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Grief

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By *uperS77 OP   Man
over a year ago

Gloucester

So just reaching out to the great people of fab as to how you have dealt with grief? I know there’s not a one stop shop remedy to it, but after losing a really really close family member suddenly within the last week. Just need to know how you guys might have dealt with it and things that helped ease the pain?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So just reaching out to the great people of fab as to how you have dealt with grief? I know there’s not a one stop shop remedy to it, but after losing a really really close family member suddenly within the last week. Just need to know how you guys might have dealt with it and things that helped ease the pain? "

I don’t think that’s possible. I will always hurt it just gets easier to face each day

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By *alking HeadMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Talk to the rest of the family. They might be feeling exactly the same way. I lost someone on here a few years ago, our relationship was as complete secret, and when she died I couldn't talk to anyone about it. In some ways dealing with it privately was better for me. I'm much the same when family dies. I like to think it all through myself.

When all is said and done, you can't change the past, you just learn to accept it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grieving is so different for everyone is difficult to say what would help you, but be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel and recognise the stages you might be going through and if, at any given point, you think emotions are too much, seek support from your loved ones or even professionals if you need some extra help.

I am really sorry for your loss x

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By *ilfCrumpet9Man
over a year ago

Wirral

Really sorry for your loss. Just take a day at a time, like someone just said its different for us all. We have our own unique mechanisms to deal with grief. I have lost loved one's so I can understand what you are going through. Please feel free to reach out if you would like to chat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My advice would be not to rush it. Yes its painful to start with. Take it at your own pace, you'll go through different stages of grief and emotions, none of which will be easy but eventually you'll get through the initial phase. As time goes on you'll find yourself not thinking about that person so much, dont feel guilty about that. That shows you're coming to accept your loss and subconsciously you're moving forward. Hope that helps a bit.

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By *ittle-black-dressWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

Oh my lovely, I hear you. I lost my mum in the first week of lockdown (cancer). I was angry with the world for awhile but then one day I decided to accept everything and to take various feelings take me. I didn't fight it ir said "I'll get through this" just took every day as it came. I realised that with time the pain gets slightly easier, it never goes away, just gets easier. So take every day as it comes, don't push yourself that everything is OK, you are allowed to have feelings and if you need to cry go for it. Nobody will blame you.

I hope this helps. Sending lots of love your way. M xxx

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I have a friend popping in tomorrow who lost her husband a few weeks ago. I’m not sure how it will go but I am there to support her.

When my dad died I used to sit in the church yard on the bench made in his memory it helped/helps

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

It’s really hard OP but the thing that helped me and I passed on was the theory of the ball in the box. If you Google it it might help you to understand that it doesn’t go away but it does get easier over time.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Hey if it’s difficult, you’re doing it right.

Don’t be concerned to show your pain and grieve as you need to now, there’s a time for being strong it comes later.

Have a good cry , openly if you want , don’t suppress it or it might cause issues later.

And then celebrate and remember the life & good times , try to take something positive from thier life & carry it into yours , im sure most dead people would want that , I would.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

I felt like being a pillar for my family helped me and helped them to become mine.

I personally like keeping my mind busy, but others would feel that's bottling it up. It's all about how you feel and what helps you.

Just be kind to yourself, give yourself time and look after yourself. Sending you love OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear about your loss.

I guess coming to terms that they’re at peace and whilst not present will never be forgotten.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no easy way it's a long process just be open and talk about it and sorry for your loss.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

condolences to you op.

What I found the most difficult was that people often want you to react in a certain way and unintentionally make talking to them very difficult. There is literally only one person who I can talk to without judgement or expectation on this subject and that's my partner. If you have nobody like that it can be useful to contact one of the bereavement charities.

It's 8 months since my mum died and I have only really just begun to miss her. Everyone expected me to immediately and obviously grieve and be 'over it' by now.

Just do it your way and don't let the weight of other people's expectations influence how you think you should feel.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. There's no easy way to deal with it, but it is ok to not be ok. Talk to people. Don't bottle it up.

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By *reat me rightWoman
over a year ago

Rotherham

Very sorry for your loss OP xx

Be kind to yourself and talk to people about how you are feeling

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By *umbiyaMan
over a year ago

Halifax

That’s sad to hear, sorry. Personally I think I just talk, talk, and talk about it to people I can trust and who care about me. I don’t keep things bottled up.

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
over a year ago

Markfield


"So just reaching out to the great people of fab as to how you have dealt with grief? I know there’s not a one stop shop remedy to it, but after losing a really really close family member suddenly within the last week. Just need to know how you guys might have dealt with it and things that helped ease the pain? "

Talk and sleep x sleep and talk then talk and sleep some more.

So very sorry for your loss. It doesn’t get easier as such but it does change over time.

Talking helps because it changes the pain from an emotion to a memory and the mind deals with those differently x

When people offer to help, ask them to meet and share happy memories. Sending hugs x

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

How relevant, I lost a 22 yo nephew less than 2 weeks ago, I had my own grief diverted having to deal with squalbling siblings and their children. I'm the oldest and it's a kind of duty bestowed on you. My go to is to keep busy and I know that's just diverting and ignoring the grief but I now feel I have time to relfect on my own thoughts after sorting the others out and diverting for a week or so. Long walks to somewhere quiet, pastimes that take you to spaces to give you time to relfect in your own way and in your own time, there are no rules and we all do it differently.

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

Learnt to woodturn, had a breakdown and came out as bi and non binary. Your results may vary.

Grief undermines your understanding of reality, it's shit and unpredictable. Give your brain time to process, you can't rush it. Let yourself enjoy things where you can, you can feel guilty for not being sad 24/7. It's also very personal, don't let anyone tell you how to grieve, including me. Do what you need to do.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.


"So just reaching out to the great people of fab as to how you have dealt with grief? I know there’s not a one stop shop remedy to it, but after losing a really really close family member suddenly within the last week. Just need to know how you guys might have dealt with it and things that helped ease the pain? "

Time helps but we never fully heal. Talk to friends and relatives. Do not hold in emotions. Crying is part of grief. Sorry for your loss. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grief is a bitch. Going through it atm the moment after my brother death in July. Stupidly I decided to bottle it up and it would regularly rear its head in spontaneous "Grief vomits" if I heard a certain song, phrase or sparked a memory. I don't do funerals and as his was the day after his birthday I decided to celebrate his life then rather than mourn him. On Tuesday and Wednesday it's Samhain then the day of the dead.im taking this time to say a final farewell. Got time of work gor the occasion so I'll drink loads, cry loads, isten to loud music and hopefully find something pretty to fuck.

My brother was the one person that actually got me. We were very different people and yet so incredibly similar. He knew he could tell me anything without judgement. It's hard when you lose irreplaceable people in your life x

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

The stages of grief are there for our brains and feelings to recover from the loss of love. I embrace them as its good for me to go through the stages and process

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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

I think we all deal with it in our own way, the way I had it explained to me a long time ago. If you imagine your grief is held in a container, at the beginning it all flows out of it, as it’s too immense to contain. With time, you gradually come to terms with it and it will fit within the container.

I too lost someone very close to me in September. I’ve found talking to my other family members who were close to her too helps. She had a strong faith so I’ve lit candles in church for her too. And I talk to her, as if she can still hear me.

Just allowing yourself the time and space to grieve is important. There’s no set time frame.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

In so Sorry for your loss .

I had 3 bereavements of close family members within a short time and it nearly broke me.

Be kind to yourself op and allow yourself time to grieve ,don't be afraid to talk about them .

Seek help if you feel you need to ,your gp or a charity like Cruse are really good (Google them ).

Remember your feelings are normal and part of the grief process .

Good luck op ,TC x

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Do sorry for your loss.

The only advice I can give to you us talk to those you trust about your feelings, don't bottle them up. Cry when you feel you need to. Try and keep yourself busy doing things you really enjoy. Take things a day at a time, an hour at a time when struggling or a minute at a time if you're really struggling. If you feel you aren't coping have a chat with your GP. Your pain will ease but give yourself lots of self care.

I did none of the above when I lost my Dad, I was on a mission of self destruction and it almost ruined my own life and my loved ones, so please take a little of my advice.

Look after yourself.

Ruby

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By *ritIndianCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

So sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad nearly 4 years ago and I still struggle at times. It never gets better just easier to deal with. Some days the grief feels like it surrounds you and other days it feels further away but always there. It’s still very early days so just be kind to yourself. It’s difficult to accept the new reality after a loss. I hope you have got people around you that you can talk to. That really helped me along with some books I found helpful. I also found writing down all the things I wanted to tell him as if I was talking to him was very comforting. There is no right way to grieve and everyone is different. Our inbox is always open if you need someone to listen.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont deal with loss well i wouldnt take my advise i go to the local park to find a big tree to punch my knuckles bloody on

I need to phyically vent it out its how i was made so need a rugby game quick also

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve. Everyone copes differently. Do whatever you feel you need to do,as long it doesn't hurt you or anyone else. The pain of loss takes time. I wish I had a magic wand for that one. Be kind to yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I surround myself with the people I trust and love and who love me back… when I am blindsided by a dark moment I think of the happier times and smile the best I can. Then again sometimes I let the dark moment take me and wait till it ends knowing that it will pass and I will carry on with life.

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By *m389Man
over a year ago

Magherafelt

Talking to family and friends is good. It might help to also get counselling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Time is the only think that helps. I lost my mum to cancer 4 years ago and my dad suddenly almost 3 years ago. It’s got easier but still hurts and some days is agonising. Be kind to yourself and take time to grieve.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

Six weeks since my wife died of a massive stroke. Four years since my mother died of pulmonary fibrosis (basically the spongey lung tissue turns into dried out loofah tissue and breathing stops being a thing). Less than a month before my father will die of advanced liver cancer.

Grief doesn't go. It eventually becomes part of who you are and you learn how to continue living. Talk to people who know about this stuff. Tell your GP that you are having trouble, any halfway decent GP will understand that emotional problems are real problems. If they recommend anti-deps, take them but recognise they are an aid to ease the pain while you find your way back towards light, not a solution in themselves. If there is any form of counseling available, try it and be open enough to give it a chance to help. It's not a solution, it's not people telling you a magic secret. But it can be a way for some of your emotions to surface and for you to examine them, maybe feel easier about them.

With hugs, Polly xxx

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By *r_BigHeadMan
over a year ago

The Naughty Step (aka Northampton)

Let me just start by offering my condolences OP, but also my thanks for putting the question out there.

I lost one of my parents over the weekend and reading through everyone's responses helps some how; I'm not sure why. I think it's knowing that others have gone through it as well. But what ever the reason, thank you to everyone that's already posted or will post a message in this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s been 2 years since my father died and I’m still not ok with it. I find acceptance difficult but what’s happened is just unacceptable to my brain. Still can’t quite believe that it happened and any day now I’ll wake up to find things put right and back the way they were.

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