FabSwingers.com forum: Rocky relationship

By *edangelindisguise OP Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

So I'm in a relationship of 20 years and over this last few years I have just felt like something is off.

So last night my partner caught me recording a video to send to someone I met on here. We cried, we talked and I am currently sleeping on the sofa. Am I a horrible person to want this relationship to end even tho he wants to forgive me?

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

That’s sly.

No wonder you’re sleeping st-alone on the sofa.

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By *ittyandtheboyCouple
over a year ago

Back of the bins.

I think you’re probably not a terrible person, but you’ve not behaved in a great way.

A lot of people talk about a term called ethical non monogamy for this very reason.

Is your relationship completely past saving, even before this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're female so don't worry, you'll get nothing but sympathy.

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By *edangelindisguise OP Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

"I think you’re probably not a terrible person, but you’ve not behaved in a great way.

A lot of people talk about a term called ethical non monogamy for this very reason.

Is your relationship completely past saving, even before this? "

I know it's not ideal but I have felt us growing further and further apart in the last few years. He didn't pay me any attention and sex was a once a month endeavor if I was lucky.

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By *edangelindisguise OP Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

"You're female so don't worry, you'll get nothing but sympathy. "

Yeah I see that based on the replies so far. The double standards will never go away.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

If you want it to end end it! Surely it's not worth hurting him for, I mean your still here so I doubt behaviours are going to change, it's not fair on the bloke.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

"You're female so don't worry, you'll get nothing but sympathy.

Yeah I see that based on the replies so far. The double standards will never go away. "

Hang on a minute!

I took the piss out of your title in the very first response.

I deserve credit.

Give me credit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You shagged someone behind his back. I’d say that’s a hefty indicator that something ain’t quite right.

Either talk it out, or leave.

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By *edangelindisguise OP Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

"If you want it to end end it! Surely it's not worth hurting him for, I mean your still here so I doubt behaviours are going to change, it's not fair on the bloke."

I have tried to end it but he wants to fix it. I have been trying to fix it for years but it fell on deaf ears.

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By *edangelindisguise OP Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

"You shagged someone behind his back. I’d say that’s a hefty indicator that something ain’t quite right.

Either talk it out, or leave. "

Well I didn't shag anyone I was sending vids or is that what's classed as shagging nowadays?

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Did you try to end it by letting him catch you making the video ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/10/22 06:54:12]

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By *edangelindisguise OP Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

"Did you try to end it by letting him catch you making the video ?"

No we talked a few weeks back about things because he noticed how my attitude had changed and I told him how I was feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You shagged someone behind his back. I’d say that’s a hefty indicator that something ain’t quite right.

Either talk it out, or leave.

Well I didn't shag anyone I was sending vids or is that what's classed as shagging nowadays? "

You’re verified though! IMO either commit or leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You shagged someone behind his back. I’d say that’s a hefty indicator that something ain’t quite right.

Either talk it out, or leave.

Well I didn't shag anyone I was sending vids or is that what's classed as shagging nowadays? "

Ok, maybe you didn’t. You weren’t specific in you opening post. I was guessing.

The advice still stands though. Talk the problem through or leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're female so don't worry, you'll get nothing but sympathy. "

BINGO!

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"You shagged someone behind his back. I’d say that’s a hefty indicator that something ain’t quite right.

Either talk it out, or leave.

Well I didn't shag anyone I was sending vids or is that what's classed as shagging nowadays?

Ok, maybe you didn’t. You weren’t specific in you opening post. I was guessing.

The post said "sending a video to someone I met on here" which is ambiguous !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You shagged someone behind his back. I’d say that’s a hefty indicator that something ain’t quite right.

Either talk it out, or leave.

Well I didn't shag anyone I was sending vids or is that what's classed as shagging nowadays?

Ok, maybe you didn’t. You weren’t specific in you opening post. I was guessing.

The post said "sending a video to someone I met on here" which is ambiguous !"

Yep agreed that would sound to me like she’s met him before. Although I guess it could have just been a social and not a sex meet!

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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

OP- we don’t know what’s going on in your relationship , only you and your partner do. Plus here we only have your side of the story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I'm in a relationship of 20 years and over this last few years I have just felt like something is off.

Why are you still together?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"If you want it to end end it! Surely it's not worth hurting him for, I mean your still here so I doubt behaviours are going to change, it's not fair on the bloke.

I have tried to end it but he wants to fix it. I have been trying to fix it for years but it fell on deaf ears.

Explain to him that you'll always want other men and he'll have to accept that. See what he says.

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By *acktar74Man
over a year ago

leeds

8 weeks on here. Sending vids.

Only a matter time before you meet someone and the cheating is full circle.

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By *humper.Man
over a year ago

northumberland/scotland

No different from the plethora of cheating men on here. Figure out your relationship or end it.

Cheating is cheating.

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By *heSofaDestroyersCouple
over a year ago

HereAndThere

Everyone deserves to be happy and if your in a relationship that’s not making you feel that way then you need to get out!!

People change and if you don’t grow together then sometimes to need to end it for both of you to be happy either alone or with someone new….

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By *lackXealMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

"You're female so don't worry, you'll get nothing but sympathy. "

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"If you want it to end end it! Surely it's not worth hurting him for, I mean your still here so I doubt behaviours are going to change, it's not fair on the bloke.

I have tried to end it but he wants to fix it. I have been trying to fix it for years but it fell on deaf ears.

You haven't really tried though if your still together, if you want to leave just leave, or continue to hurt him and be that person.

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By *asycouple1971Couple
over a year ago

midlands

Need to have a long talk.

20years is a long time to just end it over a webcam wank.

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By *nhinderedWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"You're female so don't worry, you'll get nothing but sympathy.

Yeah I see that based on the replies so far. The double standards will never go away.

Hang on a minute!

I took the piss out of your title in the very first response.

I deserve credit.

Give me credit.

I didn’t notice till you pointed it out- clever!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That’s sly.

No wonder you’re sleeping st-alone on the sofa."

Lol only just got this

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

What made him think you were making the video to send to someone else ? You could have been making it for yourself or as a suprise for him.

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By *iss MaverickWoman
over a year ago

Porthcawl

If you really want it to end, pack your bags and leave… or are you expecting him to do that because you are messing him around?

I don’t get why you are still sitting there, both parties don’t (and rarely) agree a relationship is over, so one needs to take decisive action. Either you leave or you don’t, but please don’t put the emphasis onto him for your choices; that’s just knobish

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By *nhinderedWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"Did you try to end it by letting him catch you making the video ?

No we talked a few weeks back about things because he noticed how my attitude had changed and I told him how I was feeling. "

‘A few weeks’ isn’t very long to give a chance for things to change within a 20 year relationship is it. Talk more, tell him what you need to change and if he can’t do that then it needs to end, but doing it this way is incredibly unfair and he deserves more than that

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By *acktar74Man
over a year ago

leeds

"That’s sly.

No wonder you’re sleeping st-alone on the sofa.

Lol only just got this

I have now lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in the same boat as you . Unfortunately you just got to go . I wasted years of my life trying to figure out what was wrong in my relationship . Best thing I ever did . You have the advantage of being a women so finding a guy won't be a problem for you .

As a side note sending a video is just as bad as shagging in my opinion . It's still breaking that trust and being unfaithful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My point of view is: After twenty years people change, you and your partner are not the same people you were when you met.

Some grow stronger, some grow tied of each other, some kinda in the middle.

There is nothing wrong with trying to get out of life what you want / desire. It would be nice if your partner was on the same track. Nobody is at fault on this.

I think you should have talked to him and used words before actions, but sometimes the river just flows.

20 years is a long time to throw away, but you only have one life and its your life, you must life it for you.

I always say: as long as I keep my side of the street clean, then I can hold my head hign.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I'm in a relationship of 20 years and over this last few years I have just felt like something is off.

No! But you should have been honest about Fab and told him your not happy. Never stay in a relationship unless you're happy! Completely happy. Honesty in a relationship is a must though.

You need to do what's best for you, no one else!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I'm in a relationship of 20 years and over this last few years I have just felt like something is off.

You felt something was off so you joined this site? You're the one that's in the wrong by a long shot. He deserves better than that. You should leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is he no longer interested in a sexual relationship and happy for you to seek that elsewhere?

Or does he want you to end this?

You need all his expectations, the honest ones. And then you can decide if that's a future that you can deliver wholeheartedly.

There is more to a relationship than sex but imbalance in the bedroom can and will erode the foundations of a relationship if you both don't communicate and agree and above all be open and honest

Good luck OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you try to end it by letting him catch you making the video ?

No we talked a few weeks back about things because he noticed how my attitude had changed and I told him how I was feeling. "

If he's ignored your feelings that's his fault, not yours. Just stay and keep fucking around. You need good sex to be happy.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’d say this. You’re on a sex site getting lots of attention from men.

Who just want sex.

Don’t go getting carried away and throwing away something good because suddenly you’re getting attention from other men, who just want a shag.

20 years is a long time. He deserves better. You need to sort your head out and figure out what it is you want. You want to leave? Then leave. It’s not fair on either of you at the age of 37 to be in a relationship that is probably making you both unhappy. If there are children involved then all the more reason to sort things out properly. If you want to work things out then try. But being on here won’t help that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I'm in a relationship of 20 years and over this last few years I have just felt like something is off.

If you want it to end then it needs to end. You can't stay with someone just to try and make them happy. Plus 'forgiveness' doesn't exactly always work. If it's going to be raised during every argument or disagreement from now on then that's just miserable for both parties

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would need more information to make an informed, considered judgment that would be of value to you. Could you post me the video ?

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By *inAndTonic21Couple
over a year ago

Merseyside

It sounds like things aren’t right and you could only say can I naughty message people whilst with you to see how he responds?

It’s not healthy to try when it’s only one sided so I would say think carefully about what you do next xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Damn girl if you've been trying to end it for years and you're sure it is what you want then end it and stop letting him believe there's a chance it might work out if you're not willing to change and you know it's over.

But if there's a part of you that believes it can work and you see happiness after this rough patch, then you have to remember the grass isn't always greener and ask yourself is it worth working on?

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’m sorry but you’ve behaved appallingly.

The basis for any relationship is communication, if you can’t express your needs then how do you expect them to be met? Running off because your partner doesn’t understand what you haven’t told them is selfish.

Did you ask why he’s not wanting sex?

If you don’t want to be in the relationship then leave. Don’t sit there waiting for him to kick you out just so you can play the victim and make him the bad guy. Own your choices.

Your husband deserves better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think you’re probably not a terrible person, but you’ve not behaved in a great way.

A lot of people talk about a term called ethical non monogamy for this very reason.

Is your relationship completely past saving, even before this?

I know it's not ideal but I have felt us growing further and further apart in the last few years. He didn't pay me any attention and sex was a once a month endeavor if I was lucky."

It's a rocky relationship because you've cheated. Take some responsibility.

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

Yes you're a terrible person. Leave or beg forgiveness

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"That’s sly.

No wonder you’re sleeping st-alone on the sofa."

Boom! Very sly.

You’re boxing clever with this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you want it to end end it! Surely it's not worth hurting him for, I mean your still here so I doubt behaviours are going to change, it's not fair on the bloke.

I have tried to end it but he wants to fix it. I have been trying to fix it for years but it fell on deaf ears.

Reducing this somewhat, but can this be broken down to a) you tried to fix it, but he wasn’t interested although you never split up, and now b) he wants to now accept that fixing even though you did the dirty but now you’re not interested? The whole thing sounds unhealthy, and any Fab angle sounds like a side note, sounds like a contemptuous position frankly, so if you’re really past engaging, at least don’t drag it out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That’s sly.

No wonder you’re sleeping st-alone on the sofa.

Boom! Very sly.

You’re boxing clever with this"

ran rings round us all..,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a very similar situation, I wasn't unhappy in my relationship just not getting much attention so I looked somewhere else for it and my husband found out that I had been having video chats with a guy. We talked about it and I told him my reasons why.. we decided to open up our relationship to meeting single guys and we are stronger as a couple now than we have ever been. We enjoy fun with other guys and our own sex life is great.

You did say though that you wanted to end your relationship so maybe you have already answered your own questions this doesn't make you a bad person it just means you want to be happier than you are now and there is nothing wrong with that xx

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

It’s a rotten thing to do, and it hurts like hell if you are the one it’s being done too. You’ve just flipped someone’s world upside down and not in a good way.

That being said, you have tried to talk about it prior to the episode and you failed, I’m guessing because it was the pain of guilt that stopped you. The reality is, you aren’t doing your partner any long-term favours if you don’t want to be with them any more.

You are going to have to be honest with them, if you want out, then it’s time you separated, how that will affect your living arrangements and finances needs to be considered but if you have emotionally moved on and you can’t physically move on you still need to be honest and say that.

When people cheat it is both controlling and coercive behaviour, because they are deceiving their partner into believing everything is alright, whilst having a secret life and by denying that knowledge to your current partner, you keep them in a “box”.

This isn’t about your current partner setting you free, you already are, this is about you setting them free.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was in a very similar situation, I wasn't unhappy in my relationship just not getting much attention so I looked somewhere else for it and my husband found out that I had been having video chats with a guy. We talked about it and I told him my reasons why.. we decided to open up our relationship to meeting single guys and we are stronger as a couple now than we have ever been. We enjoy fun with other guys and our own sex life is great.

So glad this worked out, hopefully I can be included?

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By *ack 500Man
over a year ago

stafford

"You're female so don't worry, you'll get nothing but sympathy. "

Unbelievably true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So glad this worked out, hopefully I can be included?

FFS read the room

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I'm in a relationship of 20 years and over this last few years I have just felt like something is off.

No your horrible for sending naughty videos to people on here while in a relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"….. even tho he wants to forgive me?"

Hahaha. Yeh, sure he will !?!?

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By *ack 500Man
over a year ago

stafford

"You shagged someone behind his back. I’d say that’s a hefty indicator that something ain’t quite right.

Either talk it out, or leave.

Well I didn't shag anyone I was sending vids or is that what's classed as shagging nowadays?

Ok, maybe you didn’t. You weren’t specific in you opening post. I was guessing.

The post said "sending a video to someone I met on here" which is ambiguous !

Yep agreed that would sound to me like she’s met him before. Although I guess it could have just been a social and not a sex meet!"

The intention is there though !!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So glad this worked out, hopefully I can be included?

FFS read the room"

Just to this comment, not the entire thread. Although I have put my two pence in regarding that.

Tried to stay neutral.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I'm in a relationship of 20 years and over this last few years I have just felt like something is off.

Wouldnt say horrible more untrusting. A cheat is a cheat weather its sending vids,pics without other half knowing about it. As iv said many times on here to guys cheating,how would u feel if was other way about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you try to end it by letting him catch you making the video ?

No we talked a few weeks back about things because he noticed how my attitude had changed and I told him how I was feeling. "

Did you talk before or after you created your Fab profile? If you actually want to put the effort in then get fab gone and work on your relationship instead of putting effort into people who will just view as a means to help them cum

He deserves better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...you’re not a horrible person, don’t think like that. I would though if in a relationship with anyone be truthful to them (always). Best wishes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Plenty of people on here are cheating OP or go with those who are so don't get hung up on the more sanctimonious advice. Just sit down with your partner when you're both calm and have a long, open chat. Then make a decision as the status quo is obviously not working for either of you. Good luck to you both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I'm in a relationship of 20 years and over this last few years I have just felt like something is off.

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

i think its maybe time for the both of you to move on,, without any shouting or screaming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After feeling something was “off” in my marriage I took to internet sleuthing (which it turns out I’m flipping good at) and found my husband’s graphically verified profile on here. The hurt is still with me, months down the line. The shame, embarrassment and utter lack of self worth I continue to try to battle every single day.

I confronted him. We have talked and talked. We still haven’t quite got to the bottom of why, beyond because “he could”.

So coming at it from the other side, you may not be a horrible person but you have acted horribly and I’m sure have irreparably hurt another person.

As others have said; if you want out of your relationship, get out. But bare in mind that many blokes on here chuck compliments out to all and sundry just for wank fodder.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"You're female so don't worry, you'll get nothing but sympathy.

Yeah I see that based on the replies so far. The double standards will never go away. "

Nope.

You'll get the same response from me I'd give to a guy. It's your life and your situation that even if you really, really tried you'd never be able to sufficiently explain on an Internet forum.

Life isn't black and white, nor simple and that includes relationships.

The cats out of the bag now so it should make a decision and resolution easier as you can't carry on as before behind their back.

Only the two people involved can decide what happens moving on. Everyone else's opinion is just noise.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Have you both discussed an open relationship where you both see other people. You could both have a fab account then, if neither of you is willing to leave the relationship

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If you want it to end, end it. Don't prolong his agony or give him false hope. What's stopping you?

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By *ily Con CarneTV/TS
over a year ago

Cornwall

Burn the witch... burn the witch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That’s sly.

No wonder you’re sleeping st-alone on the sofa."

10/10

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By *ragoniteMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Sometimes the hardest thing about addressing problems in a relationship is finding a way to bring the subject up. This was not the ideal way for the can of worms to be opened but now that it has been, you can and should openly talk about the everything before the window closes.

It may be that you find common ground or it may be that you separate. But here is a chance for you to follow your heart and for you both to move forwards, together or alone.

You are not a bad person, ignore the haters on here. Being on here was not the cause of the problem, it’s a symptom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your not happy end it.

If you want to save it talk it over.

If he is willing to engage and change so be it but I think you should end it.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"I’d say this. You’re on a sex site getting lots of attention from men.

Who just want sex.

Don’t go getting carried away and throwing away something good because suddenly you’re getting attention from other men, who just want a shag.

This is great advice. Listen to every word of this OP.

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By *ulldog_71Man
over a year ago

Sedgefield

It is still infidelity they class it as emotional infidelity you need to discuss it fully with your partner and decide what is best for you, there's no point us saying you were in the wrong you know what is right and wrong. If you can stop coming on here or he decides he's OK with you coming on here then it might be fixable if not then why put him through more pain.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think you’re probably not a terrible person, but you’ve not behaved in a great way.

A lot of people talk about a term called ethical non monogamy for this very reason.

Is your relationship completely past saving, even before this?

I know it's not ideal but I have felt us growing further and further apart in the last few years. He didn't pay me any attention and sex was a once a month endeavor if I was lucky."

Once a month?? Damn woman I would go for that. I am married, but havent had sex in over 3 years lol

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

This is messy in so many ways.

1, if it had been a guy posting this, then the reactions would have been very different.

2, we've only had your side of the story,

3, everything you've posted on here, you should be telling your other half instead of us.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I don't understand why you can't just end it regardless of him wanting to forgive you. If that's what you truly want then just do it.

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By *ab FunstersCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

No sympathy here what so ever for you..for your partner yes..crappy thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're female so don't worry, you'll get nothing but sympathy. "

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"You're female so don't worry, you'll get nothing but sympathy.

Yeah I see that based on the replies so far. The double standards will never go away.

Hang on a minute!

I took the piss out of your title in the very first response.

I deserve credit.

Give me credit.

I noticed ! but I only gave it 5/10 and I don't know which one you are. I might have given 4/10 if it was the other one.

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

8 weeks you been on here, i dont get it ,why didnt you put the effort into your relationship in the last 8 weeks by either deciding to work it out or leave , rather than put the time and effort to be on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That john denvers full of shit man

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"So I'm in a relationship of 20 years and over this last few years I have just felt like something is off.

Do you have children together ?

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

You're not considering your partner's feelings in all this ,if you're not happy and want the relationship over ,then end it .

Don't be shitty and come on sites to cheat on him,that is a horrible thing to do and will break his heart .Give him the respect you'd want and actual tell him it's over and you're leaving ,then he can move on and you can meet /video with whoever you want.

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