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Reconnection

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Esther Perel's latest blog is about reconnecting in a sexless relationship. It ends with several questions to ask ask of your partner, you choose 3.

I've chosen these five for Fabsters to ponder and respond to the ones they want to:

1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you?

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most?

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use?

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely?

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person?

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

This didn't do well, did it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But they are brillant questions. Fridays audience may run with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s to much thinking for me when it comes to fab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can, at most, consider one of those questions every 30 days. That’s a lot of thinking.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

I can answer number 1.

Whenever I pour and hand Henriette a glass of Prosecco it always creates a sexual kind of spark between us.

It’s a strange thing and it doesn’t directly bring the physical memory back but we think it taps into feelings of our throuple relationship as we always had a bottle open in the bedroom when our partner was with us and it felt naughty as most of our lovemaking was daytimes whilst the small people were at school.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I can answer number 1.

Whenever I pour and hand Henriette a glass of Prosecco it always creates a sexual kind of spark between us.

It’s a strange thing and it doesn’t directly bring the physical memory back but we think it taps into feelings of our throuple relationship as we always had a bottle open in the bedroom when our partner was with us and it felt naughty as most of our lovemaking was daytimes whilst the small people were at school."

Thank you for sharing that. It's very evocative.

If I ever see the pair of you again I'm getting you Prosecco.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"That’s to much thinking for me when it comes to fab "

Thanks for posting.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"But they are brillant questions. Fridays audience may run with it "

It's not looking promising. I can hope that the questions spark a thought or feeling that people might explore elsewhere.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I can, at most, consider one of those questions every 30 days. That’s a lot of thinking. "

There'll be plenty of posts left in 30 days, if you have a thought to share.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That’s to much thinking for me when it comes to fab

Thanks for posting.

"

Your welcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Question 3 .

I was in a sexless marriage .I'm know divorced and met someone .He's totally different too me ex (thank god)and wants me all the time and I enjoy being wanted and loved .

I wish I had left my ex years ago .Its been 3 years know and having the best sex in my life with my partner .

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Question 3 .

I was in a sexless marriage .I'm know divorced and met someone .He's totally different too me ex (thank god)and wants me all the time and I enjoy being wanted and loved .

I wish I had left my ex years ago .Its been 3 years know and having the best sex in my life with my partner . "

Did you lose the sense that you missed being wanted and loved? It's easy to fall into acceptance, isn't it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Question 3 .

I was in a sexless marriage .I'm know divorced and met someone .He's totally different too me ex (thank god)and wants me all the time and I enjoy being wanted and loved .

I wish I had left my ex years ago .Its been 3 years know and having the best sex in my life with my partner .

Did you lose the sense that you missed being wanted and loved? It's easy to fall into acceptance, isn't it?

"

It was him that never wanted it and I got sick of asking ,so I stopped asking .Then I came too a point I needed too be loved and wanted.if no affection in a marriage ,you drift apart .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you?

"

Kissing


"

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most?

"

Torn between touch and smell


"

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use?

"

I notice them all


"

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely?

"

Feel like a kid who knows Xmas is coming


"

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person? "

Magical

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"

1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you?

Kissing

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most?

Torn between touch and smell

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use?

I notice them all

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely?

Feel like a kid who knows Xmas is coming

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person?

Magical"

All types of kissing?

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By *ovingSussexLifeMan
over a year ago

West Sussex

1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you? Eye contact

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most? Touch

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use? Hearing

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely? In my case it's all consuming, I get tunnel vision.

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person? I'm really not sure. As confident as I am, I do suffer low self esteem. I can never tell if I'm wanted or not.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I really love your threads Lickety, I think they're fantastic and interesting.

I was tempted to answer all of the questions but I'm going with 4 because a) I'm trying to cut down on waffle and b) it's less personal. I was going to answer 1 but then realised no one on fab knows about it and I'm happy with that.

So what does it feel like to really want something?

It's almost a state of intoxication, that desire to have that thing becomes all consuming in an aching way and it's difficult to think about other things without your thoughts drifting once more there. It feels like a part of you won't be sated until you've had it, you're not complete until you've tasted that euphoria again. Addictive in the very best way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you?

Kissing

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most?

Torn between touch and smell

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use?

I notice them all

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely?

Feel like a kid who knows Xmas is coming

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person?

Magical

All types of kissing?"

Well wrote kissing a lot of ppl dissociate it from sex, especially couples where you can read ‘no kissing’, because kissing seems more intimate than sex. So I guess I mean deep kissing, where you pour yourself out so to speak, where it is both sexual and emotional.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"Esther Perel's latest blog is about reconnecting in a sexless relationship. It ends with several questions to ask ask of your partner, you choose 3.

I've chosen these five for Fabsters to ponder and respond to the ones they want to:

1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you?

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most?

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use?

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely?

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person? "

I’ve tried this in a sexless relationship with help from a couples therapist and it didn’t work. However my answers are:

1. It really depends on the person as it’s more about how they react. One example was when out shopping together I’d put my hand in the small of her back. It’s not overtly sexual like a hand on her arse (although close enough that we both know it could be) but it’s a reminder that I’m there and I’ve got her. Showing someone you care is sexy for me.

2. Touch, probably. Although sight is up there too.

3. Smell maybe?

4. It’s a deep desire which is welcome because my brain doesn’t have the capacity to think of anything else. That focus is quite cleansing, a bit like a thrilling sport where your brain can only handle the one thing.

5. It feels warm, comforting, safe, makes my brain stable when I think about it. There’s so much in the day which is like a rough sea but knowing I’m desired is instantly calming.

Good questions!

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you?

Definitely kissing and being held.

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most?

Touch and verbal interaction

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use?

None I don't think

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely?

Distracting but good.

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person?

Comforting, warm, desirable and just kinda nice, depending on the person of course.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1. This is an odd one, but I find it highly erotic to watch the object of my desire being fully engrossed in a physical task, like repairing something that's broken or making something. The expression of deep concentration, the dexterity of their hands, obliviousness to an audience and any outside distractions. There's nothing performative about the moment, they're truly lost in themselves and their physical experience of the present. I find it beautiful and compelling.

Nell

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"1. This is an odd one, but I find it highly erotic to watch the object of my desire being fully engrossed in a physical task, like repairing something that's broken or making something. The expression of deep concentration, the dexterity of their hands, obliviousness to an audience and any outside distractions. There's nothing performative about the moment, they're truly lost in themselves and their physical experience of the present. I find it beautiful and compelling.

Nell"

Oh that's not odd in the slightest. Especially with the way you've so eloquently described it. I love it as well (predictable what with us being vagina sisters). It's that sheer passion being manifested into something and being able to observe something so personal and consuming for the other.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Too much thinking!

I'm a man not a genius.

Plus I'm not getting paid.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you?

Leopard Print

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most?

Eyes

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use?

Taste

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely?

Painful

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person?

Warm.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you? Eye contact

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most? Touch

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use? Hearing

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely? In my case it's all consuming, I get tunnel vision.

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person? I'm really not sure. As confident as I am, I do suffer low self esteem. I can never tell if I'm wanted or not. "

I'm interested in your response on hearing. Thanks for sharing.

You know I have hearing loss but the inhale and verbal cues are are what I need when I have lost vision and every other sense.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I really love your threads Lickety, I think they're fantastic and interesting.

I was tempted to answer all of the questions but I'm going with 4 because a) I'm trying to cut down on waffle and b) it's less personal. I was going to answer 1 but then realised no one on fab knows about it and I'm happy with that.

So what does it feel like to really want something?

It's almost a state of intoxication, that desire to have that thing becomes all consuming in an aching way and it's difficult to think about other things without your thoughts drifting once more there. It feels like a part of you won't be sated until you've had it, you're not complete until you've tasted that euphoria again. Addictive in the very best way.

"

Thanks for sharing that. I can feel what you describe. Knowing you a little I can imagine how that intense feeling drives you.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"

1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you?

Kissing

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most?

Torn between touch and smell

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use?

I notice them all

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely?

Feel like a kid who knows Xmas is coming

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person?

Magical

All types of kissing?

Well wrote kissing a lot of ppl dissociate it from sex, especially couples where you can read ‘no kissing’, because kissing seems more intimate than sex. So I guess I mean deep kissing, where you pour yourself out so to speak, where it is both sexual and emotional. "

Thanks. Many people also describe that nothing is going to happen without kissing.

As we grow and become sexual, kissing is that first stage of feeling we're expressing our desire. It's a powerful thing.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Esther Perel's latest blog is about reconnecting in a sexless relationship. It ends with several questions to ask ask of your partner, you choose 3.

I've chosen these five for Fabsters to ponder and respond to the ones they want to:

1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you?

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most?

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use?

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely?

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person?

I’ve tried this in a sexless relationship with help from a couples therapist and it didn’t work. However my answers are:

1. It really depends on the person as it’s more about how they react. One example was when out shopping together I’d put my hand in the small of her back. It’s not overtly sexual like a hand on her arse (although close enough that we both know it could be) but it’s a reminder that I’m there and I’ve got her. Showing someone you care is sexy for me.

2. Touch, probably. Although sight is up there too.

3. Smell maybe?

4. It’s a deep desire which is welcome because my brain doesn’t have the capacity to think of anything else. That focus is quite cleansing, a bit like a thrilling sport where your brain can only handle the one thing.

5. It feels warm, comforting, safe, makes my brain stable when I think about it. There’s so much in the day which is like a rough sea but knowing I’m desired is instantly calming.

Good questions!"

Thank you. I had not thought of feeling desired as comforting and stabilising. I can imagine that now. It's quite powerful.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"1. This is an odd one, but I find it highly erotic to watch the object of my desire being fully engrossed in a physical task, like repairing something that's broken or making something. The expression of deep concentration, the dexterity of their hands, obliviousness to an audience and any outside distractions. There's nothing performative about the moment, they're truly lost in themselves and their physical experience of the present. I find it beautiful and compelling.

Nell"

Oh yes! I can see almost feel, that. Thanks for sharing.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Too much thinking!

I'm a man not a genius.

Plus I'm not getting paid. "

Do you need payment to think?

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"1. What non-sexual thing feels sexual to you?

Leopard Print

2. Which is the sense with which you make love the most?

Eyes

3. Which sense do you barely notice or use?

Taste

4. What does it feel like to want something really intensely?

Painful

5. What does it feel like to be wanted by another person?

Warm.

"

Tina, thanks for sharing that it feels it feels painful to want intensely. I think that's one many of can relate to, but perhaps deny.

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