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The word Queer

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Carlisle

I know now its part of the family of LGBTQ but when i grew up ( cue classical music and scenes if the countryside) if you referred to someone as queer - I certainly felt it was an offensive term and impolite - is it a generational thing or did the gay community actively reclaim that word? I just never thought until i read a post here earlier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bloody word stealers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t know about reclaimed rather never lost it. It’s not the word which ever was or is derogatory it’s the attitude of the person using it.

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Carlisle


"Don’t know about reclaimed rather never lost it. It’s not the word which ever was or is derogatory it’s the attitude of the person using it. "
thats long been my point if view - its about intent with words

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know now its part of the family of LGBTQ but when i grew up ( cue classical music and scenes if the countryside) if you referred to someone as queer - I certainly felt it was an offensive term and impolite - is it a generational thing or did the gay community actively reclaim that word? I just never thought until i read a post here earlier "
it's kinda been reclaimed. It also is (from what I can tell) being used to try and create an idea of colour versus bi (which even as a scale, is still a scale between two old schoolish points)

I'm mixed. I like the idea of nuance. I want a better word than bi. But I still hear it as a slur.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It has been reclaimed. I understand it to be an umbrella term.

But I’d note:

Calling someone Queer is very different to calling someone *A* Qu…

You know what I mean?

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

Nowt so queer as folk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It has been reclaimed. I understand it to be an umbrella term.

But I’d note:

Calling someone Queer is very different to calling someone *A* Qu…

You know what I mean? "

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"It has been reclaimed. I understand it to be an umbrella term.

But I’d note:

Calling someone Queer is very different to calling someone *A* Qu…

You know what I mean? "

It’s not been reclaimed, groups of gay men and women have always referred to each other as queens and queers as long as I can remember. It’s banter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What i do struggle with is when 1 group of people can say something and its n9t offensive yet if a different group say it there attacked for it

I have issue with that kind of thing but the english language is a complex beast i never really understood

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It has been reclaimed. I understand it to be an umbrella term.

But I’d note:

Calling someone Queer is very different to calling someone *A* Qu…

You know what I mean? "
that's a great distinction.

And reminds me of the female versus a female thread ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It has been reclaimed. I understand it to be an umbrella term.

But I’d note:

Calling someone Queer is very different to calling someone *A* Qu…

You know what I mean?

It’s not been reclaimed, groups of gay men and women have always referred to each other as queens and queers as long as I can remember. It’s banter "

Exactly.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

In my understanding it’s been actively claimed.

The fact that it was an original slur thrown at gay folks and originally means odd, weird or not right, to me indicates that it’s been claimed or appropriated.

I had it thrown at me in my childhood/teenage years, so it does still sting in certain aspects but I also like to see it used positively and will refer to myself as that too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like it. As a bisexual, Demi-sexual polyamorous woman it’s a nice umbrella term. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What i do struggle with is when 1 group of people can say something and its n9t offensive yet if a different group say it there attacked for it

I have issue with that kind of thing but the english language is a complex beast i never really understood"

I've given up trying to keep up with current terms. If I get it wrong I'm truly sorry. But I won't lose sleep over it.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I always enjoy how middle aged straight white men always try to tell everyone what they’re thinking, meaning or what’s happening

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree."

Are you gay?

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

It doesn't mean a lot to me. Because it seems such a fluid and subjective term. But I know to others it has meaning and not always the same meaning. So if people tell me they're queer then their queer. I find out exactly what that means to them and that's what I go off. Who am I to tell people what they are or are not?

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT


"

And reminds me of the female versus a female thread ...."

Sounds like a mud wrestling video I used to have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay? "

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It has been reclaimed. I understand it to be an umbrella term.

But I’d note:

Calling someone Queer is very different to calling someone *A* Qu…

You know what I mean?

It’s not been reclaimed, groups of gay men and women have always referred to each other as queens and queers as long as I can remember. It’s banter "

Ok reclaimed is wrong then. I meant in the sense of, you can refer to people as queer now and it is generally acceptable language but obviously that’s context dependent as I said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree."
is this across all age demographics ? I find older people see the slur and younger people don't. Understandable.

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Carlisle

What a great discussion shows that there are diverse opinions but i think intent is key and Steve made a great distinction which i can definitely see the difference in how it could/would be perceived

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay?

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box. "

Which is great.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.is this across all age demographics ? I find older people see the slur and younger people don't. Understandable. "

Thanks for addressing the point. My experience is more with people nearer my age although I have a teenager who talks about these issues. But if a significant number of people of any age find a word offensive then it should be used carefully, I feel.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I always enjoy how middle aged straight white men always try to tell everyone what they’re thinking, meaning or what’s happening"

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Language isn't monolithic, and I suspect we're in a crisis of meaning in general, for a variety of reasons.

My sense is it's been broadly reclaimed, but I'd of course look to context and individual preference when judging the word.

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly


"In my understanding it’s been actively claimed.

The fact that it was an original slur thrown at gay folks and originally means odd, weird or not right, to me indicates that it’s been claimed or appropriated.

I had it thrown at me in my childhood/teenage years, so it does still sting in certain aspects but I also like to see it used positively and will refer to myself as that too"

Exactly my experience, man.

When I was a kid, it was used against me. I'll never be able to get rid of that.

But to see it being used in this generation as a positive makes me happy, and I'm happy to use it as such.

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By *jorkishMan
over a year ago

Seaforth

Hate the word as I've had it all my life as a slur. I realise that gay/bi guy and women are reclaiming it as a means of taking its power away. And I obviously understand that it's the way it used, but still hate it

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay?

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box. "

That's a really nice attitude to be able to have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always enjoy how middle aged straight white men always try to tell everyone what they’re thinking, meaning or what’s happening"

That's great, oldies like you and me must take our pleasures where we can find them.

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By *ld StrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Telford


"Don’t know about reclaimed rather never lost it. It’s not the word which ever was or is derogatory it’s the attitude of the person using it. "

I’m not wanting to hijack the thread for the fat movement (we get enough coverage lol) but this description is perfect. I’ve been trying to reclaim the word fat as description for years and you hit it perfect thank you

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"I know now its part of the family of LGBTQ but when i grew up ( cue classical music and scenes if the countryside) if you referred to someone as queer - I certainly felt it was an offensive term and impolite - is it a generational thing or did the gay community actively reclaim that word? I just never thought until i read a post here earlier "

I'll see your queer and raise you gay... I can remember when this used to mean fun, happy, bright.... We had a gay old time.

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly


"Hate the word as I've had it all my life as a slur. I realise that gay/bi guy and women are reclaiming it as a means of taking its power away. And I obviously understand that it's the way it used, but still hate it"

That's totally fair, also.

I heard the slur a lot, I've kinda disconnected from it in that use a lot in the past decade.

But it doesn't mean I would be casual with the word when it has those old memories

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a concern though in using it, that you don't know how it would be received.

I know I avoid all these words and phrases now as so many folk enjoy nothing better than seizing on an opportunity to find offence where none is intended.

And that includes the tone and delivery and context of word choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a concern though in using it, that you don't know how it would be received.

I know I avoid all these words and phrases now as so many folk enjoy nothing better than seizing on an opportunity to find offence where none is intended.

And that includes the tone and delivery and context of word choice.

"

I cant think if any occasion in my life I'd need to use the term without someone having already identified themselves. And even then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What i do struggle with is when 1 group of people can say something and its n9t offensive yet if a different group say it there attacked for it

I have issue with that kind of thing but the english language is a complex beast i never really understood

I've given up trying to keep up with current terms. If I get it wrong I'm truly sorry. But I won't lose sleep over it. "
same its all noise to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know now its part of the family of LGBTQ but when i grew up ( cue classical music and scenes if the countryside) if you referred to someone as queer - I certainly felt it was an offensive term and impolite - is it a generational thing or did the gay community actively reclaim that word? I just never thought until i read a post here earlier

I'll see your queer and raise you gay... I can remember when this used to mean fun, happy, bright.... We had a gay old time. "
really. That's gay.

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By *mmortalValkyrieWoman
over a year ago

From a galaxy far far away


"It doesn't mean a lot to me. Because it seems such a fluid and subjective term. But I know to others it has meaning and not always the same meaning. So if people tell me they're queer then their queer. I find out exactly what that means to them and that's what I go off. Who am I to tell people what they are or are not? "

This x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree."

I agree with this. I've seen gay men write about how the last time they heard the word it was accompanied by a beating. So...I don't have a lot of time for the word "queer" or people who use it for brownie points although they're not gay or bi.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

It’s not the word, it’s how it’s used. Take ownership of it or use it as an insult, it’ll always be about someone’s motivations when they say ‘queer’.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay?

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box. "

This for me too. I like that it's a less rigid and limiting term. More specific terms are absolutely useful and I use a collection when it is necessary but I also like having a term that is broadly interpreted as "somewhere in the LGBT+ umbrella". It is a term I would only ever apply to myself, individuals I know self identify that way or broadly as a term for those who do. I would never apply the term to an individual I did not know for sure identified with the term. Mostly because I know it can be a hurtful term for some though I do also think that's good practice in general not to apply sexuality labels to others that you haven't witnessed them use for themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a concern though in using it, that you don't know how it would be received.

I know I avoid all these words and phrases now as so many folk enjoy nothing better than seizing on an opportunity to find offence where none is intended.

And that includes the tone and delivery and context of word choice.

I cant think if any occasion in my life I'd need to use the term without someone having already identified themselves. And even then "

Tbh it's such an ingrained habit now I wouldn't know either but I do know I deliberately never use any of them. Whether it's related to gender, race or sexuality or anything else. I only use what I apply to my own self

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay?

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box.

That's a really nice attitude to be able to have "

He’s a clever kid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay?

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box. "

Good for him, but I can’t help wonder why we choose to box ourselves into anything with all these labels. Because I’m trying to avoid boxing himself in, he’s boxed himself in with a different label, and even further, no one’s trying to bid him in with those words but himself

Maybe if we had less labels things would be better.

I sleep with men. I date and sleep with women. I’m not bi or straight, I’m me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a concern though in using it, that you don't know how it would be received.

I know I avoid all these words and phrases now as so many folk enjoy nothing better than seizing on an opportunity to find offence where none is intended.

And that includes the tone and delivery and context of word choice.

I cant think if any occasion in my life I'd need to use the term without someone having already identified themselves. And even then

Tbh it's such an ingrained habit now I wouldn't know either but I do know I deliberately never use any of them. Whether it's related to gender, race or sexuality or anything else. I only use what I apply to my own self"

For me anyway, the very rare times I have to stop and think if something I'm going to say is appropriate is a small price to pay for other not to feel offended.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"It's a concern though in using it, that you don't know how it would be received.

I know I avoid all these words and phrases now as so many folk enjoy nothing better than seizing on an opportunity to find offence where none is intended.

And that includes the tone and delivery and context of word choice.

I cant think if any occasion in my life I'd need to use the term without someone having already identified themselves. And even then

Tbh it's such an ingrained habit now I wouldn't know either but I do know I deliberately never use any of them. Whether it's related to gender, race or sexuality or anything else. I only use what I apply to my own self

For me anyway, the very rare times I have to stop and think if something I'm going to say is appropriate is a small price to pay for other not to feel offended."

Yes. I'm quite happy to check myself, to help those around me be comfortable.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay?

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box.

Good for him, but I can’t help wonder why we choose to box ourselves into anything with all these labels. Because I’m trying to avoid boxing himself in, he’s boxed himself in with a different label, and even further, no one’s trying to bid him in with those words but himself

Maybe if we had less labels things would be better.

I sleep with men. I date and sleep with women. I’m not bi or straight, I’m me"

This would only work if society didn't automatically assume everyone was heterosexual, allosexual and cisgender unless you fit some sort of visual stereotype or tell them otherwise. By not identifying as something else you are automatically put into that box.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay?

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box.

Good for him, but I can’t help wonder why we choose to box ourselves into anything with all these labels. Because I’m trying to avoid boxing himself in, he’s boxed himself in with a different label, and even further, no one’s trying to bid him in with those words but himself

Maybe if we had less labels things would be better.

I sleep with men. I date and sleep with women. I’m not bi or straight, I’m me

This would only work if society didn't automatically assume everyone was heterosexual, allosexual and cisgender unless you fit some sort of visual stereotype or tell them otherwise. By not identifying as something else you are automatically put into that box. "

Is that an issue though? Genuinely?

Like if people assume I’m a straight man, does it matter? Especially if they are strangers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't particularly like the word, but that's 'cos I'm not exactly sure what it's meant to represent -- it's like, how many possible terms for sexual preference do people actually need?

But, language changes -- A little while ago, kids were unfortunately using the term "gay" as a substitute for naff.

But, before gay was for homosexual, it meant lighthearted, bright and cheerful, so who gets the right to own a definition anyway?

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By *teve_it_aloneMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

I’ve been on a real journey with it. I was on the receiving end of it (and other slurs) in my youth. Hated it for years, but I see the pride and inclusivity with which it has been reclaimed.

I’m now happy to describe myself as queer, which is just as well, because I am pretty queer.

Others don’t like it, but they don’t need to use it and I don’t think it’s fair to police other people’s labels for themselves.

Absolute consensus is impossible (look at the identity-first/person-first debates within communities about disability).

I am very frustrated that it’s used as a dog whistle when it comes to inclusivity in the wider LGBTQ+ communities. Certain groups have latched into “queer” as a label that denotes trans inclusivity (and they have an issue with that, for various reasons). I’m happy if people want to assume me using the Q word means I’m trans-inclusive - and will explain why I am to anyone with good-faith interest in it.

Personally, I don’t especially like “poof” as a reclaimed slur. It was probably the more commonly used one against me (my surname offered alliterative benefits to those making this choice of insult!) when I was younger, and I haven’t had the same personal journey to embrace it. But if someone wants to use it about themselves and others who are happy to use it, then it’s not my place to try to stop them.

I will, however, never hesitate to stand up against anyone using any of these terms as slurs, insults, or to mock or hurt others.

Lots of queer love to all!

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay?

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box.

Good for him, but I can’t help wonder why we choose to box ourselves into anything with all these labels. Because I’m trying to avoid boxing himself in, he’s boxed himself in with a different label, and even further, no one’s trying to bid him in with those words but himself

Maybe if we had less labels things would be better.

I sleep with men. I date and sleep with women. I’m not bi or straight, I’m me

This would only work if society didn't automatically assume everyone was heterosexual, allosexual and cisgender unless you fit some sort of visual stereotype or tell them otherwise. By not identifying as something else you are automatically put into that box.

Is that an issue though? Genuinely?

Like if people assume I’m a straight man, does it matter? Especially if they are strangers "

When looking for a partner it's kinda unhelpful.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I don't particularly like the word, but that's 'cos I'm not exactly sure what it's meant to represent -- it's like, how many possible terms for sexual preference do people actually need?

But, language changes -- A little while ago, kids were unfortunately using the term "gay" as a substitute for naff.

But, before gay was for homosexual, it meant lighthearted, bright and cheerful, so who gets the right to own a definition anyway?

"

I think there's something rather lovely about a term meaning, those outside the mainstream. An umbrella term.

People who are a little off kilter, who can stand together. (In my case, it ties into my own intersections with privilege)

Obviously appreciate that others feel differently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay?

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box.

Good for him, but I can’t help wonder why we choose to box ourselves into anything with all these labels. Because I’m trying to avoid boxing himself in, he’s boxed himself in with a different label, and even further, no one’s trying to bid him in with those words but himself

Maybe if we had less labels things would be better.

I sleep with men. I date and sleep with women. I’m not bi or straight, I’m me

This would only work if society didn't automatically assume everyone was heterosexual, allosexual and cisgender unless you fit some sort of visual stereotype or tell them otherwise. By not identifying as something else you are automatically put into that box.

Is that an issue though? Genuinely?

Like if people assume I’m a straight man, does it matter? Especially if they are strangers

When looking for a partner it's kinda unhelpful. "

How so? Genuinely trying to understand

No labels here, I’ve never struggled. I’ve never used a label while looking. I just hit on those I find attractive

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By *teve_it_aloneMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"I don't particularly like the word, but that's 'cos I'm not exactly sure what it's meant to represent -- it's like, how many possible terms for sexual preference do people actually need?

But, language changes -- A little while ago, kids were unfortunately using the term "gay" as a substitute for naff.

But, before gay was for homosexual, it meant lighthearted, bright and cheerful, so who gets the right to own a definition anyway?

"

I think I know what you mean. Worth pointing out that “homosexual” is quite unpopular as a term too - due in part to its history as a “diagnosis” when to be gay was to be so deviant that you were regarded as mentally defective*. It is also one of the terms used in legislation that harmed us as a community and as individuals.

Like you say, language changes and evolves.

(*this is the dated language of the period, in case anyone is concerned about me using it - I wouldn’t dream of using it to describe someone!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a concern though in using it, that you don't know how it would be received.

I know I avoid all these words and phrases now as so many folk enjoy nothing better than seizing on an opportunity to find offence where none is intended.

And that includes the tone and delivery and context of word choice.

I cant think if any occasion in my life I'd need to use the term without someone having already identified themselves. And even then

Tbh it's such an ingrained habit now I wouldn't know either but I do know I deliberately never use any of them. Whether it's related to gender, race or sexuality or anything else. I only use what I apply to my own self

For me anyway, the very rare times I have to stop and think if something I'm going to say is appropriate is a small price to pay for other not to feel offended.

Yes. I'm quite happy to check myself, to help those around me be comfortable."

Exactly

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay?

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box.

Good for him, but I can’t help wonder why we choose to box ourselves into anything with all these labels. Because I’m trying to avoid boxing himself in, he’s boxed himself in with a different label, and even further, no one’s trying to bid him in with those words but himself

Maybe if we had less labels things would be better.

I sleep with men. I date and sleep with women. I’m not bi or straight, I’m me

This would only work if society didn't automatically assume everyone was heterosexual, allosexual and cisgender unless you fit some sort of visual stereotype or tell them otherwise. By not identifying as something else you are automatically put into that box.

Is that an issue though? Genuinely?

Like if people assume I’m a straight man, does it matter? Especially if they are strangers

When looking for a partner it's kinda unhelpful.

How so? Genuinely trying to understand

No labels here, I’ve never struggled. I’ve never used a label while looking. I just hit on those I find attractive "

And its great that works for you. Other people find labels useful however. It helps with a sense of belonging and helps people feel less alienated when they realise they are different. It can also help you to understand yourself and you can research something when you have words to look up. It helps to find others who identify the same and it helps us to explain ourselves to others. Trying to find a compatible partner without the words to describe our own sexuality or gender can be like trying to find a suitable restaurant without words for different types of cuisine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Plenty of gay people find it offensive. 'Reclaiming' a word usually means a small but vocal group of activists decide a word should be redefined then try to police those who disagree.

Are you gay?

Just chiming in on this. My youngest brother is gay, and he prefers urge term queer because (and I quote) he’s only 17 and one day he might fall head over heels for a non-binary person or a trans person. His attitude is that queer allows for him to explore his sexuality for what it is, without trapping himself in one box.

Good for him, but I can’t help wonder why we choose to box ourselves into anything with all these labels. Because I’m trying to avoid boxing himself in, he’s boxed himself in with a different label, and even further, no one’s trying to bid him in with those words but himself

Maybe if we had less labels things would be better.

I sleep with men. I date and sleep with women. I’m not bi or straight, I’m me

This would only work if society didn't automatically assume everyone was heterosexual, allosexual and cisgender unless you fit some sort of visual stereotype or tell them otherwise. By not identifying as something else you are automatically put into that box.

Is that an issue though? Genuinely?

Like if people assume I’m a straight man, does it matter? Especially if they are strangers

When looking for a partner it's kinda unhelpful.

How so? Genuinely trying to understand

No labels here, I’ve never struggled. I’ve never used a label while looking. I just hit on those I find attractive

And its great that works for you. Other people find labels useful however. It helps with a sense of belonging and helps people feel less alienated when they realise they are different. It can also help you to understand yourself and you can research something when you have words to look up. It helps to find others who identify the same and it helps us to explain ourselves to others. Trying to find a compatible partner without the words to describe our own sexuality or gender can be like trying to find a suitable restaurant without words for different types of cuisine. "

Thankyou

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By *ittleRed18Woman
over a year ago

Aberdeen


"It has been reclaimed. I understand it to be an umbrella term.

But I’d note:

Calling someone Queer is very different to calling someone *A* Qu…

You know what I mean? "

This is exactly it words are just words but when people put meaning behind it and intent on hurting others then that's where the problems start.

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By *heGigglersCouple
over a year ago

Stourbridge


"It has been reclaimed. I understand it to be an umbrella term.

But I’d note:

Calling someone Queer is very different to calling someone *A* Qu…

You know what I mean? "

Absolutely this!

I like to use it as an umbrella term, it feels so much more natural than saying LGBTQIA+ out loud

But I also like the fact that it allows people some flexibility in how it applies to them. There are so many interpretations of each "label", you could ask 3 different people what being Bi means, and get 3 very different answers from each.

K x

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By *teve_it_aloneMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"It has been reclaimed. I understand it to be an umbrella term.

But I’d note:

Calling someone Queer is very different to calling someone *A* Qu…

You know what I mean?

Absolutely this!

I like to use it as an umbrella term, it feels so much more natural than saying LGBTQIA+ out loud

But I also like the fact that it allows people some flexibility in how it applies to them. There are so many interpretations of each "label", you could ask 3 different people what being Bi means, and get 3 very different answers from each.

K x"

Totally agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like almost any word, context is everything. You can turn most words into something offensive but attaching other words or insults. “Queer” itself isn’t in any way offensive but it can be inserted into an offensive sentence if that makes sense ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't we just stop it with all this labelling?

I'm human male and that's enough for me.

No bloody pronouns either thanks.

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By *teve_it_aloneMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Can't we just stop it with all this labelling?

I'm human male and that's enough for me.

No bloody pronouns either thanks."

Leaving aside the fact you used several pronouns in that one short post. And lots more in your profile. If you’re going to be angry about “pronouns” it helps to know what they are.

It’s not as simple as that, anyway. Negative or insulting labels are of course bad, but as a species that uses complex language, we’ve been labelling things since we started to talk.

You, for example, just labelled yourself as a “human male”, but you’ve also labelled yourself as “Sharon” amongst other things.

I think “no labels” is a bit like when people say “I don’t see colour”. We use labels to recognise and embrace our differences. And to achieve clarity. For me, bisexuality is “normal”, but it’s not that long ago that straight people argued against being called “heterosexual” because “I’m just normal”. Everyone’s normal is different. That’s why we use the wonderful descriptive gifts of language to help us navigate the world.

If you’re a vegan, taking away labels will ruin your dinner plans when it stops you differentiating a steak house from a falafel shack.

If you don’t see the differences in groups of people, then you become blind or ignorant to when they’re being mistreated or disadvantaged.

Treating everyone equally doesn’t achieve equality. To use another comparison - with disability, a ramp on the stairs is no good if your access need is visual rather than mobility related.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can't we just stop it with all this labelling?

I'm human male and that's enough for me.

No bloody pronouns either thanks."
"cdtv bisexual" sounds very much like a label. And you wouldn't sleep with someone if they say they are "straight". I'm confused by your position.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Can't we just stop it with all this labelling?

I'm human male and that's enough for me.

No bloody pronouns either thanks."cdtv bisexual" sounds very much like a label. And you wouldn't sleep with someone if they say they are "straight". I'm confused by your position. "

I think the problem with a lot of this rhetoric is that words mean things.

Labels aren't just words that people find superfluous, they're mental shortcuts we need to process reality. Pronouns aren't just something for woke snowflakes, they're a grammatical category which is kind of important

But... well. We do bloody insist on going down this weird trail, as a society, of words only meaning things within a particular echo chamber. (Like Ted Cruz said his pronouns are kiss my ass. Ok. Subject object possessive, like he him his?)

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

When I was a youngster queer was used in the context that something was weird but not in a wonderful kind of way. Or, that someone was gay and usually meant in a derogatory way.

Now, I steer clear of the word as I would not want to cause offence, for I would surely never mean to.

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By *jorkishMan
over a year ago

Seaforth


"Hate the word as I've had it all my life as a slur. I realise that gay/bi guy and women are reclaiming it as a means of taking its power away. And I obviously understand that it's the way it used, but still hate it

That's totally fair, also.

I heard the slur a lot, I've kinda disconnected from it in that use a lot in the past decade.

But it doesn't mean I would be casual with the word when it has those old memories "

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

I like it as an umbrella term and use it to identify myself. It sums up a lot of complex gender identity and sexuality in one word without the need to elaborate or explain.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I like it as an umbrella term and use it to identify myself. It sums up a lot of complex gender identity and sexuality in one word without the need to elaborate or explain.

"

I didn't know that it was an umbrella term until reading this thread. It's good to now have that knowledge.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I like it as an umbrella term and use it to identify myself. It sums up a lot of complex gender identity and sexuality in one word without the need to elaborate or explain.

I didn't know that it was an umbrella term until reading this thread. It's good to now have that knowledge."

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I like it as an umbrella term and use it to identify myself. It sums up a lot of complex gender identity and sexuality in one word without the need to elaborate or explain.

"

I use it in the same way.

As much as it was thrown at me when I was younger, I prefer to use it for a group of LGBTQ folks, as opposed to ‘gay’, mainly because that has a very specific usage.

I feel that queer is a far better umbrella term and after several years of using it in this way feels softer.

This is where claiming language works, in my opinion

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By *pear2000Man
over a year ago

Wembley

Anyone cum over a little queer?

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By *teve_it_aloneMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Anyone cum over a little queer?"

And there we have an example of what might be ok in context to say if you’re queer, but not if you’re straight.

Thanks for ignoring all of the above.

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By *tylebender03Man
over a year ago

Manchester

IMO it’s the LGBTQ community taking the word queer back and owning it

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