit and dishonesty towards someone you apparently love have no valid reasons.

Mrs

Who are you to say staying for the kids isn't a reason? It is very much a reason, thank you

When the kids find out that mommy has been lying to daddy and was cheating for years and years - will they still love you the same or cut contact?

This!

After being the child of constantly cheating arguing parents, it's not a "valid" reason. I could have had an actual happy childhood, but no."

Same! Both my father and mother cheated on each other.

Father used to dissappear for weeks on end.

Haven't spoke to my father in over a decade.

Missus

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"I don't think there are any "valid" reasons, if things aren't good end it, if I hear but I stay for the kids one more time, it's not a reason!

Lies, deceit and dishonesty towards someone you apparently love have no valid reasons.

Mrs

Who are you to say staying for the kids isn't a reason? It is very much a reason, thank you

When the kids find out that mommy has been lying to daddy and was cheating for years and years - will they still love you the same or cut contact?

This!

After being the child of constantly cheating arguing parents, it's not a "valid" reason. I could have had an actual happy childhood, but no.

Much of the advice online is to stay to keep the family together, but everyone has their own experience. "

Everyone does, mine wasn't good, I'd not have my children have the upbringing I did, teaching about relationships is hugely important to me and I'm their roll model, I hope they have an idea what a honest and stable relationship is when they grow old enough. Rather than PTSD and dislike of their parents, like me.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

People can have reasons it still doesn't mean they are valid.

I'm sure there's a saying about this.

Something to do with walking....shoes.....a mile......

How do you know I'm not talking from experience? How do you know I haven't walked in those shoes?

You seem to want others not to judge whilst doing it yourself

Oh you're not allowed to have an alternate opinion to them it seems

So because someone tells me something isn't valid and I disagree I'm not allowed to argue my opinion?

Ah. Thanks for letting me know where I'm going wrong. I'll endeavor to agree with everyone else in future.

Or not......

It needn't be an argument though.

As soon as anyone counters a statement of yours you go on the attack.

You don't merely disagree or politely debate. You attempt to silence by mocking, belittling or shouting them down.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One day they just walked out on their partner and left a letter explaining why.

The escape route only appeared because someone cheated. When it all came out in the open nobody blamed them and people understood why it had happened.

Rarely is anyone's relationship completely black and white.

Sometimes of course it is and people don't warrant any sympathy. Other times they most certainly do. Most of the time you'll never know so making assumptions isn't a good idea.

People can have reasons it still doesn't mean they are valid.

I'm sure there's a saying about this.

Something to do with walking....shoes.....a mile......

How do you know I'm not talking from experience? How do you know I haven't walked in those shoes?

You seem to want others not to judge whilst doing it yourself

Oh you're not allowed to have an alternate opinion to them it seems

So because someone tells me something isn't valid and I disagree I'm not allowed to argue my opinion?

Ah. Thanks for letting me know where I'm going wrong. I'll endeavor to agree with everyone else in future.

Or not......

It needn't be an argument though.

As soon as anyone counters a statement of yours you go on the attack.

You don't merely disagree or politely debate. You attempt to silence by mocking, belittling or shouting them down."

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Whatever reason the person wants to give.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

You can make excuses, but there really is no valid reason for cheating

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Aren’t couples having sex with other people / couples technically cheating on their wedding vows / faith? Or do we just turn a blind eye to this? "

Nowhere in my wedding vows did it say that I could not sleep with another man with the full consent and knowledge of my husband.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Who is the prime validator on here?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"You can make excuses, but there really is no valid reason for cheating "

I disagree.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can make excuses, but there really is no valid reason for cheating

I disagree. "

What would you consider to be a valid reason?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t agree with you. My wife can’t have any sex at all for medical reasons. We used to have a great sex life but now we have none. She’s accepted that but I can’t. She doesn’t want to hear or know that I want sex with others. So what do I do?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So to summarise;

Some people say yes.

Some people say no.

Some people kick off and argue with each other about it.

All in all it went exactly like every other thread.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who is the prime validator on here?"

I volunteer.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *rettyflamingoWoman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live

"Relationship gone sour I'd say was in the top 3"

My 20 year relationship went sour I left him it was the fairest and most respectful thing to do to allow us to seek happiness

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Relationship gone sour I'd say was in the top 3

My 20 year relationship went sour I left him it was the fairest and most respectful thing to do to allow us to seek happiness "
.

Youre young enough to have a chance of that

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *rettyflamingoWoman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live

"Relationship gone sour I'd say was in the top 3

My 20 year relationship went sour I left him it was the fairest and most respectful thing to do to allow us to seek happiness .

Youre young enough to have a chance of that"

Mmmm at 52 debatable depending on what your looking for . For my husband of 18yrs my senior he’d probably agree with you

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"You can make excuses, but there really is no valid reason for cheating

I disagree.

What would you consider to be a valid reason? "

Can be any reason whatsoever. You might not think any reason to be valid.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I'm not saying that someone thinking their reason being valid means their partner won't be hurt by it.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"Aren’t couples having sex with other people / couples technically cheating on their wedding vows / faith? Or do we just turn a blind eye to this?

Nowhere in my wedding vows did it say that I could not sleep with another man with the full consent and knowledge of my husband. "

That answers my second question perfectly. Thank you

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"I think no matter what somebody says, somebody else will disagree.

For me it’s the judgmental side of it, men seem to be judged much more harshly than women do.

Fucking typos!"

I think no mattern what sex you are there is no excuse. Sex with my ex was non existant so we eventually split. I did not cheat on her before we split. If it cannot be fixed just man up and just get out of the relationship like i did. John.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??"

I don't think any reason is valid, its a low blow for anyone to do to another.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *onyjoCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough

No reason is a good enough reason to cheat. You talk and sort it out if you cannot sort it and are still unhappy you walk.

Too many are scared to jump ship with out a lifeboat cheating is the cowards way of dealing with problems

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??"

There are no valid reasons....simple, do the decent thing and let your feelings known about the relationship first

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *TK421-Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

Not sure if it's valid.

A change in libido with one partner refusing to allow the other to see anyone else.

I think this must be a terrible situation to be in. A sexless partnership. The feeling of rejection and low self-esteem would be pretty horrible to deal with. I do speak from some experience here..... Though never cheated. Sex therapy worked wonders.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whether there are valid reasons or not, this is the last place I'd look to answer the question.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm pretty sure no one here is looking for validation for their choices from some random Internet forum.

Despite what others may think.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I'm pretty sure no one here is looking for validation for their choices from some random Internet forum.

Despite what others may think."

This!

. And who the fuck am I or any of you to say what’s valid!?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm pretty sure no one here is looking for validation for their choices from some random Internet forum.

Despite what others may think.

This!

. And who the fuck am I or any of you to say what’s valid!? "

Wait.

I can do it now too...

Here we go...

That felt amazing.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm pretty sure no one here is looking for validation for their choices from some random Internet forum.

Despite what others may think.

This!

. And who the fuck am I or any of you to say what’s valid!? "

Dont say that ! More judges than the High Court on here.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

Tough question; there can never be a valid reason for betraying the trust of the one person that you truly love. However, there are many valid reasons for doing something to preserve your own wellbeing and stopping yourself for falling into a pit of lonelyness and depression.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

None. If you find yourself in a position where you want to cheat (my concept of cheating anyway, which is not very typical) you might as well break up.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I'm pretty sure no one here is looking for validation for their choices from some random Internet forum.

Despite what others may think."

If I ever were to cheat on a partner my reasons would be valid to me.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ungry CatCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

"I'm pretty sure no one here is looking for validation for their choices from some random Internet forum.

Despite what others may think.

This!

. And who the fuck am I or any of you to say what’s valid!?

Dont say that ! More judges than the High Court on here.

Most "judges" you're laughing at, who are being called hollier than holy, seen some puffed up chests mentioned and lots more name calling are just people who either have their hearts broken and still suffer ptsd caused by either being cheated on or watching their own parents cheat and living through the trauma.

But you go ahead, laugh at us. It's fucking hilarious..

Clearly cheaters oblivious partners feelings aren't worth a spare thought, so who cares what online strangers who have suffered through it think hey. Fuck them stuck up bastards

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ilfCrumpet9Man
over a year ago

Wirral

Define 'cheating', even if you are happily married and on here and engaging in sexual activity you are still being unfaithful to your partner. Permission in a marriage doesn't make it okay.

Get a divorce and go fill your boots and sleep around.

Morals viewed differently in each and every one of us. WTF

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??"

None are valid reasons, just excuses.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Define 'cheating', even if you are happily married and on here and engaging in sexual activity you are still being unfaithful to your partner. Permission in a marriage doesn't make it okay.

Get a divorce and go fill your boots and sleep around.

Morals viewed differently in each and every one of us. WTF "

Swinging isn't cheating.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"I'm pretty sure no one here is looking for validation for their choices from some random Internet forum.

Despite what others may think.

This!

. And who the fuck am I or any of you to say what’s valid!?

Dont say that ! More judges than the High Court on here.

But you go ahead, laugh at us. It's fucking hilarious..

Clearly cheaters oblivious partners feelings aren't worth a spare thought, so who cares what online strangers who have suffered through it think hey. Fuck them stuck up bastards

As always there are two sides to the debate. There's your opinion which is valid. And there are plenty on this thread who said because I cheated I have no morals end of. Despite the fact I was faithful for 2 decades and only cheated after my ex used my body without consent.

We're all biased with our own personal experiences. I don't laugh at those who have endured trauma, neither do I judge others who dealt with their trauma as best as they could.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??"

When you can’t get past that particular level or boss.

When you want infinite money cheats to help buy all the gear you want.

When you have played and beat the game so many times and you just want to have fun and be god like

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think there are any "valid" reasons, if things aren't good end it, if I hear but I stay for the kids one more time, it's not a reason!

Lies, deceit and dishonesty towards someone you apparently love have no valid reasons.

Mrs

Who are you to say staying for the kids isn't a reason? It is very much a reason, thank you

When the kids find out that mommy has been lying to daddy and was cheating for years and years - will they still love you the same or cut contact?

This!

After being the child of constantly cheating arguing parents, it's not a "valid" reason. I could have had an actual happy childhood, but no.

Much of the advice online is to stay to keep the family together, but everyone has their own experience.

As someone who works supporting teens with complex mental health needs the damage done by parents staying together in an unhappy marriage "for the sake of kids" is incredibly damaging.

Imagine putting that on your kids, seriously the damage runs very deep and sometimes, sadly they never get over it and struggle to form healthy relationships themselves in adult life.

All of the modern advice and studies show seperated and happy parents jointly bringing up thier children is infinitely better for the children than them been used as the reasons for thier parents to stay together unhappy causing 1 or both to cheat leading to the eventual devasting fall out which almost always takes place in the end.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ilfCrumpet9Man
over a year ago

Wirral

"Define 'cheating', even if you are happily married and on here and engaging in sexual activity you are still being unfaithful to your partner. Permission in a marriage doesn't make it okay.

Get a divorce and go fill your boots and sleep around.

Morals viewed differently in each and every one of us. WTF

Swinging isn't cheating.

Not a valid reason, the term swinging doesn't make it okay

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Define 'cheating', even if you are happily married and on here and engaging in sexual activity you are still being unfaithful to your partner. Permission in a marriage doesn't make it okay.

Get a divorce and go fill your boots and sleep around.

Morals viewed differently in each and every one of us. WTF

Swinging isn't cheating.

Not a valid reason, the term swinging doesn't make it okay "

How is it cheating if you both agree to it? What????

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Define 'cheating', even if you are happily married and on here and engaging in sexual activity you are still being unfaithful to your partner. Permission in a marriage doesn't make it okay.

Get a divorce and go fill your boots and sleep around.

Morals viewed differently in each and every one of us. WTF

Swinging isn't cheating.

Not a valid reason, the term swinging doesn't make it okay "

Any idea what site you're on?

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??

When you can’t get past that particular level or boss.

When you want infinite money cheats to help buy all the gear you want.

When you have played and beat the game so many times and you just want to have fun and be god like

Underrated comment.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Define 'cheating', even if you are happily married and on here and engaging in sexual activity you are still being unfaithful to your partner. Permission in a marriage doesn't make it okay.

Get a divorce and go fill your boots and sleep around.

Morals viewed differently in each and every one of us. WTF

Swinging isn't cheating.

Not a valid reason, the term swinging doesn't make it okay

How is it cheating if you both agree to it? What????"

He is clearly on the wrong site if he thinks cheating and swinging are similar in any way whatsoever.

Swinging takes trust, love, support, openness and total honesty and respect between a couple.

Forget the various religious vows we aren't religious in the slightest. Ourcivil service marriage vow / personal promise said something close to

"I give you this ring as a sign of our love, trust and marriage. I promise to care for you above all others, to give you my love, friendship and support, and to respect and cherish you throughout our life together."

Nothing in that excludes going on sexual adventures together with total honesty and openness with each other.

KJ x

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's two examples given in this thread of abusive situations, from Bemorefrida and Obi Fox. I think they're completely different to any of the others. In a situation like that I don't think you owe the other person anything. My answer would still be that priority no.1 is to leave, but obviously that's not as easily done as said. And I can understand seeking support/confidence elsewhere as a step to getting away. I know from friends who've been in those situations that at the time they thought it was utterly impossible to go, and now with hindsight and their lives back, they can't believe they ever thought that.

For me, that's light years away from being on here/in clubs/just living your life as though you're single, for the fun of it or because you'd rather just keep the home life you're used to, alongside a secret sex life. In that case, you do owe whoever is at home some respect and fidelity or if you can't give that, you owe them their freedom.

And also, cheating is by definition doing something for your own gain behind the back of others. Not comparable at all with a couple conducting their sex life however they want, with each others' knowledge.

A married guy up the thread said something like yeah there aren't valid reasons other than selfish need and I respect that tbh, I don't think that anyone is an overall bad person for cheating, but at least own it. You know yourself it's not OK.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

"I don't think there are any "valid" reasons, if things aren't good end it, if I hear but I stay for the kids one more time, it's not a reason!

Lies, deceit and dishonesty towards someone you apparently love have no valid reasons.

Mrs

Who are you to say staying for the kids isn't a reason? It is very much a reason, thank you "

Seperate bedrooms in the same house work in that scenario, I know many seperated married couples with families who cannot afford to leave the home, or want to leave the kids, but they live together and date separately happily

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

"Define 'cheating', even if you are happily married and on here and engaging in sexual activity you are still being unfaithful to your partner. Permission in a marriage doesn't make it okay.

Get a divorce and go fill your boots and sleep around.

Morals viewed differently in each and every one of us. WTF

Swinging isn't cheating.

Not a valid reason, the term swinging doesn't make it okay "
Don’t be so ridiculous! Theirs no lying or sneaking around or acting selfish .We’re in the same room in the same bed just so happens theirs a few extra people in the bed with us

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think there are any "valid" reasons, if things aren't good end it, if I hear but I stay for the kids one more time, it's not a reason!

Lies, deceit and dishonesty towards someone you apparently love have no valid reasons.

Mrs

Who are you to say staying for the kids isn't a reason? It is very much a reason, thank you

Platonic co-parenting under one roof after divorce or separation.

Fresh start, separate rooms, new rules, no cheating.

Not easy but worth it to many.

Best of both worlds.

Only downside I would say is can't accommodate unless it's a serious relationship.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Define 'cheating', even if you are happily married and on here and engaging in sexual activity you are still being unfaithful to your partner. Permission in a marriage doesn't make it okay.

Get a divorce and go fill your boots and sleep around.

Morals viewed differently in each and every one of us. WTF "

Really? This is a swingers site, it’s literally what it’s about, your comment makes no sense on that context.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Define 'cheating', even if you are happily married and on here and engaging in sexual activity you are still being unfaithful to your partner. Permission in a marriage doesn't make it okay.

Get a divorce and go fill your boots and sleep around.

Morals viewed differently in each and every one of us. WTF "

I'm on here and my husband's on here so we are cheating on each other? I don't think you have understood to the concept of swinging.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??"

Any reason can be valid. I’m not saying that people can justify themselves but even happy people cheat. I always refer to the Esther Perel ted talk about cheating. There so much behind a person who decides to go astray. If there was a compassionate solution for both parties I think relationships wouldn’t end tragically or one side hurting and the other feeling guilty for the rest of their lives…. But I think the desire of ‘cheating’ is not part of our nature. It can be merely circumstantial and We don’t cheat necessarily only with our bodies. We can cheat emotionally and mentally too I don’t know which is worse though.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Paying the £5 site supporter fee every month is a valid excuse.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t know the journey people have taken to reach the point and conclusion that they should be on here so I’m not in a position to make the grand statement that cheating is *never* justified.

I do know though that throughout my nigh on 10 years on Fab in various guises there’s a discrepancy between what *some* people say on a public forum about the topic (and in front of their partner

) and their behaviour in private

Also, there’s much more to love and relationships than just sex. It is possible to dearly love your partner in every other way but still be sexually frustrated.

Is it feasible that in such instances a rare occasional sexual release elsewhere could prevent frustration and anger entering into such a relationship, thus preventing problems arising that otherwise might do if the release wasn’t there? I don’t know the answer - maybe so, maybe not?

Life is rarely black and white, despite what people want to portray in a forum.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t know the journey people have taken to reach the point and conclusion that they should be on here so I’m not in a position to make the grand statement that cheating is *never* justified.

I do know though that throughout my nigh on 10 years on Fab in various guises there’s a discrepancy between what *some* people say on a public forum about the topic (and in front of their partner

) and their behaviour in private

Also, there’s much more to love and relationships than just sex. It is possible to dearly love your partner in every other way but still be sexually frustrated.

Life is rarely black and white, despite what people want to portray in a forum. "

No it is simple.

Choose.

Are you a good or bad person.

It's that simple.

Come on Dan, don't do this. I don't like it. Stop it. Don't be measured and normal.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t know the journey people have taken to reach the point and conclusion that they should be on here so I’m not in a position to make the grand statement that cheating is *never* justified.

I do know though that throughout my nigh on 10 years on Fab in various guises there’s a discrepancy between what *some* people say on a public forum about the topic (and in front of their partner

) and their behaviour in private

Also, there’s much more to love and relationships than just sex. It is possible to dearly love your partner in every other way but still be sexually frustrated.

Life is rarely black and white, despite what people want to portray in a forum.

No it is simple.

Choose.

Are you a good or bad person.

It's that simple.

Come on Dan, don't do this. I don't like it. Stop it. Don't be measured and normal. "

Sorreee .. my bad

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t know the journey people have taken to reach the point and conclusion that they should be on here so I’m not in a position to make the grand statement that cheating is *never* justified.

I do know though that throughout my nigh on 10 years on Fab in various guises there’s a discrepancy between what *some* people say on a public forum about the topic (and in front of their partner

) and their behaviour in private

Also, there’s much more to love and relationships than just sex. It is possible to dearly love your partner in every other way but still be sexually frustrated.

Life is rarely black and white, despite what people want to portray in a forum.

No it is simple.

Choose.

Are you a good or bad person.

It's that simple.

Come on Dan, don't do this. I don't like it. Stop it. Don't be measured and normal.

Sorreee .. my bad

Just say you want to chase me or something.

I don't know.

Return the natural order of things.

The world might end.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t know the journey people have taken to reach the point and conclusion that they should be on here so I’m not in a position to make the grand statement that cheating is *never* justified.

I do know though that throughout my nigh on 10 years on Fab in various guises there’s a discrepancy between what *some* people say on a public forum about the topic (and in front of their partner

) and their behaviour in private

Also, there’s much more to love and relationships than just sex. It is possible to dearly love your partner in every other way but still be sexually frustrated.

Life is rarely black and white, despite what people want to portray in a forum.

No it is simple.

Choose.

Are you a good or bad person.

It's that simple.

Come on Dan, don't do this. I don't like it. Stop it. Don't be measured and normal.

Sorreee .. my bad

For the record, that's not 'measured and normal'. It's more self-soothing apologist double talk.

You guys make me laugh patting yourselves on the back as you look down on other posters, it's sad and arrogant.

The only person who's made to feel better in that scenario is the cheater.

Chances are the other partner knows, they always know or suspect.

If they say nothing it's because they decide to swallow the shit pie they've been served and accept their lot in the name of whatever they value.

And if they don't know then but eventually find out, I wonder if the temporary thrill or ease of 'sexual frustration' will be worth watching as the love light dies in the eyes of the person they claim to love so much.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So....the topic of cheating regularly turns up on the forums!!

What are (if any) are valid reasons for doing so??"

As someone who was cheated on - it was horrible when I found out, because everyone I worked with at the time knew and not one of them said anything to me - I don’t feel there’s any valid reason for cheating. Being unhappy and/or unfulfilled in your relationship isn’t an excuse - either sort things out with your partner or leave, because life is too short. In my next relationship I ended up being subjected to emotional and psychological abuse and control for which I got support from Women’s Aid for…despite many opportunities to cheat, I still did not out of respect for the relationship, which some people might think was bonkers considering what I was going through. I’m very much the type of person who is committed to only one partner, and the thing I love about being with J is that we are committed to each other but also love being part of the swinging scene. The deep level of trust, communication and respect means we have a fulfilling relationship, where we don’t need to cheat because we share the experiences of being with other people as a couple…I say this a lot, but I reckon if more people were open about exploring ethical non-monogamy the world would be a happier place

Mrs

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t know the journey people have taken to reach the point and conclusion that they should be on here so I’m not in a position to make the grand statement that cheating is *never* justified.

I do know though that throughout my nigh on 10 years on Fab in various guises there’s a discrepancy between what *some* people say on a public forum about the topic (and in front of their partner

) and their behaviour in private

Also, there’s much more to love and relationships than just sex. It is possible to dearly love your partner in every other way but still be sexually frustrated.

Life is rarely black and white, despite what people want to portray in a forum.

No it is simple.

Choose.

Are you a good or bad person.

It's that simple.

Come on Dan, don't do this. I don't like it. Stop it. Don't be measured and normal.

Sorreee .. my bad

For the record, that's not 'measured and normal'. It's more self-soothing apologist double talk.

You guys make me laugh patting yourselves on the back as you look down on other posters, it's sad and arrogant.

The only person who's made to feel better in that scenario is the cheater.

Chances are the other partner knows, they always know or suspect.

If they say nothing it's because they decide to swallow the shit pie they've been served and accept their lot in the name of whatever they value.

Babe I was talking to Dan.

Stop cock blocking me.

Jesus.

Read.

The.

Room.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Have a couple of friends in the lowest term who have cheated on their wives because of sexless relationships they all say they wish that spoken to the wife and I ended it or it's all fixed the issues before getting caught.

still cheating

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think cheating is ever ok. But I do think it's understandable sometimes. It's not easy to sit here and give black and white examples though, you've got to take the individual and everything that has led them to that point into consideration. Some people are nothing but selfish and I don't get it. But others, I totally get it. You can't justify it though, it's not OK.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t know the journey people have taken to reach the point and conclusion that they should be on here so I’m not in a position to make the grand statement that cheating is *never* justified.

I do know though that throughout my nigh on 10 years on Fab in various guises there’s a discrepancy between what *some* people say on a public forum about the topic (and in front of their partner

) and their behaviour in private

Also, there’s much more to love and relationships than just sex. It is possible to dearly love your partner in every other way but still be sexually frustrated.

Life is rarely black and white, despite what people want to portray in a forum.

No it is simple.

Choose.

Are you a good or bad person.

It's that simple.

Come on Dan, don't do this. I don't like it. Stop it. Don't be measured and normal.

Sorreee .. my bad

For the record, that's not 'measured and normal'. It's more self-soothing apologist double talk.

You guys make me laugh patting yourselves on the back as you look down on other posters, it's sad and arrogant.

The only person who's made to feel better in that scenario is the cheater.

Chances are the other partner knows, they always know or suspect.

If they say nothing it's because they decide to swallow the shit pie they've been served and accept their lot in the name of whatever they value.

The alternative in the scenario presented might be not to cheat, have sexual frustration by enforced involuntary celibacy build over time, create arguments and tension at home and reaching a breaking / bursting point that destroys an otherwise positive relationship.

In that case the love light still dies (nobody wins) but in a toxic, destructive way.

If I was in the scenario I’d probably want to try to maintain the relationship that is otherwise positive and loving.

It’s not easy. It’s not black and white in my mind but I do accept that you may have an alternative view, which I respect

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Babe I was talking to Dan.

Stop cock blocking me.

Jesus.

Read.

The.

Room. "

extra touch of no-harm smarm with the 'babe'

Nice

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Christian theology and traditional vows certainly regards all sex outside marriage as a sin and breach of those vows. Having a parners permission or participation makes no difference to that.

(thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ya’ll motherfuckers need Jesus.