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Homes for the elderly...

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

not a terribly sexy thread, I know. I visited somebody in a home today and what I found was just sad.

The home is beautifully kept, the staff are friendly and despite low pays and antisocial hours they really could not do enough for the residents.

What I found sad was the atmosphere of a dozen elderly people sitting in a semi circle watching whatever was shown on TV. There was not much communication going on and the hour I spent in the lounge felt like an eternity, like a wasting away of some sort.

I promised myself that I would try my level best to ensure that no parent of mine will end up in a home!

Of course there are circumstances where thre genuinely is no alternative. In those circumstances I am wondering what can be done to make that latter stage in people's lives more enjoyable and in a way productive?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I often think about this as I have elderly parents who are very active within the community and lead busy social lives. Living somewhere like that would be hell for both of them.

I wonder how much is down to the actual residents themselves not making an effort and how much to their low expectations of what their life should be like in their latter years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Older people just don't get the time, love an patience they deserve today. The break down of family units these days don't help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im a home carer and we call on old folks a few times a day to get them up and their meals and help them to bed. it keeps them out of homes where they arent treated as individuals and often not cared for properly, the one you describe sounds unusually nice. but they just watch tv at home all day too - dont worry they like it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had to put mum in a nursing home, which is totally different, the majority of the residents had dementia or alzheimers, mum had a brain tumour so didn't really know what was going on, it's a very sad sight to see, many of these old folk have no family either and spend day after day alone, it's not what we want for our own parents, but sometimes you don't really have a choice, I pushed for her to go into a home, because it was killing my dad looking after her, she was only there 10 weeks and passed, I will live with that guilt for the rest of my life, visiting there has certainly changed my outlook on nursing homes.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"We had to put mum in a nursing home, which is totally different, the majority of the residents had dementia or alzheimers, mum had a brain tumour so didn't really know what was going on, it's a very sad sight to see, many of these old folk have no family either and spend day after day alone, it's not what we want for our own parents, but sometimes you don't really have a choice, I pushed for her to go into a home, because it was killing my dad looking after her, she was only there 10 weeks and passed, I will live with that guilt for the rest of my life, visiting there has certainly changed my outlook on nursing homes. "

Oh no you mustn't feel guilty you did waht had to be done for the sake of both your parents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad is getting on a bit and his health is starting to decline so J and I are thinking about moving so that he can come and live with us.

I'm quite lucky that I only work part time so am able to do this - I know a lot of folks can't and so their relatives who need full time care can't be looked after by families members xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"im a home carer and we call on old folks a few times a day to get them up and their meals and help them to bed. it keeps them out of homes where they arent treated as individuals and often not cared for properly, the one you describe sounds unusually nice. but they just watch tv at home all day too - dont worry they like it"

I'm sure lots of elderly people like watching tv but my parents don't like to watch it all day and as my father is partially sighted he enjoys chatting, singing, dancing, listening to music, walking, playing his piano and many other things. My mother enjoys crafts, reading, socialising, going out and about on her mobility scooter. Watching tv all day would make both of them very unhyappy.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"We had to put mum in a nursing home, which is totally different, the majority of the residents had dementia or alzheimers, mum had a brain tumour so didn't really know what was going on, it's a very sad sight to see, many of these old folk have no family either and spend day after day alone, it's not what we want for our own parents, but sometimes you don't really have a choice, I pushed for her to go into a home, because it was killing my dad looking after her, she was only there 10 weeks and passed, I will live with that guilt for the rest of my life, visiting there has certainly changed my outlook on nursing homes. "

I am really sorry to hear this and to hear that you feel guilty. I did not mean for this thread to make anybody feel bad... it was just borne out of what I saw and felt today. Perhaps the residents were happy, who knows? I guess I was thinking that maybe they could do with more stimulation, with being needed somewhere and having a sense of purpose? It just does not feel right to be left to watch TV all day.

Also I take the point made about some people not helping themselves, that they could do more if they so chose.

I am just pondering as today's image left me feeling a bit pensive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

people struggling with care need to get social workers to arrange home care, often the council can pay most of it. then they can stay at home to pass away where they are happy. it doesnt remove the burden from family but is a massive help and often enough to cope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We had to put mum in a nursing home, which is totally different, the majority of the residents had dementia or alzheimers, mum had a brain tumour so didn't really know what was going on, it's a very sad sight to see, many of these old folk have no family either and spend day after day alone, it's not what we want for our own parents, but sometimes you don't really have a choice, I pushed for her to go into a home, because it was killing my dad looking after her, she was only there 10 weeks and passed, I will live with that guilt for the rest of my life, visiting there has certainly changed my outlook on nursing homes.

Oh no you mustn't feel guilty you did waht had to be done for the sake of both your parents."

I know it was the best thing to do for both my parents, I'm sure they would understand why I suggested it, but it's not an easy thing to do.

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By *coobyroo218Couple
over a year ago

Guernsey

I have just finished building a massive extension on the back of one of these homes for another 8 patients, the rooms where lovely,own tv satalite tv you name it they had it, but what really got me was we had wagons and machines back and forth all day and not one of the old dears even knew we where even there, they just either ate slept or stared into space.

Whilst like said they are well looked after its a sad way to live out the last few years of your life

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"im a home carer and we call on old folks a few times a day to get them up and their meals and help them to bed. it keeps them out of homes where they arent treated as individuals and often not cared for properly, the one you describe sounds unusually nice. but they just watch tv at home all day too - dont worry they like it

I'm sure lots of elderly people like watching tv but my parents don't like to watch it all day and as my father is partially sighted he enjoys chatting, singing, dancing, listening to music, walking, playing his piano and many other things. My mother enjoys crafts, reading, socialising, going out and about on her mobility scooter. Watching tv all day would make both of them very unhyappy. "
I think that is where I am coming from. My family have a history of becoming very old and leading very active lives.... so they would most certainly not be content with watching TV all day.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I wonder if the fact of being in a home disempowers people somewhat and removes their motivation to do very much. My mother was in a rehabilitation centre when she broke her back at the age of 72 and became very instutionalised during the time she was there so I can see how it might happen.

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

At my age, I now am in the unenviable position of having to think about care for my parents in their later years. One of my best friends is a carer who lost her Dad very quickly to a brain hemorrage (sp) and her Mam slowly to another hemorrage where she survived for 2 years with dense amnesia (kinda dementia, able to mostly look after herself). My Dad is forgetful and I've mentioned dementia to him and my Stepmum but they're too scared to find out! My Mam fortunately is completely compos mentis currently but they are both in their 70's. I know I would be unable to look after them if they couldn't keep themselves clean - ffs, I'm about to have a hip replacement and if I have to ask a member of my family to help me put socks or knickers on then I ain't fecking wearing them!

Personally, I hope a heart attack or stroke knocks my folk out (my Grandma died at my sister and brother's 10th birthday party after bringing a trifle down for the party food) and I hope I go that way myself - I know there's no way I can look after my parents if their bodies give up on them, and I don't want anyone to have to look after me if my body goes

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I wonder if the fact of being in a home disempowers people somewhat and removes their motivation to do very much. My mother was in a rehabilitation centre when she broke her back at the age of 72 and became very instutionalised during the time she was there so I can see how it might happen. "
Yes and I was thinking if you have some people with mild age related senility and forgetfulnes and you put them together with severe dementia cases... how much that might worsen them..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"im a home carer and we call on old folks a few times a day to get them up and their meals and help them to bed. it keeps them out of homes where they arent treated as individuals and often not cared for properly, the one you describe sounds unusually nice. but they just watch tv at home all day too - dont worry they like it

I'm sure lots of elderly people like watching tv but my parents don't like to watch it all day and as my father is partially sighted he enjoys chatting, singing, dancing, listening to music, walking, playing his piano and many other things. My mother enjoys crafts, reading, socialising, going out and about on her mobility scooter. Watching tv all day would make both of them very unhyappy. I think that is where I am coming from. My family have a history of becoming very old and leading very active lives.... so they would most certainly not be content with watching TV all day. "

Its a worry isn't it. I was at my parents house this afternoon singing and dancing with my dad (85) to Abba lol, he's a good singer just be glad you weren't there to witness me giving my rendition of Chiquitita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We had to put mum in a nursing home, which is totally different, the majority of the residents had dementia or alzheimers, mum had a brain tumour so didn't really know what was going on, it's a very sad sight to see, many of these old folk have no family either and spend day after day alone, it's not what we want for our own parents, but sometimes you don't really have a choice, I pushed for her to go into a home, because it was killing my dad looking after her, she was only there 10 weeks and passed, I will live with that guilt for the rest of my life, visiting there has certainly changed my outlook on nursing homes.

I am really sorry to hear this and to hear that you feel guilty. I did not mean for this thread to make anybody feel bad... it was just borne out of what I saw and felt today. Perhaps the residents were happy, who knows? I guess I was thinking that maybe they could do with more stimulation, with being needed somewhere and having a sense of purpose? It just does not feel right to be left to watch TV all day.

Also I take the point made about some people not helping themselves, that they could do more if they so chose.

I am just pondering as today's image left me feeling a bit pensive. "

You haven't made me feel bad hun, I was just putting my thoughts out there, you're right tho it's a sad sight to see, it's a pity older folk who have all their faculties can't have their own little village, like in the movies haha wouldn't that be great.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"im a home carer and we call on old folks a few times a day to get them up and their meals and help them to bed. it keeps them out of homes where they arent treated as individuals and often not cared for properly, the one you describe sounds unusually nice. but they just watch tv at home all day too - dont worry they like it

I'm sure lots of elderly people like watching tv but my parents don't like to watch it all day and as my father is partially sighted he enjoys chatting, singing, dancing, listening to music, walking, playing his piano and many other things. My mother enjoys crafts, reading, socialising, going out and about on her mobility scooter. Watching tv all day would make both of them very unhyappy. I think that is where I am coming from. My family have a history of becoming very old and leading very active lives.... so they would most certainly not be content with watching TV all day. "

well the ones who want to go out and do stuff, we take them out to do it, but a lot of them arent interested. mainly they like a chat, which as a gobby cow im excellent at providing lol

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"At my age, I now am in the unenviable position of having to think about care for my parents in their later years. One of my best friends is a carer who lost her Dad very quickly to a brain hemorrage (sp) and her Mam slowly to another hemorrage where she survived for 2 years with dense amnesia (kinda dementia, able to mostly look after herself). My Dad is forgetful and I've mentioned dementia to him and my Stepmum but they're too scared to find out! My Mam fortunately is completely compos mentis currently but they are both in their 70's. I know I would be unable to look after them if they couldn't keep themselves clean - ffs, I'm about to have a hip replacement and if I have to ask a member of my family to help me put socks or knickers on then I ain't fecking wearing them!

Personally, I hope a heart attack or stroke knocks my folk out (my Grandma died at my sister and brother's 10th birthday party after bringing a trifle down for the party food) and I hope I go that way myself - I know there's no way I can look after my parents if their bodies give up on them, and I don't want anyone to have to look after me if my body goes "
I can totally see where you are coming from... in terms of not being able to look after your parents.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I wonder if the fact of being in a home disempowers people somewhat and removes their motivation to do very much. My mother was in a rehabilitation centre when she broke her back at the age of 72 and became very instutionalised during the time she was there so I can see how it might happen. Yes and I was thinking if you have some people with mild age related senility and forgetfulnes and you put them together with severe dementia cases... how much that might worsen them.."

Yep! What's the answer? I also have a very elderly aunt who was forced to witness the Abba singing and dancing debacle and she too is very vital. I can see my life being spent whizzing from one to the other making sure they get their fix of company and motivation.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

The state of homes - even good ones - are the reason I and my brother kept my mother at home. It did mean I became her main carer - even giving up a high-paid management position, but well-worth it.

And, ironically, it is more cost-effective to keep older people in their own homes. My mother still had as full and active a life as it was possible given her medical issues - right up to the last 5 weeks of her life. She loved going to the theatre, out shopping every single week and meals out.

I doubt it would have been like that in a home.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think we should be a more inclusive society, older people have many useful experiences and skills that they could share. My dad gives talks at schools on WW2 and is a guide at a local historical house, my mum runs a craft group at the local church. However older people are written off all too often.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

If the kids put me in a home there will be nothing left to leave them..its in their best interest to keep me in my home as long as possible. Unless I get alzheimers then they can pack me off to switzerland pretty darn quick.No way am I going to make them feel guilty.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I wonder if the fact of being in a home disempowers people somewhat and removes their motivation to do very much. My mother was in a rehabilitation centre when she broke her back at the age of 72 and became very instutionalised during the time she was there so I can see how it might happen. Yes and I was thinking if you have some people with mild age related senility and forgetfulnes and you put them together with severe dementia cases... how much that might worsen them..

Yep! What's the answer? I also have a very elderly aunt who was forced to witness the Abba singing and dancing debacle and she too is very vital. I can see my life being spent whizzing from one to the other making sure they get their fix of company and motivation."
Quite! And I am thinking of a very specific case of a former fighter pilot, highly intelligent, well read, sophisticated gentleman who was forced to sit through afternoon sessions of Jeremy Kyle euquivalent shows. It does not seem right. I wish I had an answer!

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria


"im a home carer and we call on old folks a few times a day to get them up and their meals and help them to bed. it keeps them out of homes where they arent treated as individuals and often not cared for properly, the one you describe sounds unusually nice. but they just watch tv at home all day too - dont worry they like it

I'm sure lots of elderly people like watching tv but my parents don't like to watch it all day and as my father is partially sighted he enjoys chatting, singing, dancing, listening to music, walking, playing his piano and many other things. My mother enjoys crafts, reading, socialising, going out and about on her mobility scooter. Watching tv all day would make both of them very unhyappy. I think that is where I am coming from. My family have a history of becoming very old and leading very active lives.... so they would most certainly not be content with watching TV all day. "

We've finally got Mam moved from the family home (draughty old barn) to a social housing flat (lovely warm place)...she's finally admitted to being happy there - HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH!!! - but can seldom get her out of the place other than her trips up town in the morning (she still drives locally) - she's happy to stay in the house watching Inspector Frost, Foyles War and her horseracing (she and I are both now word perfect for Foyle, Frost, Midsomer, Pie in the Sky and Sherlock Holmes) - I've kind of "enjoyed" being off sick cos it's given me a chance to see Mam every day and get to know her again as a person in her new home rather than a whinging old biddy in the old spot - it's been like having my "old" mam back again when she was a feisty ol' besom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The state of homes - even good ones - are the reason I and my brother kept my mother at home. It did mean I became her main carer - even giving up a high-paid management position, but well-worth it.

And, ironically, it is more cost-effective to keep older people in their own homes. My mother still had as full and active a life as it was possible given her medical issues - right up to the last 5 weeks of her life. She loved going to the theatre, out shopping every single week and meals out.

I doubt it would have been like that in a home."

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"If the kids put me in a home there will be nothing left to leave them..its in their best interest to keep me in my home as long as possible. Unless I get alzheimers then they can pack me off to switzerland pretty darn quick.No way am I going to make them feel guilty."

I can see where you are coming from and I would spontaneously agree. The problem is we dont know when that time is, and how we will feel then. It also means a great burden (of guilt maybe?) potentially for the kids involved?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I wonder if the fact of being in a home disempowers people somewhat and removes their motivation to do very much. My mother was in a rehabilitation centre when she broke her back at the age of 72 and became very instutionalised during the time she was there so I can see how it might happen. Yes and I was thinking if you have some people with mild age related senility and forgetfulnes and you put them together with severe dementia cases... how much that might worsen them..

Yep! What's the answer? I also have a very elderly aunt who was forced to witness the Abba singing and dancing debacle and she too is very vital. I can see my life being spent whizzing from one to the other making sure they get their fix of company and motivation.Quite! And I am thinking of a very specific case of a former fighter pilot, highly intelligent, well read, sophisticated gentleman who was forced to sit through afternoon sessions of Jeremy Kyle euquivalent shows. It does not seem right. I wish I had an answer! "

The Abba debacle was me and my dad dancing and singing this afternoon as I mentioned earlier but I can see that my aunt probably suffered just as much the gentleman you mentioned lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a carer & have been for a very long time,worked in different homes,home care & hospitals & it is a job u have to work hard at & its very rewarding,its not a job u do for money,all homes are very different & sometimes coming into care is the only option for some people xx

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I think we should be a more inclusive society, older people have many useful experiences and skills that they could share. My dad gives talks at schools on WW2 and is a guide at a local historical house, my mum runs a craft group at the local church. However older people are written off all too often. "
Well said

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I wonder if the fact of being in a home disempowers people somewhat and removes their motivation to do very much. My mother was in a rehabilitation centre when she broke her back at the age of 72 and became very instutionalised during the time she was there so I can see how it might happen. Yes and I was thinking if you have some people with mild age related senility and forgetfulnes and you put them together with severe dementia cases... how much that might worsen them..

Yep! What's the answer? I also have a very elderly aunt who was forced to witness the Abba singing and dancing debacle and she too is very vital. I can see my life being spent whizzing from one to the other making sure they get their fix of company and motivation.Quite! And I am thinking of a very specific case of a former fighter pilot, highly intelligent, well read, sophisticated gentleman who was forced to sit through afternoon sessions of Jeremy Kyle euquivalent shows. It does not seem right. I wish I had an answer!

The Abba debacle was me and my dad dancing and singing this afternoon as I mentioned earlier but I can see that my aunt probably suffered just as much the gentleman you mentioned lol "

I can just imagine lol... and that sounds terrific! I personally really like being with old people for their life experience and wisdom and the stories some of them have to tell.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I'm a carer & have been for a very long time,worked in different homes,home care & hospitals & it is a job u have to work hard at & its very rewarding,its not a job u do for money,all homes are very different & sometimes coming into care is the only option for some people xx"

Sure I completely agree that sometimes it is the only option. I guess I would love to be able to think of a way to improve things. The latter part of people's lives should really not be a downhill journey.

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By *ady4ladyWoman
over a year ago

liverpool

Just read thru this full post, made me laugh, cry and feel guilt and sorrow too. When we think that we are alone in our struggle to 'do whats right' its nice to know that others have the same issues, problems and guilts. I am in the same position as so many on here and just wanted to say, my parent was very very houseproud, worked hard, always on the go, but now is very happy to sit all day watching TV or sometimes just daydreaming (she is in her 90s). It worried me a lot, but I realise now that its a lot more common and no matter how much i try to stimulate her, she just prefers her 'world'. Thanks all for sharing. x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I wonder if the fact of being in a home disempowers people somewhat and removes their motivation to do very much. My mother was in a rehabilitation centre when she broke her back at the age of 72 and became very instutionalised during the time she was there so I can see how it might happen. Yes and I was thinking if you have some people with mild age related senility and forgetfulnes and you put them together with severe dementia cases... how much that might worsen them..

Yep! What's the answer? I also have a very elderly aunt who was forced to witness the Abba singing and dancing debacle and she too is very vital. I can see my life being spent whizzing from one to the other making sure they get their fix of company and motivation.Quite! And I am thinking of a very specific case of a former fighter pilot, highly intelligent, well read, sophisticated gentleman who was forced to sit through afternoon sessions of Jeremy Kyle euquivalent shows. It does not seem right. I wish I had an answer!

The Abba debacle was me and my dad dancing and singing this afternoon as I mentioned earlier but I can see that my aunt probably suffered just as much the gentleman you mentioned lol

I can just imagine lol... and that sounds terrific! I personally really like being with old people for their life experience and wisdom and the stories some of them have to tell. "

I enjoy being with people of all ages and I think that's key to a possible solution. We have a small development of bungalows near us for elderly people only and I feel that's wrong it's deliberately isolating them and intensifying any fears they may have.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Just read thru this full post, made me laugh, cry and feel guilt and sorrow too. When we think that we are alone in our struggle to 'do whats right' its nice to know that others have the same issues, problems and guilts. I am in the same position as so many on here and just wanted to say, my parent was very very houseproud, worked hard, always on the go, but now is very happy to sit all day watching TV or sometimes just daydreaming (she is in her 90s). It worried me a lot, but I realise now that its a lot more common and no matter how much i try to stimulate her, she just prefers her 'world'. Thanks all for sharing. x"
Thank YOU for sharing, too. It sounds like your parent is happy and that, at the end of the day is the main concern. My worries were really about those that dont have a voice, have to live a lifestyle that maybe they are not happy with. Maybe I worry too much... who knows. And then I cant imagine myself watching TV when I get older so perhaps my concnerns raised here are a little bit about me. I just had not thought about it in that way until I read your post!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once again in this country the small percentage of bad folk working in care homes spoil it for the vast majority who do a job brilliantly and if being honest not sure if i could do it. I nursed my parents through illness but looking after others am embarrassed that i am unsure.

The elderly and indeed others in need of help should be treated with respect and dignity and sadly with the government being inept and targetting wrong areas to take money away from this will only exasperate the situation.

The money given to top 1% of rich as tax refund could and should have gone to ensuring the elderly and infirm are treated far better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

in the one Nursing home i have worked in there was an activities co ordinator to provide various tasks. This was a Nursing home not a residential where the clients are often very different in their physical abilities.

Think any care worker certainly doesn't do the job for the money but its because they have genuine intentions of providing a duty of care to the individual to make their end of life care as easy and pain free as possible. If i was 90, was no longer able to walk, terminally ill by no means would i have the energy to say visit town even just to look around at the shops. Its very much down to each individual and what their abilities are. I for one am totally all about patient choice. This is that clients home and i am simply a guest.

If the individual was feeling spritely and requested a trip to town, or just simply wanted to go for a walk (in a wheelchair) round the village then providing there are adeqate staffing id glady take a stroll. The home i worked in had sensory gardens with shade and water features etc. Hand on heart would love to think that no clients were neglected in any way and their well being was as high as it could be. Lounges played appropriate music to help remenice (sp?) and often showed black and white films rather than modern action films.

It was all down to the various clients who were staying, others were not afraid to embrace the modern times and ways of living (Jezzer on tv for example) and some were ridgid in the way of the radio and 'classics'. Lounges had a piano and often had various staff members playing along singing 'daisyyyy daisyyyyyy give me your answer due, im half crazyyyyy all for the love of you... ' (you get the picture)

Activities as a group (skittles, cards, drawing, baking) were often done late morning and early afternoon when clients would typically have more energy. In the evenings and the 'wind down' to bedtime it would often just be music playing quietly or the TV left on.

I dont know if any of that makes sense to any of you lol

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By *ady4ladyWoman
over a year ago

liverpool

I guess that by the time we reach an age where we are dependent on others, we will be content to sit and watch the world go by. Having so many memories will fill our time. I personally will be happy to be warm, safe and a full tummy. There is only one thing that I am sure about.....and that is that i dont want to be alone, so being surrounded by other old 'dears' is so much more preferable to me than sitting alone with my thoughts. Thats just the way I feel. x

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"in the one Nursing home i have worked in there was an activities co ordinator to provide various tasks. This was a Nursing home not a residential where the clients are often very different in their physical abilities.

Think any care worker certainly doesn't do the job for the money but its because they have genuine intentions of providing a duty of care to the individual to make their end of life care as easy and pain free as possible. If i was 90, was no longer able to walk, terminally ill by no means would i have the energy to say visit town even just to look around at the shops. Its very much down to each individual and what their abilities are. I for one am totally all about patient choice. This is that clients home and i am simply a guest.

If the individual was feeling spritely and requested a trip to town, or just simply wanted to go for a walk (in a wheelchair) round the village then providing there are adeqate staffing id glady take a stroll. The home i worked in had sensory gardens with shade and water features etc. Hand on heart would love to think that no clients were neglected in any way and their well being was as high as it could be. Lounges played appropriate music to help remenice (sp?) and often showed black and white films rather than modern action films.

It was all down to the various clients who were staying, others were not afraid to embrace the modern times and ways of living (Jezzer on tv for example) and some were ridgid in the way of the radio and 'classics'. Lounges had a piano and often had various staff members playing along singing 'daisyyyy daisyyyyyy give me your answer due, im half crazyyyyy all for the love of you... ' (you get the picture)

Activities as a group (skittles, cards, drawing, baking) were often done late morning and early afternoon when clients would typically have more energy. In the evenings and the 'wind down' to bedtime it would often just be music playing quietly or the TV left on.

I dont know if any of that makes sense to any of you lol"
Well said and spoken from experience and heart!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im only a care assistant not a nurse, but i hope my passion for the job comes across. Yes a nursing home is a business and naturally the financial side has to balance out but those are not MY concerns. My time while i am working is soley client based. If it takes me 45mins to give a lady a really wonderful hot soapy wash that leaves her refreshed and we have had a brilliant conversation about her family and her past experiences then i am happy. Tragically ive come across staff members (mainly agency workers who perhaps do not know the routine) are almost like robots who read a careplan and do the job needed as soon as possible. My 45 mins could make an inpact to how good or bad Mrs J feels for the rest of the day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive worked in nursing homes in the past and tho i have never worked in a bad home they can be quite lonley places, theres not enough staff in most cases to give that bit of extra 1 on 1 attention and just spend a little time to talk to them which is a same really

Ive just changed my job and im now doing home care, which is basically going round peoples homes and caring for them there which i think is much better as it helps more stay at home for longer, not everyone on my rounds are elderly, theres also terminally ill, people who just go on the books for a few weeks after a op and need their dressings changed etc but there are a lot of elderly that just need a wash and a change, bit of something to eat and helping in and out of bed, companies like this just give them that little bit of independence for a little longer, i much prefer it and the elderly people who use us are much happier in general than the ones that i used to care for in nuring homes

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

My mum and dad are both getting on a bit! Mum is 87 and Dad is 89. Mum had dementia and has some of the classic symptoms of Altzheimers. In a world of her own, she is really the only happy one.. Most of the time!

Dad is beginning to lose his memory a little but that is to be expected. Both are physically fit and enjoy their lives as they are. They live with my sister in their own annex and my dear sister looks after them..

Although I do not want my parents in a home, if it was taking a toll on my sisters health, I would suggest a home.. Easy to say sitting here... BUT...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My parents bought a retirement flat not too far from me ten years ago.

They have the choice of pull-cords in their rooms to a central control who contact their doctor or me, their closest family member in an emergency.

So far though they have never had any need for them, they are both out and about daily, either with their bus passes or my dad drives.

They are aged 80 and 73 yet I forget because they are so independent and active.

I've already told them I want their retirement flat when they pop their clogs, seems a great place to live.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it seems that when a person is no longer contributing to society (in terms of paying tax) they are no longer considered worthwhile and shunted off to (sp)end their days waiting to die. The eldest generation still have so much to give even after they've retired as mentors for younger generations but nobody wants to utilise a lifetime of experience and put it to good use. So sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to be a postie, and went to a few of these on my rounds. And as bad as they were, I always thought it would be better than sitting in a house on my own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"im a home carer and we call on old folks a few times a day to get them up and their meals and help them to bed. it keeps them out of homes where they arent treated as individuals and often not cared for properly, the one you describe sounds unusually nice. but they just watch tv at home all day too - dont worry they like it"

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Sometimes it seems that when a person is no longer contributing to society (in terms of paying tax) they are no longer considered worthwhile and shunted off to (sp)end their days waiting to die. The eldest generation still have so much to give even after they've retired as mentors for younger generations but nobody wants to utilise a lifetime of experience and put it to good use. So sad."
good post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The home where my mum lives is lovely and her mental health has improved as there is always something going on - albeit arguments sometimes.

Quite honestly in would rather join a Home than to feel a burden on either of my kids and their families if I needed 24 hour care which is the case for most in these homes.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"

Quite honestly in would rather join a Home than to feel a burden on either of my kids and their families if I needed 24 hour care which is the case for most in these homes."

I think I would, too. Having said that I also like the idea that one of my friends suggested (after several bottles of wine, mind) that our little friendship group should plan on buying a big house and look after each other... Now that does sound like a nice idea actually - joke aside.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Quite honestly in would rather join a Home than to feel a burden on either of my kids and their families if I needed 24 hour care which is the case for most in these homes.

I think I would, too. Having said that I also like the idea that one of my friends suggested (after several bottles of wine, mind) that our little friendship group should plan on buying a big house and look after each other... Now that does sound like a nice idea actually - joke aside. "

Yes it does. You could form a community trust company and you would get a degree of support and could apply for various funding fom Europe etc.

Or a co op the co op movement has good support systems.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Quite honestly in would rather join a Home than to feel a burden on either of my kids and their families if I needed 24 hour care which is the case for most in these homes.

I think I would, too. Having said that I also like the idea that one of my friends suggested (after several bottles of wine, mind) that our little friendship group should plan on buying a big house and look after each other... Now that does sound like a nice idea actually - joke aside. "

Could prove to be revolutionary.

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

I used to do work in a home and they put on quite a few events. The residents were then given the option to join in or not. Amazing how many decided not to. Staff used to call it gods waiting room

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to do work in a home and they put on quite a few events. The residents were then given the option to join in or not. Amazing how many decided not to. Staff used to call it gods waiting room "

Ive heard residents themselves call it that.

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley


"I used to do work in a home and they put on quite a few events. The residents were then given the option to join in or not. Amazing how many decided not to. Staff used to call it gods waiting room

Ive heard residents themselves call it that. "

Don't get me wrong it did improve some of their lives but they had to want it too. But the others did get care etc to keep them healthy. And the manager was smoking hot to say the least

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I use to deliver food to care homes and it left me feeling so sad about the way we treat our elderly folk.

Sad but I'd rather pass away quietly at home in my 70's than get put in one of these places an live to a hundred.

It's not all homes there are a few good ones but the bad outnumber the good on a massive scale ......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"not a terribly sexy thread, I know. I visited somebody in a home today and what I found was just sad.

The home is beautifully kept, the staff are friendly and despite low pays and antisocial hours they really could not do enough for the residents.

What I found sad was the atmosphere of a dozen elderly people sitting in a semi circle watching whatever was shown on TV. There was not much communication going on and the hour I spent in the lounge felt like an eternity, like a wasting away of some sort.

I promised myself that I would try my level best to ensure that no parent of mine will end up in a home!

Of course there are circumstances where thre genuinely is no alternative. In those circumstances I am wondering what can be done to make that latter stage in people's lives more enjoyable and in a way productive? "

i worked in care homes and after 2yrs i walked out. Most staff were brilliant but its down to the managers regarding poor care. Constantly under staffed, long hrs poor equipment. I couldn't believe what i was expected to do under these circumstances. If anyone ever has a problem in a home please get in touch with the quality care commission. Unless there are complaints nothin will be done and the poor residents will receive hardly any dignity. I myself have complained and am tryin to make a difference

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Starting to feel that I'm not so many years away from that stage myself, and it scares the hell out of me...

I've got no family and nobody to stand up for me when the time comes, so I'm going to end up totally at the mercy of the care system.

From what I keep hearing on the TV about rogue care homes, I'm seriously starting to look for a way out of life while I still have the capacity to take that decision and act upon it....

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Starting to feel that I'm not so many years away from that stage myself, and it scares the hell out of me...

I've got no family and nobody to stand up for me when the time comes, so I'm going to end up totally at the mercy of the care system.

From what I keep hearing on the TV about rogue care homes, I'm seriously starting to look for a way out of life while I still have the capacity to take that decision and act upon it....

"
Facing the prospect of one's own mortality is part of life, only in our culture we try to pretend it is soooo far away.

I really like the idea of planning your retirement in whatever shape or form. Hence that idea of clubbing together with a few people and perhpas hiring a couple of carers on a private basis might not be such a bad idea. Everybody would have their own facilities and space... if you wanted company you could have that... At the moment it is a concept in its infancy... but hey.. who knows.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My grandmother is 85 she lives with us in Indian culture we always look after the elders

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My grandmother is 85 she lives with us in Indian culture we always look after the elders"

that used to be the culture here too but now families split up and move away,shame but true!

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"My grandmother is 85 she lives with us in Indian culture we always look after the elders"
WHere I come from we tend to do that as well. Not quite as well as you guys but we prefer having them live with us. I recall both my great grandparents living with my grandparents until they died.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad went into a nursing home for a few years before he died last year. Although it was a very good home with activities such as bingo arts and crafts, quizzes, old music ect. I still felt he wasn't very happy there. He was always very independent and active, looking after himself and my mum until she died. He did lose his mind and swore mum was still alive, no matter how many times we told him she wasn't. We just went along with it in the end. There were some elderly people there sat in the chair, falling a sleep all day in front of the tele. Some hardy ever had a visitor it was very sad. At least me and my family worked it between us that someone went in to see him for a couple of hours most days, taking him out for walks in the park in is his wheel chair ect. In my experience not great places to spend the last years of your live in, no matter how good the staff or how well run they are. Saying that I don't what the answer is either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My dad went into a nursing home for a few years before he died last year. Although it was a very good home with activities such as bingo arts and crafts, quizzes, old music ect. I still felt he wasn't very happy there. He was always very independent and active, looking after himself and my mum until she died. He did lose his mind and swore mum was still alive, no matter how many times we told him she wasn't. We just went along with it in the end. There were some elderly people there sat in the chair, falling a sleep all day in front of the tele. Some hardy ever had a visitor it was very sad. At least me and my family worked it between us that someone went in to see him for a couple of hours most days, taking him out for walks in the park in is his wheel chair ect. In my experience not great places to spend the last years of your live in, no matter how good the staff or how well run they are. Saying that I don't what the answer is either. "
LIFE in and don't KNOW what. Must read it before I post.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"My dad went into a nursing home for a few years before he died last year. Although it was a very good home with activities such as bingo arts and crafts, quizzes, old music ect. I still felt he wasn't very happy there. He was always very independent and active, looking after himself and my mum until she died. He did lose his mind and swore mum was still alive, no matter how many times we told him she wasn't. We just went along with it in the end. There were some elderly people there sat in the chair, falling a sleep all day in front of the tele. Some hardy ever had a visitor it was very sad. At least me and my family worked it between us that someone went in to see him for a couple of hours most days, taking him out for walks in the park in is his wheel chair ect. In my experience not great places to spend the last years of your live in, no matter how good the staff or how well run they are. Saying that I don't what the answer is either. "

That was the overwhelming feeling I had yesterday.

I have had quite a few pms on the subject and so many people have said that they liked this thread as it is something that will affect everybody at some stage in their lives, be it through elderly relatives or themselves.

I feel we should try and make the later part of life more fun, more enjoyment...whatever it takes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i work with mentally ill and elderly patients but at home, between us , social services and family we do whatever we can to keep people in their own homes, its only when they become a danger to themselves and unable to cope that they are either moved into a carehome or in exceptional cases sectioned. Many are in their own place but with an oncall warden in case of emergency but are coping themselves with our help. Most are happy purely because they are in their known environment and do watch a lot of tv etc , where possible we fit in social inclusion to daycentres , shops etc , when they are beyond this we have found they are relieved to go into a home .Some dont have family at all so we kind of become that and help with getting them to day centres and trips out . YOu do hear a lot of horror stories though through the media and it gives us all the guilty feelings of letting down our families, i think its in the minority thank goodness. I dont know of anybody who has retained all their mental faculties and is physically able to self-care of being in a home. I have looked after several oldies well into their 90s who we see purely cos their children have difficulties in managing themselves and their parents as they themselves are about 70. We take the pressure off the family by making sure meds are taken and a meal is eaten , docs appts etc are kept .I hope this is the case across the country and not just where i live - i feel we are caring well for our oldies.

Sits and waits to be shot to pieces now

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"i work with mentally ill and elderly patients but at home, between us , social services and family we do whatever we can to keep people in their own homes, its only when they become a danger to themselves and unable to cope that they are either moved into a carehome or in exceptional cases sectioned. Many are in their own place but with an oncall warden in case of emergency but are coping themselves with our help. Most are happy purely because they are in their known environment and do watch a lot of tv etc , where possible we fit in social inclusion to daycentres , shops etc , when they are beyond this we have found they are relieved to go into a home .Some dont have family at all so we kind of become that and help with getting them to day centres and trips out . YOu do hear a lot of horror stories though through the media and it gives us all the guilty feelings of letting down our families, i think its in the minority thank goodness. I dont know of anybody who has retained all their mental faculties and is physically able to self-care of being in a home. I have looked after several oldies well into their 90s who we see purely cos their children have difficulties in managing themselves and their parents as they themselves are about 70. We take the pressure off the family by making sure meds are taken and a meal is eaten , docs appts etc are kept .I hope this is the case across the country and not just where i live - i feel we are caring well for our oldies.

Sits and waits to be shot to pieces now "
Sounds like you are doing a great job, should be proud of what you do!

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden


"Sometimes it seems that when a person is no longer contributing to society (in terms of paying tax) they are no longer considered worthwhile and shunted off to (sp)end their days waiting to die. The eldest generation still have so much to give even after they've retired as mentors for younger generations but nobody wants to utilise a lifetime of experience and put it to good use. So sad."

100% spot on, Wishy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes a thought provoking n sobering thread.

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