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Scared to be judged

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Doesn't bother me as I am already me for the rest of my life.

But would we learn more if we judged less and listened more?

We would surely get more participation. @

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As the saying goes "never judge a book by its cover"

However, it is "built" into society and us, people do make their decision upon meeting within the first 30 seconds...rightly or wrongly, just the way it is.

Me, personally, couldn't give a stuff what people think...

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

The old saying was that you have two ears and one mouth for a reason.

The problem is that people have 10 fingers and only two eyes.

I ask people to be on receive as well as send now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gosh, someone in the forums suggesting people should judge less....that'll be the day when it happens in here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Doesn't bother me as I am already me for the rest of my life.

But would we learn more if we judged less and listened more?

We would surely get more participation. @"

I can tell if someone is judgemental just by looking at them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you not think that judgement is instinctive though ?

We often subconciously judge first and only then do we use the conscious to help us evaluate the situation.

Fighting in built judgements, values, and stereotypes and being able to rationalise them doesn't come easily to all.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I am happy to be judged

I am happy to make judgements

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Nobody ever judges on here do they??????? LOL....i am with _iew on this one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sometimes its good to listen to others.

people have problems which you never notice and make yours pale by comparison.

i listen to a lot of woman and some which are very good friends.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I believe that "jugdgin", making assumptions about somebody or a situation is a relict of prehistoric times when humans had to make snap decisions on the potential dangers of a situation and decide for a flight or flight response.

If we did not have that innate ability we might have been killed.

Today we still assess, judge, assume... and that is ok if we are prepared to question our judgments and as some other people have said listen to "new evidence".

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you not think that judgement is instinctive though ?

We often subconciously judge first and only then do we use the conscious to help us evaluate the situation.

Fighting in built judgements, values, and stereotypes and being able to rationalise them doesn't come easily to all."

Should we not even try then?

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"sometimes its good to listen to others.

people have problems which you never notice and make yours pale by comparison.

i listen to a lot of woman and some which are very good friends.

"
I notice you state you listen to women, does that have anything to do with wanting to get into their knickers?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am happy to be judged

I am happy to make judgements"

Oi answer the question!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Do you not think that judgement is instinctive though ?

We often subconciously judge first and only then do we use the conscious to help us evaluate the situation.

Fighting in built judgements, values, and stereotypes and being able to rationalise them doesn't come easily to all."

Sometimes your instinctive judgement proves to be correct. It is part of our survival instinct.

Unfortunately, short (or even long convoluted) responses on here is not the way that our primitive instincts are tuned for the quick judgements. We don't have tone, body language, context to frame the snap the judgement. What we do have is the chance to read, assimilate and then respond at our leisure. It's a chance we don't always take.

The threads on Saturday night are indicative of that, where English was not the first language. You have to look for the clues.

R4 has a programme on right now about language and its use.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Everyone makes judgments,its natural to do so and its how we make our evalutations on either people or a situation

Its a safety mechanism for protection firstly

Then you can re evaluate as the situation changes or more information becomes available

There is not a single person in this world that does'nt judge,whether their judgment is right or wrong is a differnt thing but we all do it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to work in a large customer facing Job, part of our training was about body language ect! And as Julie said it takes 30 secs for us as humans to judge someone on face value, that's just the way we are made! I expect we have all judged or been judged at some point in our life's! I tend to just let it go over my head these days, after all no one is perfect

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

You are mostly avoiding the question ..........

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Do you not think that judgement is instinctive though ?

We often subconciously judge first and only then do we use the conscious to help us evaluate the situation.

Fighting in built judgements, values, and stereotypes and being able to rationalise them doesn't come easily to all.

Sometimes your instinctive judgement proves to be correct. It is part of our survival instinct.

Unfortunately, short (or even long convoluted) responses on here is not the way that our primitive instincts are tuned for the quick judgements. We don't have tone, body language, context to frame the snap the judgement. What we do have is the chance to read, assimilate and then respond at our leisure. It's a chance we don't always take.

The threads on Saturday night are indicative of that, where English was not the first language. You have to look for the clues.

R4 has a programme on right now about language and its use."
Agreed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Me, personally, couldn't give a stuff what people think... "

Same goes for me. I reckon those who fancy judging various things on here should put up an avatar of themselves wearing a judges wig!!

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

There is also the consideration... whose judgment (if I feared being judged) is important to me? If my family judged me that would have a completely different value than an outsider.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"You are mostly avoiding the question .........."

This statement suggests that you have a pre-determined answer you hope people will affirm.

Yes, perhaps more people would join in if we judged less and learnt more. Debate, conversation and life in general is piqued by the moments of slight difference, or conflict. This is part of how we learn and evolve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is also the consideration... whose judgment (if I feared being judged) is important to me? If my family judged me that would have a completely different value than an outsider. "

Indeed...being judged wrongly by someone you love, is a completely different thing to a stranger or someone not significant in your life.

The impact cuts deeply.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"I am happy to be judged

I am happy to make judgements

Oi answer the question! "

I listen to most things, do I do anything will all the information I hear.... No, a lot is said for dramatic effect and attention. I like you, have got to my fifties and I am very comfortable being me, I know me better than anyone.... I make judgements about myself before I make them of others..

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Add to the cocktail... whether somebody's judgment would actually make us change direction? I believe some people's opinion would matter to me and I would consider them... as I would know they were genuine observations and good intentions. Sometimes people do judge/ criticise for their own insecurities and that is a different ball game. Those opinions would not change my behaviour or _iew of the world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Today we still assess, judge, assume..."

Just something to be considered about the word assume. Write it down and draw a line between the last s and the u and draw a line betweem the u and the me.

You get ass/u/me, and that's what can sometimes happen when we assume something. The assumption can make an ass of u and me. I was taught that when I was going through police basic training, i.e. assume nothing and establish that facts.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"

Today we still assess, judge, assume...

Just something to be considered about the word assume. Write it down and draw a line between the last s and the u and draw a line betweem the u and the me.

You get ass/u/me, and that's what can sometimes happen when we assume something. The assumption can make an ass of u and me. I was taught that when I was going through police basic training, i.e. assume nothing and establish that facts. "

I learnt that from a Benny Hill sketch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the train of thought often drops into the slot of a definite judgement with some. For some that might be prematurely shutting off the listening and finding a solution in search of a problem, or even delving for the answer too quickly only to find that during the time submerged in thought the problem is no longer what was perceived. Day/Night thinking might work well in the environment of the internet, but real-world thinking is usually a little more complex than that.

You either are a good listeniner or you aren't. You can become a better listener though. Sadly I feel that patience is fast running out with some over a faster pace of life, and a rapidly hammered-out quick fix is better than a step back and thinking outside of the box - so to speak.

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This site has changed me before when an idiot judged me I'd ignore them , now I sit listen take note then ignore them ........see I'm a better person now

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You are mostly avoiding the question ..........

This statement suggests that you have a pre-determined answer you hope people will affirm.

Yes, perhaps more people would join in if we judged less and learnt more. Debate, conversation and life in general is piqued by the moments of slight difference, or conflict. This is part of how we learn and evolve."

Your judgement.

But really,yes ok. It would be nice if quiet voices could also be involved. I like to learn about all _iews not just the robust.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"You are mostly avoiding the question ..........

This statement suggests that you have a pre-determined answer you hope people will affirm.

Yes, perhaps more people would join in if we judged less and learnt more. Debate, conversation and life in general is piqued by the moments of slight difference, or conflict. This is part of how we learn and evolve.

Your judgement.

But really,yes ok. It would be nice if quiet voices could also be involved. I like to learn about all _iews not just the robust. "

I agree, it would be great if the quiet voices could be involved. In face to face meetings, in the workplace or when I am chairing events and debates I can do something about that. On here, there is no mechanism to draw out the quiet voice other than to acknowledge it. I get more pms about threads than I thought would be possible. I can't quote these but I do suggest that they should post the comment on the thread. Some do, some don't and some can't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It would be nice if quiet voices could also be involved. I like to learn about all _iews not just the robust. "

So re reading the OP and the statement above begs the question what are you saying or asking by posting the thread ?

Are you saying if we judged less - or were less vocal about it - that more people would join in on the forums ?

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

We all judge every day, it's human nature.

It's just when stupid people do it they feel the need to shout it as loud as they can. This need is usually rooted in some form of personal insecurity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Doesn't bother me as I am already me for the rest of my life.

But would we learn more if we judged less and listened more?

We would surely get more participation. @"

I make judgements on people. Isn't it the same as having an opinion on someone?

I also change my mind if new information appears.

If you mean will there be more participation in the forum.... I read the forums for ages. Seemed like a bunch of people that knew each other. I joined in. Now some people know me too.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

regarding judgements on the forums, too many come on seeking affirmation for what they do. ( although I am not sure affirmation is the correct word )

they choose to do something and post about it and seek approval in someway, when they don't get it from all...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Doesn't bother me as I am already me for the rest of my life.

But would we learn more if we judged less and listened more?

We would surely get more participation. @"

great way of putting across a new slant on one of this and similar sites prejudices......

The Bi issue comes and goes we know and as far as I am concerned I no longer care what people think of me; Take or leave im so not bothered. But i get cross with people that react so angrily after you have contacted them because they keep "looking" at you; when they send you messages like;

"go away perv"

"your bi why would i be interested"

"leave me alone"

So do i care .... Not anymore; like the OP - i'm just me; take me as you find me or bugger off ....

God that felt good saying that in public lol

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"regarding judgements on the forums, too many come on seeking affirmation for what they do. ( although I am not sure affirmation is the correct word )

they choose to do something and post about it and seek approval in someway, when they don't get it from all... "

Yes! Asking for a judgement and then not liking the verdict or the sentence.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"regarding judgements on the forums, too many come on seeking affirmation for what they do. ( although I am not sure affirmation is the correct word )

they choose to do something and post about it and seek approval in someway, when they don't get it from all...

Yes! Asking for a judgement and then not liking the verdict or the sentence."

happy days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Doesn't bother me as I am already me for the rest of my life.

But would we learn more if we judged less and listened more?

We would surely get more participation. @

great way of putting across a new slant on one of this and similar sites prejudices......

The Bi issue comes and goes we know and as far as I am concerned I no longer care what people think of me; Take or leave im so not bothered. But i get cross with people that react so angrily after you have contacted them because they keep "looking" at you; when they send you messages like;

"go away perv"

"your bi why would i be interested"

"leave me alone"

So do i care .... Not anymore; like the OP - i'm just me; take me as you find me or bugger off ....

God that felt good saying that in public lol "

Hope that makes you keep on looking at them!!

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"Doesn't bother me as I am already me for the rest of my life.

But would we learn more if we judged less and listened more?

We would surely get more participation. @"
Is the OP going to take a leaf out of her own book from now on then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

I am much less judgemental than I used to be. My Ex was terribly unsociable and hated just about everyone, whilst together I really never saw much of anyone else and I guess over time allowed myself to be influenced a great deal by him and his 'outlook'

After we split up and I started going out to places I realized just what I had been missing out on, and discovered that I actually LIKE people. I have made friends that I never would've before, and I've done things I never would've done before.

The only sorts I would avoid are jealous types because I've learned these types like nothing better than to shit stir and interfere in other peoples business.

I'm not sure if it's the exact same as judging but do sometimes get an instinct about people and tend to go with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Doesn't bother me as I am already me for the rest of my life.

But would we learn more if we judged less and listened more?

We would surely get more participation. @"

Pot kettle goat comments

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every message you send, every ask you ask, your judged.

Example: theres folks adding to this thread with the, "im alright jack" attitude, "dont give a monkeys" attitude, and oof course "check me out" add,,, guess what im doing,,,lol

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