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Can you be too old to have children?

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By *hagTonight OP   Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

No. I am not planning to have children. I was watching an interesting program about it, where they were interviewing few women in their mid 40s and asked them are you going to to have children, yes they answered, but not just now, then the expert replied with, are you not worried that it might be too late if you wait for longer? They said no.

I would say that I agree with the expert that it is best to have children when you are younger, what do you think about it, does the chance increase or decrease with age?

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

For women the chance of conceiving naturally decreases to zero

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's only too late from a biological stand point. In that from a certain age you physically can not.

If these women want children at an older age that's up to them.

I don't think I would because I don't think it's fair that children lose parents young. But that could happen via accident or illness anyway. Life can be cruel.

It is no one's business bar the women doing the pushing at which age she wants children

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

People do seem to be having children later these days. One of the things I find sad is children perhaps don’t get to enjoy their grandparents for as long and vice versa. My parents were both 20 when they had me so I had my grandparents for quite a long time. My 2 are also so very lucky to still have all 4 grandparents at their age.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People do seem to be having children later these days. One of the things I find sad is children perhaps don’t get to enjoy their grandparents for as long and vice versa. My parents were both 20 when they had me so I had my grandparents for quite a long time. My 2 are also so very lucky to still have all 4 grandparents at their age. "

I agree with this having that generational connection and support too if you are lucky is so precious.

Also the energy levels of youth help when you have young ones to run around with.

I wouldnt be able for it now

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"For women the chance of conceiving naturally decreases to zero"

This.

Unlike men.

Scotty from Star Trek (James Doohan) fathered a child just after his 80th birthday. He died 5 years later.

Not really fair on the child but at least the mother was only 44.

A

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"People do seem to be having children later these days. One of the things I find sad is children perhaps don’t get to enjoy their grandparents for as long and vice versa. My parents were both 20 when they had me so I had my grandparents for quite a long time. My 2 are also so very lucky to still have all 4 grandparents at their age.

I agree with this having that generational connection and support too if you are lucky is so precious.

Also the energy levels of youth help when you have young ones to run around with.

I wouldnt be able for it now"

Definitely. I was 26 and 37 when I had mine. Much easier the first time! And the second has been more challenging autism/ADHD/fucked up maybe! .

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

Lots of men and women are leaving it later to have kids now days for a variety of reasons.

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By *exy Ruby 100 300Couple
over a year ago

unknown

Morning I had my first at 29 n 2nd at 40 on the 2nd I thought I was going tho menopause but delighted I was pregnant instead .I suppose it's a personal choice ,I don't think I'd have liked kids when I was younger glad I had fun first lol R x

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"It's only too late from a biological stand point. In that from a certain age you physically can not.

If these women want children at an older age that's up to them.

I don't think I would because I don't think it's fair that children lose parents young. But that could happen via accident or illness anyway. Life can be cruel.

It is no one's business bar the women doing the pushing at which age she wants children "

Well.. Other than those who have to help and support and fund them when they have problems. But sure.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"

Is it? I always thought it was worse when the mother was older. But it’s the same for both? "

There was research reported in NYTimes June 2006 which found this

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"

Is it? I always thought it was worse when the mother was older. But it’s the same for both?

There was research reported in NYTimes June 2006 which found this"

Damn I had no idea. Then yeah I guess younger is probably best

In terms of raising them too, I guess younger would be better. Although you could say that being older, your more established hopefully, can provide better. Could go either way

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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

Some will be using IVF or other types of fertility help. They maybe older mothers, but their embryos could have been created when they were younger and frozen. I’ve known couples that have had to go through multiple IVF attempts over a few years.

And years ago, pre contraception there were still older mothers. My great grandmother had her eldest daughter at 18, 8 more children over the years and my grandmother (the youngest) 28 years later at 46.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

Some "facts" from t'internet... Hopefully I'm allowed to post nct link here..

https://www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/tests-scans-and-antenatal-checks/pregnancy-and-birth-for-women-over-35

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

Having kids / grandkids is exhausting.

It's a job for the young for sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People do seem to be having children later these days. One of the things I find sad is children perhaps don’t get to enjoy their grandparents for as long and vice versa. My parents were both 20 when they had me so I had my grandparents for quite a long time. My 2 are also so very lucky to still have all 4 grandparents at their age.

I agree with this having that generational connection and support too if you are lucky is so precious.

Also the energy levels of youth help when you have young ones to run around with.

I wouldnt be able for it now

Definitely. I was 26 and 37 when I had mine. Much easier the first time! And the second has been more challenging autism/ADHD/fucked up maybe! . "

I had my "fucked up" baby at 26, it's challenging at any age. Although being a "fucked up" mother probably played a part.

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By *exy Ruby 100 300Couple
over a year ago

unknown

My x mother in law had her last son at 51 n he was perfect x

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Like it or not your fertility decreases from aged 35 for women. As others have said, I have the grandchildren alot and this can be exhausting at times although, I have more patience. Ms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's only too late from a biological stand point. In that from a certain age you physically can not.

If these women want children at an older age that's up to them.

I don't think I would because I don't think it's fair that children lose parents young. But that could happen via accident or illness anyway. Life can be cruel.

It is no one's business bar the women doing the pushing at which age she wants children "

So you think it's fair to lose parents at older ages?

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"

So you think it's fair to lose parents at older ages?"

Everyone loses their parents at some point in life unless they die before their parents

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By *oobaaMan
over a year ago

South Shields

I have a son who is younger than my Grand daughter haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

So you think it's fair to lose parents at older ages?

Everyone loses their parents at some point in life unless they die before their parents"

Ya but the older you are obviously the higher the chance.

If I decoded I wanted to have a kid at 80 that would be selfish and inconsiderate imo

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"

So you think it's fair to lose parents at older ages?

Everyone loses their parents at some point in life unless they die before their parents"

My Dad was 47 when I was born. He's 83 now and it's hard work trying to care for him while I also have a young child (5). However, I don't know if it'd be any easier 20yrs down the line.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"It's only too late from a biological stand point. In that from a certain age you physically can not.

If these women want children at an older age that's up to them.

I don't think I would because I don't think it's fair that children lose parents young. But that could happen via accident or illness anyway. Life can be cruel.

It is no one's business bar the women doing the pushing at which age she wants children "

I don’t agree with that last bit at all. There was much discussion about whether to have a second child with such a big age gap. I still think I wanted another one more than he did. And he’s older than me. The decision was a joint one but I still feel slight guilt at how both our lives have taken such a big turn because of her issues and I do believe it played a big part in affecting our marriage. So it there is a man involved in it all it is very much his business too!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes you can be too old. I am not up for sleepless nights, the school run, mum's race at sports day or teenage years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm 46, I have 3 of my own children and 2 step children. I love them all dearly but I have no desire or energy to have any more.

I'd dealt like grandkids though, you can give those ones back!

MrWho.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm 46, I have 3 of my own children and 2 step children. I love them all dearly but I have no desire or energy to have any more.

I'd dealt like grandkids though, you can give those ones back!

MrWho."

**Dearly**

Well done autocarrot!

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By *JstarsoloWoman
over a year ago

Wombwell, Barnsley

Yes, age is a factor. But as to whether someone is too is not for other people to judge. The older the woman the more at risk of complications or birth defects. But it's a personal choice, and no doubt women will get the medical care, tests they need whatever their age.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

There was a woman in India 70 and her husband 75. Personally I think that is too old

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I think it depends on the parents.

A lad I went to school with was a late baby for his parents. They were almost the same age as everyone else's grandparents.

By 10, he was effectively an OAP himself in his attitudes, simply through learning and copying them.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I know people are saying not to judge but I do. Some time ago a couple of women in their early sixties had babies with the help of medical intervention, I thought at the time that they were too old and when I saw one interviewed at a later date she said that although she didn't regret it with hindsight she wouldn't do it again.Early 70s on you child's first day of school, mid 80s when they move on to work or tertiary education, in my opinion thats not ideal

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By *oo..Woman
over a year ago

Boo's World

Of course you can be "too" old to have a child as many factors have to be taken into account before you even consider it whether it's a baby conceived naturally or via other methods like IVF.

Babies can be born with disabilities with parents of any age, no one is guaranteed a healthy child, the older both parents get the more health issues can arise from it.

I had my children at 27,29 and 37.

Personally I wouldn't have gone past 40 having children but that was always my preference .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything."

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not getting into the biology but I’m very happy I’ve had my daughter relatively young so when my pals are doing school runs still I’ll be living my best life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close. "

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not getting into the biology but I’m very happy I’ve had my daughter relatively young so when my pals are doing school runs still I’ll be living my best life. "

It’s great, my sons are adults now and I’m still relatively young

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

My sister had her son at 41 and really struggled with it all. She's given up work so is a stay at home but she is perpetually exhausted. I had 3 under 5 when I was 30 and I think that was easier.

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By *hagTonight OP   Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything."
My mother also got me when she was at the same age there at 20 and I am happy for that as I can enjoy spending time with her for longer and also having my grandparents for a longer time too

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships. "

Is that an age thing or just being a good parent though?

I’d like to think my kids could tell me anything whether I’m 20 or 60 when I have them

I’m more worried I can’t take them hiking in my 60s

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden


".....I can’t help how I was raised. If you wanna focus on words used instead of intent then I can only accept that"

•

But it never hurts to at least try, and perhaps be mindful of your rhetoric. I'll accept that you can't change, but I'd wager it takes a miniscule of effort to be 'ever so' gentlemanly without breaking into sweat.

And this isn't me 'white knighting'....I've also been down the IVF/IUI route.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not getting into the biology but I’m very happy I’ve had my daughter relatively young so when my pals are doing school runs still I’ll be living my best life.

It’s great, my sons are adults now and I’m still relatively young "

That’s what I can’t wait for! Not having to find a sitter so I can go out when I’m in my late 30s/ 40s

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.My mother also got me when she was at the same age there at 20 and I am happy for that as I can enjoy spending time with her for longer and also having my grandparents for a longer time too "

This also.

My mum had me in her early 20s and her mum had her relatively young too and I’ve been fortunate to enjoy good relationships with my great grandmother and my daughter will too. My daughter has even met her great great grandmother which I love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships.

Is that an age thing or just being a good parent though?

I’d like to think my kids could tell me anything whether I’m 20 or 60 when I have them

I’m more worried I can’t take them hiking in my 60s "

I’d say it’s a bit of both! Their friends have great parents too but they hide so much stuff from them. You can of course still have closeness as an older parent but I don’t doubt my age has helped them feel comfortable telling me stuff that most kids probably wouldn’t share with their parents.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships. "

My mam and dad were 18 and 20 when they had me and I not close to either of them. In fact their young age was a compounding factor. So it doesn't always work that way in my experience.

I actually used to ask my friends mum and dad for advice. And her dad was the same age as my granddad and her eldest brother was in school with my dad.

I think it's an open personality, that means kids are able to talk to adults.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

There are good and bad things about both young and older parents. We fall into the older category, it's not worse, just different. I don't think our children are less close emotionally to us than if we'd been younger when they were born, children don't even know you're older than other parents when the foundation for closeness is being laid.

We didn't have to worry about finding sitters in our twenties and early thirties though, we were financially more secure and our relationship was very well established.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships.

Is that an age thing or just being a good parent though?

I’d like to think my kids could tell me anything whether I’m 20 or 60 when I have them

I’m more worried I can’t take them hiking in my 60s "

Me and my boys go hiking with my 68 year old uncle

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By *hagTonight OP   Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.My mother also got me when she was at the same age there at 20 and I am happy for that as I can enjoy spending time with her for longer and also having my grandparents for a longer time too

This also.

My mum had me in her early 20s and her mum had her relatively young too and I’ve been fortunate to enjoy good relationships with my great grandmother and my daughter will too. My daughter has even met her great great grandmother which I love "
That is good and yes, as you can spend alot more time with them and also meet great grandmother as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships. "

My mum and her mum are practically joint at the bloody hip and there’s a small age gap between them. My Nan has a son the same age as me and they’re not nearly as close. I definitely think for some, being closer in age helps. My gf and her mum are close I think for that reason too. But for some people of course, they hate it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I do remember being at an ante natal class with a couple in their late teens who clearly thought I was Methuselah. They confidently told me that once the baby was born they could all grow up together . I really hope it wasn't too much of a shock when they found out that the baby needed them to be grown ups waaay before him/her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships.

My mum and her mum are practically joint at the bloody hip and there’s a small age gap between them. My Nan has a son the same age as me and they’re not nearly as close. I definitely think for some, being closer in age helps. My gf and her mum are close I think for that reason too. But for some people of course, they hate it. "

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships.

Is that an age thing or just being a good parent though?

I’d like to think my kids could tell me anything whether I’m 20 or 60 when I have them

I’m more worried I can’t take them hiking in my 60s

Me and my boys go hiking with my 68 year old uncle "

Your uncles a beast then. Good on him, that’s goals

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By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships.

Is that an age thing or just being a good parent though?

I’d like to think my kids could tell me anything whether I’m 20 or 60 when I have them

I’m more worried I can’t take them hiking in my 60s

I’d say it’s a bit of both! Their friends have great parents too but they hide so much stuff from them. You can of course still have closeness as an older parent but I don’t doubt my age has helped them feel comfortable telling me stuff that most kids probably wouldn’t share with their parents."

I think it has nothing to do with your age as a parent, as to how open or close your children are with you. I had mine in my 30's and we have the closest relationship and they literally tell me everything.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships.

Is that an age thing or just being a good parent though?

I’d like to think my kids could tell me anything whether I’m 20 or 60 when I have them

I’m more worried I can’t take them hiking in my 60s

Me and my boys go hiking with my 68 year old uncle

Your uncles a beast then. Good on him, that’s goals "

Farmer genes, we don't stop until you burry us. He hikes, plays 6 a side and has an allotment. He is definitely what I aspire to be like at his age

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I can't take my kid hiking in my 30s, let alone my 60s. It's not always about age.

If we could get these off-road wheel thingies working, I might have a chance to haul my fucked up ass up a mountain

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships.

Is that an age thing or just being a good parent though?

I’d like to think my kids could tell me anything whether I’m 20 or 60 when I have them

I’m more worried I can’t take them hiking in my 60s

Me and my boys go hiking with my 68 year old uncle

Your uncles a beast then. Good on him, that’s goals

Farmer genes, we don't stop until you burry us. He hikes, plays 6 a side and has an allotment. He is definitely what I aspire to be like at his age "

Beast. Here’s to hoping Santa brings me farmers genes this Christmas. Sounds like a great uncle

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships.

My mam and dad were 18 and 20 when they had me and I not close to either of them. In fact their young age was a compounding factor. So it doesn't always work that way in my experience.

I actually used to ask my friends mum and dad for advice. And her dad was the same age as my granddad and her eldest brother was in school with my dad.

I think it's an open personality, that means kids are able to talk to adults. "

Agreed and the kids personality plays a part too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships.

Is that an age thing or just being a good parent though?

I’d like to think my kids could tell me anything whether I’m 20 or 60 when I have them

I’m more worried I can’t take them hiking in my 60s

I’d say it’s a bit of both! Their friends have great parents too but they hide so much stuff from them. You can of course still have closeness as an older parent but I don’t doubt my age has helped them feel comfortable telling me stuff that most kids probably wouldn’t share with their parents.

I think it has nothing to do with your age as a parent, as to how open or close your children are with you. I had mine in my 30's and we have the closest relationship and they literally tell me everything."

Like I’ve said, my kids have explicitly told me it’s because of my age. So I’m not going to second guess what they’ve actually told me!

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"I’m not gonna change the way I speak if I feel my intentions are good, I can’t help how I was raised. If you wanna focus on words used instead of intent then I can only accept that "

No you're right. You can't change how you were raised.

But any human has the capability to learn, grow and adapt. Blaming your upbringing is a poor excuse to hold onto offensive language and attitudes.

In a text based format the words used show your intent. And that intent doesn't show anything positive or 'good' surrounding your attitude towards disability

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"Yes, age is a factor. But as to whether someone is too is not for other people to judge. The older the woman the more at risk of complications or birth defects. But it's a personal choice, and no doubt women will get the medical care, tests they need whatever their age. "

It is not just about complications or birth defects; the main problem is energy.

Having a child does not end with the birth but instead starts there. Bringing up a child is an exhausting business, if the parents are too young they can have problems and if the parents are too old they can have problems.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most people we know of our age still have kids at primary school while ours are already at university.

When I'm reminded of how much work young kids are I'm happy we had ours relatively young. I'm also glad I've been able to keep up with them in terms of playing sport etc... well at least up until this stage

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I had both of mine young at 20 and 22. Zero regrets. My relationship with my sons is super close in part thanks to my youth.

My sons friends are actually envious of our closeness and the fact they can tell me anything.

I don't think closeness of parent and child is dependent on age though. I've got friends whose parents had them very young and they are now estranged and have Friends whose parents were older and they are very close.

My sons have told me that they feel free to tell me anything because of my age so I’m basing my opinion on that. There’s not such a large gap generationally so they come to me for advice on everything from girls to problem in their friendships.

Is that an age thing or just being a good parent though?

I’d like to think my kids could tell me anything whether I’m 20 or 60 when I have them

I’m more worried I can’t take them hiking in my 60s

Me and my boys go hiking with my 68 year old uncle

Your uncles a beast then. Good on him, that’s goals

Farmer genes, we don't stop until you burry us. He hikes, plays 6 a side and has an allotment. He is definitely what I aspire to be like at his age

Beast. Here’s to hoping Santa brings me farmers genes this Christmas. Sounds like a great uncle "

He's epic as is my other uncle whose a bit younger. You've made me think, they've never hit a gym, never ever had a six pack. They've always been stocky and fit and they're hitting it out the park in their 60's. Maybe I should inspire to be more like them than the typical female body beautiful.

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By *JstarsoloWoman
over a year ago

Wombwell, Barnsley


"Yes, age is a factor. But as to whether someone is too is not for other people to judge. The older the woman the more at risk of complications or birth defects. But it's a personal choice, and no doubt women will get the medical care, tests they need whatever their age.

It is not just about complications or birth defects; the main problem is energy.

Having a child does not end with the birth but instead starts there. Bringing up a child is an exhausting business, if the parents are too young they can have problems and if the parents are too old they can have problems.

"

I don't believe it's just an age thing. It's yout attitude and zest for life. I have 3 children and 4 grandchildren so know it's an exhausting business and a life time commitment but well worth it.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"Most people we know of our age still have kids at primary school while ours are already at university.

When I'm reminded of how much work young kids are I'm happy we had ours relatively young. I'm also glad I've been able to keep up with them in terms of playing sport etc... well at least up until this stage "

I thought that when I had my children at a young age.

Now I'm babysitting great-grandchildren and it's crippling me. I love it though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Most people we know of our age still have kids at primary school while ours are already at university.

When I'm reminded of how much work young kids are I'm happy we had ours relatively young. I'm also glad I've been able to keep up with them in terms of playing sport etc... well at least up until this stage

I thought that when I had my children at a young age.

Now I'm babysitting great-grandchildren and it's crippling me. I love it though "

I know it's only likely to be a short reprieve

Although at the mo they're both adamant they won't be having kids... Pretty sure I said the same thing

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

For me it would be extremely dangerous to have any more children with the potential health risks to myself and unborn child

So yes I am too old to have anymore kids and that is my choice

Others can make their own decisions

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

We had our kids very young and we were judged for it .

Now that our kids are all young adults and doing extremely well we are still young enough to do the things we couldn’t do when we were younger.

Personally I think having kids at a older age as in 50 plus is quite selfish.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I had my first child at 16, my second at 31. The second left me disabled.

I don't know that I'd prefer one over the other though. Both brought significant challenges - I completed 5 A levels, a degree and postgrad teacher training with my son aged 2 weeks and above. My second pregnancy left me fucked up, to use the parlance from this thread. That's been fucking hard to cope with too. Anyone who judges fitness to be a parent on the ability to run after them or do sports or whatever would presumably judge me to be unfit, but we manage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anyone who judges fitness to be a parent on the ability to run after them or do sports or whatever would presumably judge me to be unfit, but we manage."

Surprised you'd say that given I'm sure I've seen regular comments about how active you are and the sports you do. Perhaps I'm thinking of somebody else though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My nan's youngest is 3 months younger than me. Growing up together was really nice because I’m an only child.

Obviously you can have children later but I think women that don’t do what is best for them.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

When our son was in primary school and I was around 43/44 one of his teachers asked if I was 'nan'

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"When our son was in primary school and I was around 43/44 one of his teachers asked if I was 'nan' "

I had the opposite. For months my grandson's teacher thought I was his mum until one day I said I'll tell his mum.

She said oh I thought you were his mum, and was shocked when I said no, I'm his nan.

Even funnier was a woman on the Uberboat asking me how old my twins were. They're 1, and my great-grandchildren.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"When our son was in primary school and I was around 43/44 one of his teachers asked if I was 'nan'

I had the opposite. For months my grandson's teacher thought I was his mum until one day I said I'll tell his mum.

She said oh I thought you were his mum, and was shocked when I said no, I'm his nan.

Even funnier was a woman on the Uberboat asking me how old my twins were. They're 1, and my great-grandchildren. "

Picture in the attic?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Anyone who judges fitness to be a parent on the ability to run after them or do sports or whatever would presumably judge me to be unfit, but we manage.

Surprised you'd say that given I'm sure I've seen regular comments about how active you are and the sports you do. Perhaps I'm thinking of somebody else though?"

I'm active in wheelchair sports, but I can't get around my own house because it's completely inaccessible. At home, I cannot move around with my child. I struggle to get up and down stairs. I am extremely restricted in what I can do and always have been. It's not easy to keep up with a toddler in a wheelchair. You can't hold hands with them or hold child reins. I strapped her on my knee in the chair but she's now too tall for this and it makes the chair very difficult to manoeuvre. With the pavements etc, it makes it really difficult to get around with a child in tow or on my knee.

It's much easier to get around and be active on my own, which is generally what I'm referring to on the forum. My child doesn't accompany me to Parkrun or wheelchair basketball training or the gym, all of which I do.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"When our son was in primary school and I was around 43/44 one of his teachers asked if I was 'nan' "

Did she do the old... "congratulations.. When are you due?" faux pas too?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

There's higher risk of complications for women who conceive later on, I was classed as a geriatric mother with my little one (10 months old).

I'm worn out, I can't imagine trying to do the sleepless nights and running around when I'm even older.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No. I am not planning to have children. I was watching an interesting program about it, where they were interviewing few women in their mid 40s and asked them are you going to to have children, yes they answered, but not just now, then the expert replied with, are you not worried that it might be too late if you wait for longer? They said no.

I would say that I agree with the expert that it is best to have children when you are younger, what do you think about it, does the chance increase or decrease with age? "

Well biologically he’s right. After 37 I think it is that your fertility reduces drastically if you’re a woman. And to be honest I feel like my body is falling apart already at my age of 40, I couldn’t imagine having the energy to run around after a child now. Although I know many women still do. I had mine in my twenties.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

I had my first child at 17 and last at 42 and 4 inbetween! I had more patience when older and more stamina 2! As u get older I've found u need less sleep so yes would recommend having a family later! Only downside for me all 3 of my grandchildren are same age more or less as my youngest 3! So didn't enjoy them as much as if there were just grandchildren! That said I looked after and saw them almost everyday whilst they were growing up! I'm looking forward to having 2 great grandsons in oct/Nov! Will b amazing! I'm going with one of granddaughters tomoz to b at her 4d scan! So excited x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"When our son was in primary school and I was around 43/44 one of his teachers asked if I was 'nan'

Did she do the old... "congratulations.. When are you due?" faux pas too? "

No I was saved that indignity by not looking pregnant

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By *hagTonight OP   Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.


"I had my first child at 17 and last at 42 and 4 inbetween! I had more patience when older and more stamina 2! As u get older I've found u need less sleep so yes would recommend having a family later! Only downside for me all 3 of my grandchildren are same age more or less as my youngest 3! So didn't enjoy them as much as if there were just grandchildren! That said I looked after and saw them almost everyday whilst they were growing up! I'm looking forward to having 2 great grandsons in oct/Nov! Will b amazing! I'm going with one of granddaughters tomoz to b at her 4d scan! So excited x"
That sounds good to me and that is many children as well x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/09/22 17:08:02]

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By *hagTonight OP   Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field


"

I would say that I agree with the expert that it is best to have children when you are younger....."

I'd disagree as its actually best not to have children- then you get nicer holidays, a nice tidy house, peace and quiet, spare cash and a lie in at a weekend

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

It just seems more the right way round to have them young enough so that by the time they're grown and flown, you're young enough to get a bit of your own life back

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I'm very close with my daughters but I think that's more because I was a singke parent.

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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago

Welling


"

I would say that I agree with the expert that it is best to have children when you are younger.....

I'd disagree as its actually best not to have children- then you get nicer holidays, a nice tidy house, peace and quiet, spare cash and a lie in at a weekend "

Here is the recipe for the best of the best:

Get married, make few kids, grow them a bit, divorce and get 50/50 parental responsibilities.

You’ll be able to enjoy both of the world and won’t be bored with any.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

So is the general idea to have kids and get them off hand asap so you can get on with the important stuff? damn I get it wrong every time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never wanted them when I was younger but since hitting mid 30's the idea of having one is more appalling, if it every happens though is another story

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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago

Welling


"So is the general idea to have kids and get them off hand asap so you can get on with the important stuff? damn I get it wrong every time "

No, no, not get them off. Enjoy yourself with kids halftime and rest of the time enjoy yourself on your own (sleep, eat, fuck, repeat).

(That was sarcastic post. In my case the situation was a side effect of the divorce that turned to be a pleasant surprise)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"So is the general idea to have kids and get them off hand asap so you can get on with the important stuff? damn I get it wrong every time

No, no, not get them off. Enjoy yourself with kids halftime and rest of the time enjoy yourself on your own (sleep, eat, fuck, repeat).

(That was sarcastic post. In my case the situation was a side effect of the divorce that turned to be a pleasant surprise) "

Mine was a sarcastic post too . Although I must say I wouldn't want to go back to the 24/7/365 responsibility for small humans

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By *offee27Man
over a year ago

Wiltshire

Bernie Ecclestone had a son aged 89 so never too late

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"Bernie Ecclestone had a son aged 89 so never too late"

In fairness his part in the transaction is fairly limited.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

When my dad was in his late eighties he needed prostate surgery. The surgeon asked him if he wanted to have any more children because once he'd had the surgery it would no longer be possible. There was a man of a similar age in the clinic with him who was delaying the operation until his wife conceived.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"When my dad was in his late eighties he needed prostate surgery. The surgeon asked him if he wanted to have any more children because once he'd had the surgery it would no longer be possible. There was a man of a similar age in the clinic with him who was delaying the operation until his wife conceived. "

Yet when women in late 30s say they definitely do NOT want more children, they are denied gynaecological surgery, "just in case"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are living longer these days. Besides, there's no guarantees in life and they might not outlive the parents

Missy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm 48 in a week and the better half is 42. We added to the brood in lockdown. It is an absolute joy to have her in our lives and honestly much easier than 20 years ago. My two worries have been being called her grandad (which has not happened), and knocking on 70 (touch wood), when she hits her 20s. To compensate I am enrolling her in a nunnery.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, age makes a difference to fertility but doesn't stop someone using other means. Personally it's not something I would of ever considered as I was a child of an older parent. I never had my grandparents on that side and unfortunately my children lost one of theirs far too young.

Pxx

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Lasy I work with his 57, her husband is older and just retired, they have an 11 year old. She is permanently knackered and said she wished she had a child 15 years earlier.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Lasy I work with his 57, her husband is older and just retired, they have an 11 year old. She is permanently knackered and said she wished she had a child 15 years earlier. "

Yeah I conceived at 46. I was devastated to be in that situation, aside from any other consideration I just didn't want to go through what I knew the next 18 years held and be 56 with a ten year old and 64 with an 18 year old.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was a woman in India 70 and her husband 75. Personally I think that is too old "

I think that's ridiculous and incredibly selfish.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"There was a woman in India 70 and her husband 75. Personally I think that is too old

I think that's ridiculous and incredibly selfish.

"

Tend to agree... And whilst everyone's circumstances are different I take some convincing that the life of the child and others affected are considered... Beyond... I want I want.

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