FabSwingers.com forum: Ok seriously, couple things

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I find couples interesting. There are lots of couples I’ve come across and loved their profiles but my biggest thing about getting involved with couples is that I’d feel like an extra part, a toy, a third wheel etc.

Low-key when I left I’d be thinking - they’re definitely debriefing about that lmao and to an extent, in that situation you’re just an extra part?

Anyway TLDRers: what are people’s positive experiences ‘playing’

with couples?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feeling like a third wheel even though it’s Lockober?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always a positive experience with couples

As I know going in that I am the 3rd wheel or a toy for them

I am good with that I don’t want or need the hassle off infringing on they relationship at all

I would say if that mind set isn’t there then couples aren’t the best I dear to meet for you

It will only lead to hart brake or trubble in retro specs off they realship

The key to being a good 3rd is understanding that you are just a toy / 3rd wheel for them

If you take your feelings out off it there’s no reason to not have a grate time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Feeling like a third wheel even though it’s Lockober?"

Sir, it’s BLACK history month. Idk about anything else

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I like meeting couples and don’t feel like a spare part. I’m an extra part.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Feeling like a third wheel even though it’s Lockober?

Sir, it’s BLACK history month. Idk about anything else

I’m Black everyday. Got a bunch of learning material as I know the history doesn’t start with Roots

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been lucky enough to have some very positive experiences with couples. I like to build up the chat beforehand so everyone knows exactly what to expect, and where our personal boundaries lie. I've never felt like a 3rd wheel to be honest, but then I'd only meet with folk I feel I click well with, and who aren't wanting me to rock up as a marital sex aid

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Feeling like a third wheel even though it’s Lockober?

Sir, it’s BLACK history month. Idk about anything else

I’m Black everyday. Got a bunch of learning material as I know the history doesn’t start with Roots"

Starts with Django

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been lucky enough to have some very positive experiences with couples. I like to build up the chat beforehand so everyone knows exactly what to expect, and where our personal boundaries lie. I've never felt like a 3rd wheel to be honest, but then I'd only meet with folk I feel I click well with, and who aren't wanting me to rock up as a marital sex aid

Lucky

make use singletons sound like commoners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lucky

make use singletons sound like commoners "

Oh I'm definitely common... Single, or otherwise

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By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago

In my happy place

Once.

Awful.

Never again.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

If you're meeting couples that treat you as a toy or a spare part then you're meeting the wrong couples.

Simples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're meeting couples that treat you as a toy or a spare part then you're meeting the wrong couples.

Simples.

If it’s a FF I don’t mind

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

OP you are overthinking things. You are not an “extra part” - you are the part that makes them stronger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You said playing

I don't mind being a 3rd, helps not having a vested interest in their relationship. Also good they know eachother well so I can trust they'll get theirs one way or another. Takes some pressure off

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

"If you're meeting couples that treat you as a toy or a spare part then you're meeting the wrong couples.

Simples.

Absolutely this. I’d be ashamed if anyone walked away from us feeling used or like a toy.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’m going to need to borrow your little black book!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Playing devil's advocate here as I don't do disposable etc

There are plenty who ask for this scenario, to be used. The fuck&go that gets lauded weekly.

Each to their own. Just have to communicate which side of the fence you are on with it all and protect your interests

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By *rs mischiefWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

"OP you are overthinking things. You are not an “extra part” - you are the part that makes them stronger."

This

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

I meet couples and it's always been a 3 way highly pleasurable experience for us all. It's about finding the right couple and having the attraction and chemistry with them both. No one should feel left out or used. Communication as always, is key.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have met a few couples and all the meets have been amazing. The key was to get to know them and build trust, rapport and a little excitement. If you get to understand what they want, what excited them, what their boundaries are, then it tends to work well.

Probably the best thing is to make sure you treat them as a couple. They both need to feel they are each involved to the degree they want to be and getting out of it what they want.

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By *N4funCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

New on the scene and started with a couple of 3somes with single guys. We like to get the guy involved with the social side to build a rapport. Generally that works for us and to a point we all get involved.

As the male in the couple I'm the one who starts off feeling like it's fun and then feel left out and start to struggle. Have to step out the room and let them finish off together

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

We would hate for a third person to feel like a spare part. I think getting to know each other and talking beforehand about things (all 3 people) would be important. We do talk with each other after a swinging type thing but mainly for our own relationship, to make sure we communicate properly. Depending on how successful it was, we might also relive aspects of it by talking/describing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

These perspectives are interesting and are ultimately confirming my feelings on it. Thank you x

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By *ittlemissselfishWoman
over a year ago

North Lincolnshire

My other half of couple likes to watch so he's the spare part so to speak... he loves it

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By *oubleswing2019Man
over a year ago

Colchester

In the past we've dabbled in this area with a 3rd. They've never been a "spare wheel". An integral, important and desired part of the experience.

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

[Removed by poster at 17/10/22 00:04:00]

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Feeling like a 3rd wheel is a reflection of the whole experience with you and them, it's very likely you will have fun and not see them again, or you could generate a real bond and basically be adopted as a valued member of the dynamic. If you find the latter, you are one of the lucky ones.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To clarify I didn’t mean spare part in the experience. But you’ll always be an outsider in the relationship unless you’re dating them? Many of the things described here just confirm that you’re an outsider beyond the sexual experience. It doesn’t make for a great sexual experience that way iMo. But never say never

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"To clarify I didn’t mean spare part in the experience. But you’ll always be an outsider in the relationship unless you’re dating them? Many of the things described here just confirm that you’re an outsider beyond the sexual experience. It doesn’t make for a great sexual experience that way iMo. But never say never"

What about friendship? Like FWB but with a couple rather than an individual?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What about friendship? Like FWB but with a couple rather than an individual? "

That would be an interesting dynamic.

There’s still surely an unavoidable outsider insider relationship?

But being friends with both, beyond one social for drinks, I think would be the way to feel most comfortable for sure. I think that’s a best case maybe?

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

That's also a benefit too as it's totally no strings at all. You played your part and then they get on with their business.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Do people have both the people in the couple’s number? And message them both separately (outside of arranging meets) or is it you’re always messaging a them both?

That’s a random thought I just had

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"Do people have both the people in the couple’s number? And message them both separately (outside of arranging meets) or is it you’re always messaging a them both?

That’s a random thought I just had"

Group chat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do people have both the people in the couple’s number? And message them both separately (outside of arranging meets) or is it you’re always messaging a them both?

That’s a random thought I just had

Group chat. "

Some couples don't live together. If the bf is late am I supposed to wait for him to put on the cock cage and hit record?

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"Do people have both the people in the couple’s number? And message them both separately (outside of arranging meets) or is it you’re always messaging a them both?

That’s a random thought I just had

Group chat.

Some couples don't live together. If the bf is late am I supposed to wait for him to put on the cock cage and hit record?"

Go with whatever feels right...

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Do people have both the people in the couple’s number? And message them both separately (outside of arranging meets) or is it you’re always messaging a them both?

That’s a random thought I just had

Group chat.

Some couples don't live together. If the bf is late am I supposed to wait for him to put on the cock cage and hit record?"

You could put it on yourself and be sub(stitute)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do people have both the people in the couple’s number? And message them both separately (outside of arranging meets) or is it you’re always messaging a them both?

That’s a random thought I just had

Group chat.

Some couples don't live together. If the bf is late am I supposed to wait for him to put on the cock cage and hit record?"

that’s funny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do people have both the people in the couple’s number? And message them both separately (outside of arranging meets) or is it you’re always messaging a them both?

That’s a random thought I just had

Group chat.

Some couples don't live together. If the bf is late am I supposed to wait for him to put on the cock cage and hit record?

You could put it on yourself and be sub(stitute)

Don't mind a bit of FemDom. Can't tie me up though

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"Do people have both the people in the couple’s number? And message them both separately (outside of arranging meets) or is it you’re always messaging a them both?

That’s a random thought I just had"

My couple are all bi, as am I and everyone gets an equal amount of attention and care when we are together, I just don't live with them. We have a group WhatsApp and individual and we all converse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do people have both the people in the couple’s number? And message them both separately (outside of arranging meets) or is it you’re always messaging a them both?

That’s a random thought I just had

Group chat. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're meeting couples that treat you as a toy or a spare part then you're meeting the wrong couples.

Simples.

THIS

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

My first meet was with a couple and they were very welcoming and I felt comfortable.

I think you're thinking about it too much and yes they will talk about you after but it doesn't really matter

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."

- Oscar Wilde

Of course they will talk and unless you did something really bad, the more they do the better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often wonder the same OP... I have visions of me sat doing the crossword in the corner

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Playing deserves that emote.

My experience with couples has generally been really positive. Only once felt like a bit of a spare part but that was more because the woman was a (not disclosed beforehand) pillow princess and it was very much about her getting all the attention. I was young.

Now? Good. Not had that feeling since. It helps that I tend to have a good friendship. And to be honest, I kind of expect people to have a little wank after thinking about what's happened, single or couple. So I don't mind it. I guess if I didn't have a good friendship first, didn't meet people who had similar views/ approaches to me I'd find it a bit meh.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

But that's the case whether you're a single joining a couple or another couple, or several singles. Unless you're poly and looking for LTR.

Dynamics vary in swinging from one offs, to repeat meets, to long term FWB's to full poly relationships. Anything bar the last still leaves the additional party/parties as 'an outsider' to a certain extent. But that's not wrong at all. And it never means there'll be a negative experience whether a one off or repeat experience.

It also makes little difference to whether the sex is great or not. You can have mind blowing sex with a complete stranger you'll never meet again just as easily as withbsomeone you've gotten to know over time.

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By *thfloorCouple
over a year ago

Hove

What about friendship? Like FWB but with a couple rather than an individual?

That would be an interesting dynamic.

There’s still surely an unavoidable outsider insider relationship?

But being friends with both, beyond one social for drinks, I think would be the way to feel most comfortable for sure. I think that’s a best case maybe?"

Just like with singles, you need to ferret out the people who are open socially and/or emotionally. Also some couples are very open, free style it, while others are the "joined at the hip" kind, or follow a restrictive modus operandi. If you have seen couples whose profile resonates I would encourage you to contact, it is very quick to see how they respond to you and if they're the right vibe. When the cards fall right it's such a rewarding dynamic.

One caveat, from my experience maintaining a higher level of connection with a couple is VERY time consuming! You hinted yourself, you go away with two numbers and a group chat, quite a few pots to water, esp. if you already have existing friends&partners. I only have one long term FWB couple, it takes a strong friendship to overcome the double whammy of low contact&infrequent meeting. As for high contact... Can take over your life

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

To us a person joining is never going to be a third wheel ever. Our goal is to make their time with us a very enjoyable be where they are the centre of attention and not us. The third person is not, and should not be treated as some sort of sex toy you both use. They are a human being just like the rest of us!

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

Try it and see op.

Finding the right couple that will treat you as an equal is probably as difficult as finding singles that understand how to join a couple respectfully.

Find the right opportunity and you’ll have the time of your life

Good luck

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