FabSwingers.com forum: Be strong

By *ackformore100 OP Man
over a year ago

Tin town

Be tough.. Man up...

What do those glib throw away lines mean? Are they positives?

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By *ts the taking part thatMan
over a year ago

southampton

"Be tough.. Man up...

What do those glib throw away lines mean? Are they positives? "

"Be tough" & "Man up" maybe?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know it’s good to talk and be mental health aware and all that, and of course you should never bottle things up, and make sure you talk to people if dark thoughts are going through your mind.

But for relatively minor things, I think some sort of mental and emotional resilience isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be a good defensive mechanism and help you through some challenges in life rather than buckling as soon as life sends you a lemon.

But yeah, as I said at the start, the huge caveat to that is don’t bottle things up if they are eating away at you internally of course!

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

No.They're actually very demeaning and dismissive and therefore a negative rather than a positive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Those two are quite pejorative terms but showing mental strength and stoicism can definitely be positives in some circumstances.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I think it all depends on how it's used at the time and (circumstances) so could be used in a positive or negative way

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Pull your socks up!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it's needed, sometimes not.

Context and intent. Extremes of thinking and language, perhaps the acceptable usage of them, is never helpful.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I think most of us are aware that the phrase man up isn't really acceptable

Be strong, I see as more encouraging, but I suppose context is important

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

'Smile, it'll never happen', someone said that to me not long after I'd lost a parent. I felt like drop kicking them!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No they are not positives.

"You're going to need strength and I've got your back" is preferable in my opinion.

Don't get me started on that 'what does not kill you makes you stronger' crap .

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By *hil most chillMan
over a year ago

South East & Europe

Outdated pointless phrases

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Be tough.. Man up...

What do those glib throw away lines mean? Are they positives? "

Think both are good in the right situation. Definitely feel the idea behind “man up” doesn’t need to be as mean/harmful as people make out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Be tough.. Man up...

What do those glib throw away lines mean? Are they positives? "

Depends on who says them and how.

I do tell my wife to 'woman up'. She may or may not tell me to fuck off

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

They're terrible phrases. They belittle whatever that person is struggling with and offer them no help in coping with it.

It's basically the equivalent of just telling them to shut up.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"I know it’s good to talk and be mental health aware and all that, and of course you should never bottle things up, and make sure you talk to people if dark thoughts are going through your mind.

But yeah, as I said at the start, the huge caveat to that is don’t bottle things up if they are eating away at you internally of course! "

Yes resilience is a terribly important skill. Life can throw so much shit our way that we need to gain this very important skill for our own mental health. But this is for all sexes, not just men.

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

They can be positive if you tell it to yourself and understand the reasoning behind it.

"Get up you stupid fuck. Fuck your depression. Fuck your excuses. Fuck your heartbreak. Fuck your mental state. Fuck your laziness and Fuck your doubts. Stop being a piece of shit, unsuccessful human, who won't make a change, stop wasting your fucking life and get the fuck up" - I used to have this as my alarm clock...and I got up and got shit done.

However if anyone else would tell me to man up...now that's a problem

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Be tough.. Man up...

What do those glib throw away lines mean? Are they positives? "

"Be tough" is pretty meaningless, because obviously that would mean different things to different people, as well as changing according to context.

"Man up" is a hugely destructive phrase that perpetuates a ridiculous, outdated and never actually factual understanding of what it means to "be a man." It's the sort of idea that leads to massive numbers of men commiting suicide, because they "manned up" and didn't talk to anyone.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"'Smile, it'll never happen', someone said that to me not long after I'd lost a parent. I felt like drop kicking them!"

Something very similar happened to me.

On a lighter note, someone once said it to my brother and he replied, "Well, here you are talking to me, so I guess it's happened!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man up is such utter bollox and should only be used in taking the piss.

I don't think telling someone to toughen up is always in the same bracket though.

Sometimes that's what someone needs to hear. Other times obviously not. Context is everything

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Man up is such utter bollox and should only be used in taking the piss.

I don't think telling someone to toughen up is always in the same bracket though.

Sometimes that's what someone needs to hear. Other times obviously not. Context is everything"

Will telling someone to toughen up actually make them? Sometimes I hear someone whining about something so minor that my eyes roll so hard I nearly lose them in the back of my head. I'd love to tell them to toughen up because if e.g. not having branded trainers causes this much grief you're going to sink when you face a real challenge.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"No they are not positives.

"You're going to need strength and I've got your back" is preferable in my opinion.

Don't get me started on that 'what does not kill you makes you stronger' crap . "

Amen to that

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"No they are not positives.

"You're going to need strength and I've got your back" is preferable in my opinion.

Don't get me started on that 'what does not kill you makes you stronger' crap .

Amen to that "

I'll tell you another one that makes me want to poke pins in my eyes.

"God only tests those with the strength to handle it"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Man up is such utter bollox and should only be used in taking the piss.

I don't think telling someone to toughen up is always in the same bracket though.

Sometimes that's what someone needs to hear. Other times obviously not. Context is everything

It might for the right person.

I guess some emotional intelligence comes into play to know what will work for someone.

Those that think toughen up is the answer to everything are the issue rather than the sentiment itself

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"No they are not positives.

"You're going to need strength and I've got your back" is preferable in my opinion.

Don't get me started on that 'what does not kill you makes you stronger' crap .

Amen to that

I'll tell you another one that makes me want to poke pins in my eyes.

"God only tests those with the strength to handle it""

So who is it testing the folks that can't and take their own lives? They never seem to have a definitive answer to that one.

Grrrr.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just as people have different levels of physical resilience so they have different levels of mental resilience. Where telling one person to toughen up may be a crushing blow for someone else it could be the push they need. Better to concentrate on individual needs and circumstances than language policing I feel.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

The choice of words, while demeaning to some and for fair enough reasons, are not the important part. What they are putting across is the important part.

Words are important yes, most times its best to be careful about how you say something. But more often than not we get tied down and tangled up in to much about word choice and not enough about what is trying to be said.

Intent and context, like somebody above has said are always far more important than word use - the problem is majority of people only hear and don't listen to what's going on.

Im not a fan of the saying myself, but depending on the person it's coming from if somebody told me to man up I'd generally know what they are trying to put across and have no issue with it.

If somebody was genuinely trying to support me and be motivational and inspire me but just so happened to use phrases like man up, I'd not think twice or question how they said it. I'd be greatful to them for being their for me. Because I know their intent is genuine and caring.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"No they are not positives.

"You're going to need strength and I've got your back" is preferable in my opinion.

Don't get me started on that 'what does not kill you makes you stronger' crap .

Amen to that

I'll tell you another one that makes me want to poke pins in my eyes.

"God only tests those with the strength to handle it"

So who is it testing the folks that can't and take their own lives? They never seem to have a definitive answer to that one.

Grrrr."

This abhorrent phrase is usually trotted out to parents of life limited children or people with a recent cancer diagnosis. Anyone who says it to me had better be a fair distance away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn’t use them personally but I don’t mind them being used towards me.

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