FabSwingers.com forum: Shy

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.

Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).

Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.

So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ooft. Don’t worry op, a guy might guess that shyness, and not be phased by it. It’s almost cute in a way. If your worried, tell him your interested. Be direct on a message when being in front of him is not an issue anymore.

Me - I’m too shy to even be there. I send my wingman in to do all the ground work. I stand at the bar waving doing awkward poses.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you were very chatty and conversation flowed, why did he think you were shy? Just the lack of eye contact?

Do you have a good friend who you can practice eye contact with? It can be really weird but with practice it gets easier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I like someone, I'm never shy in person.

If I don't, then I'm very aloof and disinterested which has been confused for shyness!

No help what's so ever I know.

Have a glass of wine and just picture them naked?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If I like someone, I'm never shy in person.

If I don't, then I'm very aloof and disinterested which has been confused for shyness!

No help what's so ever I know.

Have a glass of wine and just picture them naked? "

I hate wine

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

OP I am poor at picking up signals and have had several socials where things didn’t progress because I misread their shyness/lack of directness for lack of interest. I only found out they were actually interested when it came up in a text chat later.

I would suggest that for numbskulls like me you have to be fairly blunt and tell me if I have misread it - a text convo afterwards is often a good way to do that if you are shy in the moment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've resting bitch face so most thing I'm bored or not interested

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By *dward_TeagueMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

I find shyness to be quite an attractive quality.

Even though you’re shy you can still send out signals via body language etc. That way the other person should be able to read the signs and act “appropriately”.

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By *igJFromSAMan
over a year ago

Woking

I think most people would expect a little shyness or awkwardness on a first meet, so I wouldn't give it too much thought, especially if we're still talking and planning on meeting up again.

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.

Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).

Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.

So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. "
I'm just not shy, can be a little bit more refined initially but eye contact suggests lack of confidence, try build your confidence treat yourself to new clothes get some compliments in etc have your hair done stuff that makes you feel good

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By *9alMan
over a year ago

Bridgend

I am quite a shy person in social situations & find it is often misinterpreted as disinterest or rudeness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you were very chatty and conversation flowed, why did he think you were shy? Just the lack of eye contact?

Do you have a good friend who you can practice eye contact with? It can be really weird but with practice it gets easier.

This is good advice, eye gazing can actually be a really lovely thing to do, and would be good practice.

Also, maybe be upfront about it, see if that helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're ND aren't you, OP? I just tell people in advance that I'm on the spectrum and sometimes eye contact might be an issue. Most people are fine about it and once they understand why my behaviour is not typical it puts them at ease.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I don't like eye contact it makes me feel awkward, also super shy!

I'm quite direct though I'd just say I'm interested if it seems they aren't sure or ask if they want to come back to the hotel/meet again.

I'm really socially awkward so socials can appear as I'm not interested, couple of gins though I'm all good.

Mrs

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By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford

I'm not shy, but so paranoid about rejection that I end up seeming cool or distant when I'm anything but. I agree with others that honest communication is the way forward, but it's very much a case of 'Do as I say, not as I do'!

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By *tevieg3222Man
over a year ago

Brighton

@hippychick you have a very nice tasting looking pussy xx

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"@hippychick you have a very nice tasting looking pussy xx "

Its not gapping enough for me

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"If you were very chatty and conversation flowed, why did he think you were shy? Just the lack of eye contact?

Do you have a good friend who you can practice eye contact with? It can be really weird but with practice it gets easier.

I’m curious about this also.

Direct eye contact doesn’t mean you are not shy, you could just be a psychopath!

If you were having fun, laughing and chatting why would they say you were shy, unless it was because you didn’t nosh them off under the table?

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Hi, I'm Tina Titz and I suggest telling him this, as well as us. Also telling other people you meet how you feel. Hard due to the shyness, but worth it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you tell him you can be very shy and not disinterested?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You're ND aren't you, OP? I just tell people in advance that I'm on the spectrum and sometimes eye contact might be an issue. Most people are fine about it and once they understand why my behaviour is not typical it puts them at ease."

Yep I have ADHD which no doubt contributes to it! But yes maybe warning people beforehand would help!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.

Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).

Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.

So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. I'm just not shy, can be a little bit more refined initially but eye contact suggests lack of confidence, try build your confidence treat yourself to new clothes get some compliments in etc have your hair done stuff that makes you feel good

I actually don’t lack confidence! I’m pretty happy with how I look

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Did you tell him you can be very shy and not disinterested?"

I actually didn’t realise that I came across as shy until we were messaging afterwards lol because conversation flowed easily it didn’t occur to me that my lack of eye contact came across as disinterested!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep I have ADHD which no doubt contributes to it! But yes maybe warning people beforehand would help! "

I also find looking at a person's mouth or forehead instead of their eyes is comfortable for me while giving them the reassurance that I am actually interested and engaged.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

Definitely drop him a text.

I’m not overly shy, but eye contact is difficult.

I’m also crap at picking up signals and so if I get a text afterwards it really helps me. Something about seeing it written down in black & white.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"@hippychick you have a very nice tasting looking pussy xx "

Appropriate to the thread, good work

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

"@hippychick you have a very nice tasting looking pussy xx "

He’s ^ not shy!

I on the other hand am shy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"@hippychick you have a very nice tasting looking pussy xx

Appropriate to the thread, good work "

There’s always one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could try forcing a bit of eye contact, if you clink glasses at any point you should make eye contact when you do (and while you drink), don’t ask me why but apparently it’s true. I did this once on an awkward date, and they found it to feel quite flirty but I only did it as I was shy so wrapping it up with some formal ritual meant I could do it more easily because I wasn’t deliberately being flirty, just following etiquette rules (which also works in the opposite way if they’re not interested, you don’t need to wrack yourself for making a fool, it’s just what you do like saying bless you after a sneeze

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most tend to overcome it with me making people feel comfortable is my super power

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am so bad picking up in person lol

The shy is real with me not a flirty eyelash fluttering strategy.

If I like a guy I'll just admire from a distance.... like across the room

It's a massive part of why I appreciate fab. I can get comfortable with a guy and past that instinct to shy away by the time we arrange a social.

Anyone who can't go at my speed is not my kind of guy so it's also a good filter

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am so bad picking up in person lol

The shy is real with me not a flirty eyelash fluttering strategy.

If I like a guy I'll just admire from a distance.... like across the room

It's a massive part of why I appreciate fab. I can get comfortable with a guy and past that instinct to shy away by the time we arrange a social.

Anyone who can't go at my speed is not my kind of guy so it's also a good filter

This is exactly me! I find Fab much easier than in person. I get approached offline but I’m so bloody awkward!

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Unless you were looking in a completely different direction while chatting with him, then I think he has some unusual ways to gauge interest

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Did you tell him you can be very shy and not disinterested?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you fancy him, then touch his hand/leg/other body part briefly..that should give him a hint...

Alternatively just sit on his lap and whisper something rude in his ear

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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago

west midlands

"I am so bad picking up in person lol

The shy is real with me not a flirty eyelash fluttering strategy.

If I like a guy I'll just admire from a distance.... like across the room

It's a massive part of why I appreciate fab. I can get comfortable with a guy and past that instinct to shy away by the time we arrange a social.

Anyone who can't go at my speed is not my kind of guy so it's also a good filter

This is exactly me! I find Fab much easier than in person. I get approached offline but I’m so bloody awkward!

This sounds just like me, I usually tell someone I'm about to meet I am shy and I get really nervous meeting someone new I don't mean anything by it and the nerves and shyness don't last.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I don’t! I’m very hard work and it takes a massive effort for me to meet new folk. I tend to gravitate towards more outgoing people though, which kind of helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was shy once but now im the opposite i had to learn how to be a cheeky gobby sod and it turns out im pretty good at it too

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I’m really shy on fab one to one socials. Any other scenario in life I’m not at all. It’s just weird. It’s a fab thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/10/22 10:57:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If not the eyes what was you looking at?

If you can’t focus on their eyes look inbetween the eyebrows where the monobrow grows.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If not the eyes what was you looking at?

If you can’t focus on their eyes look inbetween the eyebrows where the monobrow grows."

Lol I was looking at his face just not necessarily his eyes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If not the eyes what was you looking at?

If you can’t focus on their eyes look inbetween the eyebrows where the monobrow grows.

Lol I was looking at his face just not necessarily his eyes! "

Oh I assumed you looking at the floor or worsts at the crotch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m the same OP. I can struggle with eye contact sometimes but you’re probably better than you think.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If not the eyes what was you looking at?

If you can’t focus on their eyes look inbetween the eyebrows where the monobrow grows.

Lol I was looking at his face just not necessarily his eyes!

Oh I assumed you looking at the floor or worsts at the crotch"

Haha noooo I’m not that bad

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.

Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).

Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.

So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. "

Why not just right out tell them that you are shy? You might be surprised how understanding a person can be if you are honest and upfront with them.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I'm really quite shy as a single man in clubs ...its really hard for me to make the first move...too much overthinking

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"Ooft. Don’t worry op, a guy might guess that shyness, and not be phased by it. It’s almost cute in a way. If your worried, tell him your interested. Be direct on a message when being in front of him is not an issue anymore.

Me - I’m too shy to even be there. I send my wingman in to do all the ground work. I stand at the bar waving doing awkward poses. "

Eh? You expect a guy to pickup on subtleties and subtext?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello

I have been mistaken for not being interested .

She thought I didn’t wanted to kiss her when I was actually mad for it .

But Cause I don’t like to be invasive and I respect a lady’s space . I get shy and being polite, I get really bad with first .

I’m terrible at eye contact as well .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.

Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).

Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.

So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. "

I had the opposite on a social this week. I mistook the other person's disinterest for shyness. Well up to the point I asked if he wanted a kiss? Turned out he didn't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you were very chatty and conversation flowed, why did he think you were shy? Just the lack of eye contact?

Do you have a good friend who you can practice eye contact with? It can be really weird but with practice it gets easier.

I’m curious about this also.

Direct eye contact doesn’t mean you are not shy, you could just be a psychopath!

If you were having fun, laughing and chatting why would they say you were shy, unless it was because you didn’t nosh them off under the table?"

Yeah that's why I taught myself to do the eye contact.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"If you were very chatty and conversation flowed, why did he think you were shy? Just the lack of eye contact?

Do you have a good friend who you can practice eye contact with? It can be really weird but with practice it gets easier.

I’m curious about this also.

Direct eye contact doesn’t mean you are not shy, you could just be a psychopath!

If you were having fun, laughing and chatting why would they say you were shy, unless it was because you didn’t nosh them off under the table?

Yeah that's why I taught myself to do the eye contact.

I’d rather you noshed me off under the table

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Men are simple creatures, sometimes they just need to be told. I usually ask for a kiss, then they know if I'm interested or not.

I wouldn't say it was completely down to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men are simple creatures, sometimes they just need to be told. "

true story

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m terrible with eye contact too. I make it pretty clear before meeting that I’m interested xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men are simple creatures, sometimes they just need to be told. I usually ask for a kiss, then they know if I'm interested or not.

I wouldn't say it was completely down to you."

Oh I do this too

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By *humper.Man
over a year ago

northumberland/scotland

We're gonna be fine, I'll be staring at the floor/walls too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.

Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).

Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.

So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. "

I'm very shy (believe it or not) and its a real problem for me letting the real me be seen, it isnt helped with low confidence but I feel your issue is valid OP

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We're gonna be fine, I'll be staring at the floor/walls too

Haha! We’ll be a right pair!

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By *humper.Man
over a year ago

northumberland/scotland

"We're gonna be fine, I'll be staring at the floor/walls too

Haha! We’ll be a right pair! "

There's no inbetween I'm either not looking at you, or intense gaze.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

Shyness can be really debilitating as someone who also struggles with shyness. I'm no amateur psychologist but for me the way was practise practise practise. That and in intimate situations be open and honest about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you own it and name it ?

"Just so you know, I'm told I don't always give away how I feel... If that's what you're thinking, then it's not disinterest I'm showing... Just shyness

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Can you own it and name it ?

"Just so you know, I'm told I don't always give away how I feel... If that's what you're thinking, then it's not disinterest I'm showing... Just shyness

That’s what I’ve started doing in conversations that could progress to meeting lol seems it’s a turn on for many lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it very difficult. I'm quiet and struggle with anxiety so the first few times meeting someone new I can come across as uninterested I think. I'm very upfront about that, and I think that’s the best thing to do. I let people know so they expect it, and if I'm not interested in them I will kindly let them know that too. It's always made me feel more at ease knowing people know and can work with me on it if that makes sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me - I’m too shy to even be there. I send my wingman in to do all the ground work. I stand at the bar waving doing awkward poses.

Eh? You expect a guy to pickup on subtleties and subtext? "

Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. Ive been known to be well of the mark lately so do not listen to my experience.

But I stand by my advice to be more direct in text, if being in person makes someone shy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you own it and name it ?

"Just so you know, I'm told I don't always give away how I feel... If that's what you're thinking, then it's not disinterest I'm showing... Just shyness

That’s what I’ve started doing in conversations that could progress to meeting lol seems it’s a turn on for many lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.

Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).

Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.

So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. "

If you're any bit worried or concerned about shyness just come out and say what you feel or want in a conversation, that way you've said it out what you want or mean, if you want to have fun with someone just say it , it eliminates all doubt or guessing.

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