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Forgiveness

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I believe forgiveness is easy to do if someone give you transparent clarity

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By *ainyDaySunshineMan
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Some things you can't forgive

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin


"I believe forgiveness is easy to do if someone give you transparent clarity "

What is 'transparent clarity'?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

forgiveness is not always easy in my experience sometimes it isn't even possible

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"forgiveness is not always easy in my experience sometimes it isn't even possible"

I agree but would still appreciate the opportunity to be forgiving than to remain confused

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By *isterPepperMan
over a year ago

SN1

I feel like the rest of us have stumbled in on something here…

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics


"I believe forgiveness is easy to do if someone give you transparent clarity

What is 'transparent clarity'?

"

This?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a person meant anything to you or if you meant anything to them then that brige is never truly burned

The only bridges that are truly burned are people who ment nothing to you or you ment nothing to them

Yes that bridge can be repaired in some forum or another you just need to take the first step

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Forgiveness is something you can give but should never be expected.

It can be healing as well, holding onto hate is never a good thing.

There are fantastic examples of forgiveness but it is upto the individual

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics

If you can, it's better to forgive somebody because it helps you let go of something that might not be good for you to be holding on too.

It doesn't mean you forget what happened, and it doesn't mean you go back to how things were before whatever needs forgiving happened, but it means you don't need to hold that anger and upset inside of you if you can find a way of letting it go.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you can, it's better to forgive somebody because it helps you let go of something that might not be good for you to be holding on too.

It doesn't mean you forget what happened, and it doesn't mean you go back to how things were before whatever needs forgiving happened, but it means you don't need to hold that anger and upset inside of you if you can find a way of letting it go."

Oh I can do that , I just want them to be respectful by being clear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not all things can be forgiven

You sometimes see that a person forgives a prisoner who has murdered a family member. That would def not be me I would hate them until my last breath.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"If you can, it's better to forgive somebody because it helps you let go of something that might not be good for you to be holding on too.

It doesn't mean you forget what happened, and it doesn't mean you go back to how things were before whatever needs forgiving happened, but it means you don't need to hold that anger and upset inside of you if you can find a way of letting it go.

Oh I can do that , I just want them to be respectful by being clear "

I think that entirely depends on why you need forgiveness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you can, it's better to forgive somebody because it helps you let go of something that might not be good for you to be holding on too.

It doesn't mean you forget what happened, and it doesn't mean you go back to how things were before whatever needs forgiving happened, but it means you don't need to hold that anger and upset inside of you if you can find a way of letting it go."

Very well said.

We can forget what they said, or what they did, but never the way it made us feel

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"If you can, it's better to forgive somebody because it helps you let go of something that might not be good for you to be holding on too.

It doesn't mean you forget what happened, and it doesn't mean you go back to how things were before whatever needs forgiving happened, but it means you don't need to hold that anger and upset inside of you if you can find a way of letting it go.

Oh I can do that , I just want them to be respectful by being clear

I think that entirely depends on why you need forgiveness. "

Yep.

Have you asked them for it already?

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Forgiveness is a really difficult one. We may think we have forgiven someone but then every time there's a disagreement bring it backup or constantly think about it in which case I don't think that is true forgiveness. For me forgiveness isn't necessarily about forgiving the act the other person has done it's more about how I feel about the situation if that makes any sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not all things can be forgiven

You sometimes see that a person forgives a prisoner who has murdered a family member. That would def not be me I would hate them until my last breath. "

That's something I always struggle with however I've seen a couple of interviews with people who have done just that and often they say forgiving them gives them peace of mind they haven't done it to make the other person feel better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try to forgive yourself on your own for something you totally fucked it up is a Cunt isn’t it ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe you can forgive the majority of things but that said there are some that are unforgivable, that said I don’t believe if you forgive you should forget just incase the same thing is pulled twice

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Forgiveness does not equal total absolution or an erasing of the wrongdoing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally depends , each situation has its own level , if you find a person doesn't care that what they do has a effect on you then and keeps doing it it's best you avoided that person at all costs cause the more that person does the more it effects you , it's just you want nothing more to do with that person and by doing so you will find that you yourself feel way much better.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Not all things can be forgiven

You sometimes see that a person forgives a prisoner who has murdered a family member. That would def not be me I would hate them until my last breath. "

I don’t think they do it for the murderers benefit!

Everything is forgivable if you are strong enough and desire to be free. Unforgiveness is like wearing shackles and a heavy chain connected to the person that hurt you

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Upton Towans

I just move on theirs no point thinking negative thoughts, clear your mind sorted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No idea what that means sometimes its easy sometimes its not but its harder to forgive yourself thats for sure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I believe forgiveness is easy to do if someone give you transparent clarity

What is 'transparent clarity'?

"

Was going to ask this too.

Even oor pal, Big Jordan, would be thinking "dafuq is he on about?"

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Holibobs

I forgive people not for them...but for myself, I'm not carrying around negativity for another person. I've better things to do

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By *idnight RamblerMan
over a year ago

Pershore

I think you can forgive, but you can't forget, meaning trust is lost forever.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Forgiveness doesn't equal forgetting, with clarity or not you can't just blank out feelings or emotions.

Forgiveness takes time and both parties to work at things (if this is regarding a couple)

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/10/22 09:59:14]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can forgive but it depends on what has been done. You can understand some things and it's easy enough to move past it. I've forgiven people throughout life, but that doesn't mean what they did was OK. If I care about them, I can reason with them if any part of me believes they are worth it.

But some things can't be forgiven. And I will never forgive some people for what they have done. I have put effort into accepting things that happened and I don't dwell on it day to day. If I forgave them, it wouldn't change the way I feel or help me in any shape or form. Some people do not deserve forgiveness.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm not even sure what forgiveness is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can of course forgive but I don't think you necessarily have to have forgiven someone to let something go though.

I can move on without baggage and still consider them and/or their deeds unacceptable and unforgivable.

All this forgiveness talk just encourages a lack of accountability in some. Using an apology like it's a getoutofjailfree card. Saying sorry doesn't erase things and forgiveness isn't automatic or a right just because you are 'sorry'. There are times you just have to accept you f'd up, be better going forward and move on with the knowledge that that person has too, without you

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I can of course forgive but I don't think you necessarily have to have forgiven someone to let something go though.

I can move on without baggage and still consider them and/or their deeds unacceptable and unforgivable.

All this forgiveness talk just encourages a lack of accountability in some. Using an apology like it's a getoutofjailfree card. Saying sorry doesn't erase things and forgiveness isn't automatic or a right just because you are 'sorry'. There are times you just have to accept you f'd up, be better going forward and move on with the knowledge that that person has too, without you "

I agree.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"I'm not even sure what forgiveness is. "

Good point, letting someone be in a position where you trust them after they have given good reason to not be trusted maybe..?

A risk perhaps as there might be a repeat of whatever it was that led to the loss of trust..

I think forgiveness but not forgetting is one way of moving on perhaps, boxing off the bad feelings ..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't think it's being unable to forgive that holds people back, I think it's being unable to let go of the hurt caused and the bitterness associated with that person. I could never forgive someone who hurt a loved one but I do a damn fine line in indifference

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not all things can be forgiven

You sometimes see that a person forgives a prisoner who has murdered a family member. That would def not be me I would hate them until my last breath.

I don’t think they do it for the murderers benefit!

Everything is forgivable if you are strong enough and desire to be free. Unforgiveness is like wearing shackles and a heavy chain connected to the person that hurt you

"

I don't think everything is forgivable or that it should be. Nor do I think it's a sign of weakness to not forgive.

Quite the opposite.

It takes a great deal of mental fortitude to focus your thoughts and feelings enough to process the hurt or whatever, apportion responsibility, deal with your share of it and put it all to bed without losing a part of yourself to it.

Doesn't mean you carry it all through life with you like a lead suit.

Actions have consequences, if more people were made to face theirs it would help avoid repeated behaviours

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I'm not even sure what forgiveness is.

Good point, letting someone be in a position where you trust them after they have given good reason to not be trusted maybe..?

A risk perhaps as there might be a repeat of whatever it was that led to the loss of trust..

I think forgiveness but not forgetting is one way of moving on perhaps, boxing off the bad feelings .."

That explanation seems reasonable to me

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby


"If you can, it's better to forgive somebody because it helps you let go of something that might not be good for you to be holding on too.

It doesn't mean you forget what happened, and it doesn't mean you go back to how things were before whatever needs forgiving happened, but it means you don't need to hold that anger and upset inside of you if you can find a way of letting it go.

Very well said.

We can forget what they said, or what they did, but never the way it made us feel"

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle


"I believe forgiveness is easy to do if someone give you transparent clarity

What is 'transparent clarity'?

"

The opposite of opaque ambiguity ??

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

I can forgive people but I'll never trust them again. I would also just move on with my life without them.

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By *nselfishpleaserMan
over a year ago

kent


"I forgive people not for them...but for myself, I'm not carrying around negativity for another person. I've better things to do "

Very wise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What does forgiveness mean to you. It took me some time to grasp this but I feel I understand it better now I hope you get some clarity on the situation

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

I can forgive most things! But there are 2 people I will never forgive for the pain they caused one of my granddaughters! In fact I would love to seek revenge on them! X

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle


"I can forgive most things! But there are 2 people I will never forgive for the pain they caused one of my granddaughters! In fact I would love to seek revenge on them! X"

What good would that do ? For you or your grandaughter ?

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines


"If a person meant anything to you or if you meant anything to them then that brige is never truly burned

The only bridges that are truly burned are people who ment nothing to you or you ment nothing to them

Yes that bridge can be repaired in some forum or another you just need to take the first step "
there does come a point where it is impossible to forgive, mainly when the trust is damaged beyond repair

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

I am not at all religious .... but recall the lord's prayer ......

'forgive us our sins' ......

Then and how to forgive ....means to 'let go' .....

Some seem to think in order to forgive someone , that someone must first say 'sorry'..... that's not so.

Some seem to think that forgiveness is something you do 'to' or 'for' the other....... no so either.

Legally you can forgive debts and such like.

Pyschologically you let go of resentments and bitterness - for your own sake more than the others.

It doesn't mean that what someone did is any less worse. It doesn't mean you let them off and make up ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can forgive but never forget .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can forgive most things but never ever dis Kylie in front of me or me and you are done!!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle


"If a person meant anything to you or if you meant anything to them then that brige is never truly burned

The only bridges that are truly burned are people who ment nothing to you or you ment nothing to them

Yes that bridge can be repaired in some forum or another you just need to take the first step there does come a point where it is impossible to forgive, mainly when the trust is damaged beyond repair"

Not in my book. You can forgive without ever rebuilding trust.....

You can say .... I forgive you but fuck off and stay fucked off.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Holibobs


"I'm not even sure what forgiveness is. "

A conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness

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By *eneralKenobiMan
over a year ago

North Angus

Hell no, I’d a lad on the phone Friday night hadn’t spoken to for 10 years due to his dr*g habit nearly killing my dog. When I answered the call he was clearly out of his tree. No forgiveness for those who can’t help themselves

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

That's the second time 'deserve' has come up.

Interesting that some deserve forgiveness whilst others don't.

To me..... the injured party is who benefits from the act of forvgivness... there is no sliding scale of who should or shouldn't be forgiven.

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By *an4funMan
over a year ago

london


"If a person meant anything to you or if you meant anything to them then that brige is never truly burned

The only bridges that are truly burned are people who ment nothing to you or you ment nothing to them

Yes that bridge can be repaired in some forum or another you just need to take the first step there does come a point where it is impossible to forgive, mainly when the trust is damaged beyond repair

Not in my book. You can forgive without ever rebuilding trust.....

You can say .... I forgive you but fuck off and stay fucked off. "

What would make that forgiveness? If you didn't forgive them you would also want them to fuck off and stay fuck off?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to be much worse at forgiveness in the end i usually just forget but in my youth i remember being great at pouring maggots thru dickheads letterboxes in the early hours

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle


"If a person meant anything to you or if you meant anything to them then that brige is never truly burned

The only bridges that are truly burned are people who ment nothing to you or you ment nothing to them

Yes that bridge can be repaired in some forum or another you just need to take the first step there does come a point where it is impossible to forgive, mainly when the trust is damaged beyond repair

Not in my book. You can forgive without ever rebuilding trust.....

You can say .... I forgive you but fuck off and stay fucked off.

What would make that forgiveness? If you didn't forgive them you would also want them to fuck off and stay fuck off?"

Forgiving someone does not mean you want to be their friend and have their company or that a relationship returns to how it was before.

People confuse forgiveness with overlooking someone's deeds or with saying 'oh alright mate let's just forget it... '

Forgiveness is tending to your own emotions and yes that can entail not seeking revenge , or not going on and on about something, or not bearing grudges but it doesn't mean you have to rekindle.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"

Forgiveness is tending to your own emotions and yes that can entail not seeking revenge , or not going on and on about something, or not bearing grudges but it doesn't mean you have to rekindle. "

^^^ This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can of course forgive but I don't think you necessarily have to have forgiven someone to let something go though.

I can move on without baggage and still consider them and/or their deeds unacceptable and unforgivable.

All this forgiveness talk just encourages a lack of accountability in some. Using an apology like it's a getoutofjailfree card. Saying sorry doesn't erase things and forgiveness isn't automatic or a right just because you are 'sorry'. There are times you just have to accept you f'd up, be better going forward and move on with the knowledge that that person has too, without you

I agree."

Exactly. There are people I will never forgive. That doesn't mean I haven't worked through the pain they caused, accepted that it happened and let it go.

Some things are definitely unforgivable.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I can of course forgive but I don't think you necessarily have to have forgiven someone to let something go though.

I can move on without baggage and still consider them and/or their deeds unacceptable and unforgivable.

All this forgiveness talk just encourages a lack of accountability in some. Using an apology like it's a getoutofjailfree card. Saying sorry doesn't erase things and forgiveness isn't automatic or a right just because you are 'sorry'. There are times you just have to accept you f'd up, be better going forward and move on with the knowledge that that person has too, without you

I agree.

Exactly. There are people I will never forgive. That doesn't mean I haven't worked through the pain they caused, accepted that it happened and let it go.

Some things are definitely unforgivable.

"

I "get" the sense of some things being "unforgivable" completely but I do think that we are hurting ourselves more if we cannot forgive. The sense of not forgiving develops a life of its own and tortures us far more intensely at times than the original offense committed against us if that makes sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't believe forgiveness is required for hearing. Forcing people to forgive is a boundary violation at times, when they aren't ready to do so and they don't need to forgive person who harmed them. It is not equal in my eyes to being eaten by the thought of it. It keeps memory of the wrongdoing fresh enough in a cold room of the brain, as a warning to avoid them or people who act like them. You don't need to believe someone "has changed". At the core most of people remain the same. And forgiveness requires often energy they don't deserve spent on. You are usually better off building up yourselves rather than mending damaged things.

T.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Healing even!

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I don't believe forgiveness is required for hearing. Forcing people to forgive is a boundary violation at times, when they aren't ready to do so and they don't need to forgive person who harmed them. It is not equal in my eyes to being eaten by the thought of it. It keeps memory of the wrongdoing fresh enough in a cold room of the brain, as a warning to avoid them or people who act like them. You don't need to believe someone "has changed". At the core most of people remain the same. And forgiveness requires often energy they don't deserve spent on. You are usually better off building up yourselves rather than mending damaged things.

T."
I agree that you don't need to believe somebody has changed. For me the forgiving is about myself rather than the perpetrator because I want to move on with my life.

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By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol


"I believe forgiveness is easy to do if someone give you transparent clarity "

It is also a route to freedom from the poison of resentment.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford


"I can forgive most things! But there are 2 people I will never forgive for the pain they caused one of my granddaughters! In fact I would love to seek revenge on them! X

What good would that do ? For you or your grandaughter ?"

A hell of alot! If only u knew of the damage allready done u might understand! There are some things that just need addressing and this is one of them! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't believe forgiveness is required for hearing. Forcing people to forgive is a boundary violation at times, when they aren't ready to do so and they don't need to forgive person who harmed them. It is not equal in my eyes to being eaten by the thought of it. It keeps memory of the wrongdoing fresh enough in a cold room of the brain, as a warning to avoid them or people who act like them. You don't need to believe someone "has changed". At the core most of people remain the same. And forgiveness requires often energy they don't deserve spent on. You are usually better off building up yourselves rather than mending damaged things.

T. I agree that you don't need to believe somebody has changed. For me the forgiving is about myself rather than the perpetrator because I want to move on with my life."

But what forgiving means to you? Saying those 3 words? Feeling differently somehow? To me it has no meaning really in these circumstances, I tried.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can of course forgive but I don't think you necessarily have to have forgiven someone to let something go though.

I can move on without baggage and still consider them and/or their deeds unacceptable and unforgivable.

All this forgiveness talk just encourages a lack of accountability in some. Using an apology like it's a getoutofjailfree card. Saying sorry doesn't erase things and forgiveness isn't automatic or a right just because you are 'sorry'. There are times you just have to accept you f'd up, be better going forward and move on with the knowledge that that person has too, without you

I agree.

Exactly. There are people I will never forgive. That doesn't mean I haven't worked through the pain they caused, accepted that it happened and let it go.

Some things are definitely unforgivable.

I "get" the sense of some things being "unforgivable" completely but I do think that we are hurting ourselves more if we cannot forgive. The sense of not forgiving develops a life of its own and tortures us far more intensely at times than the original offense committed against us if that makes sense? "

It makes sense for you and for many others. For me moving forward was about accepting what happened and working through the pain it caused. I have no resentment towards the person who hurt me, I feel nothing towards them anymore but I will never forgive them.

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

Agreed 100 per cent.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't think anybody can tell another person to forgive or that forgiving will make them feel better. Some wrongs go too deep for the person to recover fully and that needs to be acknowledged. I don't think you can forgive or not on another person's behalf either.

I do think you can deal with something and come to terms with the effect it's had on you without forgiving.

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By *ab FunstersCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

I think, (Mrs FF), to be able to even contemplate forgiving someone that has hurt you so badly, you need to have all the answers. Main one being why. Only then are you able to decide how you deal with it..

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle


"I don't think anybody can tell another person to forgive or that forgiving will make them feel better. Some wrongs go too deep for the person to recover fully and that needs to be acknowledged. I don't think you can forgive or not on another person's behalf either.

I do think you can deal with something and come to terms with the effect it's had on you without forgiving."

No one can tell another to forgive, I agree. People will forgive when they are ready and able to do so and that may be never.

I know from experience that the person being forgiven , often does not want or need your forgiveness. There is always more than one version of a story.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Wow thanks for all the comments people really appreciated.

What a great community

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can of course forgive but I don't think you necessarily have to have forgiven someone to let something go though.

I can move on without baggage and still consider them and/or their deeds unacceptable and unforgivable.

All this forgiveness talk just encourages a lack of accountability in some. Using an apology like it's a getoutofjailfree card. Saying sorry doesn't erase things and forgiveness isn't automatic or a right just because you are 'sorry'. There are times you just have to accept you f'd up, be better going forward and move on with the knowledge that that person has too, without you

I agree.

Exactly. There are people I will never forgive. That doesn't mean I haven't worked through the pain they caused, accepted that it happened and let it go.

Some things are definitely unforgivable.

I "get" the sense of some things being "unforgivable" completely but I do think that we are hurting ourselves more if we cannot forgive. The sense of not forgiving develops a life of its own and tortures us far more intensely at times than the original offense committed against us if that makes sense? "

I don't think so. Not if you find ways to deal with and accept what happened.

I've accepted the awful things that happened to me without forgiving the person that caused those issues. I don't dwell on it day to day. I don't think about him every day. I'm not tortured by the memories. Me living with it is not worse than when it happened.

Forgiving him would serve no benefit. It wouldn't change the way I feel. Some people can still get on with what happened without forgiveness.

Is accepting what happened giving them forgiveness? I don't think it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I don't think so. Not if you find ways to deal with and accept what happened.

I've accepted the awful things that happened to me without forgiving the person that caused those issues. I don't dwell on it day to day. I don't think about him every day. I'm not tortured by the memories. Me living with it is not worse than when it happened.

Forgiving him would serve no benefit. It wouldn't change the way I feel. Some people can still get on with what happened without forgiveness.

Is accepting what happened giving them forgiveness? I don't think it is. "

It isn't in my eyes. And it also does not change my feelings, just like you described.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Reading through the thread, I am beginning to think that there is more than one way of finding peace.

For me forgiveness very much plays a part in it as much does processing the event(s), and the realisation that the wrongdoing by another person was not personal after all. Then there is the realisation that holding on to anger hurts me more than letting go of it.

But I do understand that people have different ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does forgiveness even exist? What even is it? Because not forgetting something still sears your insides when you remember it or they do something that brings it back up. You might not mention it, but that always being in your mind means you still feel it. You’ve got over the initial anger and may not vocalise it, but it’s still there. I’m not sure forgiveness entirely exists, it’s just a weakening of the original anger. Forgiveness is just amnesia.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Reading through the thread, I am beginning to think that there is more than one way of finding peace.

For me forgiveness very much plays a part in it as much does processing the event(s), and the realisation that the wrongdoing by another person was not personal after all. Then there is the realisation that holding on to anger hurts me more than letting go of it.

But I do understand that people have different ways."

Beautifully said

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

If someone hasn't forgotten, then remember that they didn't have to, nir give other chances. Not even the opportunity to explain and apologise. If people are hurt, it's natural to be cautious. It's important that you take decisions to change your behaviour, do that you don't repeat such occurrences,, disappointing yourself, hurting others and losing dreams etc.

If you have offered amends and apologies, then you should consider moving on.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I can’t think of anything bad where I’ve needed to forgive anyone or anything I’ve done that I’d need to be forgiven for. There is something I did that I’ll never forgive for myself for which I just lock away. I’d probably just cut someone off and not think about it again if someone pissed me off that much. That’s what I usually do.

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land

I can forgive, but i never forget.

If I can’t forgive, you’ll no longer be part of my life.

If I can forgive, it’s because I still want you in my life, but things may never be the same again (this does not mean I’ll repeatedly bring it up, but I’ll adjust my expectations and what I’m willing to give).

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can forgive, but i never forget.

If I can’t forgive, you’ll no longer be part of my life.

If I can forgive, it’s because I still want you in my life, but things may never be the same again (this does not mean I’ll repeatedly bring it up, but I’ll adjust my expectations and what I’m willing to give)."

Good answer I think that’s going to be my philosophy, I can forgive but I won’t ever feel the same for you

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I believe forgiveness is easy to do if someone give you transparent clarity "

Normal me: forgives easily.

BPD me: I forgive you but if you come close to me again, you might trigger a trauma response and I might shank you. Best for both our sakes you never see me again.

Autistic me: overanalyzing every little detailed thing that you do and say for red flags that you will do it again.

Which you get on any given day is a roulette.

Look I didn't choose my brain I only try to mediate.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Not all things can be forgiven

You sometimes see that a person forgives a prisoner who has murdered a family member. That would def not be me I would hate them until my last breath.

I don’t think they do it for the murderers benefit!

Everything is forgivable if you are strong enough and desire to be free. Unforgiveness is like wearing shackles and a heavy chain connected to the person that hurt you

I don't think everything is forgivable or that it should be. Nor do I think it's a sign of weakness to not forgive.

Quite the opposite.

It takes a great deal of mental fortitude to focus your thoughts and feelings enough to process the hurt or whatever, apportion responsibility, deal with your share of it and put it all to bed without losing a part of yourself to it.

Doesn't mean you carry it all through life with you like a lead suit.

Actions have consequences, if more people were made to face theirs it would help avoid repeated behaviours "

I think you’re mistaking forgiveness for kiss and make up. It’s not really about the other person at all, it’s letting go of the hurt & desire for revenge, it’s moving on. It’s personal, some people want to move on and find strength to move on, some remain in pain and angry.

Actions do have consequences, and not forgiving has consequences too - pain, anger, unhappiness

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford


"Not all things can be forgiven

You sometimes see that a person forgives a prisoner who has murdered a family member. That would def not be me I would hate them until my last breath.

I don’t think they do it for the murderers benefit!

Everything is forgivable if you are strong enough and desire to be free. Unforgiveness is like wearing shackles and a heavy chain connected to the person that hurt you

I don't think everything is forgivable or that it should be. Nor do I think it's a sign of weakness to not forgive.

Quite the opposite.

It takes a great deal of mental fortitude to focus your thoughts and feelings enough to process the hurt or whatever, apportion responsibility, deal with your share of it and put it all to bed without losing a part of yourself to it.

Doesn't mean you carry it all through life with you like a lead suit.

Actions have consequences, if more people were made to face theirs it would help avoid repeated behaviours

I think you’re mistaking forgiveness for kiss and make up. It’s not really about the other person at all, it’s letting go of the hurt & desire for revenge, it’s moving on. It’s personal, some people want to move on and find strength to move on, some remain in pain and angry.

Actions do have consequences, and not forgiving has consequences too - pain, anger, unhappiness

"

I'm far from unhappy! Yes angry towards those 2 people! And it's not all consuming! But the thought of revenge towards them one day is a nice thought! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jesus gives us the perfect example of forgiveness. While in agony on the cross, Jesus called out, exclaiming “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34).

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I’ve found understanding in forgiveness and the clarity I needed , one person is clearly a lost cause that won’t stop using people to fill the void in themselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I believe forgiveness is easy to do if someone give you transparent clarity "

I believe I could forgive anyone if I believed they were truly sorry. But thats the catch isn’t it? Do I believe them?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

That’s the catch 22 I think to really believe them they must come forward to you to be honest rather than you chase them asking for honesty

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By *uffolkcouple-bi onlyCouple
over a year ago

Between Sudbury and Haverhill


"If a person meant anything to you or if you meant anything to them then that brige is never truly burned

The only bridges that are truly burned are people who ment nothing to you or you ment nothing to them

Yes that bridge can be repaired in some forum or another you just need to take the first step "

Sorry but this just isn’t true. There are things that people in love end up doing to each other that just can’t be forgiven. That doesn’t mean the love wasn’t genuine, just that it’s been destroyed and replaced with hate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That’s the catch 22 I think to really believe them they must come forward to you to be honest rather than you chase them asking for honesty "

Oh. You sound like you want a person to grovel to your feet.

Forgiveness begins inside me, not inside them. That’s how I forgive.

I don’t expect anyone to paint detailed a picture or tell an epic tale for me to figure out if I accept someone’s mistakes (or whatever they did to me) what I need to know and believe is

*do I think they are sorry?

*do I think they would do it again?

What more would I need to know from them?

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"If a person meant anything to you or if you meant anything to them then that brige is never truly burned

The only bridges that are truly burned are people who ment nothing to you or you ment nothing to them

Yes that bridge can be repaired in some forum or another you just need to take the first step

Sorry but this just isn’t true. There are things that people in love end up doing to each other that just can’t be forgiven. That doesn’t mean the love wasn’t genuine, just that it’s been destroyed and replaced with hate"

On an individual basis, what one person considers unforgivable and be unable to forgive, another person may be able to forgive over time, be it a few days or many years. Forgiveness is a personal choice/limitation of ourselves - I use the term of "choice" very loose, but there is some form of choice involved in the process, it's about allowing ourselves to reach that point.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"If a person meant anything to you or if you meant anything to them then that brige is never truly burned

The only bridges that are truly burned are people who ment nothing to you or you ment nothing to them

Yes that bridge can be repaired in some forum or another you just need to take the first step

Sorry but this just isn’t true. There are things that people in love end up doing to each other that just can’t be forgiven. That doesn’t mean the love wasn’t genuine, just that it’s been destroyed and replaced with hate

On an individual basis, what one person considers unforgivable and be unable to forgive, another person may be able to forgive over time, be it a few days or many years. Forgiveness is a personal choice/limitation of ourselves - I use the term of "choice" very loose, but there is some form of choice involved in the process, it's about allowing ourselves to reach that point. "

I'll also add, being unable to forgive is not a bad thing.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford


"I believe forgiveness is easy to do if someone give you transparent clarity

I believe I could forgive anyone if I believed they were truly sorry. But thats the catch isn’t it? Do I believe them? "

Wow! Sorry or not just no! There are some things that can never b forgiven! And tbh I wouldn't want to forgive certain things! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be specific, forgive what? Someone murders your pet gog?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Be specific, forgive what? Someone murders your pet gog?"

Sounds like a plot to a film.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Holibobs


"If a person meant anything to you or if you meant anything to them then that brige is never truly burned

The only bridges that are truly burned are people who ment nothing to you or you ment nothing to them

Yes that bridge can be repaired in some forum or another you just need to take the first step

Sorry but this just isn’t true. There are things that people in love end up doing to each other that just can’t be forgiven. That doesn’t mean the love wasn’t genuine, just that it’s been destroyed and replaced with hate

On an individual basis, what one person considers unforgivable and be unable to forgive, another person may be able to forgive over time, be it a few days or many years. Forgiveness is a personal choice/limitation of ourselves - I use the term of "choice" very loose, but there is some form of choice involved in the process, it's about allowing ourselves to reach that point. "

Forgiveness also means different things to different people, I think that's where the confusion can come in as well between two people. One thinks forgiveness means its going to make it all right. When the other is walking away, they forgave them to not hate them anymore

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Exactly this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it depends what it is my consience is clear i have walked away from situations rather than forgive

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